Author's Note: I feel the need to complain. Let's see...it's too cold these days. I have too much homework. I really want an apple right now and there are no apples in the house. I'm suffering from pre midterm stress, which helped me finish this chapter but did nothing to make me finish reading my notes, which I should probably do after I post this...hmm...what did happen to all the acetate ions? We didn't count them in pH? Why not? Because of equilibrium? O.o
Thanks for all your kind comments.
Between Dawn and Death
"The memories we elude catch up to us, overtake us like a shadow. A truth appears suddenly in the middle of a thought, a hair on a lens."
- Anne Michaels, Fugitive Pieces
Chapter 2
It wasn't long before Taichi went to visit Yamato. He wasn't surprised.
"She was nice!"
"I know."
"They are good girls, every one of them. None of your clingy fans."
"I know."
"Then why won't you give any of them a chance?"
"Because."
"Look. I've known you for a long time, Yama, and I'm not afraid to say I hate the crap you pull."
"I'm not afraid to hear you say it."
A pause as Taichi tried to comprehend. Yamato could feel him staring at his back.
"Turn around. Look at me."
Commanding. Only Taichi would speak in that tone to him, confident he would get away with it. Yamato didn't move.
"Look at me and tell me why."
Bitterness rose up in his chest. Like fire. Like pain.
He spun around so fast the room looked less than a blur. His words were calm, cold, carefully controlled. "I'm gay."
There was shock but no resentment, surprise but no anger, no disgust. Then Taichi began to laugh.
Yamato glared.
"Is this it, Yama? Why didn't you tell us sooner? Oh Sora will have a fit! To think we've been looking for the wrong gender this entire time!"
Yamato kept glaring.
"What? You thought we would have a problem with this? Silly! Of course not! Don't worry, plenty of guys out there. Who doesn't want Ishida Yamato?"
"Tai," he said in a warning tone.
An innocent grin. "Don't be so shy, Yama. I'll see you around." He left.
The room had darkened and cooled with the coming of the night before Yamato moved. His forehead touched cold glass and he looked blindly out the window. A tear slid down the smooth pale cheek, then another. Two little gems in the moonlight. Like twins.
OOOOOO
So Taichi and Sora conspired like little children. Boy after boy was picked out, carefully. Nothing but the best for their friend. It became harder to drag Yamato out, harder to keep track of him. But they managed it, sometimes.
The rest of the digi-destined began to exchange looks.
Too far it has gone. Too far.
OOOOOO
He was doing it again.
He needed it more and more. He was going insane. Ken faced himself in the darkness of his room, a different self. A self that was not part of him at all yet shared his body, his mind, his heart.
The Kaiser laughed. I thought you weren't talking to me?
Shut up.
I exist. To face me like this, to search me out is to admit I exist.
You exist. And you will never die.
Another laugh. His own voice echoed in his head. Still thinking about Ishida, hmm? You come to me more and more now. Aren't you afraid I'll take over again?
You won't.
He could see the deathly grin, the gleaming teeth on the insides of his eyelids. I will, because you are letting me, Ken. You are no longer kind. You no longer care. A fragile soul is all that is keeping you back, a slender white hand, a beautiful face, blue eyes.
Blue eyes.
He doesn't love you.
Shut up.
And when you give in to me, when you let me free once more, I'll make him ours. Isn't that what you want? What you think when you look at him? Mine mine mine.
I won't let you hurt him.
My foolish little boy. I AM you. You ARE me. You will help me possess him. Because we both want him.
Tears slid down his cheeks. Helpless, so helpless. A prisoner to himself. Battles everyday.
I'd make a coronet out of that golden hair. You'd like it. You'd wear it. And when he stares up at you with his wide, blue eyes, when those lips tremble ever so slightly, whispering "Why, why why?", I'd catch his lovely tears in a little wine glass. You'd like that too. You'd drink them.
Stop it. Stop it.
And then YOU would tremble when that whip lies across his bare skin, like a narrow cloud over the pale face of the moon. He is like the moon, isn't he? So soft and beautiful. You'd smile at his tiny cries. And when I'm done you'd lean over to lick away the trails of blood. His blood would smell like roses, don't you think? Crimson, glistening roses, so fresh, so-
"No!" He'd cried out aloud.
He will belong to you. To me. He is mine.
No...
Mine mine mine.
Help me, someone. Help.
MINE MINE MINE.
Yamato...
OOOOOO
I am so clever. I didn't even wait for hell to find me before I threw myself at it. Whatever will people think?
Yamato threw an arm over his closed eyes. He had no desire to get out of bed.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Go away. It's Sunday. Sleep, play soccer, have a picnic. Leave me alone.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Yamato didn't move.
The distinct clink of keys. Only TK had the key to his apartment.
The door opened. "Onii-chan?"
Nope. Not here. Gone.
"You sure he's home?" Hikari.
"His jacket is here." God, did Ken come too?
Someone somewhere, get me a cup of coffee. Please.
His bedroom door swung open. Damn this apartment. No locks.
"How rude of me," he managed hoarsely. "I didn't even make tea today."
"Are you sick, Onii-chan?"
"No, not really." He sounded better now. That's good. Wouldn't want Taichi's little sister to know what a mess he was. To screw up in front of Hikari was to screw up in front of Taichi. Worse, even, because Hikari wasn't as dense as her brother.
Idiot.
"I believe I'm suffering from something called acute laziness. It seems to show itself most often on Sundays, when I am not expecting company."
Way to go, Ishida. Make them feel guilty, now, won't you? Never thought you were THAT desperate.
"Stop hiding, Yamato. Everyone knows."
And here he was just thinking Hikari was an innocent, kind little girl. Dating TK must have been bad for her. How cruel.
"Who knows about what?"
He sat up, straightening his nightshirt, hanging on even now to the shreds of his dignity.
I am a god. And no one can hurt me.
"Tell Taichi now. Or one of us will. Things can't go on like this, Yamato. You'll destroy yourself."
Tell Taichi? Hurt Taichi?
No.
"No."
"Onii-chan, please. Be reasonable."
Reason. That's it. I've lost my reason.
OOOOOO
They left the Ishida apartment in silence. Defeated. Hikari walked with Takeru. Ken trailed behind. Forgotten.
Yamato, hair in disorder. Yamato, dark shadows under his eyes. Yamato, thin and pale like death.
Ken stopped walking. Ahead of him, Hikari and Takeru disappeared around a bend.
Taichi. All his fault. Taichi's fault.
OOOOOO
Author's Note: Hope Ken's in character. Really hope Ken's in character. But there's angst, right? That's good, right? And I finished "Enemy" right? So no one's mad at me, right? I'm gonna study for my Chem midterm now. I can get A plus in that class...right?
Rubisco. Is. An. Enzyme.