Author's Note: So, I've changed the ending to "Enemy" three times in the past 48 hours. Can't you tell I'm having trouble? When in doubt, work on new stories. Thank you everyone for your kind reviews. And now I know the Kaiser's base was as good as destroyed. This shall be very interesting...heh heh heh...just remember...uh...this piece of information has nothing to do with the story, nothing to do with the story at all... :::choke::: That's right...
Between Dawn and Death
"...But I could not help experiencing that chill which comes over one at the coming of the dawn, which is like, in its way, the turn of the tide. They say that people who are near death die generally at the change to the dawn..."
- Bram Stoker, Dracula
Chapter 1
He didn't know how beautiful he was.
He didn't know how his every tiny gesture was watched, adored. He dressed simply, in dark colored shirts and comfortable pants. Often he wore running shoes in order to escape crowds of screaming fans. He'd never traced the flawless lines of his own face, never felt the urge to run a hand through soft golden strands, or dreamed of kissing long, slender fingers. He'd never found himself trapped in the icy, endless blue of his own eyes, where thousands had lost themselves and drowned.
So, really, it wasn't that surprising how Ishida Yamato hated himself.
He was troubled. He was frigid, cruel, moody, sarcastic, selfish. He was a burden, an annoyance, an unworthy friend, a terrible son, an uncaring brother. The list goes on. But above all, no one could ever ever love him.
Stupid, stubborn, boy.
Ken looked down into his almost empty cup. There was nothing but silence in Yamato's clean kitchen.
They all came, one at a time. No one could accuse them, his closest friends, of checking up on him, even though that's exactly what they were doing. They made sure he was never alone for more than a day at a time.
"More tea?" Graceful as always. Ishida Yamato never tried to be seductive, he simply was.
But Ken could hear the other boy's heart breaking.
"I made more cookies today." A pale hand set the plate before him. "Try some."
No. Ken wanted to cry his tears for him.
He reached for a piece of chocolate brown anyway. It was Taichi's favorite.
Yama makes such good cookies. Taichi always said. But they are never sweet enough.
Ken looked up into impossibly blue eyes. He was wearing black again today.
Say something.
"TK says your grades are slipping."
Elegant, even when he frowned.
"Does he?"
Eager, Ken knew he was too eager. But he could not help leaning over the table slightly. "I can help you with your homework."
Yamato had always been good at school. Nothing on Ken or Koushiro, of course, but he would get scholarships.
"It's not a matter of understanding," the blonde said. "I'm simply losing interest."
Not just school. He was losing interest in everything. He received his long string of guests as if he wasn't there. He hardly ever met anyone's eyes anymore.
Taichi. Ken felt his body wilt. It always came back to Taichi.
He remembered a time when Yamato was happy, or as happy as anyone had ever seen him. Taichi and Yamato had been inseparable. You didn't see one without the other. Everyone believed they would get together some day. And Ken. Ken had caught them sharing secret smiles.
You want him then? You think he's just another piece of land you can conquer? He all ready belongs to someone else.
Kaiser.
"Why are you losing interest, Yamato?" He wanted to say "Yama" so badly. But that name belonged to Taichi, like his heart.
Such beautiful eyes. What do you see with your beautiful eyes, Yamato?
"Why shouldn't I lose interest?" The counter question came so easy, so steady. No one could beat Ishida Yamato at hide and seek.
What happiness is there in being selfless? You didn't conquer by being kind.
Dangerous. Yamato was dangerous. The only one not afraid was Taichi. The only one Yamato would ever soften for was Taichi.
Are you jealous? You think you can own him?
Demon.
"You love astronomy. TK told me. Anything to do with the sky interests you. Why the change of heart?"
I'm not afraid of him.
"I don't like explaining myself."
I love him.
Ken looked steadily into Yamato's face and said nothing. He didn't know the only other person who'd taken that icy gaze without flinching was Taichi.
Whatever love is.
OOOOOO
Scrub scrub scrub.
Yamato sighed and wiped his forehead. He'd never had this much trouble with a stain before.
Scrub scrub scrub.
Cleaning was the only thing that kept him from thinking. And Yamato didn't want to ever think again.
There was a knock at the door.
Yamato froze for a brief moment. His hair was messy, his face and hands streaked with dust. Normally, he would rather die than answer the door looking like this. But he didn't care anymore.
Who was it this time? Ken again? Takeru? They knew something was wrong and wouldn't leave him alone.
Taichi hardly ever came by now.
He opened the door.
And stared.
No. I don't want to deal with this.
"Hello, Yama."
Sora. It took more than he thought it would to paste that fake smile on his face. "What are you doing here? Come in and have a cup of tea."
She stepped into the apartment, her expression stern. "Save it, Ishida."
He forced a laugh, though he knew it would be useless. "I thought you liked tea."
"Yama."
She was going to turn all motherly on him, lecture him about one thing or another. Yamato winced inwardly.
"What's wrong with you?"
He turned away from her. "Nothing."
"Don't lie to me."
He stared at the ceiling. "Fine, I'm depressed. Happy?"
"Why are you depressed?"
He tried not to roll his eyes. "No reason. I like this mood."
Sora grabbed his shoulder, forced him to look at her.
"You had a fight with Taichi?"
"Don't be silly."
"You are mad at us?"
"Of course not."
She thought for a long time, and Yamato watched her suspiciously.
A gasp. "You are in love? And the girl wouldn't go out with you?"
Growling, Yamato shrugged her off and stomped towards his room.
"Where are you going?"
He answered without stopping. "I've had enough. I'm going to take a nap. When you think you've figured out what's wrong with me, please be kind enough to let me know."
"Yama!"
He slammed the door to his room. He laid down but did not sleep.
A few minutes later he heard Sora come in.
"Yama. Are you lonely? I know Taichi doesn't spend as much time with you as he used to. It must be hard watching us. You are feeling left out."
Go away. I'm letting you be happy with Tai. But leave me alone.
"You need a girlfriend."
His eyes snapped open. "What?"
Sora smiled wickedly. "Who doesn't want the Ishida Yamato?"
She started to leave.
"Don't you dare!" Yamato called after her.
She looked back at him, amused. "We can have double dates. It'll be fun."
"No!"
But she was gone.
Yamato slumped back into his bed. "God must hate me."
OOOOOO
So Taichi and Sora conspired like little children. Girl after girl was picked out, carefully. They'd drag Yamato to parties, gatherings, soccer games. The introductions would be made, and then with mischievous grins they would sneak off, confident that this might be the one.
Still Yamato said nothing. He rejected each victim firmly but kindly. And the rest of the digi-destined could only watch.
Time. They all need more time.
OOOOOO
"You turned down that redhead? What a shame. She's really pretty."
"Hunted me down, little brother?" Yamato asked without opening his eyes. He was sitting under a large tree in the school yard, cross legged, trying to think.
Takeru sat down beside him. "How much longer are you going to let this go? You have to tell him, Onii-chan."
"I don't know what you are talking about. Don't you have better things to do during lunch break then following your brother? Hikari might get worried."
Takeru blushed faintly, then glared. "You have to tell him."
"Tell who what?"
"Tell Taichi you love him!"
He'd finally managed to shock his brother into silence. Yamato bit his lip. He was very quiet.
"Will you do it?"
Yamato's mouth was set in a stubborn line. "No."
"Why?"
He leaned back against the trunk of the tree. "They are happy together. Why make them feel guilty?"
"Why torture yourself like this?"
"Mother always said I'd die a lonely old man. I don't see any reason to prove her wrong."
Takeru stood, jaw clenched in frustration. "You can be really stupid. You know that, Onii-chan?"
Yamato waited until he was almost out of hearing range before speaking again. "If you tell anyone what you know, then I'll never forgive you. Understand?"
For a moment Takeru looked like he wanted to turn back, but then he was off again.
Yamato closed his eyes again. He felt more depressed than usual, enough to write poetry. Maybe he should work on another song.
OOOOOO
Rubisco. Is. An. Enzyme.