Matron Raenee, you got your wish. Well, sort of
Since I finally decided against my original plan to make this a longer multi-chap fic, this second chapter is also the final chapter.
WARNING for the faint of heart: SxS shonenai implied, but only very much between the lines.
And since chap 1 was a songfic, so is this one. The lyrics are from The Offspring's Gone Away. (I don't own them, and don't cash in on them either, so don't sue.)
Please R&R!
Squall's Evening
He leaned heavily against the window pane. It was getting dark outside, but that didn't keep him from staring out at the calm sea as it slowly rippled past Garden's bow. Tonight was a dark night anyhow. As dark as the blood that stained his clothes.
Maybe in another life
I could find you there
He hadn't bothered to change, or take a shower. It would feel as if doing so would wash away the gravity of today's events, as well as his grief.
Pulled away before your time
Seifer Almasy was dead.
I can't deal it's so unfair
And he hadn't been able to do anything about it.
And it feels
Oh, he was practical enough not to go blame himself in terms of 'if only I had moved a second sooner', or the like. He hadn't moved sooner, but Seifer had been still alive when he had reached his side. He had cast all healing and restoring magic he had at his disposal. But it wasn't enough. Despite all his efforts, it hadn't been enough.
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
He hadn't been enough.
And it feels
Yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
And perhaps that was what stung the most.
Now that you've gone away
The door of his office opened, but he didn't look up to see who it was. He could sense it wasn't Rinoa, which was just as well. Right now he didn't want to see anyone but those who could give him an answer. And one of them was dead.
Leaving flowers on your grave
Show that I still care
"I figured I'd find you here," Irvine began quietly. "Rinoa and the others've been wanting to see you, but I told her no…. Em, I just came to tell you I called Matron just now."
Unexpectedly for both of them, Squall replied.
"How'd she take it?"
"In tears, of course. Regardless of what anyone said about him, she never stopped seeing him as her son. But she did think that maybe…maybe Seifer would be happier this way."
But black roses and Hail Mary's
Can't bring back what's taken from me
Squall's head snapped around to look the cowboy in the eye. "And what was that supposed to mean?" he demanded.
Irvine sighed. "Nothing more than that he's had a hard time since the war's over. He was never truly accepted back. Well, he never really accepted himself in the first place."
I reach to the sky
Nodding, the seed Commander turned his head back and recommenced staring at the sea. "True. I don't think he ever forgave himself." He huffed. "Leave it to Seifer to punish himself harder than anyone else ever could."
And call out your name
"He was never anyone to do anything half."
And if I could trade
I would
Squall bit his lip, forcing back tears he didn't want to acknowledge. Crying would be admitting to the fact that Seifer wasn't coming back, and that he'd missed his chance of ever gaining the cocky blonde's friendship and trust.
And it feels
If he had succeeded in that already, Seifer would have trusted him to save his life…
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
Irvine crouched down. He could only watch his Commander and friend slowly sink to the floor, trying not to give in to his emotions and failing miserably. There was no comfort in words or gestures. There was only the gaping void left behind by someone you cared about.
And it stings
Yeah it stings now
"It…it was easier the first time…" Squall finally whispered between dry sobs. "When we were told he'd been executed by the Galbadians. I was just angry then, but now…"
"I know…" Irvine sighed quietly. "I still can't get over the fact we missed that gunman hiding in one of the houses when we sweeped the street. Seifer called the 'all clear' no less. He had his back turned when that guy came up. I don't think he even knew what hit him. But I…" He swallowed hard. "If I had shot that guy sooner, he might not have had the time to fire his gun and…"
The world is so cold
Squall gave his friend a stern look. "There are no 'if's, Irvine. We did our job, but everyone makes mistakes. The problem was not the gunman or us not seeing him before he shot Seifer in the back, or even the wounds he inflicted. The problem was that…"
Irvine looked at Squall's sad eyes as his voice trailed off. The truth hung between them, but was left unspoken.
Now that you've gone away
The truth was that it wasn't that Seifer couldn't have survived.
The truth was that he hadn't wanted to survive. He'd done what no one had expected he'd ever do. Seifer Almasy had given up.
Gone away
His lips trembling and with tears in his eyes, Squall looked up at Irvine. "Do you… do you think he heard anything of what I said to him, before he passed…out?"
Gone away…
"I really don't know Squall. But I hope he did," the other man answered solemnly. "Everyone deserves to know that there is someone who loves them."
Please be sure to let me know what you think! Flames only welcome ifwell-founded. (For the record: 'This sucks' does not count as well-founded)