Chapter four: Remembrance.
T: This chapter is the longest in my note book which means it will most likely be the longest here…I'm just warning you! And talking of warnings they remain the same with the addition of psychobabble…it'll make sense soon! Yep, I'm still not a member of Clamp!
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Monu-kun had eventually asked that Subaru-kun leave, some worry clear now in his eyes that had not been there before. It didn't matter to Seishiro what had brought such concern to the man, for the joy in seeing Subaru-kun was enough to wash away any concern or sadness tat might have plagued him this day. He had prepared himself for the fact that Subaru-kun would be different in this world, when he had first regained consciousness, thus he had simply taken each change as he discovered it and familiarized himself with it, so that he might love it as part of Subaru-kun.
The missing right eye had been the most disturbing aspect of their meeting.
He had thought the whole affair some elaborate metaphor for something and yet gazing into the unseeing blankness of Subaru-kun's eye he had realized that this was not the case. There was some hidden significance to the fact that he had been the fist to lose an eye in the dream world and that Subaru had lost his merely through the guilt of being unable to do anything to prevent that initial loss.
He was unable to drawn anymore conclusions, however, before the door opened to admit another familiar face:
Kakyo Kizuki
He has aged well in this life and there is a smile almost permanently on his lips, something that would have been entirely out of character for the Dreamseer in Seishiro's fantasy and yet which looks natural on this version of the man.
"Sakurazuka-san, it is good to see you looking so well."
"And you Kizuki-san."
The other comes to sit at his side and Seishiro notes that he has a notebook clenched in one hand.
"It is good that you recognize me, Sakurazuka-san and that you are responding to me in a natural fashion. That means that we can skip the primaries and move into the 'meat' of this session."
"You are a physiatrist?"
"Indeed I am, in fact I'm one of the two leading physiatrists in the field of dream analysis, the other being my business partner Hinoto."
Something in the way that the other stresses the word 'business' prompting him to ask: "You are married in this world then?"
"I am, in fact it was partly on my wife's behalf that I am here at all . . . she grew so sad once you had fallen into your coma, and I though I was already considering your case for your mother's sake, it was that misery that swayed me."
"You are married to Hokuto-chan, are you not?"
"Yes and have been as such for ten years now."
"Yet she is still 'Sumeragi' rather than 'Kizuki'."
"She asked me that she might retain the family name in honor of Shijuku-san, a request that I was more than content to grant."
"When did she loose him?"
"Fourteen years ago now." Kizuki-san replies before he opens out his notebook and flips to what Seishiro supposes is the most recent entry, "The last that we talked the 'Kamui' of the Dragons of Earth had just awoken, would you tell me what has occurred since that time."
Seishiro willingly tells Kizuki-san of the close companionship that had been forged between Subaru and Kamui, of the incident on Sunshine '60 and of the anger he had felt when Fuuma had dared mar Subaru, finally he told the other of Rainbow Bridge and his final dying words.
"So you believe that there is now no going back to that world?" Kizuki-san finally managed to ask.
"Yes, that is correct. I have died in that life and yet there is chance now for me to live in this world and thus I shall not grieve overly much for that loss."
"The representation of your perfect self has perished, this is true, yet the representation of your true self exists still in that world."
"My 'true self'?"
"Indeed. Setsuka-kun's death and your inability to do nothing even though you were there with her, brought about in you a desire to become strong, to do all the things you had been unable to do in this life. Thus you created an image of the man you wished to be and forged a situation where that perfect you could mould the true you into a copy of his personality. Had you not awoken I believe that this process would have been wholly successful and that this transition would have been the death of you."
"So the 'real' me in that world was Subaru-kun?"
"No, you simply chose Subaru's form as a front for that transition."
"Why him?"
"Because your perfect self had one weakness, one thing that would make him as vulnerable as your true self."
" . . . love."
"Yes, love and the ability to feel that emotion, both of which could be represented only by Subaru as far as you were concerned.
"For you had began to fall in love with this worlds Subaru before your mother's death."
"Why would I give my 'perfect' self a weakness?"
"Because part of you wished to return to this world, wished to take the lessons you have learned in your fantasy and put them into good use. And because a part of you still wishes to bring your mother's killer to justice."
"Was he there in my fantasy?"
"Most likely there were aspects of his personality in your perfect self and perhaps even elements of his appearance. Yet I do not think the killer himself actually appeared, you wished to forget that the incident was caused by anything other than your choices and your actions, after all.
"Thus I suspect that his face will be lost somewhere within your subconscious."
"And you are going to help me recover it, are you?"
"With the help of Monu-kun, of course."
"I thought that you were an expert."
"In dream analysis, Sakurazuka-san. As far as the psychoanalysis of conscious thought goes Fuuma Monu is the one and only expert."
"I suppose that he is doing this for Hokuto-chan as well?"
"Actually he is doing it for me."
"Ah." A beat and then because he was curious despite himself he enquired, "Why was I the first to lose my eye in the fantasy world rather that Subaru-kun?"
Kakyo seemed to be considering something and then he replied, "Guilt."
"Guilt for what, Kizuki-san?"
"You did not stay with your mother's corpse, Sakurazuka-san, but instead went to the one place that you knew offered sanctuary. Covered in your mother's blood and your mind already closing in on itself you came to Subaru's apartment. He welcomed you and phoned the police once he'd pieced together what had happened from you words. Something came over you while he was on the phone and you grabbed a knife with the intention of killing yourself… the intention of taking away the hurt and the guilt.
"Subaru stopped you and you lashed out…"
He sees a flash of a younger Subaru-kun, one blood soaked hand pressed to his right eye and his lips mouthing something and yet as Seishiro tries to focus on the words the image fades.
"How could he forgive me such a thing, indeed how can Hokuto-chan?"
"Because they believe in you, Sakurazuka-san and because they can not claim to be your friends and then refuse you forgiveness.
"Of course not everyone in the family has given you that trust."
"Ah, so the true Kamui had no love for me and that is supposedly why he became the leader of the Dragons of Heaven?"
"Indeed. His wish that you remain comatose and thus away from his beloved brother placed him as an ideal figure for the leader of those wishing to save the 'Earth'."
"Do I know all of the main players in my fantasy, Kizuki-san?"
"Of course,"
"Tell me about them."
"Do you not think that would be wondering rather away from the point of this session?"
"No, I do not. Though you believe it unlikely that I saw the killers face in my fantasy it is still possible. It is also possible that I placed more aspects of his self into the other players in that world, thus if I can compare what they are like here to how they were there…"
"Yes, I see what you are trying to achieve. Very well, where would you like me to begin?"
"How about with those of Earth as I have Fuuma and Satsuki already clear in my mind."
"Your 'salary man', Yuuto is actually a marriage councillor and he also does some part time work for a shelter for abused women, which is incidentally where he met Satsuki. He's less brash than you have described him and you would most defiantly not mistake him for a pimp if you saw him again.
"'Nataku' is actually a young man by the name of Yumeni, he's Monu-san's right hand man and apprentice which is most likely where you got the father/son bond from. He's more fun loving than your Nataku, but he certainly has a bitter streak.
"The man you think of as Kusinagi was actually Shijuku Sumeragi, Hokuto's first husband and clearly his environmentalist ways had enough of an influence on you that even though he's been dead all this time you still recall him.
"As to those of Heaven, your world's Kamui sounds fairly well the same as the Kamui of this world, all you need do is substitute a mother's death for a father's and you have him perfected."
"How much younger is this Kamui when comparing to Subaru?"
"Only a year. Kamui is twenty four and Subaru is twenty five."
"What do they do for a living then? My Kamui was only eighteen and weighted down enough so that profession really did not figure much into the scheme of things. As to Subaru…"
"This is a world without magic and thus he can not be what he was in your world. He's actually just finished his zoology course and he's applied to join Ueno Zoo. Hinoto has taken Kamui under her wing and is training him up as her apprentice, though he'll have to shake off his past if he is going to get anywhere.
"Back to what we were saying, Karen and Aoiko Seiichrio were assistants at your surgery and are a nice couple. They're very religious, though Karen has a bit of a daring side which is most likely why she became so flamboyant in your world. He accounts for you which she is your surgery assistant.
"Arashi is the receptionist here and she's as demure in this world as she was yours. She has the potential to be a little more and I'm in talks with Monu-san about letting her train with me. Soratta is our handyman with the penchant for risking everything for a pretty face. He's absolutely smitten with Arashi and is trying, vainly, to win her over.
"Finally little Yuzihara. She's a fellow patient who claims her dying grandmother bespelled her with a protective spirit who only she can see. She's cheery most of the time but doubt 'Inuki' or get her on a bad day and she's got a vicious temper."
"How about Segawa-kun?" Seishiro asked.
"I do not know anyone as you describe that boy, however the family name does ring a bell."
"And?"
"Murimi Segawa, he was Shijuku's business partner, confidant and pseudo brother. They ran a successful fashion empire with Hokuto as their brightest star. However, Murimi got greedy and tried to stage a takeover bid on both the company and on Hokuto. Shijuku stood up for his wife and he called the authorities on Murimi even though it pained him to do as such. His friend had already fled, however and they believed that an end to things. Murimi was less stable than they had believed, however, and he returned but a week after that to kill Shijuku…"
"Then he is the one who killed my mother."
"He also killed himself that night, Sakurazuka-san."
Seishiro had felt so sure that he had been on the right track, that somehow Murimi was the key to his mother's murder, yet it seemed that his suspicions had proved little more than that.
Unless…
"Did Murimi have a child?"
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T: Yes I am leaving it there…snerk, if you think this is a cliff hanger wait until chapter seven! R+R to make this poor authoress feel loved!