A/N: FYI: this is the second time I've uploaded this! Upon re-reading my chapter, I realized I made a collossol mistake in mentioning ranks. Doh! Anyway, it's all fixed now!
Never fear, I've not forgotten my fans! I may be a bit slow updating, but I'm still working at it! My schedule has been insane – the stomach flu ripped through my entire family and was quickly followed by sinus infections for me and the twins. Between that, midquarter grades, and a hellish graduate class, my free time is nonexistent. Still, I'm writing every chance I get! So, without further ado…
Chapter 11
Jack lay on his back, listening to the even, quiet sounds of his companion's breathing. The heavy darkness of a late, overcast night gathered outside the walls of their two-man tent, but it wasn't fear of the dark that was keeping Jack awake. The previous day had been something of a dream for him. Finally, after years of restrained passions and denied feelings, he'd been able to let down his guard and show his amazing second-in-command exactly what he'd been holding back. It was unbelievably liberating.
It was also unbelievably terrifying.
On countless occasions in the past, he'd dreamed about what it might feel like to hold her. Nothing in his fevered imagination, however, could even begin to compare to the quiet, sublime reality of her soft body pressed up against his. The comfortable friendship they'd always shared was still there, highlighted by the intimate discoveries they'd begun making about each other. As he lay there, feeling her smooth, impossibly long legs entwined with his, he felt a sense of peace and contentment unlike anything he'd ever experienced before. His life up to this point had been more of a horror movie than a fairy tale, making these moments more rare and precious than he could ever possibly explain.
There was, however, one giant, hairy fly in the proverbial ointment of this situation. None of this – the passion, the intimate discoveries, the physical closeness – could last for very long. With so much depending on the efforts of SG-1, and no way to conduct a relationship within the strict, necessary regulations of military protocol, he honestly could not see a way that this bit of paradise could ever leave the confines of this remote volcanic world.
With a heavy sigh, Jack shoved the grim thoughts from his head. Self-examination wasn't exactly something he spent a lot of time on. The current situation might someday call for deep soul-searching, but at the moment he decided he'd just go with his gut.
And, at the moment, his gut was telling him that he was in bed with a naked Carter. What more did a guy need to know?
He gently kissed the top of her head, smiling as tiny wisps of her soft hair tickled his nose and cheeks. With her face buried in the crook of his shoulder, Sam's warm breath lightly fanned across his bare chest.
Oh, yeah. This was most definitely a good thing.
Sam was gently nuzzled awake by Jack's affectionate kisses on the top of her head. Smiling sublimely, she basked in the sweetness of the moment. Then, suddenly, her mouth went dry as she was re-assaulted by her earlier revelation. Being in love with this man was about as convenient as finding herself stranded a few million miles from home; which was to say not at all. Even if there weren't a few dozen Air Force regulations prohibiting a relationship with him – which there were – there was also the fact that Jack O'Neill wasn't exactly a guy who screamed "I'm looking for a long-term commitment."
Sam stifled a sigh. Be that as it may, she wasn't going to deny her feelings, at least not to herself. She felt what she felt, and nothing was going to change it. She'd just have to cope with the fallout. And there would be fallout. On a nuclear scale.
Still, at this moment, nothing would be gained by pondering the consequences of their actions. Instead, she knew that cherishing her time with him was paramount. As she felt his arms tighten around her, she smiled reflexively. If only she could put these precious days into a box for safekeeping. Given her absolute dedication to her job, she doubted she'd ever have anything even remotely resembling a normal love life, and she suspected that this interlude with Jack might be the only thing keeping her warm for many cold nights to come.
Shifting slightly, she snaked one arm around his back and snuggled closer to his inviting warmth. "Mmmmmm," she mumbled. "This is nice."
Jack felt her stir and experienced a brief moment of regret for waking her. That feeling quickly receded, however, when her body nestled itself even more closely to his own. Smiling broadly, he agreed with her assessment. "Very nice. And isn't it comforting to know we work just as well together naked as we do in our BDUs?"
Sam laughed in spite of her earlier reservations. Jack's ability to make her laugh even in dire circumstances was one of the things she loved most about him. "Very comforting, sir."
"Eh!" He pulled back and looked her in the eye. "None of that 'sir' business here. I'm only 'sir' when we're not naked." His words were light, but there was a serious undercurrent beneath them.
Unwilling to let darker moods take over, Sam grinned playfully. "But what if I want to call you sir when we're naked?" She used her fingertips to gently trace a path over his shoulders and ribs, until they came to rest on the flat plane of his chest. "There's something… exciting about being in bed with a real, live commissioned officer of the United States Air Force." Her suggestive words emanated from her throat in a husky purr.
Jack chuckled, though his body seemed to be taking her statement very seriously. "Well, when you put it that way…" Without warning, he reached over and tumbled her onto her back. Gazing intensely down into her immense blue eyes, he smiled wickedly. "Who am I to argue with a real, live commissioned officer of the United States Air Force?"
She couldn't repress a laugh at his clever restatement of her words. "There's probably a very special place in federal prison for people like us," she said mildly, referring to their obvious abuse of every fraternization regulation on record.
Jack just continued to grin. "Probably. And I'm sure there's part of me that is really distressed by that fact." Then, leaning down, he brought his lips to within a fraction of an inch to hers. "But, lucky for us, that part of me has been bound, gagged, and rendered unconscious by the part of me that just likes being naked with you."
Sam giggled breathlessly. "Have I mentioned how much I love that part of you?"
As soon as the words escaped her lips, she realized her mistake. In any other setting, with any other man, her choice of words might have just been a figure of speech. But here, in this moment, the truth of her statement was painfully obvious.
Quickly, she tried to administer damage control. "What I meant was–"
Jack reached up and placed a finger over her lips, stopping her mid-sentence. "What about the other part?"
Still panicking over her slip-up, Sam's brain struggled to comprehend his question. "The other part?" she asked faintly.
"Yeah. The part that was bound and gagged. The strict, play-by-the-rules, Colonel O'Neill. Do you feel the same way about him?" His words were spoken with a combination of soft affection and urgent intensity.
Sam felt her heart lurch in her chest. She really, really, hadn't planned on having this conversation. Ever. It had seemed pointless to burden him with an admission of feelings that might just make him uncomfortable and didn't change a damn thing about their situation. Still, she was powerless to deny the nearly desperate look in his soulful brown eyes. She found herself nodding solemnly. "That part, too." Swallowing a lump of emotion, Sam looked helplessly into his piercing gaze. "And all the other parts, if you were keeping track."
Jack absorbed the information wordlessly for a moment. Then, a happy smile crept over his face. "There are other parts of me?"
Sam laughed, in spite of underlying significance of the conversation. "Lots of them, sir."
He raised his eyebrows at her use of the military honorific, but let it pass without comment. He was far too interested in the discussion to become distracted. "Like what?"
Smiling, Sam reached up and ran a finger across his jaw, reveling in the feel of his five o'clock shadow. "Well, there's the 'simple fisherman' part who would like nothing more than to put the threat of the Goa'uld behind us, just so he could retire to the peaceful solitude of his Minnesota cabin." She gently leaned forward and kissed the spot where her fingers had just been before continuing. "Then, there's the 'man of good taste' part, who likes opera and fine dining, and would love to spend his time enjoying the best things on Earth, but instead finds himself protecting and preserving them." She allowed her lips to stray to the corner of his mouth, where she places a soft, chaste kiss. "And, of course, there's one of my favorite parts: 'Jack the teddy bear.' That's the part that loves dogs and children, and always stands up for the innocent and helpless of the universe." Finally, Sam moved a fraction of an inch and let her lips settle over Jack's for a brief, heartfelt kiss. Then, pulling away slightly, she looked back into his eyes. "You've got some pretty fantastic parts, O'Neill."
Overcome with emotion, Jack had to regroup before speaking. "You forgot one," he whispered.
Sam blinked, contemplating his words. "I did?" She tried guessing where he was leading the conversation, but was unable to read the deep, powerful look in his eyes.
"Yup." His voice was deep and raspy, clearly expressing emotions Sam had never before heard from him. "You forgot the part that feels totally undeserving of his gorgeous, sexy super-genius second-in-command." He looked at her intently. "That part has been pretty vocal inside my head these days."
Sam shook her head, sighing softly. "Jack, you're crazy. I could never do better than you."
At those words, he barked a humorless laugh. "That, Sam, is a load of crap. You deserve much better than an old, broken-down soldier with a closet full of black ops skeletons and a few hundred tons of baggage."
She regarded him steadily. "And I'm much better? C'mon, Jack. I not only work for a top-secret government agency where I explore alien planets on a daily basis; but also, while in the employ of said government agency, I've witnessed the possible end to life as we know it on several occasions, met up with an alternate-reality version of myself, and even had the privilege of seeing my megalomaniac ex-fiancé-turned-false-god shoved into the event horizon moments before he was splattered all over the inside of our Iris like a bug on a windshield. What reasonable, normal, average guy wouldn't want a girl like me?" Sarcasm dripped from her words.
Jack couldn't quite suppress a grin at her words. "Yeah, I suppose if you put it that way, we are pretty perfect for each other." Then, grin fading, he examined her carefully. "So, you're telling me that you love all my parts?"
To his credit, he didn't even fumble over the all-important word in that sentence. Sam tried to read his mind, wishing she had some idea what he was thinking. However, for once she was totally unable to guess. Taking a deep breath, she gathered her courage and plunged into the unknown. "Yes," she said simply. "I love them all. Separately or together."
Jack's reply was instantaneous and sincere. "Good, because all my parts are madly in love with all your parts. That worked out pretty well, didn't it?"
Sam felt her heart stop beating. When it resumed, it pounded furiously at several times its normal rate. "Really? I mean, you're not just saying that? Because you don't have to say it just to make me feel better. I'd understand–"
He cut her off. "I'm sure you would understand, Sam, but that's beside the point. I said it because I meant it. And, honestly, I'm pretty glad we finally have that all out in the open."
Without warning, Sam burst into tears.
"Whoa!" Jack said in surprise. "That wasn't exactly the reaction I was expecting."
Sniffling, she replied in between sobs. "I'm sorry… It's just so… unfair!"
Instantly, he understood her anguish. Their situation had been undeniably hellish for some time, and in many ways this recent turn of events only made it worse. It had been hard enough to live with their feelings when they'd been unspoken and unresolved. Now that they'd given voice to those emotions, pretending they didn't exist was going to be sheer torture. "Oh, Sam. Don't think about it now."
She continued to cry softly, burying her face in the crook of his shoulder. "I don't want to think about it now, but I can't help it. Reality is just around the corner, ready to drop in and destroy all this without a moment's notice." Pausing, she sighed sadly. "And how long should we really act this way? We're assuming that the gate was disabled or destroyed in the blast, but we don't know that for sure. If the radio transmitter was the problem, then the SGC could theoretically be dropping in at any moment." She shuddered at the thought of being caught with her hands in the proverbial cookie jar.
Jack shook just his head. "You worry too much, Carter. Even if they did send a team out here, you know that Daniel and Teal'c would be with them. And there's no way Danny is coming anywhere near this camp without giving us plenty of warning."
Sam sagged visibly at the truth of his words. Jack was right. Given his knowledge of their present situation, Daniel would move mountains to ensure their privacy and dignity. "Still," she said sadly, "Whether we have warning or not, this will come to an end. I'm honestly not sure how I'm going to cope with these feelings when I have to put them back into hiding."
Jack sighed and pulled her snugly to his chest. "I don't know, either, Sam. But we'll make it work somehow. We just have to remember that someday, when the SGC has rid the galaxy of all those nasty snake-heads and any other assorted yet-unknown bad guys, I'll be able to retire from this crazy career and we can be as 'together' as we want."
Smiling at the picture his words invoked, Sam tried to take his message to heart. "So, we'll live on the promise of 'someday,' huh?"
He leaned back and stared at her intently. "Isn't that what we've been doing?"
She smiled wistfully. "Good point. At least this way, we'll have something concrete to look forward to. Just promise me one thing…" She trailed off, suddenly uncertain.
"Anything, Sam. Just name it." He didn't hesitate for a moment, which warmed her heart immeasurably.
"If it gets to be too much… if you change your mind…" She swallowed. "Promise me that you'll tell me right away. Don't try to save my feelings and pretend to feel something you don't."
Jack looked at her solemnly. "I promise," he said softly. "Though, truth be told, I can't imagine that ever happening. Will you promise to do the same?"
She nodded. "But I agree with you. I don't know how I could ever give up on a future with you. Not after experiencing the absolute perfection of these moments together."
Slowly, he leaned forward and placed an immeasurably tender kiss on her lips. "So, what do you say we make a few more of those moments, Sam?" His voice was husky, full of sweet, powerful emotions.
Closing her eyes, she pulled his mouth back to hers. After that, no words were necessary.