A/N: I wasn't going to continue, but then CSIfreak89 told me I had to so…thank her. I don't own anybody, including the Red Sox, and the song which is A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton, but you all knew that. By the way this chapter goes out to Becky, even though she'll never read this, who is the world's biggest Red Sox fan. CSIfreak89 can attest to that.
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Tony couldn't believe that it had been a year. A full year since Kate had died. It had been a full twelve months and Tony still thought about her every day. Every day he walked into the office, hoping to see her smiling face, ready to tease and torment him beyond belief, and in doing so wiping away any pain that might have been caused by a bad break up the night before. Every day he was deflated as he saw the Red Sox posters that belonged to Kate's "replacement" around the desk that used to be, should be, Kate's. And I mean "replacement" in the loosest sense of the word. There was no way in hell the new girl, Becky, could hold a candle to Kate. She, although a competent NCIS agent, had nowhere near the profiling or the art skills that Kate had. And that was just professionally. She HATED coffee, hated the color black, liked sappy pop songs, and had actually told Ducky to shut up the other day. You just didn't tell Ducky to shut up. Particularly not in as many words, and especially if you weren't Gibbs. Don't get me wrong she wasn't a bad person. In fact, Tony saw only three things wrong with her. She wasn't Kate, she wasn't Kate, and, oh yeah, she wasn't Kate. Sighing, he took off his jacket, slinging it across the back of his chair. He'd showed up early, well, not early for him. The closest he'd gotten to being on time since Kate's death was fifteen minutes early. That happened once a month. Every month, on the fifteenth day of the month, he went to Martha's Garden, and bought flowers, always the same arrangement he'd first bought her to smooth over their "professional" relationship, going to visit her grave before work. Every month, on the fifteenth of the month, he recalled how wonderful it had felt to watch her gloating to McGee that the flowers were "From Tony". Every month, on the fifteenth day of the month, he arrived around the time that McGee, and Becky did, his eyes slightly puffy. Both knew better than to say something, as an angry Tony was not something to be messed with. An angry Tony with tears in his eyes was even worse. Today was the fifteenth. April fifteenth. It, as previously mentioned, had been a year since Kate's death and it was wreaking havoc on Tony's emotions. The first emotion that he would have given, if pressed, would have, obviously, been sadness. This would have been followed by regret. He should have stopped that bullet, should have told her how he felt, should have made her world heaven (he hadn't quite believed her letter when it had said he had. Kate deserved so much more than he'd given her.). Regret was followed by frustration. Why the hell hadn't he? Why couldn't he make his pain go away? Or could he? Depression followed frustration. He needed to get rid of all his pain, and killing himself seemed the only way. Next came disgust at him self for even harboring the thought, and lastly, exhaustion. Pure, unadulterated exhaustion. At the end of the day, he always ended up crying himself to sleep. Every day was like this. Sure Tony had gone through the motions of picking up the shattered pieces of his life, especially at work, and had even taken a cute blonde out for dinner the other night, but then he passed her picture on the wall baring agents killed in action, or glanced over his shoulder, to where he'd hung the portrait of himself Kate had drawn (he'd initially wanted to burn it, but couldn't bring himself to burn a part of Kate's soul), or simply looked over at Becky, typing away on Kate's computer, and he nearly lost it. Today, he could already tell (it being only 0746) would be infinitely worse. But then, after only a half an hour of pretending everyone else wasn't waking on eggshells around him, Gibbs' phone rang, and Tony felt his spirits soar at the thought of losing himself in the thrill of case work. Disgusted he realized that he'd actually started wishing someone would die. What was wrong with him? But before he could work out an answer Gibbs called out, "Dinozzo, Becky, let's go."
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Tony wasn't sure where he was going, but he knew he sure as hell wasn't going home. Sure, he'd long since thrown everything that reminded him of Kate in a box and had thrown it in the back of his closet, but he knew that if he went home, he'd have it out, staining the letter with even more tear stains than it already had on it. And as much as he felt like crying right now… he didn't. If that made any sense at all. Right now, Tony felt like forgetting he needed Kate's smile, needed Kate's laughter, even needed Kate's playfully putting him in his place. Right now, Tony Dinozzo felt like forgetting that he needed Kate Todd. So, having finished his work for the day, and having nowhere else to go, he left, heading towards his favorite bar. After about an hour of slowly sipping the same beer, a blonde took the stage, and Tony smirked. But he wasn't smirking for long.
"Hi. I'm Caitlin, but every one calls me Kate. Hee Hee. Alright, anyways, I'm gonna be singing Vanessa Carlton's A Thousand Miles. So, yeah here goes." The music played, and after Tony had contained himself, he listened.
'cuz I need you,
and I miss you.
And now I wonder if I could fall, into the sky.
Do you think time would pass me by?
'cuz you know I'd walk a thousand miles, if I could just see you tonight.
It's lonely times like these, when I think of youAnd I wonder if you ever think of me
'cuz everything's so wrong and I don't belong
living in your precious memory.
'cuz I need you,
and I miss you.
And now I wonder if I could fall, into the sky.
Do you think time would pass me by?
'cuz you know I'd walk a thousand miles, if I could just see you tonight.
Tony felt the tears fall down, letting the words speak for him. It was so wrong. The ditsy blonde having Kate's name, singing Kate's song. Him being it this bar right now, trying to move on. In fact, life itself without Caitlin Todd was just wrong. Quickly, he drained the rest of his second beer, and closed his tab. Driving rather slowly, he made his way to the cemetery, sitting down next to her grave. "Hi Kate. I thought I'd come and tell you about the day. I miss the joking, you know. Gibbs is actually nicer. And the new girl Becky is so out of place I can't stand it…" Tony sat, keeping the rest of Caitlin Todd company, until it started getting dark and he had to go home.
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I hope you liked it. Pleaz Review. This IS the last chapter.
Jtbwriter-Thanks. Tony wrote himself. He's the humor amidst sadness type.
Casey4u2nv-I think everyone was hurt by Kate's death.FeverishDream-I LOVE your review, easily my favorite.
WBH21C-Thank you
AthenBlade-I threw the pic in this chapter just for you.
Chiroho-I love the letter too grins sheepishly
Alexiamanda-Cool assignment. Thank you.
CSIfreak89-I like the song choice too, but I wouldn't have thought it fit. But then, you know us…connecting every song to ships. :-)Alliegh Taylor-Thank you
Chiroho(again)-I know really?(Poor Tony)
Roquewriter04-Sorry I made you cry…I can't believe they killed Kate off either. She was the coolest. I wish Sasha hadn't wanted off…but I wish her well of course. Wow, now I'm just babbling, cuz Sasha was awesome. Oh, and I already have two Twilighty fics planned so…Watch for them.