Title: The Only Way Is Up
Author: Mizander
Rating: PG-13/R
Summary: Imagine, for just a second, that you had it all. Now sit back and eat a few snacks while you watch the Irken Empire find out the hard way that having the Universe enslaved isn't quite as much fun as the conquest.
Warnings: Sit down for a second. Yeah, Right now. This story contains SLASH. Slash entails Homosexuality. IF you do not like the idea of a HOMOSEXUAL relationship between two males, do yourself a favor and click the back button right now and go find something more suited to your tastes. Or, if you REALLY feel the intense burning need to waste your time flaming me, go right ahead. I could do with a laugh, but remember, instead of entertaining me - you could be playing outside in the sunshine. It's alll up to you...

Chapter 3

"Invader ship, coming through!" Several black suited Vortians scrambled to put down runway lights, as the ship roared into the hangar bay. A little too quickly for the control tower Vortian, as his horrified screams subsequently split the ears of everyone within hearing range. "It's coming in too fast!"

As predicted, the ship had indeed taken the landing too fast, the right wing taking out all of the runway lights, and the screeching stop wasn't quite fast enough to avoid toppling several precariously stacked, but mercifully empty fuel canisters aligned along the back wall. The slaves let out their breath and shook their heads darkly. They'd be punished for the damages, but it really could have been worse. That was the attitude one had to take these days.

The door to the ship slid open, but instead of an Irken figure emerging, the door framed a large containment tube. A hush fell across the assembled workers. Even the traumatized control-tower Vortian paused in his incessant screaming for a look at the bizzare scenario.

The creature in the tube hung completely motionless. Even for people who knew nothing about the human race, and these Vortians certainly knew nothing - it was plain to see that this specimin, this...creature had been poorly taken care of. For all they knew it had possibly starved to death long ago. It's eyes were closed, and although the fluid it was preserved in sloshed about, the creature did not once stir. A few bubbles surfaced near the top of the tank, but it could easily have been movement orientated.

"WELL?" a voice issued from behind the tube, echoing weirdly around the unusually silent bay. "Are you filthy slave-beasts just going to stand there? Or are you going to HELP ZIM?"

This statement was punctuated by a mighty, but unseen push to the tube, sending it skidding down the docking ramp. As it rattled to a halt, the eyes of the creature inside snapped open. Apparently it wasn't in fact dead, much to the horror of the Vortian slaves. Dead would have been better, had they known this was the alternative. The alien was even now making terrible, truly frightening noises.

As though on cue, the slaves high-tailed it out of the hangar bay. They'd risk the punishment.

"EH?" Zim blinked around at the now empty room, processing the situation. "FINE! Run from Zim! My Tallest will hear about this, and you will experience such Doom! OH WHAT DOOM YOU WILL EXPERIENCE!" Graciously, he gave the filthy creatures a moment or two to perhaps avoid their fate at the hands of Zim, but eventually resigned himself to transporting the Dib on his own.

Once again, this proved to be an issue. Back on Earth when he'd loaded the Voot, he'd had his base equipment to help him. Here, he was on his own - and the dwelling the Tallest had given him was oddly far out of the way. "GIR!" he barked. The SIR unit poked his head out of the Voot in response. "Come help me!"

As expected from the malfunctioning robot, it took a little while for him to settle down and acctually perform the action his master ordered him to do, but even with GIR's help, the containment unit was just too heavy for Zim.

"Well..." Zim glanced around, deep in thought. "The only other thing I can...OOH, NO, I won't even CONSIDER IT! MADNESS!"

With no one to respond to this logic, Zim seemed to be stuck. He marched around to the front of the containment unit, and slammed his fist down onto a glowing red square on the monitor. A few lights flashed and slowly, the fluids that held Dib in suspended animation began to siphon away. The human hit the floor of the tank, coughing and sputtering violently, chest heaving as the first true oxygen he'd breathed in far too long invaded his lungs. He began to shake with cold and depsite Zim's preparation for tirade or insanity, this seemed to be all he could do.

Zim huffed. Pathetic dirt-monkey couldn't even stand - and he'd only been in suspended animation. He motioned to GIR, who promptly grabbed the human by his protrubant spike of hair and hauled him away after his master. Zim thought at one point he'd heard the human whimper in pain, but when he turned around, Dib was silent, his eyes upon the alien but unfocussed and glassy, as though he was trying to see through him.

Zim frowned around at the domicile. It had taken awhile, and had been a long walk, but he'd eventually found it. How did the Tallest expect him to help run the planet if he was all the way out here - as far from the Massive docking bay as he could have been expected to be.

It was at least furnished somewhat, and he had somewhere to store the human temporarily. He eyed the Dib suspiciously, as the human let out what seemed to be a gasp of relief when GIR hauled him up awkwardly onto the chair. Zim found almost instantly that he didn't like this very much "You're naked." he snapped at the human. "Put on some clothes."

In reply, Dib rolled over in the chair with obvious effort, his darkly circled eyes drifting shut.

Anger bubbled up in Zim at the obvious act of disobedience. These days, the Dib was so INSANE that he couldn't tell when or even IF the human was behaving that way on purpose. He couldn't afford to allow Dib to think he had his guard down for a second. Stalking over to a storage unit, he pulled out a set of spare Invader's uniforms and hurled them at Dib. They dropped haphazardly on him, and although his eyes were now open, he made no other movements. "CLOTHE YOURSELF STINK-BEAST!"

One of Dib's hands twitched jerkily where it lay at his side, but other than that, there still were no signs of activity.

Losing his head completely, Zim bounded over to the human, pinning him to the chair beneath his weight. His claws wrapped around Dib's shoulders and he shook him violently before dropping him back down. His antennae flicked aggressively forward, brushing the human's forehead as he leaned close. "You WILL wear the clothing that Zim has graciously provided you with!"

To Zim's satisfaction, Dib shrank back, a look of what seemed to be fear crossing his face. "YES, YES, THAT'S RIGHT! COWER IN FEAR DEFENSELESS..."

The loud cough from behind him brought Zim back to sharp reality. He looked over his shoulder to find the view screen active, his venerable leaders staring down at him with a look of vague confusion on their faces.

"ZIM?" They were definitely both thinking it, but Purple put voice to it first. "What are you doing with that...thing?"

Squeedily spooch promptly undoing itself, Zim clambered off of the human, and turned to face the two leaders, bringing a hand to his forehead in sharp salute. "My Tallest! The filthy stink creature was being disobedient. I was merely disciplining it."

Purple's expression was rather disturbed. "Ooookay Zim..." He let the thought hang in the air a moment before shuddering and shaking his head, hoping to get rid of a few fairly disturbing mental images.

Red for his own part was ambivalent on the subject of Zim's interspecies exploits, implied or otherwise. The whole point was that this creature, whatever it was - was important to Zim. If Zim wanted it, HE wanted it too. While this would not have been a problem in the past, forcibly taking Zim's...Earth-creature from him would run contrary to his plans. Abruptly, Purple's voice bored into his thoughts, and he tuned back into his surroundings, glancing over at his co-ruler.

"Sooo, you're telling me that...thing of yours does nothing Zim? It just...lies there?"

"It has limited capabilities my Tallest." Zim replied, poking at the creature. "All it can do is sleep, eat and HAVE A GIANT HEAD!" The alien punctuated this exclamation with an almost desperate look at Dib. Long before Zim's successful conquest of Earth, Dib had finished with his prepubescent awkward phase, which much to his relief had put his head more into proportion with his body. Zim had discovered however, mostly as a result of being unable to come up with any new insults for the human, that the big-head jokes almost never failed to achieve the desired reaction.

If Dib had any idea of his current situation he would have most certainly faked a desirable reaction, if nothing else. Zim was upon him a second later, and the human instinctively curled up protectively against the new assault. Just seconds before Dib's hands flew to cover his face, his expression twisted bizarrely, a mixture of confusion and something that could have been anger.

Purple was attempting to command Zim's attention once more, trying to interject above the yelling, and waving his arms in annoyance. Red allowed it for a moment, watching the Dib carefully. The creature was skinny and repulsive, true - but that expression spoke of intelligence...and hatred. These were things he could always use. Maybe there was more to it than just wanting something because Zim wanted it.

Grabbing Purple by the shoulder he steered him away from the screen, allowing Zim's rage to run it's course. Putting his head closer to Purple's he spoke in an urgent half-whisper. "Listen...we should take that thing from Zim."

"Why would we wanna do that?" Purple didn't bother to lower his voice. Not that Zim was affected, but Red checked back over his shoulder just to be sure.

"Because that thing could be dangerous. You really want to end up like Spork or Miyuki?"

That was exactly the right thing to say. Purple tensed so suddenly that Red's fingers on his shoulder forcibly spasmed.

Wheeling out of their huddle and turning back towards the video screen, he spoke so sharply that even Zim's thick haze of self-interest was penetrated. "Zim, we're taking your...your...uh..."

"Dib." Red supplied from behind his co-ruler, twisting his face into what he hoped was a mildly confused expression.

"Yeah. Your DIB."

The reaction in Zim was immediate, poorly disguised panic. He waggled his antennae frantically, "Surely...the Dib wouldn't be important to you, my Tallest. It...may have, er...DISEASES! Yes! Horrible, human diseases that only ME, ZIM would have immunity to!"

Red could not have been provided with a better set-up. "Then surely you would want your leaders to examine this Dib so that cures and immunizations against such illnesses can be found to protect the Empire!"

Zim chewed on his lip, avoiding his leaders' gaze and obviously undergoing a very powerful internal struggle. He had always been loyal to a fault, but whether consciously or no, Zim always managed to put his own needs first. "But, My Tallest..."

"Oh no." Purple held up a finger and Zim fell silent. "Your Tallest command you. You'd better not refuse."

And that settled it. Zim's antennae flattened, and his expression was regretful as he agreed with a sharp salute. Within moments, the Tallest's personal command had been summoned. As dozens of armed guards and Irken research scientists sped to the out of the way dwelling where 'Invader' Zim was stationed, Dib having finally been left alone, dozed peacefully unaware of whatever fate awaited him on the Massive.

Red leaned back in the control chair of The Massive, drumming his fingers against the plastic cover of his drink. Purple sat down in the co-captain's seat, the leg of the chair snapping and sending him sprawling on the floor. Of course, that wasn't going to kill him, but with the Zim-plan underway and the Dib alien on it's way, just simply dishing out torment had become his new favorite pastime. He smothered a laugh as Purple picked himself up and found another chair, muttering to himself.

Picking up a bag of donuts from a nearby table, Purple adjusted himself in the new seat to face Red. "Uh...do you REALLY think it's a good idea for us to bring that...uh...whatsit that Zim's got here?"

Red made a small strangled noise in response, his co-ruler's recently developed spasmodic twitching had made him choke laughing on his drink. Clearing his throat and coughing a few times, he nodded and delivered his well rehearsed response. "Of course it is. Zim ruins everything he gets his hands on - and this Dib-thing could be useful to us. We wouldn't want to leave something potentially powerful in his hands!"

Purple nodded. This made sense. And besides - wouldn't it be better for him to have the creature where he could see it if were a threat?

A light flashed in Purple's peripheral vision, and he turned to face the source. "My Tallest." A bipedal green-skinned alien with several long feathery tentacles protruding from it's head bowed low. "The retrieval task force has arrived."

"Great, great." Purple nodded, hand twitching nervously again, and the donuts slipped from his fingers to spill across the table.

"Bring the alien to the medical bay." Red interjected quickly. "And make sure it's not harmed, at least for now." He stood quickly.

Purple had a funny look on his face, but he didn't make to follow. "Why...are you so interested in this thing Red? It's really not like you."

Red came up short. He hadn't prepared for a question like this, he didn't think Purple would have been so smart as to ask.

Thinking quickly, he feigned a bored expression as he turned back. "...eh, besides the Zim thing, it's something new to do."

Purple nodded. "Yep, after Impending Doom Two ended, there really hasn't been anything new and exciting, has there.

'Impending Doom Two hasn't ended yet...' Red smirked to himself as he turned to leave. 'In fact, it's really still in full swing.'


Fortunately for him, Dib's new captors did not see the need to put him into suspended animation a second time. His body was slowly recuperating itself, awareness creeping back slowly. There was nothing familiar around him, his addled brain making no sense whatsoever of the bulky suited and helmeted Irken scientists. Even their eyes could not be seen behind dark visors, and the only other instruments in the room were cold, unfeeling alien technology.

And then, from the other end of the room, a door opened.

Unsuited and unconcerned, the form of Almighty Tallest Red inspired the very first coherent thought Dib had had since arriving on this miserable, mechanized planet.

'Fucking Irkens.'

At first, Red had figured that the noises it were making were the sounds of mighty stupidity. Slowly however, those sounds began to unblur in his mind into the sounds of distinguishable phonemes. Wait - yes, that's right - Zim had made, however crudely constructed - a language pack for whatever alien words this creature was speaking. He'd ignored it until now, but a few minutes after digging it out, a rather impressive and quite understandable verbal assault was bouncing around the medical ward.

Red waited him out, using the time to peruse the report in a little more depth. There was some vague stuff here and there about humans needing food and water, which given the functions of the lab, Red may be able to use to his advantage. The water thing was a bit worrisome, but at least for now, this was not an issue. He turned his attention back to the human. Considering how much time he had spent antagonizing Dib, Zim's report on human vulgarities had ended up being extremely thorough. Personally Red didn't particularly understand how comparing him to bits of the female anatomy which ultimately ensured the survival of Dib's inferior species were supposed to insult him, but eventually the human had worn down, or at least run out of even the basest insults.

"Are you quite done?"

Dib jumped, obviously startled to hear his own language. He was immediately on-guard, Red noticed. Apparently allowing Zim to get the better of him had been a lesson well-learned. Pretending he hadn't heard the hostile tirade or noticed the nasty looks the human was shooting his way, Red calmly located and offered the human a glass of water. The heavily suited Lab Technicians around him gasped in what might have been awe or fear for their leader's well-being, but Red did not much feel like impressing. This was an important phase in his plan which demanded his full attention.

Dib accepted the glass, holding it in a loose grip but not drinking. Red hovered close, unconcerned. He doubted Dib had the energy to drink it, much less throw it at him, even if he had wanted to.

"Alright. Why are you doing this to me?" Dib's voice was a low croak, his body trembling and sweating with the effort of speaking.

"Drink the water." Red smirked at Dib's expression, then added. "And then I might answer your question." His expression changed abruptly, sending Dib quailing, water splashing over his lap. "In the future, you'll want to be addressing me as Your Tallest."

Dib mastered himself long enough to avoid spilling the water on himself further, and take a drink. The feel of the life-giving fluid he'd been deprived of for so long flowing down his throat pushed away the annoyance of expressing any submission to the Irken leader. He sat up a little straighter, and looked pointedly at Red.

"So, the question was, why am I helping you?" Red began, putting the emphasis on 'help'. Dib's eyes narrowed in response.

"...What makes you think I'm going to be won over by a few pretty words?" the human spat.

Red giggled. The smeetling didn't actually trust him. That was funny. "I just think you and I have something in common. Namely, neither of us like Zim."

This was apparently news to Dib, as his expression betrayed him. The words were reckless though. "And why can you trust me?

Your race destroyed my home planet. How do you know I'm not going to turn around and kill you all the second I get free?"

Laughing openly now, Red leaned over and patted Dib on the shoulder. He could really get to like this Dib-creature. "I'm thinking you won't. For one, I wouldn't let you. For another, you wouldn't have to deal with suspended animation or beatings anymore." He paused a moment. "Besides...I'm offering you a chance for revenge on Zim."

Now Dib actually looked interested, but Red didn't give him the chance to reply. "Think about it." he said cheerfully, turning and heading for the door. Halfway there he made a show of remembering something. "But one last thing before I go." he hovered back over and leaned close to Dib, the cheerful demeanor disappearing like so much smoke. Dib shivered, although the tall Irken wasn't touching him, there was something very chilling about being in such close proximity. "I wouldn't mention anything about our conversation to the other tall Irken who might come to speak with you, at least if you want to live. I may treat you better than Zim, but you still belong to me."

Feeling trapped, Dib nodded hurriedly. "Yes...my Tallest." Saying it felt like something was shredding his insides, but the Irken leader was apparently mollified and pulled away, all smiles again.

"Oh, and get him something to eat." Red added over his shoulder to the lab technicians, who immediately jumped to the task.

Within mere minutes, the technicians arrived with food for Dib. He accepted gratefully, feeling (and rightly so) that nothing he could do here could get him into a predicament any worse. Red's words played on repeat in his brain as he ate. A chance for revenge on Zim and a chance to regain the honor he had lost by allowing Earth to be destroyed.

He'd be stupid if he didn't take that chance, right?


Author's Notes:

Bah, this took awhile. And…uh…I don't have much to say. Hope the chapter was worth the wait. In Chapter 4 I know I want to get into how Zim managed to take over earth. :D.