Wizard Anger Management and Control

By: Lady Agatha Hal

Chapter Two

Rating: G

Story summary: Dumbledore and McGonagoll unite to send Snape and Black to Wizard Anger Management and Control classes. Very light-hearted.

Chapter summary: In which Snape and Black go to their first WAMC session.

A long, thin piece of wood, looking remarkbly like a wand, zoomed down the corridor to the waiting room and suddenly stopped in mid-air. It twirled itself in the air, earning an eyebrow-cocking from Snape, and produced a piece of frilly lilac cloth which squealed, 'Black, Sirius! Snape, Severus! To my office, please, dears.' Snape closed his eyes and seemed to count to ten before he got up, slowly.

The attendent was looking at Black with a wistful expression on her face, 'I really am sorry, she's such an embarrassment..'

'Hey, I've come here to be embarrassed, haven't I?' Black replied with a smile. Snape coughed, and Black hid a smile and said, 'see you after the show.'

'Y-yes,' she blushed, and when Snape looked at her pointedly said, 'all the way down, door before the last.' He nodded and strode down, Black following at a slower, more relaxed pace.

'Do you have to?' Snape said, as they walked.

'Have to what?' Black retorted, though he knew perfectly well what Snape meant.

Snape scrunched up his long nose, and waved a hand soundlessly, looking for an alternate word to the one he was about to use. 'Flirt.'

'Oh. That? No, that wasn't flirting, Snivellus, that was keeping a poor girl happy. Besides, after you strode in she sort of thought we were gay, you know?'

Black had now decided that maintaining a you're-my-buddy atmosphere while saying things that he knew would piss Snape off would make the whole pointless business more enjoyable.

Snape jumped about a foot in the air, and looked very much alarmed, 'you put her right, did you not?'

'Certinaly not. Firstly, I said she clearly thought we were gay, not said it. And secondly, it's much more fun seeing you embarrassed.'

'BLACK!' Snape turned round and was about to start up the corridor to correct the attendent when a short, lumpy lady appeared, 'were you two ever going to reach the end?' Now that they looked at the corridor, it did seem to have no end. In fact, Sirius could see the swirls of colour in the wall merging.

'Oh. I guess we'll just Apparate to the end, then,' said Snape, noticing the problem and forgetting the previous one momentarily, and without ado, both pulled the sour-lemon faces magic folk get when trying to Apparate. However, both stayed exactly where they were, though the were knocked a few paces back.

'You can't Apparate. You two are from Hogwarts, aren't you?'

'Yes,' Snape replied.

'Well, it's the same spell. To stop our little... costumers - from Apparating and leaving us.'

'We didn't notice it was so.. long,' Black intoned, still staring the merging swirles and lines.

'It's not.'

'But... I can't even see the end,' Black said, puzzled.

'You should. You're standing there,' the lady said in a matter-of-fact voice.

'Whaat? Oh!' both looked puzzled then a bit annoyed.

'Yes, it's biwitched. As is this door,' she stepped away, and there was wall behind her. She waved her wand (turns out the thin piece of wood was a wand, after all) and a round, yellow door appeared, with a bright red-grey knob in the middle, looking horrid with this part of the corridor, which had pink walls. 'Come in, my dears. You've much to go through.'

Black and Snape looked at each other, neither wanting to enter the strange domain first. The lady sensed their hesitance, and pointed at Snape, 'you first. You need a real good run-down.'

Sure that the last of his self esteem and pride would be stripped away by walking through the round door, Snape braced himself, and... didn't move. The lady waited a couple of seconds, looking at him intently with a It's better if you just do expression, but after no movement she pointed her wand at him. Snape felt something huge and prickly behind him throwing him off balance and into the room. He turned his head to look, and saw it was a very large hand, clothed in a glove of white bristles. Black burst out laughing and walked in, without a hand (A/N: I know it's a lame and very stupid joke. Excuse me for putting it there, but I can't seem to delete it).

'Listen, next time, Snape, my dear. Actually, I'd rather call you Snapie. Yes, I think that's a suitable nickname.'

Snape batteled with his urge to vomit.

'And you, dearie,' she said, turning to Black, 'Black. Hmm. First name, Sirius. Yes, my little Star. I'm going to call you Star.'

'Great,' he said, and smiled.

'Now you, my dear Snapie, need some different coloured robes. Black won't do,' she waved her wand, and Black let out a howl of laughter at what he felt was Snape stuck in Gilderoy Lockhart's clothing.

'NO!' Snape said with a look of absolute loathing on his face.

'Oh, I'm sorry, dearie. Would you rather join us in your underwear?' with a discreet point Snape was stripped down to his underpants. He let out a yowl of rage. Black wondered if he should warn the lady that she could fall dead in his hands if he was this mad. He decided it was more fun to merely watch... however, a horrible sense of de jevu was creeping over him, which he pushed away. Not now, he told it silently.

Snape, meanwhile, was trying to conjour up some clothing, and failing. A few minutes passed, and he finally broke down and said in a low, menacing voice, 'what is going on?'

The lady smiled, 'let me introduce myself first! Dear, dear, your priorities, Snapie. I'm . But you, dears, call me Auntie. Now, have a seat.' Black sunk into a chair while Snape remained resolutely standing, a look of death on his face. 'I said, sit.' And the white hand appeared again and pushed Severus down into a iron chair, 'good.' Snape's fury was past complete.

'So, we all know you have little problems with your anger managment, of course. Why is that? You seem like a perfectly nice boy, Star.'

'Yes, Auntie, I am,' he took pleasure in seeing Snape squirm in his underwear. This is somethiing he will never let Snape live down, 'but seeing as I'm past 40, I don't think myself a boy.'

'Sweetheart, I'm 168, and I'm still a girl.'

Black looked shocked, 'oh, right. Sorry. Whatever. Well, my problem is only with Snape, really, whereas his is with everybody.'

'Hmm.' Already Black could tell he was the favourite, 'now, Snapie...'

Can I please leave you there? I need to go. Sorry I've taken so long to update this chapter, but I'm abroad, and still am. Apologies for the delay, and for the shortness. I will update as soon as I'm back home, which is the 20th. If I breach that deadline too much please come after me.

Thanks as always to my reviewers. I hope you like this chapter. If you don't send me Howlers to rewrite it! It's not edited, but I will edit it when I get back! Apologies again.

Ciao for now.

Lady Agatha