June 22, 2005 –

June 23, 2005

Due to popular (and rather aggressive) demand, I am sorry to announce that yes; I shall be resuming the fan fiction story Switched.

:wipes brow:

Now that the formalities are over, we can get a little loose here. :loosens hakama ties: I can breathe!

God, how long it has been since I have taken up my rather beaten up black keyboard and written something so deliciously stupid it's funny. (Kinda like Napoleon Dynamite) (Awesome movie). And, me being the slack-off nerdy loser I am, my past is catching up to me and several of my friends have threatened to sue. Lucky for me, I spent all the remaining money on little pretty rocks from ACMoore. And I'm currently only getting three dollars allowance per week due to a little bit of debt I have stumbled into with my mother.

Anywho….lets just get onto the little bits of sunshine that I call my reviewers. (My shrink calls them liquefied healing pills for some reason).

Tsuki-no-oni: I actually, after writing so many replies to your –many- reviews, I can spell your name offa the top of my head! Yay! No, trust me, it's been me who has been gone. And yeah, almost. Well, good enough for an early-morning vocabulary kinda thing. If you slur something then…sure, why not?

Heather of the Many Names: tada! Yes. It is me. On fan fiction. I have not abandoned you. I live!

Jess: well, you know now. nervous laughter. Anywho………enjoy!

Chapter Eight: Abandoned with No Ideas

Kikyo/Nicole walked along, leisurely, in the semi-dark forest, the underbrush softening her footfalls until they were almost obscured. The creepy things with little balls of glowing stuff were starting to freak her out. They. Wouldn't. Leave. Kikyo/Nicole picked up her pace a bit, eyeing them nervously.

"What the hell are they?" she asked herself mentally. "Can I shoot them?"

Suddenly, a little group of children around the ages of six or seven ran, screaming, from under the lively red berry bushes. They were completely oblivious to Kikyo/Nicole and her current inner dilemma about being followed around by little glowing things with this rather malicious glint in their eyes (or so it looked like to her.)

"Help us! Help us! That demon's gonna get us!" A couple of little girls, their ink-black hair pulled into little pg-tails, squealed.

A huge, ass-ugly demon followed, his reptilian skin stretched a little too tightly across his face and large, yellowed and cracked fangs hanging out in weird angles of his mouth.

Kikyo/Nicole had never felt so repulsed in her life. Not even after she had looked in her fifth grade yearbook and saw my (Alexa's) school picture. (That was repulsive). "Oh my…" She said, slowly backing up from the monster.

The demon, obviously blood-thirsty, turned, spotted Kikyo/Nicole, and started to advance on her, his tiny little eyes squinting at her. Kikyo dropped her bow –which was hanging off of her shoulder- and backed herself up against a rather skinny, bare tree. She was quaking with suppressed fear…her eyes were going small…her heart quickened…

The demon, a hairs-breathe away from her hair, opened his mouth, but it wasn't a hideous, blood-curling battle scream……

……in fact, a calm, slightly accented British voice flowed out of the repulsive monster's mouth.

"Excuse me, my dear lady, but do you know where Hobbiton may be?"

Kikyo, eyes wide, looked up at the monster, but quickly regretted that. She had just gotten a glimpse of the longest nose hairs she had ever seen on anything that was (presumably) breathing. "Uh…..sir….I believe you have the wrong fan fiction genre. I would look in the Lord of the Rings part of the movies genre, or the novel part."

"Oh, really now?" The demon said, slightly bemused. Kikyo/Nicole noticed, inadvertently, that his nose hairs quivered with every word he said. Hell, one looked like it had a life of its own. "That's a tad bit of a spot I've put myself in, don't you agree?" Kikyo/Nicole nodded, trying to humor him. "I was originally cast to be the Lady Arwen, but the directors realized that I was, in fact…."

"….male?" Kikyo/Nicole, finished, hesitantly.

"Heavens no! No no no no! They found out that I wouldn't have any surgery to add a bosom so I could fit in those gowns. I mean, yes, the fact that I was male didn't help, but they were desperate. I mean, look at the "woman" who plays Eowyn. That's one muscular chick, man. I wouldn't be surprised if "She ended being a "she" without the "s"."

Kikyo/Nicole, her head swimming from all the references to Lord of the Rings, continued to nod and just agree. Her eyes were, however, fixated on the demon's elongated nose hairs.

"No….they can't be…" Kikyo/ Nicole mused, her eyes growing wide. "They can't be growing!"

Naraku/KC ran a hand through his hair, repulsed. "Ugh….I gotta bathe now…." he thought, shivering. The oily feel of his hair was almost too much to handle….but he refused to wash in front of everybody. That insufferable woman –Kagura was it? - hung about him every chance she got, insisting on knowing every thought that went through evil Naraku/poor KC's head.

He looked over at Kagura and glared. 'Guess who's the one who wears the pants in this relationship.' he snorted, watching Kagura as she followed every move Naraku/KC made with her dark red eyes.

A few hours later….

Naraku/KC still hadn't moved from his spot behind the rice-paper dressing screen. he continued to fiddle with his hair……first trying to pull them out; then trying to pull them back; finally giving up and storming out of the room.

Kagura's eyebrow went up, and she smirked in amusement. 'Naraku sure seems to be acting strangely.' She thought, unfolding and folding her fan repeatedly. 'NOW's my chance to do something.'

But her plans were interrupted when Naraku/KC re-entered the room, walking with much more of a bounce in his step. And a very large bald spot covering his head.

"Ah….much better." he sighed, again sitting down behind the rice paper screen.

Kagura just sat there in disbelief. 'Did that vain, selfish bastard just….shave his head?'

Jaken/Jamal stood on a small rock, holding the large, two-headed staff in his grubby little hands. Sighing, he awaited rather impatiently for his "master" Sesshoumaru to arrive. "Where the hells are you, dude?" He squeaked. He was getting really tired of the little brats ceaseless babbling and cheery squeals of delight echoing in his now-empty skull.

Suddenly, a great "whoosh" of wind flew by. Jaken/Jamal, totally unprepared, toppled head-over-heels off of the large rock, landing on yet another larger -and pointer- rock.

"Oui, why you do me like that?" He called in his high, nasally voice after the now-present Lord Sesshoumaru. "You're doing it 'cause I'm black, right?" He taunted with a hint of attitude.

Sesshoumaru's golden eyes flicked dangerously over him. "You stupid fool." He said quietly. "If you haven't noticed, you are in fact, green."

Jaken/Jamal rolled his eyes. "Yeah, in this messed up piece of dookie you call a world, I'm green. And only three feet tall. And a slave to a prissy-ass little drag queen with only one fucking arm. But, if we were in my time, I'd been so busy whooping your little fruity ass that you wouldn't realize I am black, or green, or whatever the hell I am now."

Rin stood there, watching in amazement as Jaken suddenly burst into flames.

"Sesshoumaru-sama! Sesshoumaru-sama! Wait for me!" She cried out as Sesshoumaru, his fluffy immaculately blowing (thing of the Charlie's Angels/Shrek 2 hair toss) in the wind.

"Are we really going to leave Lord Jaken behind, Sesshoumaru-sama?" She inquired, a small bouquet of tiny, yellow blossoms clenched in her small, child-like fists. Sesshoumaru's eyes flickered from the little flowers to the little hands to the little body they were attached to.

"Yes Rin." He said stiffly. "Jaken was tired. He's resting now."

A couple of yards back, a smoldering Jaken lay in a pile of his own ashes. "That's a pile of dooooookieeeeeee." He called after Sesshoumaru's and Rin's retreating backs.

Kagome/Jess grasped her ugly yellow backpack on her back and fiddled with her bow, still npt sure if she can master it by the time she decides to play "Ultimate Survivor". 'I swear…' she thought, shaking her head. 'I've never been this pissed off since I saw that damn Grease…. '

Suddenly, the image of the scarcely-clad Sandra Dee dancing up that stupid metal walkway from the end of the movie invades her mind.

"Holy Shit!" She screamed, grabbing her head. Everyone stopped, staring at her. "No……must not look……must not look……."

Lets just say…..later on, she had nightmares that night.

But she found a way to cheer herself up considerably.

She taught herself, instead of saying any kind of curse word; she now says "Sit." Just to see what happens.

Well, there we go. End of chapter Eight. As a bit of a disclaimer, I would like to add that I absolutely haven't and probably never will seen the Star Wars series. That's why I feel entitled to make fun of it. :grin.:

I also really really do like the movie Grease. Jess, who plays our unfortunate Kagome-chan, doesn't. I cater to my victims' needs, except when it means that I have to color categorize their M&Ms. That I refuse to do. Like Heather-san, my not-so-unfortunate Sango, will know, little bits of colored chocolate stains my hands. That's really why I got a black keyboard. :grin.:

AND...I absolutally love Lord of the Rings, so, I feel entitled to make fun of it. :grin:

I love you all, therefore, I can make fun of you all. cheer

Ta-----Da!

ROCK ON

...Lexy-chan