Author: Nirvana

Pairings: Yusuke/Botan

Rating: PG-13

Keywords: Romance, Angst, Lust, Revelation

Summary: Koenma crouched down and met my gaze. "Let me tell you something. Botan, out of all the ferry girls in Reikai, was by far the most foolish. She always had a tendency to do irrational, thoughtless things for anyone. Especially when it came to you, Yusuke."

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters. They rightfully belong to their respective owners.

Author's Notes: This is my first Yu Yu Hakusho fic, so please be gentle with me. To put it straight, I'm not too much of a Yusuke/Keiko fan. It's not that I hate Keiko, I like her actually but I can only see them on a brother and sister relationship. With a bit of flirtation here and there, of course. Besides that, I like different kinds of couples together, as you can see from the story. Most of the time, the story will be put in Botan's POV, more depth and blah, blah. Italics just means dreaming or past events or thoughts. But enough about my babbling, let's get to it. Hopefully, I will do my best to keep everyone in character and keep you, the readers, interested. This is my one challenge to make a story that keeps people into it. Well, that's enough said. Enjoy.

A special thank you to my beta-reader, Cat-Youkai. You are the best!

Chapter 9-Wake Up

Kuwabara never made a sound when he collapsed in the sand. Almost hypnotized, I watched as a stream of his blood made a trail towards my feet. But he was still breathing. Slow, hitched inhales and exhales followed by sharp coughing that shook his entire form. I was already beside him before I realized it. I clutched at him gently, pressing my forehead against his back. This is my fault, I kept chanting it in my head.

"I'm sorry." I murmured. "Kuwabara, please get up." But I knew he couldn't, he could barely move. I glanced up to meet Kurama's gaze, he had crept towards me like a shadow. Within a second, he was already beside me, dragging me away, back towards the rock. I struggled to get free. "Shuuichi would have never done this!" I seethed. "Shuuichi would never hurt another comrade! Never! He!"

He gripped my shoulders and pulled me to my feet "Don't you understand! I'm not Shuuichi!" Kurama suddenly exclaimed. It was the first time I had ever seen anger wash over him. But it was gone just as quickly as it came. His cold demeanor resurfaced flawlessly. He pointed towards Kuwabara. "He'll die soon, do you know that?" He inquired quietly. I looked away but he forced me to look at him. "No one will save him. He'll bleed to death. You have no one else but yourself to blame."

"You attacked him."

His fingertip ran down my cheek, it wasn't an affectionate gesture. "Only because he wanted to save you." He raised my chin to meet his eyes. "Now, who will save you? Hiei?" Kurama glanced behind him. "Kuwabara? Or?"

"How about me?"

Kurama didn't bother to look at Yusuke when he spoke up. Instead, he opted to continue to stare at me. "Yusuke,"

"Kurama," He stayed his distance, perched atop a tall boulder. Even though I had seen Yusuke just yesterday, the time away from him seemed like an eternity. He suddenly leapt from the rock and landed on the ground with perfect grace. Despite the situation, he smiled. "One hundred and ninety seven."

"You've been keeping count."

"And much more than that too. For once, I did my homework like a good detective. You should feel privileged, I did all this research and investigation just because of you." Yusuke took his first step towards us. "Now, it won't be a problem killing you. I know everything that I need to know."

"But you wouldn't take that risk." Kurama grabbed my shoulders again and held me in front of him, facing Yusuke. "Getting rid of me would only lead to Shuuichi's death." His fingers touched my neck. "And Botan's." Yusuke, for the first time, focused his attention on me and for a moment, his eyes softened. "You wouldn't want to do that, would you?"

In my peripheral vision, I caught a flash of black. Hiei was standing beside us, sword drawn and barely touching Kurama's temple. He frowned deeply. "Only a coward would use a woman as a shield." He stated. "But unlike the detective here, I am not as hesitant to take your life, Kurama. If need be."

My eyes widened. He wouldn't. He couldn't-

"But that won't be necessary." Yusuke stated. "You're already dying."

I felt something heavy brush against my shoulder and I winced when a sharp pain traveled down my arm. I knew it was Kurama's rose whip. His hold on me seemed to only tighten as each of the three fighters stared each other down. My attention went back to Kuwabara. He was a lot quieter now, his chest was still rising and falling though. But my heart would skip a beat every time I couldn't hear him breathing.

At the most, a few seconds had passed before Hiei suddenly disappeared and Yusuke was charging towards us. His fists were drawn, eyes narrowed, a battle cry leaving his lips. But instead of attempting to hit Kurama, he suddenly dropped, sliding through the sand and coming close to swiping Kurama's legs from under him. With ease, he held me closer and leapt into the air, bringing his whip down for a punishing blow. This time, I didn't bother to close my eyes. And just like I'd hoped, Yusuke dodged Kurama's counterattack and stood up again, almost as if he'd never moved.

My eyes scanned for Kuwabara and I panicked when I couldn't find his body. But I did notice a trail of blood leading to pillars of boulders. Kurama followed my gaze and I could have sworn I felt him smile.

"He'll die anyway, it's just a matter of time." He whispered it almost too casually. He was trying to get a response out of me. Instead, I remained quiet and gave a silent thanks to Hiei for taking Kuwabara away. He would be fine now, I thought calmly, he was probably with Yukina.

Yusuke wasted no more time and was charging again, his speed increasing with each passing second. Kurama was ready, bending slightly for any leaps or sidesteps he would need to take. But before I could blink, I saw Hiei again, running beside Yusuke, both splitting up, and standing on either side of Kurama before striking. I barely had time to register what was going on. I only realized I was in the air the moment Kurama dropped me. I prepared myself for the harsh impact but suddenly, I was in Hiei's arms. He sprinted fast, towards the tall rocks.

"Hide," Was all he said before he was gone, returning to Yusuke's aide.

From my bastion, I watched them fight. There were sparks of light and the brief appearances of one fighter before they vanished at incredible speeds. They continued on like that, all on the ground or up in the air, exchanging quick mighty blows that seemed like a flawless dance. Then suddenly...

The fighting ceased. Kurama hit the ground first.

Yusuke and Hiei soon followed, but unlike their enemy, they landed on their feet. They waited, ready for him to strike.

"Botan,"

I turned around and saw eyes like deep rubies. "Yukina," She was farther in, covered and safe in the shadows of the rocks. Legs tucked beneath her and her tiny hands outstretched, doing her very best to heal Kuwabara as quickly as she could. I glanced back at the others, but only for a moment. Then I was by Yukina's side, staring down at Kuwabara. I looked up at her again and she offered a small smile.

"He's fine," One of her fingers touched the deep wound that had severed Kuwabara's left shoulder. The blood was finally starting to dry. "But Kazuma always has me worried. This wound in particular wouldn't stop bleeding for a while."

"Do you need any help?" I inquired, but I already knew the answer. She shook her head slightly, her eyes lowering.

"Do you think they'll kill him?" Yukina made sure to keep her voice at a murmur, almost as if she were afraid Kuwabara would hear her.

"I don't know." I replied eventually.

Honestly, the thought of anyone dying during this whole mess didn't cross my mind until now. Yukina's question only made my mind wander to the past, back towards the beginning when Yusuke first died and when he was still distant towards me. It was a late night assignment, the usual lone youkai that needed to be dealt with. I remember asking him if he ever thought of the consequences because he was always so reckless. When Yusuke finally did answer my question, it was just after the fight, his finger still glowing from his sprit gun. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I can sometimes be too arrogant, he had said. But I always believe every case I deal with will be easy. That is, until I have to deal with it. Every time, someone dies, someone's close to dying, or everyone's lost hope. I don't know, I guess, that's just the way it works. There's no use trying to fight it.

"I wish there was something I could do." I muttered, suddenly angry with myself.

"You've already done enough." Yukina's comment wasn't comforting, neither an insult or a compliment but it still made me realize I had no one to blame but myself. Almost as if she had read my mind, she added, "Gomen nasai, Botan. I didn't mean to sound rude. But is there a point in blaming yourself for everything? What is done is done, you can't change that. But what you can do now is-" She suddenly cut herself off when Kuwabara coughed violently.

We were both by his side in an instant, listening to each inhale and exhale he took. Yukina, with renewed determination, went back to work and doubled her efforts. I smiled slightly when Kuwabara opened his eyes. He stared at me, opened his mouth to speak but closed it and remained silent. He quickly fell back into slumber.

I breathed in sharply when I heard Yusuke let out a brief shout. I turned around just in time to see him hit the sand. He stayed down for too long and I was suddenly on my feet and running to him. I stopped when Yukina called out to me.

"Wait," Was the only thing she said.

I felt my hands clench but I did as I was told. Yusuke was up on his feet again after a few breaths. He glanced in the direction of Hiei and Kurama, who were both still relentlessly fighting. He slipped off his jacket and that was when I noticed the thick trails of blood flowing down his left arm. A wound similar to Kuwabara's but not as deep, not as fatal.

I stepped closer but still kept my distance. "Yusuke..."

I didn't mean for him to hear me, but he did anyway. He turned around and met my gaze and we stared at each other for a few moments before he suddenly graced me with a goofy grin. "Why do you look so worried?" Yusuke inquired. He tried rotating his injured arm, to see if there were any broken bones. I looked away from him when I heard the sickening pops and cracks of bone against bone. Kurama had dislocated Yusuke's shoulder, but he'd already taken care of that problem. Before I could call out to him, he was already back to fighting Kurama.

Yukina drew her hands away from Kuwabara. "Kazuma, he should be all right now." I turned to her and watched as she stood and approached me. "Now I can focus my attention on something else." I gave a her a questioning look and she went on to clarify. "Hiei-san told me what was happening with Kurama-san. He told me that his weakness was-"

"The cold." I finished for her and Yukina nodded.

"I'll begin gradually, but Kurama-san will eventually notice the difference in temperature." She was already at work, her eyes glowing a light blue.

Indistinctively, I wrapped my arms around my body. "How cold does it need to get before Kurama is back to normal?" I exhaled, watching the thick puffs of air drift away from my lips as shivers crawled up my spine. Yukina, naturally, didn't feel a thing.

"Very cold." She replied at last. "The first sign is hyperventilation. But most likely, he'll be discreet about it."

While I fought, blocked, and dodged, I was busy memorizing Kurama's movements. I had never fought against him before and being on the receiving end of his blows was not too pleasant. And to top it off, he didn't show any weaknesses or signs of slowing down. His attacks were brutal but I knew without his rose whip, he would be half of what he was. I managed to evade another blow before backing off to give myself space. Hiei landed beside me and Kurama was several yards away from us.

Hiei glanced at me, barely looking winded. His eyes narrowed. "You're out of shape."

I took in a sharp breath. "No, really?" Sarcasm dripped from each word. "How was I supposed to know I had to play, 'Yusuke the Spirit Detective' again? It's been almost three years. I thought I was done with it."

"That's a pathetic excuse." Hiei commented indifferently. "And enlighten me. What would you have told Koenma if Ningenkai was destroyed? 'I'm sorry, I was out of shape?'"

I glared at Hiei, not really appreciating his teasing. I turned away from him while trying to control my heavy breathing. Even if it had been a while, I shouldn't have been this tired already. But then again, Kurama wasn't your ordinary youkai. I took those precious moments to stretch but I never took my eyes off of him. "Do you have any suggestions?"

Hiei was quiet for a moment before he spoke. "Kurama is ambidextrous."

My eyebrow arched. "What does that mean?"

"Sometimes, he'll switch his rose whip from one hand to the other. Didn't you notice?"

I shook my head. "I could never tell the difference, but then again, I was making sure that whip didn't slice my head off."

He was silent for a moment before he replied. "That's part of the reason why Kurama can defeat his enemies swiftly. In past battles, he'll sometimes switch to his left hand, even though he prefers his right. But the thing is that all his attacks are never identical when he uses his left hand. It's quite easy to notice if you're paying attention."

"Well, fortunately Hiei, not all of us are like you."

Either he had ignored me or just let the comment slide. "Catch him while he's switching hands, that's his weakness. In that duration of time, that's the perfect opportunity to attack."

"Any others?"

"I'll let you figure that out on your own." His eyes darted around before he frowned slightly. "Yukina has already started. We need to end this quickly."

"Easier said than done." I muttered. I suddenly realized how cold it was and I wished I had kept my jacket on. But it didn't matter. If this was bothering me, who knows what it was doing to Kurama.

Hiei and I stood there for a moment longer before I made a gesture for him to take the lead. I fell in step behind him as we, once again, charged towards Kurama. He was already waiting for us with an almost nonchalance posture. I wasn't going to use my spirit gun, I never liked to until there were no other options. Besides, hand to hand combat was so much more satisfying.

When Hiei swung his sword, just barely missing Kurama, he faltered and I took that opportunity to connect my fist to his face. He skidded back, the soles of his shoes digging into the sand and giving him some balance. But I couldn't wait, the more time wasted meant less of a chance of saving Kurama.

I swung my leg around, delivering a roundhouse kick that crashed against Kurama's side. He exhaled slowly, a thick white puff of air leaving his mouth. I struck again, this time, with a fist. He blocked it with his arms and jumped up when he could feel the edge of Hiei's sword bite at his skin. And just for a second, Kurama had landed on the tip of Hiei's weapon before he leapt into the air behind him, his body spinning in circles as he brought his rose whip down to deliver a blow to the fire demon's back as Hiei attempted to move away.

Hiei only grunted, even as a gash of blood spurted from his wound. I think it was the first time Kurama was able to land a solid hit on Hiei, I wasn't entirely sure. But he was indifferent or just choosing to ignore the injury as he turned around, lifted his sword, and waited.

Once I believed Kurama was not going to attack first, I took the initiative. I was barely a foot away from him before I heard Botan scream. All he needed was that half a second before his whip had me hurtling several feet above the ground. I landed in a crashing wave against the sand, the saltwater burying into my wounds like thousands of needles. But I didn't care about that, my mind was too focused on Botan.

What had happened to her?

When Yukina touched me, I think there was more shock than pain. It was like being punched or stabbed, feeling my insides twist and slowly open. But without the pain, it just left me trembling. I stumbled away from her, collapsing in the sand and folding myself into a ball. I didn't understand what was wrong with me.

"Just as I thought. You've been infected." She stated. I watched as a single snowflake touched her cheek. "Try to remember. Did Kurama do something to you?"

My mind was racing to try to find an answer. Now I could feel the pain, gradually building like a storm. I closed my eyes. "He kissed me." I shuddered again. "What's going to happen to me?"

I heard Yukina reply, but it was only a murmur before everything went black. I heard other voices, some loud and soft. Then I was falling and when I felt myself hit the ground my eyes sprung open. But I was no longer on the beach or next to Yukina. I was standing in Koenma's office, leaning against a wall and watching him as he busily did paperwork. I was just about to approach him when suddenly someone burst through the grand doors. I did a double take when I realized that person was me.

"Ouji-sama!"

Ouji-sama? I...hadn't called Koenma-sama that since...

He glanced up then looked back down. "What is it, Botan?"

I watched myself as she came behind his desk, giving him a motherly pat on the head. "I still can't believe you're actually a toddler!" His eyes narrowed and I winced, still not accepting how naive I was back then. "Even with this pacifier!" She giggled aloud and I finally noticed how much younger I looked, or rather, acted. I had been the same age for the past millennia.

"Is that what you came in here to tell me? Why aren't you in training?"

I, my younger self, moved away from Koenma and took a seat in a chair. "I'm on a break and I decided to come visit you." All the while, she played with her fingers. It was a habit I still couldn't break. Young Botan was silent for a moment before she spoke up again. "Let me see you in your other form."

Koenma sighed. "I've already told you, Botan. That really isn't my other form. It's just a disguise, a costume." He noticed her deep frown and quickly changed the subject. "Where's Ayame? Why don't you spend time with her?"

And I knew what I was going to say, what I had said, during this conversation.

Her frown deepened. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because Ayame-chan is crying. She misses her mother and her brothers."

I don't think, back then, I had noticed the look wash over Koenma's face. But having the second chance to look again, I knew very well what it was: remorse. This was the beginning, the time when I had barely known what a ferry girl was and that there was life after death. And I remembered, it wasn't until years later that I found out how Ayame had died. There was a massacre at her village and she had been left behind. I never knew if it had been on purpose or not, the files were too vague.

I watched as the look left Koenma's face and he went back to his work. My younger self busied herself by holding out her hand and producing her oar. I grinned at the thought, it'd taken me only a day to learn how to do that. But the smile faded from my lips when I realized what was coming. And I couldn't understand, why was I thinking of all of this right now?

"Ouji-sama?"

"Yes, Botan?"

"How did I die?"

Snap! That was the sound of Koenma's pen breaking in half.

"I mean," She continued on, her expression thoughtful. "It's weird. Ayame-chan, Sakura-chan, Megumi-chan, and everyone else knows how they died. Whenever they ask me, I don't know what to tell them. I can't remember. Is it supposed to be like that?"

As strange as it might sound, I was envious of myself. Just because of the fact that I didn't know yet. And with all my heart, I wish I had never found out. I wish I could have stayed naive and clueless without being so curious. But Koenma knew he owed it to me. If he didn't tell me now, I would keep coming back and asking and asking until he finally told me.

Koenma looked himself over before he twirled in his seat. Once he was facing my younger self again, he was no longer a toddler but an adult. She giggled in response.

"You changed!" She sounded more like she was six instead of fourteen.

"Botan," Koenma took the pacifier from his mouth and gave me a severe look. "What I say to you right now cannot leave this room, do you understand me?"

The smile dropped from her face. "Hai, Ouji-sama. I promise." She gave a salute for emphasis.

They were silent for several long moments and from my corner, I watched the expressions that passed over Koenma's face. He looked so torn, he didn't know how to explain this easily. Why hadn't I ever noticed this when he first told me? I turned my gaze back to the younger version of me, idly swinging her legs, looking carefree again.

Finally Koenma started. "Botan, you're death wasn't natural." I knew she was going to speak but he held up a hand and she shut her mouth immediately. "What I mean by 'not natural' is that your life was taken differently. You weren't murdered like Ayame was. You didn't die from self-starvation like Megumi did. You didn't drown like Sakura did. You didn't die like any of those girls because their deaths were normal. That's why you don't remember because I made sure you wouldn't."

She blinked, not understanding. "Ouji-sama, what do you mean? Is there another way to die?"

He leaned back into his chair, his bangs covering his eyes. "Yes," He replied. And then he smirked, it was something I don't remember seeing back then. "Otousan, forgive me if you ever find out."

My younger self gaped. "You have a father! I didn't know that? Where is he?"

Koenma stood up and approached me. I was still seated in the chair and he got down on one knee, his hands landing on my shoulders. "Forget about that, you'll meet him someday. After your training is complete." From my corner, I looked at the way he stared at her with such intensity. I knew he was regretful of what had happened to me. And I knew she wouldn't understand what he was about to say to her.

"I found you in a meadow, Botan." He started. "Do you remember that?"

She nodded, smiling. "I think the flowers were tulips. But I was nine then."

"Do you remember anything after that?"

"No,"

"Yes you do. Remember how I came to visit you?"

"Yes!" She exclaimed suddenly with such enthusiasm. "I was the only one who could see you. You said I was special because of that."

Koenma nodded vigorously even though his expression looked grave. "Then, what happened when you were fourteen?"

The girl's smile vanished. "I don't remember."

"You were crying. I found you in that same meadow, Botan. You said," He paused then tried again. "You said that you hated your family, especially your mother. You said she neglected you, did things to you."

"But I don't hate my mother." She supplied. "Are you sure I can't see her anymore?"

"You'd be invisible to her, a ghost." It was at that moment, Koenma's voice began to shake slightly. "I-I'm sorry."

"For what?"

His voice steadied. "I was selfish and I don't have any explanation for it." He offered a tired smile that made him look twice his age. "I guess you reminded me of the little sister I'd never had." After a long moment, Koenma, I think for the first and last time, hugged me briefly before he stood up and moved away from me.

"Gomen nasai," She said. "But I still don't understand what you mean, Ouji-sama."

"Botan..."

The rest of what Koenma said didn't reach my ears, I didn't want to hear it again. Even after hundreds of years, my death was still unclear to me and I had no intentions of ever bringing it up again. For her, the information was slowly sinking in. And for me, it was like reopening an old wound. When he first told me, I realized I could have had a life. I could have grown up and fallen in love and gotten married and had children and grown old. I could have had everything.

I waited for a while before I looked up again. I sighed when I noticed that she was crying.

"You would have been fifteen a few days from now." Koenma murmured, staring at the floor. "And-"

He abruptly stopped talking as I watched my younger self produce her oar and throw it at him. Koenma could have easily dodged it but he let it hit him in the shoulder. Head bent, I watched as she dashed away from the office and into the darkness of the hallway. And I knew she was going off to find Ayame and then off to Ningenkai to visit the meadow of flowers to see where she had 'died.' It was a passing thought, but I suddenly remembered that I was never able to find my mother or that meadow ever again. I stopped talking to Koenma for three months after that conversation.

The Reikai prince stood there in silence for a few moments. Then he turned and looked directly at me. "Wake up, Botan." He ordered.

My eyes shot open.

"Botan!"

"Yukina?"

I looked to my left to see her sitting and leaning against a boulder. I tried to sit up and move towards her but sharp pain in my abdomen had me gasping. I collapsed on the ground again and exhaled, noticing the puffs of exhaled air, the snow, and my numb body. I turned my attention back to Yukina.

"What happened?"

"You fell unconscious." She answered quickly. She glanced behind me. "Does it hurt to breathe?" When I nodded, Yukina went on. "I believe when Kurama kissed you, in a way, he impregnated you, probably with eggs. Those demons were growing inside of you. But because of the cold, their weakness, they are slowly dying. But once the parasites die...so will the host." I was about to respond but I suddenly stopped breathing when I couldn't hear Yusuke, Hiei, or Kurama fighting. Yukina must have realized what I thinking. "I don't know what happened. Everything...just became really quiet."

Yukina shifted ever so slightly and my eyes widened when I caught a glimpse of the deep gash below her waist. She had been hiding it behind her arm. "Yukina! What!"

"After the fighting stopped, Kurama came after me." Despite her condition, she smiled at me. "I know it's not his fault, so I don't blame him for it."

"But where is Kurama?"

"Kazuma is keeping him distracted." Yukina answered. It was then that I realized Kuwabara was missing. "But that...he left over an hour ago and I don't know why he hasn't come back."

My eyes drifted back to her wound. "Can't you heal yourself?"

"Yes, but not at the moment." Yukina removed her arm, no longer keeping her injury hidden. With bloodied hands, she scooped up some snow and pressed it against her wound. She winced softly. "I think Kurama was waiting for the right moment, playing with Hiei-san and Yusuke-san all the while. He knew that it would take a lot out of me if I produced this," She made a gesture with her hand, referring to the ice and the snow. "So once he was sure, he did this to me." She fell quiet after that.

I bit down on my lip and with all my will, I sat up. This wasn't right. Yusuke and Hiei could probably be near death, as well as Kuwabara and Yukina. And I was here, doing nothing. As long as I wasn't dead, I needed to help. I counted to three before I forced myself to stand up on shaky legs. I staggered a bit, but eventually, I started moving away from Yukina.

"Wait! Where are you going?" She called after me.

"To help." I replied. "I know Kurama is not impossible to beat. I'll be a much better decoy than Kuwabara because I'm valuable to him. If he kills me, then he kills himself."

"But you're already close to dying!" Her voice was uncharacteristically loud, frantic. Was she that scared for me?

I was silent for a moment, weighing the odds. I knew for a fact that pulling heroic stunts was not my forte, but what did I have to lose? Self-sacrifice was the last thing on my mind but if it came down to that...I don't know what I would do. I made up my mind quickly before I placed my hands on my hips and graced Yukina with a sly smirk.

"I'm the Deity of Death, remember?" I said with more excitement than I felt. "Who knows if he can actually kill me or not. But...there's only one way to find out."

With that said, I began walking off. I heard Yukina call out to me to come back but I kept on and never gave her a second glance. As soon as I wondered away from my hiding place, I noticed different sets of footsteps and trails of blood. The walk had seemed like forever and there were times that I would collapse and have to catch my breath. But I kept going until I heard the distinctive battle cry that belonged to none other than Yusuke. Knowing that was he was still alive relieved me tremendously.

Instead of making my presence known, I ducked behind a rock and watched. Even though Yusuke was alive, that didn't change the fact that he looked a lot worse than from the last time I saw him. Deep cuts from Kurama's rose whip decorated his limbs and face. His left arm hung limp by his side and I knew that either his arm was broken or he'd disconnected his shoulder again. And even though Yusuke did his best to try and hide it, every time he walked I noticed his slight limping.

Hiei, though he had his own share of cuts and bruises, appeared to be in better condition than Yusuke. But what unsettled me the most was the way he looked at Kurama with such anger. There was no other explanation needed except for Yukina. Standing next to him was Kuwabara, who looked the best out of them all. And then, my eyes finally landed on Kurama, kneeling in the middle of the three. It struck me then that there was a great chance that none of them could save him. But I wanted to, even at the cost of my own life.

"Kurama," It was Yusuke who broke the silence. "Let me help you." He took a slow step forward, snow crunching beneath the sole of his shoe. "Come on, how long have I known you?" He took another step. "You can fight this, I know you can. I've seen you kill other youkais that were a hundred times stronger. This demon is just a parasite, it can't harm you if you don't let it. Fight it." Kurama said nothing but stayed very still. Yusuke walked up to him and stood close enough that he was less than a foot away from him. "It must be so painful. I know you never wanted to kill those people or put anyone in danger. At first, we didn't realize something was wrong with you, Kurama. But we're here to help now."

I caught the swift movement of emerald eyes gazing at me beneath blood red bangs. He knew I was here but Kurama wasn't the only one to notice. Hiei caught the movement too and turned to my direction, his eyes widening slightly. Before he could even speak, Kurama was suddenly at my side and gripping at my wrists. Even though his grip was secure, I realized how much he was shaking. I think it was taking all of his will power to keep himself steady. I couldn't remember seeing his eyes this cold. But I knew I wasn't scared of him anymore.

"Kurama," Then I shook my head and smiled. "Shuuichi, Yusuke's right. We're here to help you. Don't let this thing take you away from us because your mother would be so sad."

I glanced up and I saw Yukina standing behind him, her hands slightly raised. I pulled away slightly just as she placed her hands on his neck. Kurama bucked slightly and I steadied him by running my fingers through his hair before I moved away completely. As I stood there watching, I heard someone approach me from behind and I turned around to face Yusuke.

I smiled. "Hey,"

He smiled back. "Hey," He touched my shoulder. "Are you all right?"

I was about to respond but the smile suddenly vanished from his face and I looked behind me just in time to see Yukina's fallen body and Kurama coming towards us. Yusuke wasted no time and pushed me behind him, raising his hand that was shaped into a gun. My eyes widened as his finger began to glow.

"Kurama, stay back!" He warned.

"Yusuke, you can't!" I exclaimed.

"Does it look like I have a choice?" He demanded. "Talking didn't help and we tried that like how many times?"

My voice sounded weak, more so than I liked. "I know, but-"

"Run, Botan." He interrupted. "Go hide."

Any normal, defenseless girl would have listened to the hero of the story. She would have run, the villain would be killed as she closed her eyes, and she would run to the hero and shower him with kisses for his bravery. But this story wasn't going to end like that. Besides, I was nowhere near normal and I never wanted to be defenseless again. Before I realized what I was doing, I stepped in front of Yusuke and moved towards Kurama.

"Botan!" Yusuke yelled and I'm not sure, but I think I heard a little fear in his voice. "What are you doing!"

I stopped once I was in the middle of the two and kept my eyes on Kurama. "You won't kill me." I taunted. I touched my stomach for emphasis. "I have something you want."

Kurama stopped suddenly and frowned. "Don't insult my intelligence, Botan." He did a gesture towards the snow and ice and sleet. "The larvae are dead and so am I. So I might as well take one of you with me." He approached me and I briefly saw Yusuke run past me and land a solid punch on Kurama's face. He hit the ground hard.

"Don't even think about it." Yusuke said. "Your fight's with me, remember?"

He picked himself up quickly. "Oh, how could I have forgotten?" And then he struck and I felt Yusuke shove me away before I landed in the sand.

My gaze traveled towards Hiei, Kuwabara, and Yukina. She was leaning heavily on Kuwabara and he was whispering something to her, maybe words of comfort. Hiei was staring at Yusuke and Kurama, his eyes darting from side to side and up and down. I didn't understand why this fight wasn't over and why everything we had tried failed. And then I felt that feeling again, helplessness, creep up on me.

As I watched the pair fight, I don't know why but I suddenly remembered a case that almost ended in Yusuke dying. The smell of his blood in the air was what I recall the most and after weeks of recuperation, I finally got the chance to see him. I thought I had given my secret away, the way I cried for days by his side would have been a clue to anyone. Then one day, when he finally woke up, I still remember the way he took my hand in his before he even looked at me.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" A tipsy Yusuke had asked one night, both of us perched on a tree branch, during a youkai watch. Of course, he'd completely forgotten we were assigned on patrol that night. I found in him in his apartment drunk silly. I was about to say this wasn't the time or the place but he beat me to it. "I couldn't get over your eyes. They...were so strange." I remember my frown fading into a smile as he continued. "They would change colors when you were happy or sad or giddy or whatever. But I liked them the most when you were angry. You're eyes get so bright." Yusuke was silent for a moment, then, "Come to think of it, I've been making you upset a lot lately." He laughed sheepishly. "Sorry about that."

"I want to be human soooo badly." I confessed a long time ago on another demon watch.

I felt Yusuke's eyes on me. "And if you were, what would you do?" He inquired.

"I'd grow up. I think I'd like being twenty-five." I answered. "But I also remember other ferry girls becoming human because they fell in love. So, maybe, I'll do that too."

His voice was softer, maybe even a little shy. "And...who would you fall in love with?"

I suddenly laughed, blood rushing to my cheeks in utter embarrassment. "You can't control who you fall for." But I jokingly added, "Though, if I had to choose, it would be with you, Yusuke Urameshi. No one else but you." And I think part of me wasn't kidding when I said that.

I pulled myself out of my reveries just in time to see Kurama land a kick on Yusuke's side before he hit the ground. He got his feet quickly and leapt back, giving himself some distance from Kurama. Yusuke looked so tired but so determined and I knew he would keep on fighting until his very last breath.

Kurama's whip was now similar to a long pointed sword and I finally noticed that Yusuke had been stabbed with it few times, the very tip was covered in blood. The pair stared each other down for several minutes before Yusuke grinned. I felt a shiver run up my spine as he raised his hand.

"Come on," He urged, his finger began to shine. "Let's get this over with. How about one last attack?"

Kurama smirked, snapping his wrist, his whip went slack with the motion. "Why not,"

I suddenly felt like I was spinning. Either one of them was going to die. Maybe even both. Faintly, I could hear Kuwabara screaming for Yusuke to think rationally. I know he wanted to go over there stop the inevitable, but Hiei was keeping him where he was. At this point it didn't matter what Yusuke did, I was fairly certain Kurama and Yusuke would hit each other at the same time. But for some reason, something unsettled me about the whole thing. What if something went wrong? I didn't want to watch Yusuke die again, twice was already enough.

Honestly, I had never thought it would actually end like this. I was hoping we would save Kurama, avoid a big fight and any possible death. But right now, that doesn't seem possible. It was either we both died or one of us did. And I didn't mind dying just as along as I left everything all right. I frowned slightly, my thoughts drifting. But that wouldn't work out too well, Botan would be so sad. Not to mention furious with me. I tired not to think of her but that was just hopeless.

"I'm sorry," I said it so close to me but I didn't know who I was saying it to.

I saw Kurama running towards me and I focused everything on him. This was my last chance.

He leapt up into the air and raised his rose whip. I fired my spirit gun and just as I hoped, he reflected it. The missed shot hit the sand and a sudden cloud of dust swept up into the air, surrounding us both. I stood where I was and listened. There was silence for a moment before I heard the very soft footstep from Kurama. I ran towards him, preparing for another attack. I raised my hand, was just about to fire another shot but I suddenly stopped when I heard another rustle and wind sweep past my face, I turned in that direction before I heard noise all around me.

I never expected to feel Kurama's whip hit my side. I bit down on my lip as I fell, grasping my side. Despite myself, I smiled. "How did you learn to move that fast? New trick?"

I glanced up when I heard the heavy rattle of his whip. Kurama smirked. "Hiei taught me a few years ago." He answered. "Mind you, I'll never be as fast as him but it finally came in handy."

Now this was it. Even though I wasn't that badly wounded, it would take me too long to get up and avoid Kurama's final attack. I watched as he raised his whip and-

"Botan, no!"

That was Kuwabara screaming. But why?

I looked on as Kurama brought his whip down but I was suddenly pushed to the side before I heard a tiny gasp. My eyes landed on Botan, on the very deep wound that ran along her torso. I felt my heart stop as she just laid there, completely in shock. Her gaze was on me but she abruptly closed her eyes as she began panting. Her soft heaving finally started to shake her body as she began coughing up blood uncontrollably.

I barely noticed Kurama as he stepped back, stunned into silence before Kuwabara and Hiei tackled him to the ground. Eventually, Yukina approached and held out her hand. "Gomen nasai," She whispered. "This is going to hurt, Kurama-san." And she touched his neck and he suddenly screamed in pain.

I stood up and I couldn't understand why my feet weren't moving. Finally, I came towards Botan and lifted her head and cradled it in my left arm. She gripped at me, gasping and bucking in my grasp. I steadied her as best as I could but didn't know what else to do except hold her to me. I felt her face bury into my neck. She managed to speak.

"I-I've n-never died b-before." She stuttered out.

Die, living, die, living. I chose to lie to her.

I managed to smile. "W-what are you talking a-about? You're fine. Everything's fine. You're n-not dying." Why was my voice shaking?

Botan smiled, her body had steadied, as well as her voice. "You're such a terrible liar, Yusuke."

I felt my smile vanish and as much as I tried, I couldn't bring it back. I couldn't tear my eyes away from hers. "And you're-"

"A fool? An idiot?" She offered before laughing weakly. "You pull heroic stunts all the time, don't you?" And she suddenly started coughing and when she pulled her hand away from her lips, I caught the sight of fresh blood. There was so much blood, too much. "I guess it didn't work for me though. But I hope you weren't expecting me to sit around and watch you die, Yusuke. I'm not like that anymore."

"And this is better!" I exclaimed and I hugged her to me because I was so...scared. I was aware of everything now. Her ragged breathing, her pale skin, her blood spilling into my hands and pooling around us. I didn't fight back enough. I could have stopped this. It was my fault. Why her? Why? Why?

"Yes," Botan murmured in my ear. She sounded exhausted, but at the same time, overjoyed. I could hear her breathing slow. "Because...you're still alive. And what I did wasn't in vain." I felt her fingers tangle with mine. "I always wanted to share the greatest parts of my life with you. I'm glad finally got the chance."

I pulled away to look into her eyes and the realization really hit me. But foreknowing that someone dear to you was going to die never took away the pain. When her eyes became half-lidded, I started to beg.

"Don't leave. Botan, don't. Let me go get Yukina-"

"No, stay with me." She murmured and I obeyed. Botan was quiet for a moment before she smiled a little. "Did you know? When we first met, I said to myself, 'This boy has such pretty eyes. Chocolate brown...'"

"Don't leave." But I knew she wouldn't give into my request, even if she wanted to.

"Pretty eyes," And Botan reached up to run her fingers down my face and I blinked and noticed tears on her cheek that weren't hers. She managed a smirk. "Why do you look so worried?" She closed her eyes and opened them slightly. "See, Yusuke? Doesn't hurt anymore..."

The hand on my cheek fell with a soft thud as her gentle breathing ceased.

I shook her suddenly. "Botan?" But I already knew, her eyes gave her away. But I still continued to shake her. "Botan! Please wake up!" I buried my face into the crook of her neck and held her to me. This couldn't be real, this couldn't be happening. I was dreaming, this was a nightmare. This-

"Stop it, Yusuke. There's no point." I glanced up and saw Koenma. "Botan is dead."

"Did you just get here?"

"Actually, no." He pointed to some faraway place. "I've been keeping my distance."

I frowned deeply. "You were watching the whole time!" I screamed abruptly. "Why didn't you save her!"

Koenma remained silent but took a step forward and I scooted back, taking Botan's lifeless body with me. I felt her neck rock back and forth, limp against my arm.

He sighed, suddenly impatient with me. "She wanted to save you, Yusuke and that was out of her own freewill. I couldn't have stopped her. If she hadn't, you'd probably be dead right now." Koenma shrugged. "But the chances of you actually dying, I believe, were very slim." His gaze traveled to Botan and I could have sworn his eyes narrowed slightly, accusingly. "I don't understand why she did that." Koenma crouched down and met my gaze. "Let me tell you something. Botan, out of all the ferry girls in Reikai, was by far the most foolish. She always had a tendency to do irrational, thoughtless things for anyone. Especially when it came to you, Yusuke."

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, I was completely stunned. Then my anger sprung up again as I took that chance and let my fist hit Koenma's face. I gripped at the front of his clothes as Botan fell from my hold and onto the sand.

"Foolish! Is that all you can say! Didn't she mean anything to you!" I shook him. "I don't understand why she ever listened to you! She!" It was quick and I should have been watching. Something hit the back of neck and I crumbled to the ground, paralyzed.

I glanced up to see Botan was now in Koenma's arms. He looked up. "Thank you for that, Hiei." Then he looked down at me. "She meant a lot me, Yusuke." He replied impassively. And then he turned and started walking away. "More than you'll ever know."

He disappeared into the night and I could feel myself falling into sleep's embrace. This wasn't real, I told myself, it was just a bad nightmare. And when I finally closed my eyes and gave into unconsciousness, Botan was already there, sitting on my bedside, smiling the way she always did when I was so careless during my fights.

She tsked softly, a bowl of water and a cloth in her hand. She rung the cloth dry of dripping water before placing in on my forehead. "Did you win? Did you help Kurama?" I nodded and her smile widened and I forgot how to breathe. "I knew you would, Yusuke." She breathed before leaning down and kissing my cheek. "I love you," Botan murmured.

At that point, I knew I was dreaming. But I said it anyway. "I love you, too."

Author's Notes: Hello everyone! It's been a couple of months, hasn't it? Well, how was the chapter? Good? Bad? Too OOC? Well, you know what happens when people lose loved ones. Forgive me, I've never been very good when it comes to writing action scenes. My forte has always been the romance area anyway. So, I'm sorry if the ending, climatic fight didn't turn out the way you pictured it. Also, I'm very, very sorry about the long wait. I kid you not, ever since August, the last update, I've been swarmed with nothing but school. And since, it's my senior year, I've been focusing on nothing but that, leaving me no time to update. So, I hope you find in your hearts to forgive me. I'm sorry!

I don't know if any of you were expecting Botan to be the murdered character. Oh well, what can I say? I've had this planned out ever since the beginning. Now, I'm warning you, don't expect a happy ending and don't anticipate a sad one either. For the final and last chapter of Nox, it's all in Yusuke's POV so there will be no switching up. But keep an open mind, you never know what could happen. Then some of you are probably wondering about Koenma's sudden coldness. If you think you have an idea, let me know and you can see if you're right by the next chapter.

Again, I am very sorry about the delay. I hope to have Nox done by next month so I can move on to other things. So, until next time, see ya and here's what to keep in mind for chapter ten!

Chapter 10-Always

What's happened to Kurama?

What will Yusuke do now?

Botan: Dead? Alive?

And of course, the ending.