There comes a moment in everybody's life when they wish they could take back a minute, an hour, a day and do it all over again. Ron was currently having one of those moments. He had awoken from dreams of falling in the wee hours of the morning. His dreams had been meaningful and disturbing, though not as disturbing to Ron as waking up next to the naked form of Hermione.
Ron had been meaning to break things off with Hermione for some time but could never quiet find the right time or opportunity. He realized not too long ago that he couldn't fight his true nature any longer; he was gay and in love with his best friend. It was a hard pill to swallow.
He had tried at first to 'fix' himself by dating Hermione but to no avail. There was no denying who and what he was, one need only count the amount of times Ron glanced around the shower room after Quidditch practice to know the truth. Ron had finally stopped fighting it a week ago and has been since trying to find a way to break it to Hermione.
Though to be truthful he had complicated things immensely by sleeping with her. He had taken something precious, priceless and irreplaceable and there was no way to make up for that. And on top of everything else he now had the unfortunate task of being the one to break her heart. Ron was not having a good morning.
He wasn't quiet sure why he had gone through with it, why he hadn't just said no to Hermione. Perhaps he just wanted to post-pone the inevitable, or maybe it was a last ditch effort to belie the truth. Whatever it was he regretted it now. He would be lucky if Hermione didn't hate him by the end of it, he was 100 certain the friendship was shot.
Ron climbed out of Hermione's bed and dressed himself in the discarded garments of the night before. That's when he had the brilliant idea of using a memory charm to make Hermione forget everything that had happened the night before. Ron reached into the back pocket of his jeans and retrieved his wand.
He walked slowly over to where Hermione lay sleeping, peacefully with one hand curled up near her face. She looked so beautiful, so innocent, it broke Ron's heart to think of her in any pain because of him. He leaned over her and placed one tentative kiss on her forehead. Her nose crinkled and one hand reached up to brush the kiss away. Ron raised his wand again and that's when the voice of reason interfered.
"A memory charm huh? Taking the coward's way out? I suspected as much. How did you manage to worm your way into Gryffindor anyway? I thought only the brave were admitted to this house"
Another voice countered back, Ugh! Why don't you leave me alone, will you? I mean this is hard enough as it is. I'm only trying to save her embarrassment, the feeling of being used, and a lot of extra tears that she doesn't need right now.
"Fine, fine! Don't listen to me. But do remember what happened to Gilderoy Lockhart and be sure to do a proper job of it, it would be a terrible shame for her to lose all those brains just because her boyfriend is an idiot"
Ron lowered his wand. The truth was he wasn't that good at memory charms and if Hermione lost even one brain cell because of his cowardice he would never forgive himself. She was too important to risk. He would rather shatter her heart in a million pieces than risk losing who she was.
Ron finished dressing and left her to do some hard thinking and prepare what he was going to say when he saw her later that day.
Hermione awoke to the gentle shutting of her bedroom door. She looked beside her and found her bed empty. A sinking feeling washed over her, she pulled the covers closer to her bosom and began to recall the events of last night. Why had Ron left without saying goodbye this morning? What could possibly have been so important that he would just leave her the morning after they slept together?
Hermione shook herself mentally. She was being silly she should just get dressed and meet him down in the great hall for breakfast. He was probably just trying to protect her from nasty gossip and speculation. She got out of bed and took a nice hot shower and brushed her teeth before heading down to breakfast. She felt extremely sore from the events of the night before. Every step was painful. She made it down to the great hall but Harry was sitting there by himself. Where was Ron?
She sat down in the seat across from Harry with a wince of pain. "Good morning Harry, have you seen Ron this morning?" she scooped some bacon and eggs into her plate and began buttering some toast.
"Lost him already" Harry mumbled barely above a whisper, he scowled into his breakfast.
"Sorry, didn't catch that" Hermione looked at her friend who was apparently having a very bad morning, as he was looking at his breakfast with a murderous glare.
"Nothing, I think I saw him in the library" Harry said quickly forcing a grin on his face before getting up from the table "I'll catch you later Hermione, I got to find somebody"
Hermione looked up from her bacon and eggs surprised at her friends sudden departure. "See you" she said with a mouth full of food.
Hermione finished her breakfast and headed towards the library. She passed a sneering, pouting, haughty looking Draco Malfoy. He looked upset about something and Hermione found herself wishing it was something absolutely dreadful.
Draco looked up as he passed Hermione by "Filthy little mudblood" He muttered barely audible over the sound of their footsteps.
"What's that Draco dearest, you wish I'd allow you to worship the ground I walk on?" Hermione said with supreme sarcasm. "Well if you insist but please keep a distance"
"Drop dead!" Draco spat without even looking around, he kept walking.
Hermione marveled at the exchange. Draco usually put a lot more into his sneering insults than that. Maybe he was sick, Naw I mustn't get my hopes up"
Hermione didn't find Ron in the library, or the Owlry, or the quidditch pitch. She finally gave up looking for him after dinner in the great hall and just went back to the common room to do some studying.
Hermione was halfway through her transfiguration notes when the portrait hole opened. At the same time Harry crossed the room and crawled out of the hole and someone came in. There was a bit of confusion at the door and Ron fell through the hole.
"Hermione, I need to talk to you." Ron walked up to Hermione and sat down next to her on the couch. Ron looked at his hands and thought about what he was going to do.
"Sure what is it?" Hermione said a cheery smile on her face and a rapt expression, no one else existed at the moment except Ron. "Hold on one second" She leaned forward and placed one tender kiss on his full lips savoring the feel of his soft flesh. "Go ahead I'm all ears"
Ron looked at her smiling face and grimaced as if he had been struck. "I don't think we should see each other anymore" There he said it, it was all going to be over with soon enough, he took some comfort in the thought.
Hermione's smile wilted and the beginnings of tears started to form in her eyes "What? Why? Where is this coming from? Last night we spent an amazing time together and now you want to just end it?" her breathing started to get ragged and she reached into her bag for some tissue to dab at her eyes with.
"Hermione please don't cry, I can't stand to see you cry. I'm sorry I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I didn't want for us to make love last night, I'd take it back if I could" Ron was trying to explain but felt he was making things worse.
Hermione let out a disbelieving huff at the last part of what Ron said. "So what are you saying Ron? That I was horrible in the sack so now it's over?" Hermione was beginning to get angry, she didn't like feeling used. "I never thought you'd be the type to just sleep with someone and then leave them." Hermione's face was getting redder with every passing breath.
"No Hermione, it's not like that you don't understand…" Ron spluttered getting out of his chair and pacing the room.
Hermione got out of her chair and started shouting "What don't I understand Ron? That it was all a game to you. That you never really loved me? That you never really cared about anything but your own selfish agenda?" Hermione was leaking all down her face but she didn't care.
Ron's face as beet red with the beginnings of anger, he was trying to explain but she wasn't letting him get the words out. "Hermione will you just shut up for one second and let me explain?" Ron regretted it the second the words left his mouth.
"Go to Hell Ron Weasley" Hermione shouted and turned to storm off.
Ron took one furtive look around the deserted common room before shouting out to her "God damn it Hermione, I'm Gay" Ron felt a huge weight being lifted from his shoulders. That wasn't so bad.
Hermione stopped in her tracks and looked at Ron. "What?"
"I'm Gay! I like guys. I tried denying it but there is no way I can lie to myself anymore." Ron looked down ashamed about the selfish way he had been acting, he shouldn't have been fighting it for so long, he should've owned up to who he was along time ago.
"How long have you known?" Hermione felt a little better but not by much. If Ron knew he was gay and still slept with her she was going to be livid.
"I suppose I always knew on some level, but I only became certain of if about a week ago. I've been looking for an opportunity to talk to you but it never seemed like the right time" Ron was glad Hermione had stopped shouting and crying.
"So you knew last night before we made love and you didn't say anything?" Hermione was beginning to get angry again. How could Ron do something like that if he meant to leave her in the morning?
"Yeah, well I just thought maybe there was a chance that I could 'fix' my problem" Ron was failing miserably at explaining. He also noted the rising level in Hermione's voice.
"Oh so you used me to try and change who you were and failed. And now I pay the price for it, thank you Ron. Thank you so much!" Hermione's sarcasm was nearly palpable. "So is there someone else? I mean you've already proven you're not above using someone. Are you also not above cheating?"
"There is no one else, yet. I mean I've only admitted it to you." Ron looked embarrassed
"Yet? So you've got someone in mind then?" Hermione was turning vicious but she didn't care. It was better than the hollow hurt feeling inside. "Who is it then? Who is the nice piece of ass that has turned you from me?"
"Hermione, please?" Ron looked thoroughly embarrassed and was turning a vivid shade of tomato.
"No, I have a right to know who it is." Hermione was glaring at him.
"If you really want to know…"
"I really want to know!"
"Harry." Ron couldn't quiet meet her eyes when he said his name.
Hermione let out a sigh of disbelief. "So you ruined us, and now your setting out to ruin you and Harry too?" Hermione turned to leave. "Are you sure you're not a masochist Ron?" Hermione laughed cruelly."
"Wait what to do you mean ruined? This is it for us? It's not my fault I'm gay." Ron sounded on the verge of tears
"No, but it's your fault you used me! Do you honestly think we can just go back to being friends? If you do than you're an even bigger fool than I previously thought. Go to hell Ron" With that she turned to leave. "Go to hell and rot there"
Hermione walked slowly to the stairs tears leaking down her face. She couldn't believe everything was over with her and Ron. She was going to miss him. She let out an audible sob and took one step up to her dormitory.
There are moments in life when you have to be the bigger person even though you'd rather see the other person rot than give them the chance for happiness. Hermione was having one of those moments. She turned around and walked back down the steps and called out to Ron. "If you are serious about your feelings for Harry than you should go find him, I believe he's had similar feelings for you for some time now" with that she went up stairs to drown in her own tears, figuratively if not literally.