Wizard Anger Management and Control
Rating: G
Story summary: Dumbledore and McGonagoll unite to send Snape and Black to Wizard Anger Management and Control classes. Very light-hearted.
Chapter summary: In which Snape and Black go to where WAMC classes are held.
Note: As I said before, this is post OotP. Sirius is still alive. Voldemort has been defeated – but that has nothing to do with this. Some people were confused as to what Black was doing in Hogwarts. As you will find out from the text, he teaches there now. As to what subject, it will come up later. Enjoy.
Silence.
Footsteps.
A cough.
Snape shuffled in his seat and looked over at Black and coughed again.
'Oh, Merlin's Beard! Will you two please stop acting like a pair of trolls!' Professor McGonagoll said as she got up from the Staff table, 'if you have something to say to Sirius, Severus, then say it and stop acting like you've got a coughing fit.' She went off.
Black looked over at Snape expectantly.
'Right. Yes. This class… where is it?' he asked in a false indifferent voice.
'Hogesmade. I will, most unfortunately, see you there,' he got up walked down towards the Gryffindor table to talk to the latest Weasley, young Ida. Snape scowled at his plate of toast.
O
Bloody Dumbledore… Snape thought furiously the next morning at he donned his usual black robe. Interfering, crackpot old FOOL. He walked swiftly with much noise towards the Staff room, where he crashed into Hagrid, and literally bounced off.
'Apologies, Professor,' Hagrid said. Snape grimaced and went in.
He walked in and waved his wand to conjure up his morning dosage of caffeine (to which he was as addicted as any Muggle) and noted in forced calm that smiling McGonagoll was seated at her high-backed brown armchair, talking to Dumbledore in his favourite purple chintz chair.
'Good Morning, Severus,' Dumbledore said cheerfully.
He grunted, throwing looks of contempt towards the pair by the grate, and gulped down his coffee. He transfigured the sugar bowl into a Quaffle and put a hovering charm on it, making it swing round in the air in a clockwise motion.
Black walked in, looked at Snape, then the Quaffle, then Snape again, and walked over to the Quaffle and chucked it at Snape's head. Hard.
'Stop that,' Black said irritably.
'Sirius. That could be dangerous,' McGonagoll said dutifully.
Sirius looked at her with scorn, 'it just bounces off his long nose.'
'Stop!' Dumbledore said before Snape could say anything, 'both of you. Sirius, stop badgering Severus on purpose. Severus, I beg of you to stop acting like a wet rag. Grow up, show yourself to be the responsible adults you are, or otherwise I will have severe doubts of the pair of you continuing to teach at Hogwarts.'
Stunned silence.
O
Black walked out of the school gates and stood for a moment, thinking about what was going to happen. He knew all about WAMC classes, but didn't know who was in charge of them and what exactly happened. The counseling session was only one part of the package. He sighed, thinking that he would very much like to hurt Dumbledore at the moment, and Apparated to Hogesmade.
O
Snape hesitated outside the WAMC door. It was in part of Hogesmade he hadn't ventured in before, and with good reason. Everything within two or three blocks advertised all sorts of spells and potions for mental illnesses and anger management. Looking at the door he was supposed to enter, Snape knew that his future reputation will be absolutely devastated. The house it was held in was a bright shade of green, with a lemon-yellow door. The windows themselves had red boarders and pink-and-orange checkered curtains concealed the view.
All in all, it was the most hideous place Snape ever had to set foot in. And he didn't like it. Not one bit.
Gritting his teeth with quite unnecessary force, he strode forward and went in, thinking that Dumbledore and McGonagoll were really quite lucky to be back at the castle. Some extremely hostile jinxes were flooding his mind.
O
Black found himself in the WAMC lounge, and a quick glance around confirmed that Snape was not there yet. He ignored the witch and wizard arguing at the top of their lungs, and a witch that kept slapping a doll so very like a real child (complete with the crying and screaming) and the black-robed figure in the corner, who gave off the aura of a vampire. He strode up to the bubble-gum pink counter.
'Good Morning. My name is Black. I have an... appointment. With a certain Severus Snape,' he said stiffly.
The witch behind the desk flipped a page in her magazine, reading the rest of her article before looking up. At the sight of Black, she did a double take and smiled sweetly. Now that he was restored to his old looks, Black was having no trouble with women whatsoever.
'Of course,' she batted her eyelashes, 'what time is it scheduled for?'
'Nine o'clock,' he said briskly. She continued grinning stupidly. He took pity on her and gave her a slight smile. She flushed and pressed a button.
'Ninety hundred hours, Snape, Severus and Black, –' She looked up.
'Sirius,' he supplied.
'Sirius,' she repeated after him. A piece of green parchment flew out of a slot, shortly followed by another. She handed him the second one, pointed at the other with her wand (which was most uncommonly long) and it zoomed down the corridor.
The witch was still watching him rather breathlessly. He grinned – it really was like the old times, 'sorry to bother you –'
'Not at all!'
'But isn't this place's colour scheme a little excessive?' He asked, wincing slightly at the sight of red, blue and yellow chairs. It made him think of the Children's Ward in St. Mungo's.
'Yes,' she said darkly, 'my aunt always was very… bright.' Her expression of blandness returned, 'but, of course, I'll conjure up one of decent colour – and a little more comfortable – for you while you wait.'
'Thank you, it's very kind of you – Miss…?'
'Lynn Mydelle,' she said, blushing, and waving her wand. A comfortable-looking beige armchair appeared, clashing very much with the rest of the room's décor.
O
Snape walked in to find Black chatting aimlessly to the attendant (for that's what he assumed she was) and looked on from his place in the hall. The inside of the building were no less shocking than out, with a hideous shade of purple occupying the walls. Portraits beamed at him, and one lady dressed in civil clothing said, 'Merlin's beard… a Snape.'
He stopped short.
'What?'
'You are a Snape, are you not? You have to be. Your nose is exactly like my son's. Dear me, what year is it… well, you must be at least his great-great-grandson. Which makes me your great-great-great-grandmother!' She said cheerfully.
'What – are – you – talking – about?' Snape said in a very strained voice.
'I am sorry, it must seem extremely unfathomable. I am Ida Lester-Snape. My son is Virmandarium Snape. Your great-great-grandfather.'
A look of dawning comprehension appeared on Snape's face, 'ah.'
'Yes, my dear. What on earth are you doing here? You Snapes do so detest admitting your problems.'
'You're not wrong,' he muttered, and walked into the waiting room where Black was. He gave the attendant a second (which, he thought, was very considerate of him) for she was clearly in the middle of something. When a normal-looking chair appeared a moment later, Snape scowled at what had to be Black's doing.
Attendants simply did not go around conjuring more comfortable chairs for people.
O
He gave Mydelle a winning smile as he settled into his chair, 'thank you, Mydelle. How long will I have to wait?'
'I don't know,' she said, sounding slightly flustered, 'my aunt – I mean, the Mydelle in charge will shortly send word to summon you,' she said, in a trivial attempt at sounding professional.
Cough. Black looked up to see Snape scowling from the counter. He held back a sigh.
'Snape! Take a seat,' he said in a false cheerful voice, 'there's plenty to go round!' He waved an arm carelessly towards the many empty seats. Snape glared at him.
In what seemed to be a whim, he took out his wand and promptly changed the colour of one seat from yellow to black, and sat down. Lynn Mybelle sniffed loudly and returned to her magazine, occasionally sneaking glances at Black sitting, seemingly relaxed with his feet up.
I hope I was prompt with my update! Feedback has been encouraging. Thank you to all my reviewers.
Lady Agatha