Title: Someday
Author: crystalix
Rating: PG
Summary: Angel's POV when watching Buffy in LA. (Pre Season 1)
Pairing: minor Buffy/Angel (not really a romace-filled one)
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and co.
Distribution: Please ask first!
A/N: Just a little one-parter I wrote. It's from Angel's POV on Buffy, takes place before "Welcome to the Hellmouth.", before Buffy comes to Sunnydale.
The moonlight shines down on me as I walk through the abandoned streets of LA. It's too late for many people to be out, most are resting at home or partying in the latest club. But not me, I'm wandering, as I have for nearly a century now, walking aimlessly from place to place, no real purpose to serve. Then she came, and everything changed.
I walk with my hands shoved in the pockets of my leather duster, just a part of my new wardrobe. Most of it is black, a few jewel-tones mixed in here and there. I indulged in expensive silk and leather, I'm not sure why, perhaps when I meet her I want to make a good impression. Or maybe it's something more.
Things used to be so simple, stay away from humans, don't get involved. Just traveling from place to place, wasting away until the day that dawn finally caught up with me. Now, there's so much more to it than that. I have a purpose, a destiny, a chance to make amends for the things I've done. It'll be hard, and I know the chance for redemption is slim, but a part of me is screaming to do this, a part that before I met her, I didn't even know I had. A part that now, I find impossible to ignore.
I've known from the first moment I saw her, walking down the front steps of her school, sun shining on her bright face. I couldn't believe that she was the chosen one, but then I watched as she was forced into her destiny, as her tears fell when she didn't think anyone was watching. And I knew that I had to help her, in any way I could, for the path she's been forced upon is not any easier than my own. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that she won't accept me, afraid that it won't be enough. I'm afraid that it will be all too much for her, that she'll end up dead or worse because of her duties. Her life seems to be slowly going downhill, and I watch helplessly as she falls. A century ago, she would have been what I longed for, a challenge. I'd see how far I could push her before she went insane, before she was almost begging for death or cowering in fear. I can still remember the pain I saw in my victim's eyes as I watched them, tracked them for days at a time, there was always a spark there; one that would ultimately lead them into the death that I often planned. I'm afraid, because when I look at her, I can see it in her eyes.
But there's something else, something that's pushing me to do this, something that has given me a chance for a new start…. Hope. I look into her eyes and I can see her soul, the part of her that she's trying so hard to suppress, but at the same time yearning to reveal. The part of her that would usually be crushed; and that I have silently sworn to protect.
And so I brush my doubts and fears aside, and keep going, silently walking through the streets, closer and closer to the place that I now know is her home. Minutes later, as I reach the building, I peak in the window I see her lying peacefully in her bed, her breaths shallow in slumber. I stare at her small form, her face one of relief and tranquility. I wonder if her sleep is the only time she can really be herself, when the weight of the world doesn't seem as heavy.
I long to climb through her window, to pull a loose strand of hair from her face and watch her as she sleeps, protecting her from the demons she must face. To hold her while she cries and wipe her tears away, to make her feel loved and safe even in the most dangerous of storms. To show her what a beautiful person she is, inside and out, to help her be the best that she can be. I want to talk to her, be the person that she comes to when she's upset or unsure, happy or relaxed.
Someday, maybe I will be. Maybe, by some miracle, I will be a part of her life. Be able to make her smile and laugh, listen to her comments and complaints. Maybe one day, she'll invite me in from the dark, overpower me with her light and show me what life is really like.
But not today.
So I turn in the moonlight and walk away, with each step moving further and further from the light that I've been shown. I'll be back tomorrow night, I will watch her again, and leave before dawn. Until one night, maybe, I'll be invited in. And when that day comes, I will embrace it.
But until then, I walk the deserted streets of LA, my hands in my pockets, with nothing but the moonlight to watch me, only my shadow as company. Slowly moving through the darkness that has ruled me for so long. Someday, I will finally break free from its harsh hold.
But not today.
The EndPLEASE REVIEW!
crystalix