Chapter 1.

(Emma POV)

'Here I am sitting here on this stupid couch once again. I always wonder to myself why I come to these parties and vow I won't go to another one. But yet here I am.'

She didn't want to go to the parties. She didn't like them. She didn't belong there. She knew it, he knew it, everyone at the parties knew it. She went because Sean wanted her to go. Since he came home, broke up with Ellie, and started going out with Emma things had been really different. And not a good different either. He became more wild. Going to the parties more, getting drunk. He didn't make her go to the parties. That's what she told herself. 'He never makes me go...I go because I want to go.'

Sometimes she'd actually believe it. But she knew it wasnt true. She went because if she ddin't he would 'punish' her. She remembered one she didn't go to one. He avioded her for a month. He didn't speak to her, didn't look at her. wouldn't even breathe her air. And when he wasn't mad at her anymore he acted like nothing ever happened. She didn't want that to happen again. In the beginning she really didn't care and tried to find any possible reason for her to not have to go. But in the end nothing worked. He even went as far as to check up on her one night to make sure she was really doing what she said she was.

But then the parties got really bad. Sean would just disappear and she wouldn't see him for hours. She never knew he he went either. That is until Alex started to disappear, too. She wasn't stupid. She knew what he was doing. Both her and Jay knew what was going on. They even talked about it one night.

Flashback
She was sitting alone on the couch waiting for Sean and Alex to come back. When Jay suddenly appeared and sat down on the couch next to her.
"What's up?" Jay asked sitting down. SHe looked nevrous to him.

"Nothing" She hadn't really talked to him lately. Just a 'hi' 'hello' 'how are you' conversation. Nothing really big. It was weird talking to him.

"They gone again?" She knew ho he was tlaking about, but she didn't want to answer him.

"Yeah" She said really low. A whipser almost. HE barebly heard her.

"You know what they're doing , right?" He wasn't trying to rub it in. He just wanted to make sure she knew what her boyfriend was doing with his girlfriend. What they were doing together.Behind their backs.

"Yeah I know." She souned okay with it, but he knew better.

"So if you know what he's doing,why stay with him?" She offend wondered this herself. He brought her to these parties. No he made her go to these parties. And if she ddin't he would ignore her and make her feel like nothing at all. And why? He did all that just so she could be sitting on a couch talking to Jay while he was somewhere else doing God knows what with Alex!

ALEX! A girl she hared. She made her like a living nightmare! And he didn't even try to hide that fact that he just left with her! So why did she stay with him? Why if she was in her right mind stay with him? Did she love him? No, she thought she didn't. The Sean she loved left along time ago and he wasn't coming back anytime soon. So why did she stay with him?

"Yo? You okay?" Jay brought her out of her thoughts

"What? Yeah. I'm fine. I dunno if I can answer your question. About Alex and Sean I mean." She was being completely honest. She really had no clue why she stayed with him.

"You love him?" Jay asked. He didnt know where this conversation was heading. But he didnt like it. He wasn't one to talk about his feelings and all this smushy crap.

"No, I dont love him" He was waiting for the question he knew was coming.

"Do you love Alex?" And there it was. The question he knew was coming, he was waiting for it, he really didn't want to answer it. But she answered his.

"Well, No I dont think I love her. You know it was never really love with us. I've been with her for maybe 3 years now. It never really got to loe. Just comfotable. It's comfortable what we have. Neither one of us is looking for love. It's just comfortable, you know?" It was comfortable. They used each other. He wouldn't deny that. But it was comfortable.

"Im surprised he goes to Alex." He wasn't trying to be mean. But really. Why go to Alex, when you had Emma? He had had both. And there was no comparsion.

"I probably wouldn't be good enough for him." Not that she would do anything with him. Not that he had even asked. She probably wouldnt be good enough for him though.

Jay laughed when she said this. She didn't know just how much better she was then Alex. In every aspect. Yeah, they were different. But Emma was an all around better person then she was. She would never know just how much better she was then Alex. Cameron really didnt deserve her.

"You're better then her." He didnt mean it in any way. Just in general.

"What do you mean?" He looked up into her eyes. He could tell she wanted something, but he didn't know what. For the first time, since the ravine he allowed his eyes to wonder. He hadn't looked at her in that way for a long time. She was waering old faded jeans that still looked great on her. They hugged her hips in all the right places. She had on an old sweatshirt and it said 'Degrassi' on the front. Her hair was perfectly combed as always. She wore little make-up, but she still looked great.

As his eyes wondered over her body, he didnt think she noticed it, but she did. She was going to move or something to show she was uncomfortable. But she missed the attention, and not from Sean. She missed the attention from him. She missed him looking at her this way that made shivers go up her spine. The last tiem he gave it to her, it was the night of the play. In the back of the stage. It was sort of a longing look. He was about to say something to her when he looked up and saw Alex and Sean walking down the stairs.

Alexs hair was all messed up, and you could tell she didn't have her bra anymore. Seans lips were swollen and his hodie was gone. Both of them were breathing heavy. Sean walked over to tell as Alex walked the other way. He went up to Emma and pulled her up and huggeed her. Jay could see the hurt and angry in her eyes. 'How can he hug her after what he just dud with Alex? Doesn't he know that she's not stupid? That she knows what he's doing? And that it's hurting her? Apparently not.'

And then Alex came around and sat next to Jay. She looked tired and leaned on him. But he stood up wanting nothing to do with it. 'If she's tired let her go and hang on Cameron. After all he's the one that made her tired, right?'

"Lets go. This place is getting boring. And by the looks of it you guys are tired." Jay said bending his head beginning to search for his keys. But not before he saw the look Sean shot his way. He didn't care though. 'He didn't like the truth? well then he should stop screwing my girlfriend and start caring about HIs girlfriends feelings' Jay thought what he had said was justified and thats all that mattered.He thought as he heaed out the doorway with Emma,Sean,and Alex trailing behind him.

Endflash Back

She remembered that night so well. They never talked about that night again. But she still always wondered what he meant by she was better then alex. His opinion of her couldn't be higher then his opinion of his own girlfriend, could it? 'Well my opinion of Jay is much better then my opinion of Sean. But look what Sean is doing to me. The same thing Alex is doing to Jay.' She thought. But he was Jay. She really couldn't tell what he was thinking.

Then there was a shadow hanging over her,and then she looked up and there he was. Jay was standing before her in his usual gear. Baggy pants, sort of baggy blue shirt with his oversized jacket on. And of course who could forget his hat on backwards with his sunglasses on the stop of his hat. He sat down next to her and she had a feeling they were about to have another heart to heart...