Jolee waited for the crew to show up for dinner. He was the only one with reason to be prompt. He lit his cigar and sighed. Carth and Saleairy showed up, holding hands. He'd never seen Carth with a tighter grip, even when he clutched his blaster or vibroblade. Saleairy's grip was subject to scrutiny at any other time. She held his hand just as tight. In battle, he observed she would falter under a hefty blow on occasion. Her grip could falter but her other blade would be there to protect her. Jolee wondered if he was right about her style needing one double-sided blade rather than two singles but he never tested the theory. He doubted her having the desire to train in dueling right now anyway.
"Well, I'm glad to see you retrieved your droid. Get lost?"
"HK wouldn't stop for directions." Carth said.
"Observation: I'm sure a meatbag would've remained wandering in those urban decaying streets for days, regardless of any asking for directions."
"Where do you come from?" Carth demanded. "You need entrance music or something."
"Inferior statement: I am an assassin droid, meatbag. Should I explain what an assassin is, or are will you ask Master later to save yourself the embarrassment?" Saleairy chuckled.
"Can we sit down and have a civilized meal?" Saleairy asked.
"As soon as everyone else gets here." Jolee said. Mission walked in with Zaalbar chewing on an appetizer. T3 trailed after them and found a spot to sit and observe. Carth sat down next to Saleairy, closer than the last meal. He touched her knee for a moment as he saw the far away look in her eyes. She was remembering Taris. He didn't know how he knew but he did.
"Have you heard from Griff?" Saleairy asked. Mission shrugged her shoulders. "We'll talk about it, if you need to." Saleairy said with her soft, purring sincere tone. Her voice was so many things and it never failed to make Carth love her more.
"Are we going to have a real party this time?" Canderous said. He sat next to Jolee and Jolee offered him a cigar. Saleairy wondered how a Jedi and a Mandolorian ended up with such similar tastes. They would take turns buying rounds of the same drink the evening before they left a planet.
Juhani and Bastila walked in and took seats near Saleairy. They smiled the non-plastic smile of friends rather than Jedi and Carth knew the difference. They'd both been a bit cold with him and he realized it when they all grew accustomed to Saleairy. He noticed the differing sub tones and body language and the smile. He was hurt at first because he knew why they treated him the way they did. He was a man. He'd been a married man before and it was obvious he cared for Saleairy. They were being cold to keep him civil. They relaxed and relented; he guessed they figured out Saleairy could beat him into submission if need be.
"How are you feeling Saleairy?" Bastila asked. She touched Saleairy's hand and Carth wondered why. Bastila didn't seem like the touchy feely type and she just started doing it.
"I'm fine." Bastila always had a strange disarming affect on Saleairy. Carth would notice her eyes tearing up when he thought Saleairy was cheery if Bastila asked a simple question. Carth stopped questioning their bond long ago. Juhani smiled.
"You seem better. More calm and happy." Juhani looked at Carth and Carth kept from squirming. "How are you Carth?"
"I'm fine." He covered Saleairy's hand with his own. Juhani knew he would be fine if Saleairy was.
"Thank you for understanding Saleairy's visions Carth. It is good you were close enough to aid her when we could not be there." Juhani said.
"I was only up a few moments before you all came in." Carth said.
"Being near her while she had the vision helped her escape sooner. You were her tie to reality. It is good you were there." Carth stopped wondering how the intense, fervent Jedi women felt about his presence in Saleairy's life.
"Are we ready for a little celebration?" Saleairy asked. She didn't need to ask.
They ordered dinner and drinks and chatter filled the room. Saleairy leaned on Carth and watched. The vision took energy from her along with the long day on limited sleep. Carth brushed the hair from her face and she smiled at him.
"Hey, love birds, do you want the special?" Canderous asked.
"What's the special?" Carth asked.
"Corellian brandy with two straws and one of those parasols." Canderous said.
"Sure." Carth said.
"And keep the gazing deeply into each other's eyes to a minimum, please." Mission said.
"Two souls have found one another in this enormous, uncaring galaxy Mission, is that not precious?" Saleairy wasn't the only one surprised when they first heard a similar sentiment from Big Z on the planet below the Star Forge and now his heart felt spiel made the group laugh. They understood each other enough to claim no offense from most remarks.
"We think it's precious Z." Saleairy said, sticking her tongue out at Mission.
"Be careful Carth, this one will get a grip and you won't be able to wrench her loose." Jolee said. "I know the type."
"I think he submitted to the death grip of her womanly persuasion long ago, quite willingly." Canderous said. The brandy glasses were accumulating. Their "special" had arrived along with two glasses of champagne for Carth and Saleairy.
"We never did hear why T3 was impounded." Bastila said. "Perhaps you should enlighten us."
"Statement: Indeed Master, perhaps you should ask the stubborn unit what rabble rousing he was involved in."
"T3, what were you up to?" Saleairy asked. He hummed and whistled for a moment.
"Can you really understand that?" Carth asked.
"Sometimes. He was caught dipping into some not so public information banks. What were you looking for?" T3 whistled. "What did you find?" Saleairy took a datapad from T3 and read it. Her face paled.
"What?" Carth said.
"Nothing. He was looking for information about my home world." She tucked the pad away and ordered a glass of wine.
"Did he find anything?" Carth asked.
"No."
"Observation: Master is out of practice in the art of deception."
At the end of the night Saleairy was exhausted and her voice was giving out. Her abdomen ached from laughing so hard and she collapsed on the bed. Carth followed her, shutting and locking the door. He went to the bathroom and came out in his pajamas, yawning. He pulled her up and gave her a gentle push towards the bathroom.
When she relapsed on the bed, he noticed her ponytail was still in and pulled it out, tossing the ribbon to the nightstand. She blinked at him.
"Did you think it was important that I kissed you?" She asked.
"I got that impression mostly from your brave Jedi companions who seemed to be concerned with defending your honor from my man ho ways." She laughed in earnest and he grew agitated at being left out of the joke. "What's so amusing?"
"I didn't care who kissed who and neither did they because I don't have control issues."
"So I didn't have to wait and wait and wait and be interrupted again and again and aga-" She kissed him mid syllable and held the sides of his face.
"Nope." She said.
"Damn." She giggled. She rested against his chest as they leaned on the pillows.
"Did you think I'd be a good kisser?" She asked.
"Maybe I didn't make this clear earlier, but I don't have time to think those thoughts between you and your Jedi mind readers." He pouted and she smelled the champagne and brandy on his breath. He didn't drink too much just because neither of them felt like it. He still drank more than her but he claimed to hold it better. He was bigger.
"Are we 'Jedi bashing' you again?"
"Maybe a little."
"I'll keep that in mind when they ask if you're behaving." She snuggled closer and wondered how she was comfortable when Carth was fidgeting.
"What did T3 find? You never really said-"
"Does that have to be tonight?" Saleairy asked.
"We could do other things, I suppose." Carth said, blinking at his own innuendo.
"Oh fine. T3 was looking for any information on Revan. He was adding files from the Council about how Revan is redeemed et cetera and so forth. He found an article about Revan." She swallowed and stopped.
"And?"
"And, there's a reason I don't have a family anymore."
"What happened?" Carth asked.
"They disappeared. T3 found another article but he couldn't get it in time. I'm not sure what happened." Her eyes were devoid of expression and she was stoic. She slid off of Carth and put her hands on her face.
"How can you be so calm?"
"I've wondered that so many times before. I feel so many things that eventually I have to start ignoring them, pushing them away." She sighed. "I'm one hell of a Jedi. The Council is going to have my ass for that kinda of attitude."
"Well as long as you know what to push away and when to push it away, it's alright."
"Not for a Jedi. Not for someone like me. If I started pushing, I'll start ignoring everything. I'll be deafened to what I really need to hear." She opened her eyes. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"No. I don't." She sensed his tone and the approaching testiness.
"Revan went to war because she couldn't stand listening to the crying of others inside her. When she learned to push through them and ignore them is when she became Darth Revan, tormentor of a galaxy. I can't stop listening, not for a split second. But I have. Sometimes I thought it was necessary. That's why I'm so scared of the Council now Carth. I'm sorry for this, I shouldn't be talking about it-"
"No, it's good for me to know what's going on. Can I read the article?"
"It's no more than a side note. I sent T3 to get the second article. This one only says my family disappeared. I don't know what I would do if I could find them. I'm not any Revan anymore, and even if they wanted, Revan back, I-" Her tears choked her and she stopped. "God, I hate crying."
"It's okay." Carth didn't touch her because she didn't seem so vacant anymore and he didn't know how to comfort the magnitude of pain she faced.
"I suppose it will have to be okay." She blinked away the tears with a painful slowness that Carth was used to.
"Are you going to sleep at all?"
"I'm not ready to sleep." He stayed beside her as she remained awake the entire
night.
Dawn never seemed so slow. Saleairy remained where she was to be polite to the sleeping Carth. She was at a loss. Her family, Revan's family may be alive or Revan could've slaughtered them. If they were alive, Saleairy was related but they would remember someone different. She wondered how different. She got up and sought HK out. He patrolled the halls at night, guarding his Master's door most often. He seemed pleased at the attention and compliments he received from Saleairy so often.
"Hello HK."
"Greeting: Good morning Master. It is very early for you to be awake."
"I know. I didn't go to sleep. I thought I was tired but I guess I was wrong."
"Observation: Is Commander Onasi keeping you awake? Does he still snore? I've heard him in the Ebon Hawk and I know of a well suited remedy for his ailment." She watched him grip his blaster rifle and smiled.
"No, Carth isn't it. HK, do you remember Revan?"
"Statement: Of course Master."
"I am very much like her?" She blinked.
"Observation: This dialogue seems familiar. I will echo my previous response in that you are a generally improved organic meatbag."
"Well, yes, but I was different before I built you I suppose. Was Revan's personality similar?"
"Statement: In some very basic aspects yes but you act on these personality basics very differently than Revan did Master. I suppose it would be considered a very positive change since you no longer wipe away human life with me at your side. But I find it strange that I take pride in the mundane task of protecting you and the meatbags you travel with. It is a very unworthy task but I seem to enjoy it. I would suggest having that looked at Master. Although, you acting with more concern for meatbag life and happiness may have caused this error in my systems." She smiled.
"Thanks HK." HK walked towards the other hall and she heard Carth in their room. She went back inside, shivering. Carth came out from the bathroom and scratched his head.
"Have you slept at all?"
"No and I probably look like a nightmare." She said.
"It'd be a fantasy for me." He said, smiling.
"You're a little dopey when you first wake up." She smiled at him.
"Come back to bed. You could get at least another hour of sleep. Most of us are a little more hung over than you. Canderous is probably a lot more hung over." Carth collapsed on the bed and she slid in beside him, yawning.
"It's probably a good idea to rest." Carth pulled her towards his chest and kissed the top of her head. "I can tell you're a parent." Saleairy said.
"Really? How?"
"You know how to sooth people." Carth sighed.
"I wasn't around to sooth Dustil so I guess you're just responsive." She looked at
him and blinked.
"I know Dustil will forgive you."
"I know he will forgive me but it's still a fact that I wasn't there. I mean, I don't regret serving the Republic but not seeing him, not being there for him, I couldn't protect him. Or his mother." Saleairy turned her face away from his. That would be why he promised to protect her. He kissed her neck and she wondered if he thought of his wife often. She wondered if she was making his wife fade into a ghost of a memory. She shivered. "Need more blanket?"
"I'm cold." He held her tighter and pulled the blankets higher.
"You had a strange look on your face a minute ago, what's going on?"
"Do you think about her very often?"
"Dustil's mom?" She nodded and Carth noticed the fleeting look of fear in her eyes as he rested his face on her shoulder. "Only when I think of how I should've been there for Dustil. How hard it must've been to grow up without a dad. How hard she must have struggled to raise him." Saleairy tried to hide her tears but failed. "What's wrong?"
"You and your family went through so much pain." She cried harder. "I'm sorry. I was sorry before I knew I was Revan too."
"Why are you crying for something that's already over? We're done struggling through, we're done with hardships. We're a family now." He kissed her shoulder and she wondered if he'd told Morgana the same thing. She shrugged him off and walked out of the door again. She didn't know where she was going but she knew she needed to stop thinking about the past, the people who were hurting, the people who cried-
"No!" Bastila grabbed her shoulder and flipped her around, pinning her to a wall. She was frozen by fear as Bastila's grip caused her to focus. Bastila seemed angry, anger only matched when she had fallen to the dark side.
"What?" Saleairy was frightened by the intensity of Bastila; a strange flood of emotions bombarded her through their bond.
"You can't ignore the pain you feel for other people. Every time you do, you're admitting that you don't care about anyone, even the ones you love the most." Saleairy shook and nodded her head. Bastila released her shoulders and Carth blinked from the doorway.
"Should I even ask?"
"No." Bastila said with a stiff, cold tone as she walked away. Saleairy dove back into Carth's arms, pushing them into their room. He shut the door and held her again. Mood swings. He would have to get used to the mood swings.
"Your shoulders-" She winced at his touch. "Bastila can be vicious, can't she?" She nodded and brushed away her tears. Carth blinked. "Do you want to talk?"
"I'm not ready for talking yet." Carth kissed a tear on her cheek and she smiled. "I am ready to sleep though."