WARNINGS: Dark!Lily, threesome, slash RL/JP/SB one-sided SS/RL, PP/JP and NB-M/SB, LE-P/JP, character death, betrayal.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
SUMMARY: Lily Evans knew James Potter loved her. But Lily Evans knew other things as well. Lily Evans knew that James Potter was not hers. He was theirs.
She Knew.
Lily Evans knew that James Potter loved her. She's known for three years. James was in love with her, he made no secret of that fact. He took every oppourtunity to try it on with her.
Had it been anyone else, she'd have given in to his charms three years ago.
But Lily Evans knew other things as well.
She knew that Remus Lupin was a Werewolf. She knew that James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew were animagi to be with him.
She knew that in the last year, Severus Snape had been learning how to become one as well, telling himself that one day Remus Lupin would fall in love with him, and he could be there for him on the full moons as well.
She knew that Narcissa Black had been forced into an engagement with Lucius Malfoy after her mother found out she was in love with Sirius Black.
She knew that Peter Pettigrew had fallen for James Potter's charms many years ago.
She also knew that, no matter what happened, Severus Snape, Narcissa Malfoy, Peter Pettigrew would never win the love of the three men most loved and lusted after.
She watched a young woman she had once been close friends with fall into depression. She watched her take the Dark Mark, crying as she did so. She watched her marry a man she hated a year later, and give birth to his son two years after that.
She watched a young man she had once studied with every Friday nearly die at the hands of the man he loved, only to be saved by the one he hated. She watched him take the Dark Mark on the same day as the young woman, and she saw the triumphant smirk as he did so. She watched him turn to Dumbledore a year later, and save the man he hated through his efforts many times after that.
She watched a scared young man she had once tutored in Charms turn to Dumbledore in grief after his father and two sisters were killed by Aurors in the crossfire of a battle. She watched him take the Dark Mark to pass information along to Dumbledore in an effort to save his mother, the only family he had left. She watched him turn to Voldemort when he realised that the Dumbledore could never ensure his mother's protection, and betray the man he'd loved three years later.
She woke the next morning with no real memory of her dreams, only the distinct feeling that she was lucky to have the love of James Potter, when many would fall in despair of their love.
So she dated him. She turned a blind eye to the fact that in doing so she lost her best friend. She ignored the fact that, in doing so, she made an enemy of a once close study friend. She pretended she didn't see the hateful glares she received from the shy young man she tutored in Charms.
And, when she saw the looks passed between Sirius, Remus and James sometimes, when she heard them laughing at yet another admirer's attempts at their affection, she pretended there was nothing there but friendship.
At night, however, alone in her bed, she could not pretend that she didn't know that she was lucky. She could not pretend that, no matter how lucky she was, there were two people for who James would kill her if needed. She could not pretend that, when she kissed him, or held his hand; when she sat and laughed with him, and chatted, that there were not two people smiling and laughing, not with them, but at her.
Because they knew that all her actions were just little shows of her possesion of James Potter.
Because they knew the truth, and they knew that she also knew it.
James Potter was never hers. He never would be. At night, it was not her bed he slept in. His promises of love and eternity were not whispered in her ear as he made slow, passionate love to her.
At night, Lily Evans knew, he was not hers. He was theirs.
But her dreams, although she never remembered them, made her stay.
Dreams of pain and death. Dreams of a young boy, of James Potter, only with her eyes, begging with her not to give up on him, telling her the fate of the Wizarding World was in her hands. Dreams of a life she never wanted, but was subconsciously making anyway.
So she turned a blind eye to Remus' little touches. She ignored Sirius' loaded innuendos. She pretended she didn't know that they owned James - and that they knew it.
When she married him, a year later, she pretended that the men beside her new husband were just his best friends. That the promises of love eternally didn't come with an expiry tab, just in case Sirius and Remus decided they wanted him for themselves.
When she gave birth to his son, two years later, she ignored the fact that his Godfathers spent three days at her house, in her bed, playing happy families with her husband and son while she stayed in the hospital. She ignored the fact that, James would take Harry to their house every Friday and they would spend the night doing the same thing. That for those days, Harry was their son. That, if they wanted it that way permanently, they could say one word and it would be so. Because James was theirs, so by default, so was Harry.
When, therefore, a year later, Lily gave her life for her son, the Dark Mark on her arm firmly glamoured, she pretended that she was simply a loving, innocent mother protecting her son. She pretended that she hadn't been the one to plant the idea of Remus being the spy in their head. She pretended she hadn't been the one who persuaded Sirius to make a man she knew to be a Death Eater to be their Secret Keeper. She pretended she hadn't just handed her husband over to be killed by Voldemort, handed her son's Godfather - her husband's Best Man - over to rot in Azkaban, and left their other lover to live his life alone, one of his lovers dead and the other one having betrayed him.
Lily Evans-Potter knew, as she wove her spell of love magic around her son, that she would die a hero, giving her life for her son and the good of the Wizarding World.
She also knew that the feeling of having finally beaten Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and James Potter far outweighed the feeling of defeating Voldemort.