Author: Nirvana

Pairings: Yusuke/Botan, Kurama/Botan, and Yusuke/Keiko. (sorry Y/B fans!)

Rating: PG-13...later to be rated R

Keywords: Romance, Angst, Lust, Revelation

Summary: I felt his fingers run across my face, over my lips and through my hair. He murmured something that rolled off his tongue so smoothly...I felt Kurama's lips press against mine. (Botan's POV).

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters. They rightfully belong to their respective owners.

Author's Notes: This is my first Yu Yu Hakusho fic, so please be gentle with me. To put it straight, I'm not too much of a Yusuke/Keiko fan. It's not that I hate Keiko, I like her actually but I can only see them on a brother and sister relationship. With a bit of flirtation here and there, of course. Besides that, I like different kinds of couples together, as you can see from the story. Most of the time, the story will be put in Botan's POV, more depth and blah, blah. Italics just means dreaming or past events or thoughts. But enough about my babbling, let's get to it. Hopefully, I will do my best to keep everyone in character and keep you, the readers, interested. This is my one challenge to make a story that keeps people into it. Well, that's enough said. Enjoy.

A special thank you to my beta-reader, Cat-Youkai. You are the best!

Chapter 5-The Crimson Tide

I leaned my head back against the seat and let the cool wind rush past my hair. The moon hung high in the dark sky, star lit and cloudless. I inhaled deeply and a strong aroma of salt water permeated the air and enveloped my senses. Every so often, the convertible would turn sharply on the winding road and I would brace myself each time. Even though Kurama and I had not talked the whole ride, it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. We just had nothing to say, but we were still enjoying each other's company. I was thankful to him, for showing up when he did. I needed this. I had to clear my head for a little while. Still, I couldn't help but think of Yusuke. What was he doing? What if he was still with Keiko? What if they were doing much more than dancing?

I concentrated on the moon and nothing else. This was the reason why I was here. I couldn't think of anything but the night, the wind and the stars. I don't know if it was out of pent-up frustration and anger or something else. But before I realized what I was doing, I formed my lips into a wide 'O' as I howled into the silence and heard my voice echo. I couldn't help but get this sense of freedom from everything.

I glanced over at Kurama and suddenly looked away, my face as red as a tomato. But I'll never forget the way he looked at me. The moon's rays bathing his face in its light, making his skin a pale, ghostly white. His eyes filled with complete wonder and unattainable wisdom while the tiniest of smiles tugged at his lips.

We drove in placid silence for a good hour more before we reached our destination. Like before, Kurama, polite as ever, opened the door for me and stepped to the side. I climbed out and my sandals sunk slightly into the smooth, icy sand. I glanced over at the crashing tide in awe. I had been to the beach before but only during the day. It was new for me, seeing the waves hit against the damp sand, surrounded in nothing but darkness.

"I come here almost every other day." Kurama stated quietly. "Just to think or when I'm tired of the suburbs and the city."

"Why did you choose this place?" I murmured. "Is there something special that happened to you here?"

"You could say that." He answered, his eyes on the horizon. He looked at me. "Would you like see to something, Botan?"

Smiling, I nodded and I followed him. Kurama walked in long, quick strides but slowed down enough so I would not fall behind. I wrapped my thin jacket tight around me to keep the little warmth I had left. Every so often, I would close my eyes and try to memorize and rediscover what the beach had to offer. I've been told that if a person were to lose one of their five senses, the remaining four would become stronger. I could feel the sand slip between toes from each step, the strong smell of saltwater, and hear the distant cries of seagulls. Kurama led me to several, tall pillars of jagged rocks. Between the tallest of the towering boulders, was a narrow spacing.

"Do we have to?" I pleaded softly, I could barely hear myself speak over the ruthless wind.

He graced me with an enigmatic smile but said nothing. I felt his fingers grasp my own as we started into the tight opening.

I was careful not to tear my dress or lose my footing as we slowly progressed through. The farther we walked in, the more darker it became. But finally, and to my relief, we came to a formation that looked like a roughly sculpted stairwell made of sold rock. Without a word, Kurama took my other hand and assisted me as I climbed each step until we were at the top. There, I came face to face with an old, long, and not so safe-looking wooden bridge.

"You'll have to be careful here," Kurama warned, he glanced downward. I followed his gaze and felt panic grab hold of me. The drop had to be at least one hundred feet or more and what was worst was the sharp rocks below. "It may be a little slippery, but just follow me and you'll be fine, Botan."

I saw a pathway on the other side; maybe ten inches wide that led out round the cliff face. Small patches of dead grass that clung to the edges were just visible in the pale and cloud-shadowed moonlight. To my left was the starry sky and to my right the rugged wall of a great cliff that could have been anyone's doom if they were to jump from it. I glanced behind me at Kurama who waited patiently for me to take the first step. Faintly, I could feel his thumb running over my fingers and to a degree, it soothed me.

"Relax," I could feel his breath so close to my ear. "you'll be across soon."

I inhaled deeply, the sound of the ocean waves roused by the wind, hammering the rocks pounded in my ears. As I took each hesitant step, I could have sworn the bridge became narrower and narrower. The cold wind sliced at my skin and the water crashing against the boulders seemed to become louder. I took another step. It was kind of ironic, I mused, I was a ferry girl. Half the time I was in Ningenkai, I was on my oar, soaring amongst the clouds, noticeably higher than one hundred feet. But now, I'm standing on a timeworn bridge and scared to death. I never realized I had a fear of falling. I would have given anything to be on nice, even, concrete ground.

"Almost there," Kurama stated softly, through the screeching wind and the hard flapping of our clothes. Relief coursed through my body but was stolen away from me when I felt Kurama's hand slip away from mine. I turned my head to see that he was gone.

"Kurama!" I exclaimed. Frantically, I looked around and saw him nowhere in sight. I stared down at the depths of the ocean but did not see the beacon of flaming red hair. Where could he have gone? How could he just disappear like that? My hands curled into fists, the warmth of his hand in mine a mere memory as my eyes becoming blurry. What if he was hurt? What if he was...? "Kurama!" I screamed again, deafened by the wind and fighting back the sob that I so desperately wanted to release. I closed my eyes and gradually sunk, leaning all my weight against the creaky bridge. I didn't know I was crying until I could taste the salt from my tears.

I stayed there, clutching at the rope until I could feel my hands burn. I opened my eyes then, tears still streaming down my face and on shaky knees, I stood up. There's no need for fear, I told myself, all you need to do is get to the other side. I held out my hand, produced my oar, and seated myself on the slim handle. Some of my apprehension fell from my shoulders but I was still so worried. The only thing I wanted to do was find Kurama and make sure he was all right. I stepped off my oar once my feet touched the small pathway of the cliff. I glanced down at the ocean again, seeing no sign of a floating body.

I grasped the rough face of the cliff and stepped closer to the edge. I felt loose rocks slip under the soles my feet, but I paid no attention. Just a little bit further, I urged myself, almost there. But pure terror seized up in me when I felt a pair of hands, hard and sudden, push me. I didn't have time to scream as the solid ground left my feet, I just stared up at the star-lit sky in wonder.

I fell fast, prepared myself for the excruciating pain I was about to feel. The wind rushed past me and shivers ran down my spine. In all the centuries of being a deity, I never honestly believed a grim reaper could die. It seemed almost...unimaginable. But besides that, my thoughts were on Yusuke. I forgot that I was upset with him, I left every single worry about him behind. I wanted him here me. That was my greatest wish. Abruptly, I felt warm, strong arms around me. Someone was holding me, protecting me. I looked up and met emerald eyes. Kurama gripped at me until there was no more space separating our bodies. I wrapped my arms around him, my anxiety eased a little bit. And for a brief moment, I thought that maybe I had stupidly slipped from the cliff by accident. He was only trying to save me.

And then I felt the slap of waves against our bodies as we broke the surface and plummeted. Among the silence of the ocean's depths and the faint howling of the wind, I was submerged into a whirlwind of memories. None of which were my own.

I stood, my feet digging into the damp sand, and my eyes on the tide. It wasn't the dark blue that I remembered but a very thick crimson. I crutched down and dipped my hand into the ocean and pulled it away quickly. Blood, the ocean was nothing but blood. I stumbled back, my eyes scanning the scenery before falling upon a girl. And from her body, a trail of blood was present.

I didn't understand why, but I felt alarmed. I ran towards her, as fast as my legs could carry me. I got to my knees and gently touched her cheek before bringing my fingers to her neck, checking for a pulse. Alive, I thought, she is still alive. But who was she? This girl, in a way, looked foreign. Her hair was wavy and long, the color almost auburn. Abruptly remembering that she was injured, I turned her back to face me and my eyes widened when I saw the freshly made, deep slash marks that horribly decorated her pale flesh.

It didn't make sense. What was this girl doing here by herself? How did she get these wounds? Why was I so worried about her? I had never laid eyes on her before until now. I glanced up when I noticed her eyes were open. She stared at me without moving, her orbs a beautiful cobalt blue. She opened her mouth but no sound came from her lips. I leaned closer, trying to hear her. But her lips only moved but no words formed.

The girl's eyes widened and she raised her hand, pointing behind me. I never had the chance to look before I felt a hand grab my neck. I struggled, precious air leaving my lungs as it became too difficult to breathe. The grip was strong and I had no luck trying to pull the fingers away. Out of desperation, I opened my mouth and an ear-piercing scream escaped from me.

Lips captured mine roughly, silencing me and leaving me helpless. I didn't dare open my eyes. I was afraid, in the back of mind, I knew who was doing this, who had hurt this girl. I knew, but I didn't want to admit it. I felt my hands fall slack against me as I felt every fiber in my body being drained. It was then I realized I was dying, and that's when I felt the tears streaming down my face.

Okaasan and Misao had told me not to get involved with him.

Misao had warned me the most. But I never listened. What did a fourteen year old know about love?

More than I do, I thought bitterly.

Misao, I'm so sorry I didn't believe you.

I felt thick drops of my own blood seep from my mouth as he continued to kiss me. Then, a sharp object ruthlessly cut through my neck before I collapsed against the sand next to my sister. She was staring at me, her own cheeks wet from tears. I tried to reach out to her, I wanted to apologize so much. I'm sorry Misao, that's all I wanted to say. I wanted her to forgive me for putting her through this. But my hand fell as everything started to darken.

Before I felt my last breath of air leave me, I looked up at him. He stared right back at me, his hands and lips drenched with my blood, waiting patiently for my death. He didn't scare me but his eyes did. Gazing at him made me feel like my heart had been painfully ripped from my chest. In his eyes, regret, sadness, anger, and something that was so unholy swirled together and clashed for dominance.

His eyes, a breathtaking emerald that I had fallen in love with, shone with uninhibited malevolence.

"Botan,"

My eyes snapped open before I sprung up, cold sweat clinging to my skin. I felt hand gripping at my shoulders and then another hand gently forcing me to look up. I nearly pushed myself away from Kurama once I realized it was him. He stared at me, startled as well by my reaction. I glanced around, my fear had faded enough for me to notice that I was no longer outside. I wasn't on the bridge or the cliff, I wasn't falling to my possible death. Instead, we were nestled in a dank, sandy cave. The clouds from before had drifted away from the moon, letting its light shine in to illuminate the entire cavern.

"What happened to you?" I whispered. "I thought you were..." But I trailed off, unwanted tears threatening to come back anew.

Carefully, Kurama stepped closer to me, and this time, I didn't move away when he held me again. The distinctive smell of roses enveloped my senses. He frowned. "I shouldn't have done that." He commented. "I didn't realize you would be frightened by my little trick. Gomen nasai, Botan-san. I had no intention on scaring you that much, I was being careless. I was even more upset when you fainted."

I was speechless for a few seconds before it dawned on me. Kurama? Playing a joke on me? It seemed unfathomable. I was still a little too shocked to yell at him, but like Kurama had said, he had had no intention on frightening me.

"Fainted?" I repeated eventually. "But...it felt so real."

"What did?" Kurama inquired looking down at me.

"Nothing," I replied hastily, flushing in embarrassment.

The dream, no, the nightmare, had been so vivid. The crimson tide, the blood, the girl, my death. Who was Misao? Was it that girl? I felt shivers run up my spine from thinking of it. I leaned on Kurama, my heart still racing. It couldn't have been a dream, it was too real. And if it was real, then the person responsible...had green eyes.

Kurama has green eyes, I heard a voice in my head point out.

Don't think about it, I thought, not now.

Maybe he might know something...

Don't think about it!

"How did you find this place?" I breathed, turning my attention to Kurama.

"A little bit of exploring and a person can come across anything." He replied. "Actually, I found it about a year ago. It's nothing really special but it's a place I can turn to when I need solitude. And you, look like a person who actually enjoys being alone once in a while."

For a brief moment, something bothered me. I wondered why Kurama would be wandering around here. Crossing a bridge with a one hundred foot or more drop, it didn't add up in my head. But I stored the question away. It wasn't any of my business and maybe one day, I could ask him about it. I shifted my body and I remembered then that I was still in Kurama's embrace. I stiffened up immediately. I felt his arms loosen around me before he let me go, his eyes fading back into their normal blankness.

Kurama stood up, glancing outside. "I'll be right back, Botan-san." He promised. "There's something I want to get."

"Kurama?" I called gently. He looked at me and I smiled. "Remember? No formalities."

He said nothing but returned my smile before he left the cave and left me to myself. While he was gone, I went through every part of the cave, learning every detail by heart. I ended up outside, watching the moon and the dark waves and listening to the wind. I never heard Kurama until he sat down next to me and draped a coat around my shoulders. I sighed in gratitude, enjoying the warmth.

"Arigato," I said. "but is this what you went back for?"

Kurama only shook his head and stood up. "Come inside and I'll show you."

I did as he requested and it was then that I noticed the blanket tucked under his arm and a bottle of something and two wine glasses in the other. Carefully, he placed the items down before reaching for the thick cloth and spreading it out over the sandy ground. He sat down and I joined him. Wrapping my fingers around the neck of the bottle, I carefully looked at the contents. Even though the name was unfamiliar to me, Hennessy 1765, I could tell it was definitely champagne.

I handed it over to Kurama and he opened it with a loud pop. He poured me and himself a glass. I studied the bubbly liquid before I looked at him, I shrugged.

"I've never had champagne before." I admitted.

"I guarantee you'll like it." Kurama encouraged. "But before you do, let's make a toast. Cheers to..."

"Friendship," I smiled raising my glass to meet his and I pulled it away when I heard the satisfying 'clang.'

"Friendship," He repeated. "and something more..."

I was about to ask him what he meant by that but I stopped myself when he looked at me expectantly. I hesitated for a just a second before I pressed the glass to my lips and took a long sip. When I moved the glass away, my cheeks were already flushed and I suddenly felt so giddy. It tasted sweet, but just like sake, it burned as it when down my throat. I smiled, then giggled. "It tastes good." My voice was a little slurred and my body was tipsy, just from one drink.

I don't think I had ever heard Kurama laugh like he did that night. It was sudden, pleasant, unguarded, and reminded me of the champagne we were drinking together. I found myself even more enticed with him. He was so...I couldn't even put it in words. But somehow, making him laugh made me feel special.

"I knew you would like it here." Kurama said, his laughter dying down. "You are the first person that I've shown this place to."

"I feel honored." And I meant it.

"You should come up here and see the dawn, it's breathtaking."

"So I'm allowed?" I inquired. "I can come here whenever I want to?"

"Always," He answered. "that is, if you're not afraid of crossing the bridge."

At this, I shuddered and I was graced with another laugh. From then on, we talked openly. Like I had hoped, Kurama and I caught up and enveloped ourselves in memories and adventures of the Reikai Tantai. We thought about what our futures may hold for us. We talked about everything and anything. Eventually, we finished the bottle of champagne and together; we folded the blanket and left the cave.

But I remember vaguely, when the moon had vanished behind the horizon. When the sun would rise very shortly, Kurama and I were walking along the beach and my eyes had been on the sky. I watched each and every star perform their disappearing act. When it happened, it was almost like a blur. Kurama grabbed me, his eyes darkening. I felt his fingers run across my face, over my lips and through my hair. He murmured something. I couldn't tell if it was a different language, but it rolled of his tongue so smoothly, just like when he utters my name.

But all those thoughts left me when I felt Kurama's lips press against mine.

It was almost as if someone had slapped me. Everything suddenly fit together as we sunk lower and lower into the sea's depths. Kurama appearing out of nowhere at the apartment. Kurama offering me a ride. Kurama taking me to the beach. Kurama taking me places and showing me things no other living soul had seen. Just to have this moment with me. It made sense.

I won't lie about it, I didn't want to, but I started to compare. Kurama's kisses were so tender that I felt my body quiver and the remaining air I had leave my lungs. His kiss held an indescribable warmth, a flowing sensation that I could feel from my head, to my pounding heart, all the way down to the tips of my toes. I felt my arms circle around Kurama to bring him closer. And I felt my fingers run through his soft hair. All the while, my mind kept replaying a constant and treasured memory. I remember the last time Yusuke kissed me. His body straddling mine and a beautifully wicked smirk playing across his lips. His kisses were so different from Kurama's. They were addictive, thorough, demanding and passionate. Almost as if Yusuke had put his own everything into each one. All of his emotions and thoughts somehow became my own. Somehow, it always left me in a heady rush.

Kurama and I eventually separated for air. The guilt hit me so hard that I had to bite down on my lip to keep from yelling in frustration. I felt like I had betrayed Yusuke. But then what about his relationship with Keiko? What was that supposed to mean? Even though I was upset, part of me did not care. Maybe I had kissed Kurama out of jealousy and other selfish reasons. Or maybe it could have been the fateful consequences of drinking. But the main point was, I wanted to kiss him and technically, Yusuke was not my boyfriend.

In silence, Kurama and I walked to his convertible and drove back to the metropolis. It was still too early in the morning for anyone to be awake. But in a few hours, the streets and sidewalks would be filled with people carrying out their tasks for the day. I stiffened when I felt the car stop and Kurama's eyes on me. Why did I have to put myself in this predicament? What was I supposed to do now?

-

I climbed out of the car and jogged up the steps of the apartment building. I didn't want to get into details about what took place between Kurama and I just a few minutes ago. For the next few days, I knew, I would be replaying it in mind a hundred times over. I ran up the seven flights of stairs to Yusuke's apartment and opened the door to find the living room deserted and swarmed with trash. Faintly, I could hear soft music coming from the stereo and I frowned each time my ankles brushed against a crushed can of liquor. I could hear some whispering coming from the bedroom and felt the anger I had experienced come over me again. I would not be surprised if it was Yusuke and Keiko.

Reaching for the knob, I turned it and pushed the door open and my eyes widened. I had braced myself for the scene I had imagined in my head. But what I saw was the complete opposite. Koenma was leaning against the wall, his head bent and his bangs shadowing his eyes. When he looked up and our gazes locked, an impatient frown crossed his lips. My attention went to the bed. And there, laid none other than Yusuke. His eyes on the ceiling, looking drained and exhausted.

"I was starting to wonder when you'd come back." Koenma stated quietly. "We've been waiting for you, Botan. And for quite a while, I might add."

"More like the whole night," I heard Yusuke mutter under his breath, his gaze still on the ceiling. He sat up suddenly, glaring at the Reikai Prince. "Now that she's back, can you tell me what you need to say and leave?!"

Koenma ignored his question and looked back at me. "Where were you, Botan?" He raised an eyebrow. "It isn't the greatest thing when my best assistant decides to disappear for a while, especially when she's needed, ne?"

Half of what he said didn't reach my ears. I was too lost in my own memories. Sitting in the convertible, damp from head to toe and still shivering. His eyes had been on me, flooded with an emotion I couldn't recognize. He eventually pulled me to him and surrounded me in his warmth. And just like before, I didn't fight back. I never wanted to.

I am fixated with you Botan, was the only thing Kurama murmured, his lips pressed against my ear and his fingers raking through my hair. I don't know if you realize it or not, but you have captured my heart without even trying.

I was in awe by his words. No one, not even Yusuke had ever said something so sincere. I remember kissing him then, all the guilt I felt leaving me. It was a short kiss, as swift as a heartbeat. I moved my lips away from his and I realized that I was shaking as I stepped out of the car. Tonight had not gone the way I planned. In just a few hours, everything had turned inside out. For that night, I wanted to feel like the most important girl to him. Earlier that evening, as I got myself ready for Yusuke's birthday party, I had hoped he would have his eyes only on me.

But I guess, fate was weird like that. I had wanted affection from one person and had gotten it from another. Not from the man I loved but from a man I was so suddenly infatuated with. And as I walked up those steps to Yusuke's apartment, I no longer felt as lucky as I had that evening. I felt...so horrible.

And that still left that dream.

Whoever 'he' was, had green eyes.

"Botan?" I was snapped out of my thoughts by Koenma's voice. "Where were you?"

I shrugged my shoulders as my cheeks became very warm. "I was with Kurama."

At this response, Koenma-sama's eyebrow seemed to rise even higher and Yusuke looked at me for the very first time. Something flashed through his eyes but was gone in a blink of an eye. However, it was present long enough for me to know. It was the first traces of anger and jealousy. I smiled inwardly, sweet satisfaction coming over me. Now, Yusuke would know how I felt. He ran his fingers through his hair and my gaze fell upon the simple, gold band he was wearing on his ring finger. It had never been there before and the only conclusion I could think of was...it had to be Keiko's gift. For the second time, I felt something in me break.

"Kurama?" Yusuke mumbled. "I never saw him at the party."

"Maybe you just didn't notice him." I suggested, my voice a little sharper than I had liked. "Besides, you were busy."

He glanced at me again, his eyes just a bit darker. "I looked everywhere for Kurama, I never saw him."

I was about to protest but Koenma cleared his throat in obvious annoyance. "There's some tension between you two." He stated. "And personally, I couldn't care less. Just as long as it doesn't get in the way of your next case."

Yusuke groaned loudly before a string of curses escaped from his mouth. I only frowned, I was still too tired. "What's the case about this time, Koenma-sama?"

"It's simple really," He responded, in his hands was a folder. "you see, your previous case is still unsolved."

I became confused. "What do you mean? I sent you the report and I was the only witness when Yusuke destroyed the youkai. How can-?"

"I know all of that, Botan." Koenma interrupted. "Your report was just as excellent as ever and I, myself, had believed the case was done. However, just two nights after the supposed death of the youkai, dead bodies started turning up. Even more quickly than before. In only one night, this new threat had killed twenty ningens and the number is increasing rapidly. I've tried my best to get any leads but I've had no luck. That's why I'm sending you two on this case immediately."

"Wait a minute," Yusuke said. "are you saying that either the demon I took out is still alive or it's a different youkai all together?"

"Yes or it could be even more than just one youkai." Koenma responded.

"Koenma-sama," I murmured. He looked at me. "you said the ningen bodies were dead. Does that mean that the demon stole the souls as well?"

Slowly, he shook his head. "Actually, the youkai didn't even take the souls of the people he murdered. That's what leads me to believe that this is a different youkai. This demon does not feed on souls but something else."

"And what would that be?" Yusuke asked, his voice a little anxious.

Koenma handed the folder over to me and I flipped it open. I felt my eyes widened and a wave of nausea come over me. There had to be numerous pictures of dead bodies. But that wasn't what bothered me so much. It was that each human was shriveled and decapitated. And as I looked at each photograph, I didn't realize my hands were shaking until Yusuke stood up and gently pried the folder away from my fingers.

"It's nourished on human blood." I stated and Koenma nodded solemnly. I shuddered suddenly. "How much time do Yusuke and I have to solve this, Koenma-sama?"

"I'd prefer that you two get started on this right now. We can't have this many deaths at one time." He responded. "But due to all this unplanned activity, there are a lot more souls that need to be guided to Reikai. I've sent all the remaining ferry girls to aid you in collecting."

"Arigato," I bowed respectfully.

Koenma once again nodded. "I'll meet you in Reikai shortly." And with those words, he left the room.

It took every fiber in me not to look at Yusuke as I picked up my belongings. I stepped towards the door; I was so close to freedom. But I knew it was too good to be true. I heard him approach me before his fingers entwined with mine. He slowly turned me to face him and I felt my body go rigged as Yusuke continued to stare.

"Don't look at me like that." I implored gently. I took a step back but his grip tightened.

"I don't love her." Yusuke said firmly. "All we did was dance and talk. Nothing else happened."

"Stop lying to me!" I snapped loudly, abruptly. "You keep denying the truth. Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

"Botan-"

"I don't care anymore. I don't want to. If you and Keiko still love each other then I'm not going to stop it. You can be together. There is no need for you to keep everything a secret." Despite myself, my voice lowered to a soft murmur. "You always had to be so selfish. I don't know if you understand it or not. I...waited so long to have you, and for a little while I did.

"For that brief moment, Yusuke, I was so happy with you. I felt like I had a chance, that maybe you could love me just as much as you loved her." Hesitantly, I leaned my head against his shoulder. "What you said to me last night, you were right. I was so jealous of Keiko because she had something I did not. Something I had craved for down to the very core of my being.

"No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, I was forced to face reality. I'm tired of fighting for you, Yusuke. And I'm tired of worrying that you'll go back to Keiko because you were never ready to let her go." I wrapped my arms around him. "You have no idea what you do to me. But you don't love me and I'm not going to force you to." I pulled away from him. "What happened between us was a careless mistake."

"A mistake?" Yusuke repeated. I was taken aback when his hands clenched. But he never raised his voice above a whisper. "Is that what you think it was?"

"Yes," I answered. "I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you. I'll do whatever I can to get rid of these...feelings I have for you. I can't, I don't want to love you anymore, Yusuke." I forced a laugh then, my eyes blurry. "But it's better this way, right? Now, you can have Keiko and not worry about me bothering you."

Without waiting for his response, I turned and walked out of the bedroom. Before he could yell after me and before I could see the expression on his face. A silent turmoil of sorrow and anger.

-

How long had it been? One hour, two hours? No, it had been three hours. Three hours I waited in the bone chilling rain as I watched the small house. I could no longer feel the cold; my mind was only on my muddled thoughts. His home, only a few steps and corridors away, he was there. It had taken me a while to find the exact place but now I stood there and I had moved no further. And after hours of waiting, only a few moments ago, I realized that I was nervous. I was afraid to see him, to stare at him, to talk to him. I had lived years upon years without his comfort, so why was I here now?

I needed to see him. It was just plain fact. I needed to see him. May it only be for a few seconds, I desperately wanted to see his face. To memorize his features just like I had done so many times during the single night we spent together. I just wanted to keep it locked in my mind. I would never verbally admit it, but he had a hold on me. With all my heart, I wanted to break it, but I had no strength to. All these feelings, I thought, just being in his company did this to me.

But I knew the real reason why I needed him so badly. I no longer had Yusuke. I, against my will or not, was using him for my own selfish reasons. Yet a part of me was going to him for another reason. Something that I couldn't even explain. Now I stand here, trying to move myself forward but unsuccessfully. I stiffened when I noticed the steady drops of rain were not beating against my head. I glanced skyward to see the umbrella shielding my frame from the pouring mist and I turned to stare into emerald eyes. Kurama gazed at me for the longest time.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked gently.

"I was waiting for you." I answered hesitantly. "But it started to rain and I...had no other place to go until it stopped."

I was still dressed in my school uniform, my book bag clutched tightly in my hands. Even though Koenma had requested that Yusuke and I start our new case as soon as possible, I had left when the dismissal bell rang. But all through the hours of the day, I could remember Yusuke's quick and desperate glances toward me. I ignored them all, even though my heart ached to have him near me. I couldn't stand to be around him anymore. And instead of heading home, I wandered here. Hoping for...something beyond words.

"I see," He commented. "But, I no longer live here. However, my mother does." He glanced towards the house. "Would you like to come in?"

"I don't want to be a burden-"

"You aren't," Kurama interrupted. "Please, follow me."

I did as he requested and together, we walked across the street, onto the stoop and into his home. It was eerily quiet there, dark, but very warm. Kurama placed his umbrella aside and ushered me into the living room where a woman laid. Her eyes were closed and her breath was slow and shallow. For a second, a look a of surprise and worry passed through Kurama's features before it was gone.

"Okaasan," He whispered. Instantly, her eyes opened and gazed towards his. She smiled. "you are still not well. It is not good for you to be out of bed." He stepped closer to her while he said this, taking her hand into his.

"Shuuichi, you worry so much about me. Your mother is fine." This comment was followed by a series of sharp and painful coughs. I watched as Kurama's grip on his mother's hand became tighter. It was the only sign of his frustration, his helplessness. To me, it felt like I shouldn't have been there. Like I was intruding on such a private moment between mother and son. He talked to her in tender murmurs and sincere words until her body stopped shaking. Until all the concern he felt was lessened by just a little. "Now, who is this you have with you?" She asked.

All eyes on me, I thought.

"Forgive me, Okaasan. I have not yet introduced you. This is my friend, Botan. Botan, this is my mother, Minamino Shiori."

I stepped closer and bowed. "Good afternoon, Minamino-san."

Her smile widened and I felt my lips tug ever so slightly. She looked back at her son. "Shuuichi, if it is not too much trouble, I need an extra blanket. I feel a little chilled."

"Of course," Kurama was on his feet and past me in a flash, his footfalls fading into the silence.

I leaned against the wall, again questioning why I had come here. I glanced up when Shiori brought herself to an upright position to stare at me. It was then I noticed, with the smile faded and her eyes on mine, how deathly pale she looked. Her features expressed nothing but fatigue. But even still, there was something else that was keeping her from showing it.

"It's been a while," Shiori stated quietly, suddenly. "Shuuichi has not brought much company and it worries me." She folded her hands together before she stared at me once more. "It makes me scared."

"Why?" I asked. Then I added quickly. "I don't understand what you mean, Minamino-san."

"A mother never wants her child to be alone. It is possibly the worst thing any parent would want to happen to their child." Her smile vanished. "Shuuichi, sometimes, in other people's eyes, is like broken glass. So interesting to look at but too dangerous to touch."

I pushed myself away from the wall and came closer to her. "If you do not mind me asking," I began politely. "why are you telling me this? You and I have only properly met for the very first time today. What makes you think that I'm not one of those people?"

"By the way you look at my son." Shiori's smile had returned. "To me, you seem like one of the few who want to know him, unmask him. And that, is a rare thing. You look at Shuuichi and I see curiosity and the beginnings of deep affection for him." She laughed then, beautifully unhindered by obvious sickness and in a way that made me want to share her joy. "But I'm not taking my words to heart, just woman's intuition."

I wanted to talk a little more. Though, at that moment, Kurama walked back in, a comforter in one hand and a towel in the other. He handed me the towel and I wrapped it around myself gratefully while smiling my thank you. He walked towards his mother and encircled her in the large blanket, taking care to tuck in each side.

"Arigato, Shuuichi." Shiori said.

"Always," Kurama replied. "Have you eaten, Okaasan?"

"Not since lunch." She answered. "But that was about three to fours hours ago."

"Would you like me to prepare a meal for you?"

"That..." She yawned softly, her eyes heavy with long awaited sleep. "would be nice. But how about in a little while. If Botan-san decides to stay, we...can all eat together." And with those words, Shiori closed her eyes and drifted off into peaceful sleep.

Kurama stood by her for a long moment before he turned and looked at me. Out of instinct, I glanced down at my feet as he approached me. I watched as his hand, slowly and with so much hesitancy, rise. I could feel the warmth from his palm as he was just about to touch my cheek. Yet abruptly, it fell slack against his side again, almost as if it never happened.

"Gomen, you must be cold, Botan." Kurama stated. "Let me make you some hot chocolate."

I strolled out of the living room and seated myself at the dining table in the kitchen. The towel was still wrapped around me and the heavenly aroma of cocoa permeated the air. From the corner of my eye, I watched Kurama as he carefully made two mugs of the sweet, hot liquid. He had placed a small pan filled with milk on the stove, retrieved powered chocolate in the cabinet, and two spoons from a drawer. I listened but eventually closed my eyes. I heard the now hot milk poured into each mug and the clings and clangs as Kurama mixed. And when I dared to open my eyes, he stood in front of me and placed the mug in my open palms.

"Thank you," I said before taking a sip and smiling.

"You're welcome." He sat across from me, keeping his gaze on the table.

We remained quiet for what seemed like forever. There was tension between us, rising steadily and was just to about to spill. Kurama's eyes no longer held the indescribable wonder. They were blank, brooding, and guarded. The complete opposite of what he was the night before. Why was he acting so differently around me?

Kurama placed down his mug and stood up. I silently watched him as he stared outside. Then finally, "The rain has stopped." He commented. "Won't you join me outside?"

I got to my feet and followed him through the front door and to the backyard. The sky was still gray and the air was heavy with fog as walked through the wet blades of grass. Until we reached the backyard, I kept my eyes on my feet. But when we did look up, I had never expected to be in so much awe.

The yard was vast, with perfectly trimmed grass and a wide pebble path that led to an archway made up of deep crimson roses. There was a table with a base of twisted vines and the tabletop itself was an old, wooden door. On top of the table were coiled-metal candelabras with unlit, white candles. In the middle of the backyard was a small birdbath surrounded and almost concealed by leaves, stems, and overflowing with water and floating lilies. And all this beauty was encircled in a large garden of assorted flowers, with each and every petal kissed by the rain.

"It's beautiful," I said. I glanced back at Kurama. "you did all of this?"

He nodded before he smiled, almost sheepishly. "I knew you would like it." He glanced in another direction. "But, there is something else I want to show you."

He led me into the deepest, darkest reaches of the garden. The threshold marked and shaded by tall, sakura blossom trees. There was a bench, just at the foot of the largest of the trees. That's where Kurama and I sat, watching the garden and sky and admiring the pure beauty of nature. I gathered my arms together and shuddered. I was still cold but not too much for it too be unbearable. The same silence crept upon us but this time, it was different.

"Last night," I began. "I didn't get the chance to thank you. You went out of your way to help me." I smiled brightly. "Honestly, in any other situation, I would have never dreamed of finding comfort with you, Kurama."

After those words slipped from my lips, his eyes were on me. Staring with such an intensity that thrilled and scared me. Then Kurama smiled briefly and sighed. "I will be straightforward with you." He looked away from me. "Last night," The simple phrase seemed to hold the answer to everything. "I was a little crazy, completely drunk on champagne." Almost out of thin air, a gorgeous flower appeared in his hands. Looking more closely, I realized that it was a peony. "But I meant every word." Kurama promised. Carefully, he tucked the flower behind my ear while gently pushing my hair away. "Everything I said to you last night was the truth."

It was like forgetting how to breath. That's how much the guilt was weighing on me. Yet, I couldn't understand. Why did being here, being near Kurama, hearing him say these things, hurt so much?

I felt Kurama's hand touch my own before he pulled me into his arms.

I remembered being held just the same way. In the chilling rain, tangled in Yusuke's embrace and briefly forgetting the world around us existed.

Kurama leaned his forehead against mine, his fingertips tracing along my face.

I remember the night I came back to Ningenkai. Enfolded in blankets from Yusuke's bed as he ran his fingers across my face.

I never fought back when Kurama pressed his lips against my cheek, before he began to slowly make a trail to my own lips.

For a brief moment, his crimson hair melted into depthless black and his emerald eyes became a beautiful chocolate brown. It was not Kurama with me, but Yusuke. Holding me, telling me that he loved me. But once that second passed, it took me so long to realize that it was only my strong reminiscing. I realized then that I was no longer upset with Yusuke. More than anything, I missed him. I needed him, I had to see him.

I felt my hands curl into fists when Kurama leaned in and kissed me. I was limp against him and I never responded to his advances as my eyes began to sting. One by one, each tear began to stream down my face.

-

I held her to me, like I had done a million times over. I remember, from way back when, she always smelt of vanilla and something that was uniquely her. And with each day in and day out, I find myself wandering towards her for comfort. She would accept me with open arms and her brilliant smiles. Always loyal and always so compassionate. I wonder, every, single minute of the day why we broke apart as lovers and stumbled back to being friends. And I was curious to know if she thought of this too. She and I had been through so much together. I depended on her; I needed her like I needed air. So I clutched at her tighter, and she returned my embrace with just as much and more.

"What's wrong with you, Yusuke?" Keiko asked quietly. "You are acting so strange."

"How?" I replied with a question, my eyes were on the sky.

"For one thing, you never hug me without an explanation." She pulled away then as she sat up. "And secondly, you've been acting like this for the past week, ever since your birthday. Obviously, you're trying to keep everything bottled up and that's not good. Just tell me what's wrong and let's see if I can help you."

"Nothing's wrong." I lied and she knew immediately but decided not to say a word.

Instead, Keiko ran her fingers through the blades of grass, holding her hair back as the wind swept past her. She was humming a tune and waiting patiently for me to change my mind. It was her way of silently coaxing me into confession. After all this time, from the very first day that I met her, she could read me so easily. Yet, she sometimes felt like a complete stranger to me. I had only begun to crack the surface of what this girl thought and felt.

"What happened to us?" I inquired carefully. Her humming stopped as she looked at me. I sat up then, meeting her eyelevel. "Why didn't we ever make it?"

Gently, Keiko smiled. "A lot of reasons, I guess. But truthfully, I don't know."

Another strong wave of air hit us both. The breeze played with each strand of her hair and I remembered being so awed by the sight. Eventually, I returned her smile. This is how we were. Blissfully lost somewhere between best friends and something more. I just didn't know what that something was. I wanted to find out, I wanted to know so badly.

But every now and then, Botan kept holding me back.

I don't want to love you anymore, Yusuke.

Her words kept ringing in my head. Everything around me reminded me of her. The violet hue in the clouds just before nightfall and the fragrance of flowers in the afternoon. I was just beginning to realize that I had lost her because I wanted the best of both worlds. Like always, I was being inconsiderably selfish. It was just like me, making stupid decisions that always caused my downfall. I smirked bitterly, my hands clenched. I missed Botan, I was so afraid of not having her.

I glanced at Keiko as her hand rested on top of mine. She ran her fingertip over the gold band. Again, she smiled, but this time it was wistful. "Do you remember how you gave me this ring, Yusuke?" She asked.

"Why wouldn't I?" I leaned my shoulder against hers. "It all started when we were twelve years old. When I found out that you might have been moving away. I was devastated at first, but I wanted to give you something to remember me by. You were leaving that day by train and I had the ring in my hand." I grinned. "I still think Okaasan doesn't know I stole it from her drawer."

Keiko laughed but hit my shoulder affectionately. "I was boarding the train when I saw you. I swear, I'd never seen you run so fast when the train started to move. But what you said next excited and angered me." She rested her head against my shoulder. "'I hate you,'" She uttered. "'You're just like everyone else, Keiko. Bossy, always nagging at me, always...leaving me by myself. If I need to, I'll make you stay here with me.'"

"And to this day, I still mean it." I continued the story. "I offered the ring to you and you smiled. Then Keiko, you said, 'I could never imagine leaving a friend all alone. I will stay here with you, Yusuke. This is a promise between best friends.'"

"We were only twelve." Keiko repeated. "That was seven years ago, Yusuke." She laughed. "Turns out I never moved away. So, I thought it was time for me to return what belonged to you."

"Thank you," I responded. I grasped her hand. "What if we started over again?" I asked aloud.

Keiko stared at me in surprise. "What...?"

"Start over," I repeated. "It doesn't have to be the way it was before. I know if we had tried harder, if we hadn't argued as much, I know it would have worked. Besides," I wrapped an arm around her, I had the sudden urge to make her furious with me. All I needed was the right words of persuasion. "you're older now, Keiko, and you've finally filled out in all the right places." My hand 'innocently' brushed against her hip.

At first, a look of confusion came to her at my sudden change of behavior. Then it disappeared and was replaced with pure anger as her cheeks flushed. She raised her hand high.

"Yusuke!" Keiko exclaimed, eyes narrowed dangerously. "You pervert, you jerk!"

Quickly, her hand descended down to deliver a very hard slap to my face but what I did next stopped her.

"Keiko?" I uttered her name very softly and solemnly. Her hand stopped instantly, just inches away from my face.

I smiled, the perfect opportunity had presented itself. Slowly, I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. I was expecting my body to be shaking with nerves and my heart to be pounding wildly. But none of that happened. I felt nothing at all. I realized that kissing Keiko was different now. It was warm and comforting, almost like kissing a sister. In other words, it didn't feel right anymore. I pulled away finally, my eyes on hers. Keiko's raised hand fell slack to her side as she continued to stare at me. Then her expression became one of understanding. And I knew she realized it too.

"Yusuke, what happened between you and Botan?"

Author's Notes: I'm sure all of you die-hard Yusuke/Botan fans want to kill me right now. But before you do that, I just want to say some things that should be taken into consideration. I hope you, the readers, knew that I would add a little bit of problems to the potential coupling, which is Yusuke and Botan. This chapter mostly consisted of questioning and doubt. But truthfully, this won't happen again in the rest of the chapters. From here on out, it's all about Yusuke and Botan. I'm praying that some of you enjoyed the chapter even though the coupling might have not been to your liking. This by far, is the longest chapter I have written for Nox and it's going to be hard to beat. But even still, I didn't favor this chapter that much. Yet it needed to be written!

Secondly, I want to give a very special thanks to the reviewers. One day I had been checking out my e-mail and I had received over fifteen reviews in one day! I was ecstatic for the rest of week because of you guys! Thank you so much! I also want to apologize yet again for another long wait. Unfortunately, I probably won't be able to update again until next month. I prefer making my chapters long for readers, but it takes time to write. This, along with my busy schedule equals a VERY long wait. I'm sorry!

For my closing paragraph, I want to give readers a general idea of what's coming up for Chapter Six:

-More tension between Yusuke and Botan. (That was expected.)

-Hiei makes his appearance!

-Plenty of suspicion. (I'm sure you can guess with who.)

Nothing special, but, especially for Yusuke and Botan fans, I know you will enjoy chapter seven when it gets here. Again, thanks to all. Questions, comments, constructive criticism, take your pick; just let me know what you're thinking about as you read each chapter. My goal is to make this story better each and every time.

~Nirvana.