Unaffected.
I'm sitting on the roof again.
I lost again.
I hate it… I hate myself for it.
Why aren't I strong enough?
There never seems to be
Because what I believe,
A moment I'm not trying
To show them who I am...
Why can't they understand
The things that they're denying?
They're denying…I don't particularly like being the way I am, as angry as I am. It hurts people sometimes, especially…
… Her. That wonderful, incredible, beautiful flower that I don't deserve to call mine.
Even if I don't deserve it, I prefer to. It's not as if I'll let anyone else have her…
But she doesn't care for me the same way. She loves everyone, but she doesn't... love… me.
Not that way. We're just close friends.
I know she worries for me. I know she worries for everyone.
But whenever I lose to him, I feel weak. I feel so pathetic.
I feel like I have to be better in front of her. I feel like I can't show her my weakness.
So what should I do,
Just lay next to you
As though I'm unaffected
And who should I beWhen they're judging me
As though I'm unaffected?
But that time, when my true form fell into the light…
I showed her my greatest weakness. I cried, and I held her as I could.
Even if it wasn't confessions of love, I still felt so liberated after that.
I felt as though someone had finally accepted me.
At first I thought it didn't matter whom, but as I thought more about it, if it hadn't been her, I wouldn't have felt the same.
I don't care what anyone else says, she's the best thing that ever, ever happened to me, and I'm not just saying that.
It's the real truth. I love Toh—
"Kyou-kun?"
I turned around and looked at her.
"What is it?" I replied, turning my face from her after a moment.
She always knows where I am.
"It's just… I was wondering if you were okay. Yuki-kun hit you pretty hard, didn't he? I wonder… if he's in a bad mood."
There it is again. Yuki-kun. The very word itself grates on my nerves, even if it is her voice saying it.
"Yeah, he hit me hard. That's the first time we've gotten in a fight for a long time, isn't it. I mean, a real fistfight… it's a bit surprising he's still as good as he is, considering he hasn't practiced at all since the last time we got in a fight."
"But… that's good too, that you haven't fought for so long. I like it when you two get along, I really, really do, Kyou-kun." Tohru pulled herself up off the ladder and sat next to me. She sat close to me, and that made me tense up.
I made a small noise that was half-agreeing and half-not caring that came out like a grunt.
"Are you feeling alright, Kyou-kun? You seem really tense… did something bad happen?"
"I'm fine. You shouldn't worry about me, Tohru."
I don't know why I think I have the authority to call her just by her name, but… it just feels better than calling her Tohru-kun or Tohru-san… I don't call anyone '-san.' But the thing is, is that I hardly ever just call her by name, only when I don't really realize it, or when the situation is … intense.
A chance they'd never give
To ever want to live the life
That I am made of
There's nothing left to prove
My heart's forever true
What is it they're afraid of?
Afraid of…
"But, Kyou-kun, I can't help it!" She replied with a smile. It always seemed that the smallest thing could make her smile. "I care so much about you, I can't help but worry, even when you're all right. With you and all the Sohmas, you're all so kind to me, so I can hardly ever tell when you're not feeling well or are angry or sad. You all smile so kindly."
Tohru…"Well, it's just because you deserve as much." I said, turning my face away to hide my blush. "That's pretty much… the only reason we all treat you so well, it's because… because you deserve just as much…!"
She gave me a confused look for a moment, and then blushed and launched into her humble rant.
"N-no, Kyou-kun! Th-that's not possible, I don't deserve so much k-kindness! I mean, um… I'm just… blessed… to have you all, to have met you all… y-yes, that's right. Even if it's the only reason, and by that, I mean-!"
I turned my face back around to watch her talk and I chuckled a bit. And there it was – a genuine smile on my face. I can't believe how much she's changed me.
"Tohru… you're so funny." I said quietly, just loud enough for her to hear. She almost started a rant again, but realized in all her naivety that she didn't need to do something like that at a time like this.
She just gave me another one of those confused looks and a small smile.
"Let's just lay here and look at the stars for a while… okay?" I asked her, and laid backwards with my hands behind my head. When she failed to comply, I looked up at her and asked, "What? Don't you want to?"
She seemed to be in a trance for a moment, but startled and laid down next to me.
"N-no, Kyou-kun… I would love to stay here for a while…" Once she had settled down, her hands where clasped over her stomach and her eyes were on the sky and stars. "It's… really beautiful, isn't it, Kyou-kun?"
Before they even saw my face
They knew I wasn't the one
And decided I was not the one
For you
"Y-yes… it's nice… B-but it's not like I don't see it often. Whenever I'm up here I wait for it to get dark just so that I can… look at the sky like this."
That surprised her. I didn't know at the very moment whether it was good or bad surprise, but I had a feeling I would find out in a moment.
"Really?" Tohru sat up to look me in the face. "Do you really do that, Kyou-kun?"
No longer feeling any embarrassment, I grinned and nodded.
"Yeah, that's right. And you know what else, Tohru…?" I sat up quickly, bringing my face dangerously close to hers.
She gulped and took a deep breath, obviously nervous from our closeness.
"Wh-what else…?"
"One day… I'll show you how much you mean… to me. I'll show you… Tohru."
And without another word, I gave her a small, quick peck to her lips and ran off the roof before I could see her reaction. I went straight to my room and wondered nervously about what I'd done, wondering what her reaction would be and if she would be angry with me or if she was still sitting up there in shock, wondering the same things as I am.
But I'm actually… really glad I did it.
So what should I do?
I'm not unaffected
And who should I be?
I'm not unaffected
---
Aaah, the FLUFF. 3 But I'm amazed that I could have gotten through a one-shot Kyoru fluff without any confessions of love. O.o; xD I'm improving…
But I really liked this one, and not because of the song. I don't even really care too much about that song, just the lyrics. XD 'Demolition Lovers' is a better song, but more fitting for Kyotsuya (as in, Kyoko and Katsuya, come on now, start the trend XD), which is probably one reason why I didn't use it.
The other reason is because the song is six minutes of sexy lyrics and
guitarness. O.o;;; XDDD Whatever, don't mind me, just leave a review. PLEASE,
leave a review. ;.;