Chapter 5 – Courage in Love
A shaky sigh escaped Andromache's lips as she removed her cloak and draped it over one of the chairs in her room. She slowly walked over to her bed and sat down on the soft mattress, her eyes still dazed as her thoughts remained in turmoil. A few minutes later, when her handmaid Cithia entered the chambers, she found her mistress stretched out on the bed, her face concealed and buried against the pillows as she wept. Her slender body visibly shook from her sobs, though she made hardly any sound.
"My lady?" the girl said in concern, approaching the princess timidly. "My lady, are you all right?"
Andromache took a few moments to compose herself before raising her head. "Y-yes." she said, and took a deep breath as she discreetly dried her eyes. "It's nothing. Nothing to be concerned about." She looked at the servant girl questioningly. "Did you want something?"
"I thought I should remind you, your Highness, in case you've forgotten." Cithia said, bowing her head. "You are to meet Prince Hector in a half-hour's time, as you both agreed to do so yesterday."
Andromache gasped slightly, surprised that such an important meeting had indeed slipped her mind. She quickly rose from her bed and went to her bathing chamber so she could freshen up and get ready for her betrothed.
Hector was waiting patiently for her when she arrived at the courtyard, nearly fifteen minutes late. In spite of her distress, Andromache felt butterflies flutter in her stomach when she saw him sitting there. For a moment she even forgot all about her problems when she noticed Hector's face light up with a smile upon seeing her, a heartfelt reaction that never failed though they had been seeing each other for nearly a month now. Suddenly she felt an overwhelming surge of affection for the prince, though it was accompanied by a stinging pain that brought her back to the reality of her grief.
Hector didn't notice Andromache's sorrow right away, for he was just so happy to see her and be with her again. Since the day they professed their feelings for each other, the two felt a deeper longing to stay in each other's company. However, the choice of their engagement came with many responsibilities and tasks.
Hector needed to return to Troy as soon as possible, and Andromache would of course be going with him. The princess had only a few days left to prepare herself for the departure, and for leaving behind her most beloved home and family. Hector needed to finalize the bridal arrangements with King Eetion as well as prepare his ship and men for the long journey home. Both were kept so busy attending to their affairs that they found themselves with less time to see each other. Today however, they managed to steal a few hours and planned to spend the evening riding their horses along the beach.
Hector greeted his bride-to-be with a chaste kiss on the forehead and a warm embrace. These gestures, however, stirred up such emotion in Andromache's heart that she could not hold back the sob that lingered in her throat. This caught Hector's attention at once. He held her gently at arm's length and was startled to see her eyes shimmering with tears.
"Andromache? What's wrong?" he asked, looking very worried. "Did something happen?"
The princess inhaled deeply to calm herself. "I went to visit my cousin this afternoon. She has just received news that her husband was killed at sea. He was a soldier in our army. He and his men were sailing home from Mycenae when their ship was attacked by enemies."
Hector's gaze was instantly tinged with a grim sorrow that mirrored hers. "I'm sorry to hear that." he said. "I'm sure they all died honorable men."
Andromache made a failed attempt to smile and swiped her fingers across her wet cheeks. "Forgive me; it is foolish to still be weeping like this."
Hector shook his head and enveloped her more closely in his arms. "It is not foolish to grieve over someone you cared about." he murmured against her hair.
"I barely knew him." Andromache whispered, resting her cheek against his shoulder. "But as I watched my dear cousin shed tears for him, I felt as though her grief were my own. She was in pain, so much pain. She loved him greatly, and now she's left alone."
Hector sighed. "It is a terrible thing that many wives become widows because of war." he said. "I feel that same sorrow and regret over and over again when I see the women weeping over their fallen husbands, the men I led but lost in battle."
"But you…" In her apprehension, Andromache faltered. "You are a solider yourself. You risk your life just as they do, perhaps even more because you are their leader. Every moment you spend in battle, you are in danger of death. Of never coming home."
A long moment of silence hung in the air after this statement. Hector did not, and could not say a word. At last, Andromache pulled away from his embrace and looked up at him, allowed him to see her face and read her emotions. The prince looked into her eyes, at the tears that flowed from them, and saw clearly her fears and uncertainties. The real cause of her worries.
Finally, Hector held Andromache's arms firmly but tenderly in his grasp. "I will not lie to you." he said. "My life is not one of peace and days in bliss. As a son of Troy I serve her army. I lead soldiers into battle, and fight at the front lines with them at the risk of my own safety. It is a duty I cannot turn my back on."
He gazed at her with eyes full of love and understanding. "I know you're frightened. And I know it may be difficult for you take a warrior as a husband." he said. "I wish I could change that, and offer you a marriage free from such worries. But I am a Prince of Troy. What I do is who I am, and I cannot give that up for anyone."
These words, spoken with such conviction and finality, struck something in Andromache's heart, something which caused her to stiffen and then raise her downcast eyes. "You cannot, or would not?" she said, with a hint of growing coldness in her voice.
All at once confusion and dismay was marked on Hector's face. "You would have me choose between you and my country?" he asked quietly. "That's not possible."
"You said you loved me…" Andromache began, her tearing eyes indicating the presence of her doubt.
"I do." Hector interrupted with utmost resolve. He grabbed her hands and held onto them with desperation. "I do!"
"But you love Troy more…" The tears began to flow more freely as her chest heaved with mounting sobs. She shook her head, unwilling to believe it.
"I said no such thing!" Hector exclaimed. He tried to speak firmly, but the horror he felt at making her cry was nearly causing his own voice to break. "That is not fair."
Andromache pulled her hands away from his. "And yet you will be asking me to endure the suffering so many wives must bear, every time their husbands go into battle?" she cried. "I love you, and when I become your wife I shall love you more, till all my heart and soul belongs to you. Should anything happen to you in your fights, the grief alone would be the end of me!"
Hector was silenced as the last word faded from her lips. They stood still and looked at each other, and minutes seemed to pass by before another sound or movement was made.
"You're right." Hector said. The sadness in his voice cut through Andromache like a sword. Fear clutched at her breast when he turned away from her.
"Hector, please…"
The Prince of Troy shook his head and evaded that hand that reached for his shoulder. "I should not be asking it of you; I'm sorry." he said softly. "It is too much to ask of any woman. No one should be expected to have that sort of courage."
Andromache felt hurt at this implied accusation of cowardice. "The only fear I have is of losing someone I love as much as I love you." she whispered. "Please don't think of it any differently."
At last, Hector turned back around to face her. Andromache felt a pang of grief strike her inside upon seeing the lack of emotion on his face—something she's never had to endure before.
"I don't." he said, this voice uncharacteristically stiff. "But if we are unable make the sacrifices needed to overcome that fear then… perhaps I am not the right man for you to love."
"Or perhaps…" Andromache swallowed hard, but continued to force the words out of her trembling mouth. "Perhaps you just didn't love me as you thought you did. Not enough."
Unable to bear it any longer, the princess turned and ran as fast as she could back to her chambers, leaving Hector standing alone in the courtyard. He made no attempt to follow her, knowing that it would only increase their agony.
And so that night, Andromache cried herself to sleep, feeling as though she were alone in the world, that she had been cursed by the gods with her now broken heart--unknowing of the fact that in the other side of the palace, another heart grieved as much over the sudden loss of the only love he knew he could ever have.
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It was a cold evening when Hector stood at the dock where his ship and crewmen waited, ready to finally sail home. After days of stillness the gods finally granted them strong winds fit for sailing, and the prince decided to take advantage of this blessing by starting the long journey straightaway, even if it was nighttime. Besides, he thought it would be best for everyone if he just left Thebes as soon as possible, especially after the awkward end of his romance with their princess.
Both the king and his wife were very much saddened when Hector came and told them of the cancellation of his engagement to their daughter, but they accepted his wishes. The Trojan prince explained that it was a decision made by both him and Andromache, that they realized marriage may not go well for them since they found out they had too little in common. He wasn't sure if they believed this excuse since he and Andromache always got along well and even professed their deepest affections for each other, but they showed him enough respect not to press the matter further by asking any more questions.
Not that Hector would have ever told them the real reason for his falling out with the princess. He knew well the sort of trouble Andromache would get into if her parents found out the truth. The last thing he wanted was to cause her any more pain. He knew he had done enough and felt plenty guilty about it.
The prince quickly said his goodbyes to the king and his family, who had all come out into the cold night to see him off. It did not surprise him that Andromache was not among them. He simply nodded when the Queen told him that his former betrothed was not feeling well and just sent her best wishes.
When Hector faced Podes and embraced him in farewell, the Theban prince gripped his arm and leaned over to whisper conspiratorially.
"I am sorry it had to end like this." he said. "Andromache loves you very much, more than she loved anyone else, or ever will."
Hector looked at the young man he had come to see as his own brother and smiled, though sadly. "Perhaps." he murmured.
Podes shook his head firmly. "For certain."
Hector sighed. "Tell your sister…" He gazed around to make sure no one else was listening, before lowering his voice and continuing in a whisper. "Tell Andromache that I do love her. There was never a mistake or moment of doubt about that."
His eyes were steely with conviction. "What she believes does not change the truth. I love her more than enough. More than she ever realized."
Surprise and confusion flickered across Podes's face when he heard this unexpected declaration, but he nodded his head and clasped Hector's shoulder. "She will hear it." he promised. "May Poseidon bless your journey, brother. Fare thee well."
A few minutes later, Hector stood on the deck of his ship as it pulled away from Thebe's shores, watching the people waving goodbye and feeling a pang of sorrow at the knowledge the person who mattered most wasn't even there. For the next hour he stood there on the same spot, watching as the distance between him and the shore grew, feeling as though he were leaving part of his soul behind, and knowing he would therefore never feel whole again.
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COMING UP: Chapter 6 – Welcome Home