Of Craziness, Flowers, and DSL's

Bewilderment

Razor Burn

Disclaimer: own nothing, written just for fun, not for profit, etc.

A/N: I am so so so so so sorry that this is late. I wanted to get this update in before the birth of the HBP comes out. This'll be out there, you can read it, and I hope to continue it after the book comes out. Look out for more updates, then! Thanks so much to the reviewers. I swear, thanks. I had this chapter written for awhile but I thought it was crap, so I didn't update. Only, reading back on it, it doesn't look that horrible. But thanks, reviewers, and shout-outs will come later. Don't forget to review on your way out.

Lily dragged the razor up her calf. Sonya probably had some painless hair-removal technique in that spell-book of hers, but Lily had to content herself with the Muggle way of doing things. Yeah, she hated shaving. But what are you going to do?

When she dried herself and dressed in her robes, she made her way to the common room, her legs burning from the most annoying malady known to woman: razor burn. "Hey, Katie," she said, plopping down onto an overstuffed chair in front of the fire.

"Hey," said Katie a little absently.

"What's up?"

Katie turned to her abruptly and kept her voice down. "That little creep, Peter? He's been hitting on me like no body's business and it sucks."

"What did he do?" asked Lily, looking both weirded out and disgusted as she raised one eyebrow.

"He just walks over to me today during Divination, and he does that sweeping thing with eyes, you know? And he's looking over my body and he's like, 'Hey….' I swear, he's going to get in trouble for molestation or something."

"Ew," said Lily.

"Yeah, I know. We need to do something about his sorry butt."

"I'm thinking a good prank. You know, the other day James told me that he hates water."

Katie smirked. "Yeah, I can tell by the way he smells."

Lily grinned, a smile that stretched across her face. "I dunno—would you prefer Remus, Sirius, or Peter?"

"DEFINITELY not Peter!" gasped Katie.

"Alright…Sirius or Remus?"

"Sirius."

"Sirius or Jason?"

"awww….Jason," replied Katie, pretending to drool.

"Jason or Flitwick?" was the next ruthless question.

"Well, Flitwick would be cute if he was taller," said Katie.

"Ugh. Let's go get some dinner."

"I don't know, Lily. Maybe we'll see Flitwick on the way out."

"Shut up, Katie."

"I still can't believe you placed him up there with Jason."

"Katie, shut up."

James looked over at Remus and punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Here she comes, mate. Now's the chance for you to make your move."

Remus squirmed uncomfortably as he saw what James was pointing out—Katie coming their way, accompanied by Lily. "Dude, it's not gonna happen. Just go for Lily and call it a day," he said.

"What, Lily? Are you kidding?"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "If I remember it right, didn't she just blow you, oh, I don't know, less than 48 hours ago?"

"I couldn't even remember the 'peak', as Padfoot says. Why would I even consider asking her out? Besides, it's not like she'd ever say yes."

"Come on, Jamesie old boy. You know she'd do it."

"Sure, sure. Just the way she's said yes to any of the times I've asked her in the past."

Remus fell silent as Katie and Lily passed by, covering the air with the sweet perfume they wore. "You're still an hopeless old romantic," he announced once the two girls had passed out the portrait hole. "Didn't you leave her flowers?"

"…I was…just trying to do the respectable thing," stumbled James.

"And worse, wasn't it, like, three hundred flowers, all stuck on her bed? And didn't she and Katie wear them in their hair?"

"Shut up, Moony!" moaned James as he buried his head in a throw pillow.

Remus persisted. "And why are you being so determined about this all of a sudden? A week ago, you were still thinking about shagging that Berta chick. Talk about trash."

James fumbled for a good reason, trying to edge his way around the truth. "Well…uh…" He ruffled his hair with his hands, a silver ring on his fingers gleaming brightly. "Alright, alright," he said, ready to plunge into the truth. "It's because Lily doesn't really like me. At all."

"How do you know this?" asked Remus logically.

"Because I overheard a conversation between her and that friend of hers, Katie, and she was totally trashing me."

Remus's face softened at the mention of Katie. But his professional, psychologist personality was placed on again in a second. "You don't know that for sure. Perhaps," he said, trying to find the good in what James had last said. "Perhaps she…likes you so much that she has to hide it from Katie, and even herself."

Remus smiled a little to himself, hearing how good this sounded. James actually took heart from this spew of total bullshit, and began to smile a little himself. "Yeah," he stated slowly. "Maybe."

What James and Remus didn't know was that Moony was actually rather close to the truth in his advice—or he would be soon.

Lily and Katie hurried over to the kitchen, Lily pulling a Twinkie from her bag—Muggle food. Katie looked at the innocent snack food and scowled at it like it was contraband.

"Damn Twinkies," she muttered under her breath.

Lily happened to hear her, and slowed her walk considerably. "What did you just say?" she gasped.

"Twinkies," said Katie defiantly. "They suck."

"B-But! They're made by Little Debbie! You have to love them!"

"I'd like to kick Little Debbie in the balls for what she's done to my thighs. And let's be honest—we know she has them."

Lily stared at her, aghast. "Well…" she stammered at last. "If that's how you feel."

Then Katie burst out laughing as the full tilt of their ridiculousness hit them. The two chuckled all the way down the stairs, laughing even more as Lily tripped and nearly fell flat on her face on a changing stairwell.

When the two reached the kitchens, they walked inside to have the rich, warm scent of baking food hit their noses. Surprisingly, in both the chairs sat James and Sirius.

Lily took a step back. If the two had been shoving their faces with food, it probably would have gone hard with their popularity with the girls. Instead, they were in comfortable, pajama-like clothing that was actually clean, and not covered in food. To Lily's eyes, it was as if James Potter had suddenly become gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.

His coal-black hair fell over one of his eyes, and as she was looking at it, he ran his fingers through it again. The act brought his six-pack to her attention because the hem of his shirt lifted up ever so slightly. The sight of his muscles slammed into her, and his gorgeousness was startling.

She took another step back.

James laughed, showing off his white, straight teeth. "Come on, Lily," he said. "I don't bite."

Katie grinned as well; as Sirius struggled holding back the words to a comeback he was sure wouldn't go over well with Lily. About half of "I hope she didn't at the party!" came out of his mouth before he clamped his lips shut. Katie raised her eyebrow, looking over to Lily for an exchange of glances. She, however, was too absorbed in checking out James to notice.

"Well, James, is there a seat I can have, then?" she said, her voice soft and flirty.

"There's one right here," he said, motioning towards his lap.

It needn't be stated that Lily was the most surprised of all when she found herself comfortably perched on James, Katie standing awkwardly in the corner and Sirius and the house elves not quite sure what to do. Finally, a tea tray complete with pastries, slices of cake, and tea was set down on a table near James and Lily. Theoretically, I suppose Lily could have sat on the table, but she wasn't really thinking.

James had hid his shock well when he found Lily on his lap, and even more when she leaned into him and he found his hand had moved to her leg.

Any moment that had existed was shattered when Sirius leaned over them to get his share of food. Some crumbs of the cake fell onto Lily, and she stood up to dust herself off. Grabbing a handful of pastries and a slice of cake, she started heading for the door. "Katie, you ready to go?" she called over her shoulder.

"Wait, are you guys leaving already?" James hated how stupid he sounded in that one moment.

"Uh…yeah, James," Lily said, looking as if she'd have like to add "you dork" to what she'd stated.

The corners of Katie's mouth turned up in a mischievous smile as she finished Lily's statement. "Unless…you two would like to come with us," her voice oh-so-playful.

The four climbed out of the portrait hole, where they saw something they never thought they would.

Sonya. She was walking through the room, her hair in mad disarray. It was clear that under her cloak she wore nothing, but when she saw them, her eyes lit up. Retreating with as much dignity as possible, she tried to avoid eye contact with James or Sirius.

The next day, rumors spread about the school of how James, Sirius, Katie, and Lily had been performing some weird sex-rituals in a room locked by a portrait. This time, her rumors may have been in self-defense. But this time, Lily was going to fight back.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! In the next chapter, things are going to get...juicy. That is, if J.K. Rowling doesn't bust any of my plots open. Which hopefully, she won't. So I'll hope to finish this story...if I'm inspired. Please, please, please review!

Sincerely,

Bewilderment...so aptly named