Note from Strix v: Thanks to everyone who submitted reviews for chapter 1. I really appreciate the feedback! Also, in case you missed it in my author's note, this is a Sam/Janet story…that means confessing their undying love type stuff…
The shaking woke her, a cacophony of falling rubble…of shattering stone and twisting metal… distant shouts, and Janet cursing.
"Janet?"
"Sam!"
"What's happening?"
"Nothing to worry about. Just a mild earthquake."
Mild?
"See," Janet said when the shaking stopped. "Already over."
Something wasn't right, but Sam's sluggish mind was unable to identify what.
"Relax, Sam, it's all right," Janet said, sounding calm and collected.
She blinked, realizing that the oxygen mask had slid off her face. "Mask," she said. "Thirsty…"
"Her O2 mask slipped off, doc," she heard the Colonel say over Janet's radio.
"Ten-four," Janet said. "Everyone okay out there, sir?"
"That's affirmative, all the noise was the last wall of the building next door coming down. No harm done. Joe's sending Bud in with a couple MREs for you and another bottle of O2 for Sam. Need anything else?"
"Two more IVs and a backup power source for the heater in case something happens to the generator out there. It probably wouldn't hurt to have a couple more batteries for my flashlight, too."
"No problem. I'll let Joe know. O'Neill out."
"Okay, Sam," Janet said, turning her attention back to her patient. "I'm putting a bottle of warm water in your hand. It has a straw in it, so you won't have to worry about spilling it while you drink. And try not to drink too much. Just sip it, okay? When you're done, just set it in your armpit in case you need it again."
"'Kay," Sam said, closing her fingers around the warm plastic pressed into her hand. Her arm felt stiff and sore as she maneuvered through the hole, trying not to tangle her IV line or the video cable.
Despite Janet's warning, she sucked deeply from the bottle. The water tasted heavenly, and she could feel the warmth trace the length of her esophagus. Although she could feel warm air circulating the dust around her, she was still cold. Despite warmed IV fluids… But at least she wasn't shivering any longer.
As she settled the warm bottle against her body and replaced the oxygen mask over her face, she thought about the number of damaged buildings in the abandoned city they had been investigating, and the wide, paved highway leading to the gate. She and Jonas had elected to explore one of the few buildings left in relatively good shape. Most had been in various states of collapse.
As Janet took her hand once again, she realized the obvious danger. "Janet, you've got to get out of here…"
"What are you talking about, Sam?"
"Earthquakes. It wasn't a war. The city was destroyed by earthquakes…"
"Calm down, Sam. Yes, we figured that out. It's built on a seismic fault. You couldn't see it when you arrived, but apparently the planet has a moon that's in a slowly decaying orbit. The increasing gravity causes frequent earthquakes. Jonas thinks the residents of the planet must have evacuated before things got too bad."
While making perfect sense, Janet's words only increased her panic. "Janet, you have to get out of here! If there's another quake, the rubble could shift!"
"I'll be fine, Sam," Janet assured her.
"No! You have to leave!"
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Dammit, Janet, it isn't safe, and you know it!" Sam was overwhelmed by the thought of Janet risking her life for her, for putting herself in such terrible jeopardy. The SGC needed Janet Fraiser. Cassie needed her!
"I'm not leaving you, Sam," Janet said quietly. "I'm surrounded by cribbing. I'm very safe."
Sam knew that shoring would only go so far in protecting her friend if there were a major quake. "Think of Cassie…" she whispered. "She can't lose both of us."
"She isn't going to lose either of us."
"I'm dying, Janet. It isn't worth the risk."
"Don't say that!" Janet said harshly. "Don't even think it, Samantha Carter. We are going to get you out of here, and don't you dare doubt it. You are my best friend, Sam, and I am not going to leave you here alone."
"Janet… please!"
"I can't do it, Sam. Don't ask me to." Janet's voice caught in what sounded suspiciously like a sob. For a moment, there was silence, then Janet finally spoke. "I love you too much, Sam. I'm not going to leave you."
The words hit Sam like a zat gun, stunning her. For a moment she was completely unable to breathe, the fear and grief tearing at her soul more painful than the metal bar piercing her body. While Janet's confession could have been perfectly innocent, she knew in her heart that it was more than that. I love you too much, Sam. She recognized it for what it was, a deathbed confession, words uttered under duress… a last, fleeting attempt to relieve a soul burdened with a secret so painful it could only be healed with final honesty.
The irony was not lost on her, that only in life and death situations did soldiers seem to find the courage needed to speak out loud of love, like it was some kind of weakness absolved only in death. Had she not done the same with Daniel, telling him how much he meant to her only on his deathbed? And the Colonel to her… his unwillingness to leave Apophis's new ship when she was trapped behind the forcefield?
And now… Janet.
Except, she loved Janet, too, far much more than she should, she realized. Far deeper than simple friendship.
"Sam?" Janet asked quietly, squeezing her hand gently.
Sam didn't answer, weeping silently for opportunities lost, for words never spoken, for Janet's beautiful eyes that she might never see again.
Was she blessed or cursed to have so many people in her life who were willing to die for her? What a terrible, terrible responsibility… Maybe if she let herself go, stopped fighting the inevitable, Janet would leave before the next quake… before she, too, was buried under alien rubble, leaving Cassie an orphan once again.
"Love is not a curse, Sam," Daniel said. "Definitely not. It's a blessing, always a blessing, even when it hurts."
"Make her leave, Daniel," Sam pleaded. "She shouldn't risk herself…I…I won't be alone if you're here. I'd rather die than let her be hurt because of me…"
"Um… well, I don't think that's going to happen, Sam. You know how stubborn Janet can be."
"Sam," Janet said, fear evident in her voice. "Stay with me, now. I swear to god, I'll never, ever forgive you if you die on me right now..."
"Go, Janet…just go… please!" she said trying to pull her arm away from Janet's grasp.
"Hey Carter," Colonel O'Neill's voice said from the tiny video camera, "Leave the doc alone. She's pretty safe where she is, and none of us is going to abandon you. Everyone on this mission is strictly volunteer, so get over it. You're stuck with us. Just do your part and don't let it be for nothing, okay?"
Sam recognized an order when she heard it. For a long moment she fought the tears that streamed down her face, unable to speak. "Yes, sir," she finally answered.
"Listen, Carter," the Colonel said. "We're not taking stupid risks…dammit, if we were we'd have you out by now or we would have died trying. But we're not leaving you. And don't try to tell me you wouldn't do the same if our roles were reversed."
Sam knew he was right. If any member of her team were trapped… if anyone from the SGC was trapped, she'd be there for him or her, come hell or high water. "Thank you, sir," she whispered.
"That's more like it," the Colonel said. "Now, I gotta go take a leak, so I'm going to turn the video feed off for a minute while the doc gives you another pep talk. No more of this dying stuff, got it?"
Sam struggled with her breathing, torn between laughter and tears. She knew he was just giving her a moment alone with Janet, to say whatever needed to be said between them without any witnesses. Don't ask, don't tell…don't eavesdrop. It was a compassionate gift from the person who possibly stood to lose the most from the conversation that might follow, and it made Sam finally realize the depth of his unconditional love for her.
"That man is about as subtle as a freight train," Janet said, sounding more than a touch chagrinned.
"I love him…" Sam said, closing her eyes against the pain, both physical and emotional.
"I know," Janet said, softly. "Sam…about what I said…"
"No, no," Sam interrupted, knowing that Janet was about to back out of her confession. "I love you, too, Janet," she said, hoping that her voice conveyed the truth of her feeling.
In the silence that followed, Sam became aware of the sounds of activity near her, the hum of what was probably the fan blowing warm air, the buzz of a concrete saw… the distant murmur of voices.
When Janet still didn't say anything, Sam plunged ahead. "I love the Colonel… I respect and admire him so much… I owe him my life a dozen times over…we've been through so much together; we know each other so well. And god knows he's an attractive man. But you're family, Janet, my family… you, me, Cassie…"
"SG-1 is your family, too," Janet said.
"Yes, but not the same…" Sam whispered as galaxies started to spin in her vision again. "I love you, Janet. More than anything… more than… ten-thousand suns…"
She felt Janet's hand tremble, then gently squeeze her own, grounding her as the universe started to spin along with the galaxies. Janet had long been her anchor, the proton to her electron, the nucleus of her chaotic, unpredictable world...
"Promise me then, Sam," Janet finally said, "promise me you won't give up… that you're going to fight this with everything you've got. We have some serious talking to do once you're back on your feet, Samantha Carter… A future to discuss… and…"
Janet's radio crackled to life. "Albertson to Major Fraiser, come in."
Sam smiled, thinking that, Colonel O'Neill aside, the military machine didn't stop for intimate conversations.
"Dammit," Janet cursed. "Cassie and I need you, Sam."
"I promise, Janet. Everything I have… it's yours…"
Janet squeezed her hand again, understanding the greater meaning behind the words. "Major Fraiser here," she said, finally keying her radio.
"Hi Major, I'm at the block point with your dinner and supplies."
"Thanks, Tim, I'll be there in a minute. Colonel O'Neill, do you copy?"
"Affirmative, Doc," the Colonel said over the radio. "Video cam coming on… hello campers…" his voice switched from Janet's radio to the device on Sam's shoulder. "Can you hear me, Carter?"
"Loud and clear, sir," she said.
"Good. Make it quick, Doc."
"Thank you, Colonel," Janet said. "I'll be back as fast as I can, Sam."
"Be careful," Sam said.
"I will."
"Hey Carter," the Colonel said before she could grieve the loss of warmth and contact with Janet as the other woman released her hand and began crawling away from her. "There's someone here who wants to talk to you."
"Major Carter," Teal'c's voice said, "It is I, Teal'c."
"Hey, Teal'c," she said, glad to hear his voice, glad he was with the Colonel, hopefully someplace far away from falling buildings.
"I know that your situation must seem dire to you, but I expect you to fight this battle with the same courage and determination I have witnessed on many other occasions. You must not give up hope," Teal'c said.
"All right, Teal'c, I promise," Sam said. "Is Jonas there, too?"
"Right here, Sam," Jonas said. "I've been running errands and messages back and forth between here and the gate. Captain Smith calls me his gopher… I guess you'll have to explain that one to me sometime because I thought gophers were small, burrowing rodents, and I don't really see the connection. And Colonel O'Neill just snickers at me…"
Sam grinned. "I'll tell you when I get out of here, okay?" she said.
"You bet," Jonas said. "I'll hold you to that!"
"I like that attitude, Carter," the Colonel said. "Keep it up!"
"I will, sir. Dying is a bad plan, sir. Any word on plan B?"
"Not yet, but you know how it is. We could get a hold of your dad any minute, and he could gate directly here."
"Yes, sir," she said, trying to hide the disappointment from her voice.
"Attitude, Sam," the Colonel reminded her. "We don't need the bloody Tok'ra to get you out."
"Yes, sir," she said, another wave of dizziness washing over her. She looked at the video camera, but it was close enough to cause a headache when she tried to focus on it.
"So…," the Colonel said conversationally. "Daniel still there with you?"
"Sir?"
"Well… you have been talking to him, you know…"
Sam was mortified. They must think she was really out of it. Well, okay, she was really out of it, but she would have liked it to be less obvious, she supposed…
"Tell him 'hi' for me," the Colonel said.
"Hi, Jack," Daniel said.
"Did you hear that?" Sam asked.
"Hear what?" the Colonel asked.
"Daniel… he… uh, said 'Hi Jack,'" Sam said, wondering if any of the USAR team members were listening to this bizarre exchange.
"Thanks for being there for her, buddy," the Colonel said, and it took a moment for Sam to realize that he must be talking directly to Daniel. Which was okay, really, because it was getting harder and harder for her to focus on what anyone was saying.
She wished Janet would get back. Her hand felt so cold and empty without her reassuring touch. Dimly she was aware of her CO asking her a question, but the words refused to make sense.
"Sweet dreams, Sam," Daniel said clearly in her mind.
Yes, that would be nice, she thought. Dreams of Janet, and love, and peaceful dinners in Janet's small kitchen, and never, ever feeling so alone again…
TBC