Kirsten knocked on the door of the pool house, going over the speech she had come up with while Sandy was massaging her feet.
"Come in." Ryan yelled.
Kirsten entered the room, Ryan was lying on the bed, freshly showered, wearing a wifebeater and a pair of sweatpants; he looked like he was ready for bed.
Ryan had tensed up when he saw Kirsten standing in the doorway instead of Seth, he hoped she didn't notice.
"I can come back later, if you want." Kirsten stuttered, her pervious confidence having disappeared.
"No it's OK." He said quietly sitting up.
"Are you sure?" Kirsten asked taking a few more steps into the room.
Ryan nodded.
Kirsten walked over to the couch that faced Ryan's bed and sat on the edge of it for a second before getting up again, eventually deciding to sit on Ryan's bed.
Ryan tensed up further when Kirsten sat on the bed, this time Kirsten noticed.
"Ryan, relax, I'm not going to break." Kirsten said forcing a laugh.
"Sorry, I've gotta stop doing that, I've never been around a pregnant woman before, except Theresa and we all know how that ended." Ryan relaxed a little but he was still obviously on edge, "What did you want to talk about? That is what you are here for, right? To talk." Ryan said, more harshly than he had meant to.
"About you." Kirsten replied unfazed by Ryan's defensiveness, even after 18 months they were both still a little skittish about talking to each other one-on-one.
"That's what I was afraid of." Ryan muttered under his breath.
"What?" Kirsten asked.
"Nothing." Ryan replied a little too quickly but Kirsten let it slide.
"What about me?" Ryan asked knowing full well what she was going to say, he was surprised that it had taken her this long to confront him.
"You seem nervous all of a sudden, sometimes you are helpful and involved, overly so and then other times you cut yourself off from us completely." Kirsten said choosing her words carefully, she wanted Ryan to tell her what was on his mind not regurgitate words she put in his mouth.
Ryan stared blankly ahead, not saying a word for what felt like an eternity.
"Are you scared?" Kirsten asked already knowing the answer to her own question, he was obviously terrified and she had a pretty good idea why, the morning Dawn had left she had walked into the pool house to find him crying silently, she had sat next to him, placing a comforting hand onto his shoulder being careful not to get too close, after a few minutes she had asked him if he was scared, he eventually admitted that he was scared that after a while he would screw up again and they would kick him out and this time he would have no one.
Kirsten had promised him they would always be there for him, that day, nothing was about to change now.
Ryan nodded but said nothing although he knew that Kirsten wouldn't leave the pool house until she heard what she already knew from him, Kirsten is the kind of person who is always 10 steps ahead, she can read people, know what they are going to say, what they are thinking, she is also incredibly persistent.
"You're going to kick me out, after the baby is born." He said quickly before continuing, 'I understand why, I can't blame you, you..."
Kirsten thought her heart would break if he continued. "Ryan, you are my son." she cut him off, her voice gentle but firm.
"But..." Ryan started to protest, his voice breaking but Kirsten cut him off.
"Ryan, I love you, Sandy loves you, it doesn't matter that you are not mine biologically, nothing will change that, ever." Kirsten said her voice cracking.
"OK." Ryan said although he didn't quite believe it.
Ryan turned to face Kirsten, her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears, he hated it when she cried, although it was a sight he was becoming more accustomed to, he had caught her crying a few times over the last couple of months, on those occasions he had simply left the room. When he had mentioned it to Sandy, sandy had laughed and explained that the pregnancy hormones were the cause and that when Kirsten was pregnant with Seth she would literally cry over spilled milk.
"Are you OK?" He asked Kirsten quietly.
"I'm fine." Kirsten said as she took as shuddering breath and tried to steady herself, she failed miserably and the tears overflowed anyway.
Ryan drew her into an uncertain hug and remembering that Sandy had said more often than not all she needs is a little reassurance he simply said "It's gonna be OK."
Kirsten pulled away a few seconds later, "I'm sorry." She said quietly clearly embarrassed.
"Don't be." Ryan said giving a slight laugh.
"I'm gonna head to bed." Kirsten said wiping her eyes.
"Night." Ryan mumbled as he lay down again.
"Good night.' Kirsten called as she exited the pool house.
Ryan didn't know why but he believed her when she made him promises, she hadn't broken one yet, had she?