Disclaimer – characters aren't mine, if they were, I would be very unhappy with John Wells right now – actually I AM unhappy with that man right now!!

Blame Aristotle

Ch. 2

Ok, girl – you've gone and done it, now you live with it.

What other choice did you really have?

Donna sat in her apartment that morning, thinking.

' I quit' I said, and he just kept walking, not seeming to really take it seriously. I actually said the words and he just kept going.

Did he even hear me?

What changed? How did we come to this? I know the upheaval with Leo and CJ hasn't been easy on him, but after Germany, I thought we had reached another level in this crazy dance we call our 'relationship'.

He said that he didn't want to take "blood donors" for granted anymore – I thought there was a chance for us to move forward. I wanted us to move forward together.

Not like this.

I hope he comes around, he needs to understand that I have to do this, I need to take this new position for me, for my well-being.

He has to understand that what I said before I left for Gaza was the truth – I want to do more with my career, my life.

As much as I love the work we do together here, as much as I enjoy the thrill of accomplishing all the good things we've done here, I need to move on.

I need to stand alone – CJ was pretty close to the target that night, more than I care to admit to myself, let alone to Josh.

I need to talk with Josh, I need to make him understand that I'm not doing this to hurt him - I could never do that – he needs to understand that I can do more.

I have to tell him that no matter what, I still won't stop for red lights where he is concerned. I have to be honest with him, I owe him that much, no matter what CJ said that night. I have to tell him the truth.

"You're going to tell him the truth? That you love him, have loved him since…?" a small voice in her heart snarked at her.

'I have to' her mind responded… while she reached for the phone….

A spritely jingle roused him from his reverie.

'I really don't want to answer this' was his first thought after checking the Caller ID.

Donna.

I don't know what to say to her. I don't have the fortitude right now to have the conversation I know we need to have. I have to get my mind wrapped around the reasons why I have pushed this whole thing to the back burner.

I have to explain to myself why, after telling her I wanted to stop taking things for granted, I have gone and done exactly that. I have to wake up and realize that she has matured these last few years, and that I am partly responsible for it.

I have to get it through my head that what Donna and I have shared all this time is something that is precious and worth keeping – this isn't something to be taken lightly.

So, if I know all of this, why the hell can't I suck up the courage to face it – her – straight on and without fear?

Why am I sitting at the airport, waiting for a flight to Houston (with a layover in Atlanta, no less), trying to decide whether or not to answer her call?

Just months ago, I waited in this very same airport, slowly losing my mind wondering…

Wondering if she would still be alive when I got to Germany…

Wondering if she would be able to forgive me for sending her on the CODEL instead of to Brussels.

Praying to any and all gods that she would survive.

I had no doubts then that going to Germany was what had to be done – Leo knew it.

I knew I had to go to Germany. Donna needed me, and it was my fault that she did.

I needed her to live. I needed her to be able to make my life whole and happy.

Leo knew that too…

'This is Josh, you've reached my voicemail – leave a number and I'll call you right back. Unless you're a Republican – that might take longer! "

"Damn" – Donna snapped the phone closed. He didn't pick up the call…

Maybe he is trying to sleep - no, I tried the apartment already and got the machine. Josh couldn't sleep through his answering machine, even when he was on the heavy pain meds after…

No, don't go there, not yet.

Well, if he checks his missed calls, maybe he'll call me…

'This is Josh, remember? You had to teach him how to use the extra features" Snarkgirl was back again.

I'll try later – and if necessary, I'll camp out on his doorstep – wait, I still have the keys to his place, I'll camp out IN his apartment.

We have to talk, we just have to. I can't let this get away from us. I don't think I could live with myself if I'm not completely honest with Josh.

Donna stood up, her decision made.

If Josh was the Administration's pit bull, fine. She wasn't just a chew toy, she could be as tenacious as needed, she could fight for herself.

Correction: she would fight for them.

Don't know where this will lead, may go A/U if Wells and co. don't get things right. Appreciate the reviews.