Afterlife.
Chapter one: Rebirth.
T: This fic began when I saw a clip of X Subaru holding a conversation with TB Subaru and my brain went tangenting…yes it is a word! This fic is AU and holds some vague spoilers for volume 16 onwards of X and yes there will be slash.
Oh and if anyone is interested I would like to steal a beta for this and all my other fics, if only so that others can truly comprehend what I'm trying to say.
Nope I'm not a member of Clamp and thus I can't own it can I?
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He could feel his body chilling as the last of his life's blood spilled to the tarmac.
He could feel also the last of his strength flowing away into he that was cradling him, could feel this other shining the brighter for this new power.
There was on last thing he had to do before death came for him at last, one truth to tell in hopes of covering over the lies that had always been his nature.
A truth that was to be his redemption.
He pulls himself up and begins by responding to the revelation that this other has wished also fro this release. Has wished to die in his arms, if only so that he could be noticed in that one instant, if only so that he could be more than glass or stone, simply for his last breath.
Then he smiles his first true smile and leaning in he mumbles the other's name before he utters his one truth.
The truth that has killed him.
"I love you."
His strength fades then and as the world blacks out he knows that his one wish has become reality.
That he is dead.
This darkness does not last long, however, and as the light filters in again he is met with a small padded room.
He can see each and every shadow in the padding, can tell how far the wall stands from him and though it is odd to again have sight in both his eyes he is not confused about this fact.
In the afterlife ones past is washed away, after all.
The room itself is more of an enigma…
For it is clearly a cell used in the retention of a mentally unstable patient and yet perhaps this is a metaphor for the insanity of his life, for the madness of the sakura's spell and the influence it has had over him.
He goes to pull himself up, but finds that he is restrained in such a manner that he can only turn his head.
This must also be a metaphor, this time for the binding of his profession and his inability to do as he would have wished.
The door at the other end of the room opens and he is met with the man that Fuuma Monou might have become.
He tries to voice the others assumed name and manages only,
"Ka…" Before his voice fades from him.
The other straitens the glasses that are balanced on his nose and glancing to the clip board cradled in his arm he says,
"You had us worried, Sakurazuka-san, enough so that eh did not think you were coming back to us this time."
"What…?" He manages and Fuuma smiles a wan smile,
"It seems that yet again all our progress has been lost." He sighs and coming to sit in the chair to his left he says, "You are in the year 2000, Sakurazuka-san and the life you have believed your own is nothing more than a fantasy." The other allows him mere moments to process this before he continues,
"In this 'real' world you were a simple man who was nothing more than a simple vet, who lived an ordinary happy life until, nine years ago, your mother was brutally murdered before your eyes.
"You had a psychotic break and fell into a dream world where you were a powerful assassin without emotion and with power enough to protect those you cared for.
"You have come around a few times, but each time this reality has been too much for you and you've fallen back into your dream.
"You were under for three months, this time, and as I said we has thought you gone fore good."
He wished to doubt these words, wished to believe that it was this that was a fantasy and yet looking to the other man's face he knew that he was speaking nothing other than the truth.
Had all of that life been a fantasy, he wondered, or were there things that were true both in this life and his fantasy world.
Apparently Fuuma could see the question in his eyes, or perhaps he had posed this same enquiry the last that he had returned to this life.
"There are those, such as myself, who have made enough of an impact upon your life that you've made them part oft eh fantasy.
"Of course in that world we become metaphors for the part we were playing in this your true life."
He could not but help wonder what Subaru had been a metaphor for, or if he even knew the young Onmyoji in this life.
He was unsurprised to find that this thought hurt him, after all he had known that he loved the boy.
That love had always been a precursor to his death and to feel it had been a misery…
Yet it had also been his truest joy.
"The longevity of this period of sleeping seems to have impacted on your speech; however, I am sure that with exercise you shall find your voice again.
"We shall also re-introduce you to those who are important to you in this life and then we hit the bumpy road.
"The police shall wish to talk to you about your mother's killer, but we shall only let them question you once you feel secure and we feel that you can give them a sensible answer, okay?"
He nods in reply and Fuuma's smile brightens a little,
"Good. I'll send Satsuki in later with your medication and some food."
With that the other man was gone and he has time to comprehend the situation.
The last nine years of his life had been a lie…no, that was not quite the truth…
The last nine years of his life had been some elaborate fiction, one that he'd created to deal with his mother's death and yet…
His mother had died long before that time by his own hand…by her wish.
Yet, perhaps that too had been a fiction, one created to deal with the guilt of being at her side and being able to do nothing.
If he had not been Sakurazukamori then the bet with Subaru had been a lie, Hokuto's death had not occurred and he had never broken Subaru's fragile heart.
If it proved that he did know the Sumeragi in this life he would take it as a second chance and begin their relationship again on a secure footing.
If Subaru had also been little more than a fiction…
It was a possibility he did not wish to consider…
Not yet at least.
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T: I'm making huge assumptions that the Japanese care for their mentally ill as we do and I apologise if this is not the case. Yes, I do love Sei-chan and yes I'm aware that saying such a thing makes me as mad as he is! R+R as I need cheering up!