Chapter six: Realisation.
T: I know that some of the spelling is going to be off….that's why I've got Chaosdragon after all…so mayhap you could stick to critiquing the story in reviews? Meh…is up to you really! Anyway, it was in this chapter that I finally realised where this story was going so things are going to get very very complicated very quickly from here on in…don't say I didn't warn you! Oh and J.J Blue…don't worry I'll be putting you out of your misery in the next chapter! For those who enjoy my work I'm posting something exclusively to my sight (Shameless plug) so go and have a look…
Is Clamps not mine…am sad about that! Oh and warnings the same.
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Subaru Sumeragi was nervous.
He knew he should be excited to see Seishrio-san again, and he knew that there was some deep current of emotion within him that meant his heart sped all the quicker in the others presence. Yet to be anxious about seeing the man again that he felt nervous . . . that made little sense. Especially when he had passed nine years of his life without seeing the other; had changed enough so that he supposed that Seishrio would have no real want to be his friend now . . . or to be anything other than that.
Almost without thought his hand raised up to touch his blind eye and his mind scattered back to that day . . .
There had been a wild darkness within Seishiro-san's eyes, and as he had told his tale there had been a harmonic in his voice that had both pulled and repelled Subaru from the other. Then there was some infinite sadness had washed over the other and his hands had scrambled to gain one of Subaru's kitchen knives. He recalled that he had been talking to the police as Seishrio had brought that knife towards his wrists . . .
Recalled stumbling mid sentence . . .
Recalled dropping the phone . . .
Recalled stopping Seishrio's hand just short of its destination...
Then there had been a white heat in his eye and blood everywhere . . . the dampness telling him what had occurred . . . telling him that never again would he see the world through both his eyes. Seishrio-san was staring blankly at the blood on the knife . . . on himself . . . was swaying just barely back and forth. Seishrio-san's name had left his lips then and he'd stumbled over to the other . . . voicing silly nothings and pleading amid these for Seishrio not to go away, for Seishrio to remain at his side . . . he had wrapped himself about the other and as he had begun at last to pass into unconsciousness he'd voiced at last his deepest secret.
He had awoken in the hospital, his mother's warm hands wrapped about his own and Kamui sat sullenly at his other side.
'Where is Seishrio-san?' he had enquired
'Where he belongs.' Kamui had replied.
He had had no want to deal with his brother in this mood and thus he had turned his head so that he could look his mother in the eye and enquire: 'What is he saying mama?'
She had looked at him with such pity, then, a dark look, the sort of which he had never seen from her before or since. 'Subaru . . . ' She had paused and turning from him she had began to cry. Watching her tears he had felt his heart numb and thus when she had spoken the words . . . when she had told him that Seishrio-san had gone far away perhaps never to return . . . he had found himself unable to weep also.
Now thought he cried bitter tears, the sodden dampness as a release to the anger and the hate that had been building inside of him since that day.
How dare Seishrio-san leave without him, how dare he search for comfort from another and how dare he close away from Subaru just as he had realized . . .
"I love you Seishrio-san."
Speaking those words he found that the anxiety of today had passed into mist and at last he understood. He had feared to face Seishrio-san while his own heart was so tangled about itself; he had feared to hear the man echo back his confession when he was unsure of what he felt, unsure as to whether the anger had driven out the tentative blossoming of his love. It was clear now in the knowledge that this was not so, and that no matter what, his heat would remain true.
The anxiety had passed into this uncontained joy. "Seishrio-san, I will help you no matter what," He remarked as he smiled his first true smile since he had lost his eye all of nine years ago. "I love you, after all."
He was not a physiatrist for nothing and looking to Sumeragi-kun Fuuma could all but see the change in his mental state. Clearly some momentous change had been wrought upon Sumeragi-kun since the previous evening, though Fuuma was at a loss as to what had brought such a confidence to one had seemed before shy and retiring. "Has any progress been made?" Sumeragi-kun enquired as they came to Sakurazuka-san's door.
"He was with Kizuki-san until the early hours discussing his other life, in an attempt to see if he had inadvertently hidden his mother's killer's face within that fantasy."
"And?"
Kakyo had been worn when he had at last left Sakurazuka-san's room and yet he's stayed long enough to tell Fuuma about Sakurazuka-san's idea that Murimi might have born a child, that that child might be the one responsible. To tell Sumeragi-kun such a thing, however, especially when it was simply speculation . . . "I am not the one to enquire as to what was learned in that session, Sumeragi-kun."
"Fair enough . . . Shall we go in?"
Sakurazukamori-kun was chatting to Satsuki, the gentle smile present upon his lips kindling into something beautiful as he saw Subaru. "Good afternoon, Subaru-kun."
"Good afternoon, Seishrio-san, miss."
"Good afternoon, Sumeragi-san. If you will excuse me . . . " She said as she gained her feet.
Silence stretched a little after she was gone and Fuuma became acutely aware that he was a third wheel in this situation. Of course it was impossible for him to leave Sakurazuka-san alone with Sumeragi-kun, especially when the other man was impressionable enough that he might loose Sakurazuka-san and aid in his escape.
Thus he turned away from the pair and began humming a little tuneless ditty. He would still be able to hear them but he hoped that the pretence of being unable to hear would be enough for the pair. He heard Sumeragi-kun stepping over to stand at the others side and the soft sound of skin contacting skin.
"I made a choice today, Seishrio-san, and as I promised, I have come to tell you what that choice was . . . "
"I do not recall that promise, Subaru-kun."
"But I do."
Silence a moment and until Sumeragi-kun said "I want to help you to find the answer to your quest, Seishrio-san, even if when you find it you again leave my side. I want to help you because I love you."
"Even though I might never leave this place, though I might truly be mad?"
"Yes."
Again a soft noise, this one the unmistakable sound of a kiss and then Sakurazuka-san could say was "I could ask for nothing more than your aid, Subaru, for I love you also."
The bright sound of Subaru's laughter bursts forth at that confession and Fuuma can picture the bright smile that must now grace the younger man's face. "Can I ask how we met, Subaru, how we were before mother died?"
"Of course, Seishrio." The younger man proceeded to recount again the tail of his first meeting with Sakurazuka-san, this time dwelling on how he had found a fascination in the older man even at that early stage.
As Sumeragi-kun talked of the friendship that had blossomed between the pair, Fuuma found that he could understand why Sumeragi-kun had given his faith over to Sakurazuka-san. He also found that he understood Kamui's hatred of the man even less than he had before this meeting. For though there was a dark threat to Sakurazuka-san it had all but been repressed under his care for the older Sumeragi sibling.
Always the Sumeragi-kun had been a figure for both protection and possession within the other's fantasy, a figure that had represented the one weakness of Sakurazuka-san's perfect self. Fuuma did not believe love was a cure all as Kizuki-san and yet he could not but hope that Sakurazuka-san's love for Subaru would save him.
Save him and give him back his life.
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T: Heh! It's the long awaited explanation chapter next time around until then R+R…no I'm not going to bribe you this time around!