From Night to Day
Author: Mercy
Disclaimers: I own nothing they belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy; I just borrow them on occasion. If only Josh would rent them out for functions or special occasions then I would be a VERY happy little vegemite !!!!!(aussie for a very happy little girl)
Thanks to my Beta Readers; Brianna for her continual encouragement, spotting my mistakes, and support from the other side of the planet!!!! And she's a great fan fic writer in her own right!
Kirsty for her spotting my bad spelling and grammar despite spell check!! And putting up with my bad emails! And I'm glad you're enjoying this as much as me!! lol
Also to everyone who has reviewed my story so far........
Summary: Buffy is living with her mother and Dawn in Sunnydale, her next door neighbours house goes up for sale. Guess who moves in next door with a baby, all cute and gorgeous, and I mean besides the baby. But there are a few obstacles along the way, and not to mention their differences in age. Buffy is trying to deal with a dark time in her life and she looking for the strength to conquer it. He is looking for something that he thinks his lost, his trying to learn to live again, and maybe love again.
But love is blind, renewing for the spirit and divine for the soul~~~ who says me Mercy me (he he)
Timeline: AU all the way
Warning: Some viewers may require tissues prior to reading!!!!
Chapter 3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~Crush~~
Days had turned into weeks, since the arrival of Spike and Co. into the Sunnydale community. It certainly had created gossip for the local grapevine, and enough fodder for the busybodies in town to keep them feed for weeks. The appearance of an attractive man with no wife was enough to keep to the unmarried and married women for a fact, of all ages running to the hair and beauty salon without delay, trying to catch what appeared to be the hottest and most available guy in town.
The Summer's family had become friendly with the new arrivals, Dawn became a regular visitor to the household to mind Imogen when her father was busy, and the babysitting money was good for Dawn. Joyce dropped in to make sure the single father was coping with the baby, and supplying endless dinners for him. And Buffy, she sort off just popped in to drag Dawn home when needed, or took leftovers for the neighbour to have dinner, or to invite the family to dinner.
He became a regular in the Summer's household as much as the family had in his. Life was good.........for now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"They're saying what???" Spike embarrassment was showing clearly all over his face, he was so red he looked like a tomato. His annoyance at being the subject of gossip was making him so annoyed that, the steam was literally blowing out of his ears.
"The woman in town think you're just a cutie!", Dawn sat in front of Spike in the Summers' lounge room, playing with Imogen, bring him up to speed with the gossip that he had been generating since his arrival into town. She was relishing in his apparent embarrassment, and just loved watching his face get redder and redder.
"Oh and they also think you're a 'hottie', or so Janice's mom said.", Dawn was going to milk this one for all it was worth, she couldn't help herself, she was just enjoying herself to much. Her grin on her face was just contagious as Imogen began to gurgle to herself, and begin to attempt to grab at the toys that lay in between her and Dawn.
"See even Imogen agrees with them", Dawn looked down at the baby, picking up a toy for her to play with.
"Agree with what?", Buffy asked as she entered the room from the direction of the kitchen. Inquiring what the two were debating about, moving over to her sister, casting her attention towards the baby, "Hey Little One!"
"Bit", Spike replied towards the two sisters.
"'Bit'", Buffy turned her head up at Spike, seeing blue observant eyes that seemed at that point to be summing her up, or maybe she was just being paranoid, at that point she didn't care, as she felt those unwanted little 'crush' type feelings arise deep down in the pit of her stomach.
"Imogen, her nicknames is 'Little Bit'"
"Oh, um sorry", Buffy tried to move her eyes back to the baby but she couldn't, she felt caught in the embrace of the deep crystal blue stare of his gaze, as if enthralled. She felt a little silly, how could she be attracted to this man, he was way to old, he had a baby, he was her neighbour, and most importantly her mom would kill her if she ever knew about these crazy ideas and emotions that were going on in her head. But what Buffy felt most was the feeling of impending doom that accompanied these feelings, of losing herself in the abyss that she wanted to avoid at all cost.
Spike couldn't help but see the wheels churn around in Buffy's head; he couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking. If only she knew what was going on in his, she would run away as fast as she could, the fact that he fancied the little chit, probably would be enough to scare her off. The reality was that he was probably too old for her, he was a single parent, she was the girl next door, and her mum would probably take an axe over his head, if he even tried anything.
He even questioned the validity of theses feelings as he'd only known her for such a short time, the instant attraction he felt for her was like a coin, two sided. On one side he felt this rush of attraction filled with extra helpings of lust, and on the other pure guilt for even just thinking such things about her. It was too soon, too fast for him, he felt out of control of his life, and at the moment he felt like he was hanging on by a thread.
Buffy watched Spike as he seemed to be considering something with great thought, she noted the worried look in his eyes, and the hardening of his features. She couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking, what was troubling him so. She considered her own worrying thoughts and decided it was best left for later, considering that really she didn't want to really think about them in his presence, it only warped her thoughts.
"Come on Dawn, Mom wants us home", Buffy looked at her sister, "Dad's due for his visit and its Pizza Night, remember??"
"Oh come on Buff, we both know he ain't gonna come", the look on Dawnie's face said it all, Hank their father was due to visit, but as always he'd be AWOL. He never came, and hadn't shown up for about 2 months now; he always found an excuse not to visit his daughters.
"Your dad coming to see you both?" Spike asked of his visitors.
"Yeah Dad's due any minute." Buffy replied for her sister that had began to sulk at the thought of having to leave, "You know he's due Dawn, so come on, we'd better head home."
"Say 'bye bye Spike' Dawn", Buffy glared at her sister, "and 'bye bye Imogen'."
"Okay, okay", Dawn looked between the two, "Bye Spike, thanks for letting my play with Imogen"
"Bye Imogen", Dawn smoothed down the baby's hair as a farewell.
With great reluctance Dawn got off the floor and moved in the direction of her sister, and out of the house. Both made their way across the lawn, back to the Summer's house, Dawn striding a little quicker than her sister, as if to avoid her.
"Hey Dawnie, wait up!" Buffy called to her sibling in an attempt to slow her down, she could feel the tension coming off her sister like waves, Dawn slowed down a little but did she didn't stop. Buffy quickened her pace to catch up with her sister, she put her hand on her to halt any further progression.
"What now!!" Dawn stopped in her tracks and turned to her sister, her face saying it all. She was rightly pissed off with her.
"What's your problem Dawn, we both know its Dads night to come and visit us", Buffy looked at her sister with distain, and she was becoming more difficult to talk with than ever.
"Come one Buffy, we both know that he isn't going to come, he never does. And...and.."
"And what?"
"Spike", Dawn looked away from her sister, she refused to look her in the eyes, as she crossed her arms in a defensive manner.
"And what about Spike?", Buffy inquired.
"He's making Cow Eyes at you again"
"Ewwwwwww, no he was not!" Buffy looked at her sister like she had two heads.
"Yes he was and so were you!!"
"We were not, we.........", Buffy's voice died before she could finish her speech, because she knew it was true, as much as she wanted to deny it, it was true.
"He looks at you and you turn away, you never look back at him. Then when you think he's not looking, you turn all lovey dovey on him. I've seen you!!!!" Dawn accused her sister, with bulging eyes and a terse voice.
"No Dawn I don't, really I don't", Buffy's lie fell from her lips and onto deaf ears; Dawn wasn't going to believe it for one minute.
"Come on Buffy we both know the truth.", Dawn looked into her sisters eyes at last with a smile on his lips, "His a hottie, what girl with warm blood wouldn't feel attracted to him, you'd have to have no pulse not too."
Dawnie's quick change in attitude gave Buffy ideas to why her sister was giving her the cold shoulder. '~OMG she's got a crush on him~' Buffy thought to herself, it was obvious now, how could she be so blind, '~not only did she have a crush she was jealous of me~'.
"You've got a crush on him", Buffy couldn't help but have a little giggle, making Dawn start her quick march back home, "Dawn I'm only kidding, come on!!"
Dawn ignored her sister, her face a crimson shade of red. Buffy knew that she had some major making up to do. Some real serious making up to do. At least they now had something in common with each other, even if it was crazy, illogical and just down right strange.
Buffy entered their home just slightly behind Dawn, and began making her way up the stair, when her mother stopped her. She heard a door slam upstairs, she could only guess was her sisters.
"Buffy, I think your sisters going to need a shoulder to cry on again!"
"Let me guess Dad?"
"Yes Sweetie, he cancelled again about 10 minutes ago, business he said", Joyce tried to as always soften the blow with a white lie or another. Buffy knew deep down that it wasn't business, probably some young girl her age or near enough that had his attention. She looked at her mom, just nodded her head and made her way further up the stairs to make her way into Dawn's room.
"Dawn ?" Buffy stood outside her sisters room knocking gently on the door, and opening it slowly peering in. Dawn was slumped on her bed the tears whelming in her eyes.
"Why do we even bother with him anymore Buffy?"
Buffy made her way over to her sister, enveloping her in a big hug, giving her some comfort, "I don't know Dawn, he's our Dad no matter what, and we can only hope that one day he'll be our Dad again.", but deep down Buffy knew that their father was losing interest with his daughters, and that hurt her deep down as well. But she had to hope for her sister that this wasn't true, that maybe their father would realise just what damage he was doing to them before it became a permeant scar. And the girls wouldn't want to do anything with him either.
"Hey why don't I call Willow and the gang, see if they wanna go to the movies, and we'll have a real pizza night with them, and if you behave maybe go to the Bronze after?"
Buffy hoped that this would appease Dawn's ambivalence towards their father, and give her something to do instead of sitting in her room upset. It would also give her an excuse not to stay at home and mope around with her. Dawn raised her head and looked at her sister; she simply nodded her head in agreement, wiping away the tears that threatened to spill.
Buffy left her then, to make the arrangements with their friends to meet later and hope that their mother would agree to allow them to go out together. Luckily enough Joyce was in agreement with her daughter to take Dawnie out as a 'treat', and not that this would be habit forming each week because their father was getting 'slack'.
Luckily Willow, Xander, Cordy and Tara had yet to finalise their plans and where happy to meet with the Summer girls as Buffy planned. She thanked her lucky stars that she had friends that accepted her little sister as part of the crew. Not many people their age would want to be caught dead socialising with a high school kid, so Buffy thanked her lucky stars that she knew such fine people, and was glad to call them her friends.
She went back upstairs told her sister to get ready, that they would meet the gang in half an hour. This was a night both of them needed to get out of the house. Buffy could help but wonder that she had two good reasons to want to get out for a while, one being her father, and the other the hurdy gurdy feelings she was having about Spike. She needed a night out away from everything, a night just to get away, she needed some time not just to think about it, she needed...she just didn't know what she needed.
She went to her own room to get ready for their night on the town and it hit her what she needed and why she was going out.
To escape.
Chapter 4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~The Past Always Comes Back to Haunt Us~~
A few days later Spike sat in his kitchen feeding Imogen her lunch, something that resembled strained peas and carrots that looked rather lumpy, stringy and smelt absolutely ghastly. She sat in her highchair looking rather indianite at any suggestion that she eat what was put in front of her, even as her father attempted the old favourite...
"Look Imogen here comes the train....choo... choo!!!", Spike pushed the spoon towards his daughter, her little hand sprung out pushing it away from her face, resulting in the concoction ending up all over her father, running down his face, and splattering onto his clothes.
Spike in defeat put the baby spoon down, moved to the sink to clean the goo off his face, and attempted to clean it off his clothes before it stained. Behind him he heard a crash, turning quickly he watched on in horror as Imogen pushed the bowl that held her lunch onto the floor. Forming her own masterpiece upon the tiles, a look of horror on her fathers' face, and a little smile (some would say a smirk) with a gurgle of joy from the baby girl, upon creating such a mess.
"Oh bugger!!!!"
Imogen 1
Spike 0
Spike thought as he shook his head at the chaos that lay on the floor, the little monster of his daughter, and trying at the same time to remember where he had left the mop. He looked at the state of his blue suite and wondered 'what on earth he was going to do now'; he had an interview in half an hour and tried to contemplate how he was going to get there in time. Just what he needed today, to be late for a job he desperately wanted and needed.
Imogen continued to create havoc with her appearance as she played with the food that had been caught in the tray of her high chair, looking rather pleased with herself, escaping a meal she clearly didn't want. She gurgled and banged her hands on the tray before her, looking at her father in bemusement with an 'ain't I cute' look.
Voices from outside caught his attention away from his daughter and the entertaining time she was having with her food. He caught a glimpse of the Summers' family leaving the house from the back door, heading for the Jeep parked in the backyard, quickly making a split decision, he ran for the back door and onto his patio.
"Joyce, Buffy, Dawn!!!" he yelled towards the family, "Wait please!!!"
All three heads whipped around to the intrusion that startled them all, Joyce being the first to respond, thinking the worst she dropped her briefcase and dashed over towards the younger man.
"Spike, what's wrong?? Is it the baby?? Has she hurt herself??" Joyce shouted as she pushed Spike aside, scuttled into the kitchen, looking at the sight before her, she broke into a fit of laughter, reducing her to tears.
Buffy and Dawn had followed in pursuit of their mother, pursuing her into the kitchen, catching the vision of Imogen covered in a greeny goo all over her face, hair, clothes and not to mention anything else that lay in the vicinity. The grins that came to both of their faces, broke into larger smiles as they both attempted not to brake out into the laughter that possessed their mother. But it was contagious, soon all the women joined each other in deep howls of laughter, as the accompanying tears began to stream as they laughed so hard. All three sets of eyes moving from Imogen to Spike and the mess both of them were in, it was a sight to behold.
"So the emergency is the massacred green goo on the floor hey, or the fashion statement that your making now!!!", Buffy just couldn't help herself with the barb.
"Ummmm Spike love the look, very Nuevo Reich, very now", Dawn added to her sister's little comment on his state of dress.
"Yes Spike that green goes very well with the blue suite, rather striking I'd say", Joyce joined in on the fun her girls where having at his expense.
"Okay people, you've had your fun!!" Spike look at the women in horror as they laughed at his predicament, "Please enough already!!"
"So Spike what can we do for you that seem so urgent???" Joyce asked the young man before her in between laughs, "Maybe call 911 for the Fashion Police"
"Ha ha, very funny!! But can we please get serious here?", Spike pleaded with all of them for some sanity to return to the room.
"Ok, ok, Spike what's the problem?" Buffy had settled down somewhat enough to ask the question.
"Look, I have a job interview in half an hour and I obviously cannot go like this!!" Spike pointed towards himself and the goo that clung to his suite.
"But I think you look rather handsome like that, goo and all!!", Buffy just couldn't help herself.
"Well Miss Summers you may find it attractive but I doubt my maybe employers will!!", Spike was beginning to get very annoyed at the trio, he was losing his sense of humour very quickly.
"And your problem is...???", Buffy responded to his somewhat now hostile attitude towards the Summer women.
"Well could one of you please look after Imogen while I change my suite and try to clean up this mess", Spike pleaded with the women, gesturing with his hands towards Imogen and himself.
"What, no way mister!!!" Buffy looked at him with a look of horror on her face towards one very messy infant. The thought of how one of them was even going to pick up the baby without getting the green goo on them boggled her mind. She and Dawn began to simultaneously began to back away from the chaos, and move towards the back door to avoid the duty being asked of them. Spike turned his attention to Joyce as he watched the girls move backwards, the obvious pleading with her maternal instincts to help, was written all over his face.
"Buffy", Joyce uttered the single word that halted her eldest desperate exit from the kitchen.
Buffy froze on the spot, she turned looking at her mother, with a large pout spoiling her face, "But Mom !!!!"
"No buts young lady I think that this is a job just for you!!"
Joyce turned to her daughter, her back to Spike with a pleading look on her own face, "Sweetie I don't have time for this, and Dawnie's going to be late for class. You don't start class for another 2 hours surely that is enough time young lady, and it's the neighbourly thing to do."
"But, but!!!", Buffy began to plead with her mother, but to no avail as both Dawn and Joyce left the kitchen by the back door. Closing off any means of escape from this little chore assigned to her, slamming the door in their wake.
Buffy returned her attention to the man before her, "I'm hope your happy now!!!", Buffy made her way towards Imogen and the mess that occupied most of her little body and features, with a look of '~ewwwwwwwwww~' on her face. This was a job she most definitely didn't want to do.
"Don't be like that Sweet Heart, I appreciate your help and I'll be forever in your debt!", Spike cockily replied, he softly began to chuckle at her predicament, " Thanks Buff !! I really mean it, I owe you big time! I'll help in your next apocalypse, I promise!!"
With that he left the kitchen and Imogen in her good hands, hoping that maybe while she was at it, she might clean up the mess, and the chaos demon that had created it. Making his way into the master bedroom he removed his suit surveying the damage. It was a complete write off for the interview, even his shirt was ruined, and not to mention his tie. He looked at his tie with sad feelings it had been the one that his wife had given him on his first day of his last job, it was meant to bring him luck. He wondered if it was salvageable from the green goo, it was a vestige of his past, even if it was just a silly tie. Remembering the past only brought on thoughts of the present, and in particular the young woman that was beneath him downstairs tending to his daughter.
Buffy.
He was so confused in his attraction to her, it had slammed itself into him the moment she walked into the kitchen this morning, leaving him dazed and bewildered. He knew that it was foolish and down right insane for him to have these feelings, whatever they where, he shouldn't be having them. For gods sake she was a collage girl, what would someone her age want with him an old man by her standards, and she probably had a boyfriend anyway, someone her own age. He thought to himself as he moved to the wardrobe and removed a new suite to replace the one he had on.
As he lay his new suit on his bed, his eyes caught the photo of his wife that lay on the sideboard, surrounded in a crystal frame, it was a wedding day picture of them both. He moved towards it as drawn by her presence to it, he traced her face with his finger, a single tear slide down his face. He wiped it away with his hand, brushing his finger slightly against his mouth too tasted his own tears, a wave of overwhelming desolation swept over him and engulfed him in a single heart beat.
Spike slide to the floor as the sobs over took his whole body, with his back to his bed he placed his hands over his face as to block out the reality that engulfed him in the empty bedroom. The tears began to flow from his eyes like a salty river threatening to drown him, he began shaking with the weight of his grief in his soul. He began to rock with the burden of guilt that enveloped him over his feelings of want and desire he felt towards Buffy. It just compounded the feelings of loss he felt for his wife, as it hung around his neck like a vice ready to strangle him. His mind whirled around with thoughts of grief over the woman he loved, and the guilt of feeling something over a woman he didn't even know, the contradiction was just too much for him.....he surrendered to the abyss. The darkness was too enticing to ignore, if it meant release from the pain he felt, than he would embrace it. He let go and wept until he could no more..........
Down stairs Buffy had managed to clean Imogen up from the mess she made as best she could, she gazed at the baby and decided that she need a proper clean upstairs in the bathroom, a change of clothes, and by the smell of things a new nappy. She picked up Imogen, and made her way upstairs hunting down the bathroom in which she sponged the baby, cleaning her face, hands and hair. The baby's room was obvious with its yellow walls and animal print borders, and the lettering spelling out "Imogen's Room', was a dead give away.
Buffy laid Imogen on her change table removing the offending nappy, and its contents into the nappy bin she found in the nursery. She had some trouble deciding what to do next, as she scanned the various pots of cream on the change table, not sure which one to put on the baby. Deciding that the one with the cute giraffe one with the happy baby smiling from its label would do, she applied the cream, and finished the task with a new nappy. But found that she was having some trouble on which way was the front, and what the back was.
"Your Daddy owes me big time little lady!!" Buffy chuckled as she completed the nappy change, she was quite pleased with her results considering this was her first foray into changing a baby.
"Okay, what's next?? A new outfit for Miss Future Junior Prom Queen, I think.", Buffy began looking in the draws near the cot, looking for an outfit for Imogen, with the baby slung on her hip. As she pondered her selection she froze...
She heard a quiet 'thunk' of something hitting the floor in a nearby bedroom, and followed quietly with haunting sobs, that filled her heart with despair. She knew that they could be only coming from one person.
William
Buffy quickly and as quietly as possible finished dressing the baby, she placed Imogen in her cot with as many toys as she could hastily find. Standing in front of the cot she was in too minds, '~do I go to him or just mind my own business~', her mind was made up for her as the sobs became louder and more distressed.
She went to him.
Moving along the main corridor as quietly as she could she stood outside the master bedroom door, placing her hand upon it she could feel the pain and anguish of the person inside resinate from within. With great hesitancy she opened the door to find Spike slumped over himself, with his hands in his face crying his heart out, rocking forwards and backwards with what she suspected was grief. Buffy slowly stepped into the room making her way towards him, as she got closer she spotted the crystal frame and the picture within laying on the bed.
It was a picture of a Spike in a morning suit, with a beautiful brunette in a bridal gown; it screamed 'Our Wedding Day' to Buffy.
"William", Buffy whispered to Spike so softly you almost couldn't hear it.
Spike didn't respond, he just continued with his sobbing, he was so locked in whatever was happening to him he didn't hear her. Buffy was so overwhelmed with sadness to see him like this, it rocked her very soul, and whatever was causing this was just tearing him apart. She stood there for a few seconds unsure what to do, finally she moved closer to him, sat down in front of him, and just grabbed onto him, encircling him in her embrace, giving him an anchor. She began moving with him, backwards and forwards, smoothing his hair, repeating over and over 'it will be ok, you'll see".
As Buffy continued to comfort Spike it finally hit her, why she or no one else had seen his wife, she suspected that she must be dead. With that single thought Buffy shuddered at the thought of the pain that Spike must be feeling. The loneliness, desolation and the difficulties it must be to bring up their child without her.
"Spike please talk to me!", Buffy pleaded with him in a soothing voice, trying to break whatever had hold on him, "Please William!!"
Slowly the rocking stopped, the sobbing slowed, but the tears continued to flow slowly and quietly down his cheeks. He still had his hands over his eyes and face, as not wanting to look into the eyes of the person who had witness this showing of despair, and deep sorrow. Buffy leaned back slightly, letting her embrace loosen a little bit so she could look at Spike, up close she could only guess his emotions at this stage, her heart was breaking for him, she wanted to alleviate some of the burden he carried, but she didn't know how. She decided to make a tough call; she hoped that it would open him up to her, maybe, even if only a little bit.
"What happened to her Spike?", Buffy asked Spike as gently and softly as she could, she continued to smooth his hair in a sign of reassurance, and comfort. Finally he lifted his head from his hands, his eyes all puffy from the pouring of his tears, and his face devoid of any emotion, yet the remains of tears where still present on his cheeks. Buffy couldn't help herself as she wiped them away, her hand brushing them into oblivion.
"She's dead", Spike finally spoke with a gravely voice full of roughness, as is passing over sandpaper as it left his throat, "She died in a car accident over six months ago, and I couldn't save her, I couldn't get to her, I couldn't save her, I....."
He became speechless, lost in his own thoughts of guilt and loss. Spike look directly at Buffy searching her face with his eyes, looking at her so profoundly as if trying to find something there, maybe revulsion, pity, fear or even forgiveness.
"We were hit by a drunk, I couldn't swerve..I didn't see him coming....I couldn't get to her...I was trapped in the car.....I couldn't reach her.....I couldn't save her....The baby....The baby came at the accident scene...", Spike began to stumble with his words, his breathing becoming laboured with each breathe and word he spoke, "The blood, so much blood, blood every....ssshhhheee bleed to death....they couldn't stop the bleeding...I couldn't save her...."
'Oh Spike I'm so sorry", Buffy gently spoke to him, pulling him into an embrace to give him the strength that he needed, and that she could offer him. He pulled his arms around her back grateful for the human warmth that she offered to him, he pulled as closely as he could, wanting as if to feel her gift to him.
"I dream of her every night", Spike whispered into Buffy's ear.
"But every night I save her"
Spike couldn't believe these overwhelming feelings he had for the young woman, he was elated that he was feeling something at all, and even if it was lust, it was something. But he had to be careful with these new feelings, she was just a collage girl, and he was a man with responsibilities, who was he to act on his feelings for her. He felt so lost then, he realised that he had felt something again, and he knew that he couldn't do anything about them. In his mind, he crawled back to the dark place in his subconscious, and stayed there, the light that seemed to burn so bright in his eyes, faded into nothingness as he continued to stare at Buffy.
He couldn't believe his own contradictions, one minute sobbing with grief over his wife, and then lusting after the one before him. He couldn't but think to himself, 'I must be insane, what in hells name am I thinking', he felt even more ashamed and grieved by this admission. He abruptly removed her arms from around her and moved into the en-suite shutting the door behind him......effectively shutting her out.
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A/N~~ I really hope that you liked these chapters, please review and let me know!! It feeds the machine, that is my mind!!!
I'm sorry it took so long to update but RL has a lot to answer for!!!!!!
Author: Mercy
Disclaimers: I own nothing they belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy; I just borrow them on occasion. If only Josh would rent them out for functions or special occasions then I would be a VERY happy little vegemite !!!!!(aussie for a very happy little girl)
Thanks to my Beta Readers; Brianna for her continual encouragement, spotting my mistakes, and support from the other side of the planet!!!! And she's a great fan fic writer in her own right!
Kirsty for her spotting my bad spelling and grammar despite spell check!! And putting up with my bad emails! And I'm glad you're enjoying this as much as me!! lol
Also to everyone who has reviewed my story so far........
Summary: Buffy is living with her mother and Dawn in Sunnydale, her next door neighbours house goes up for sale. Guess who moves in next door with a baby, all cute and gorgeous, and I mean besides the baby. But there are a few obstacles along the way, and not to mention their differences in age. Buffy is trying to deal with a dark time in her life and she looking for the strength to conquer it. He is looking for something that he thinks his lost, his trying to learn to live again, and maybe love again.
But love is blind, renewing for the spirit and divine for the soul~~~ who says me Mercy me (he he)
Timeline: AU all the way
Warning: Some viewers may require tissues prior to reading!!!!
Chapter 3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~Crush~~
Days had turned into weeks, since the arrival of Spike and Co. into the Sunnydale community. It certainly had created gossip for the local grapevine, and enough fodder for the busybodies in town to keep them feed for weeks. The appearance of an attractive man with no wife was enough to keep to the unmarried and married women for a fact, of all ages running to the hair and beauty salon without delay, trying to catch what appeared to be the hottest and most available guy in town.
The Summer's family had become friendly with the new arrivals, Dawn became a regular visitor to the household to mind Imogen when her father was busy, and the babysitting money was good for Dawn. Joyce dropped in to make sure the single father was coping with the baby, and supplying endless dinners for him. And Buffy, she sort off just popped in to drag Dawn home when needed, or took leftovers for the neighbour to have dinner, or to invite the family to dinner.
He became a regular in the Summer's household as much as the family had in his. Life was good.........for now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"They're saying what???" Spike embarrassment was showing clearly all over his face, he was so red he looked like a tomato. His annoyance at being the subject of gossip was making him so annoyed that, the steam was literally blowing out of his ears.
"The woman in town think you're just a cutie!", Dawn sat in front of Spike in the Summers' lounge room, playing with Imogen, bring him up to speed with the gossip that he had been generating since his arrival into town. She was relishing in his apparent embarrassment, and just loved watching his face get redder and redder.
"Oh and they also think you're a 'hottie', or so Janice's mom said.", Dawn was going to milk this one for all it was worth, she couldn't help herself, she was just enjoying herself to much. Her grin on her face was just contagious as Imogen began to gurgle to herself, and begin to attempt to grab at the toys that lay in between her and Dawn.
"See even Imogen agrees with them", Dawn looked down at the baby, picking up a toy for her to play with.
"Agree with what?", Buffy asked as she entered the room from the direction of the kitchen. Inquiring what the two were debating about, moving over to her sister, casting her attention towards the baby, "Hey Little One!"
"Bit", Spike replied towards the two sisters.
"'Bit'", Buffy turned her head up at Spike, seeing blue observant eyes that seemed at that point to be summing her up, or maybe she was just being paranoid, at that point she didn't care, as she felt those unwanted little 'crush' type feelings arise deep down in the pit of her stomach.
"Imogen, her nicknames is 'Little Bit'"
"Oh, um sorry", Buffy tried to move her eyes back to the baby but she couldn't, she felt caught in the embrace of the deep crystal blue stare of his gaze, as if enthralled. She felt a little silly, how could she be attracted to this man, he was way to old, he had a baby, he was her neighbour, and most importantly her mom would kill her if she ever knew about these crazy ideas and emotions that were going on in her head. But what Buffy felt most was the feeling of impending doom that accompanied these feelings, of losing herself in the abyss that she wanted to avoid at all cost.
Spike couldn't help but see the wheels churn around in Buffy's head; he couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking. If only she knew what was going on in his, she would run away as fast as she could, the fact that he fancied the little chit, probably would be enough to scare her off. The reality was that he was probably too old for her, he was a single parent, she was the girl next door, and her mum would probably take an axe over his head, if he even tried anything.
He even questioned the validity of theses feelings as he'd only known her for such a short time, the instant attraction he felt for her was like a coin, two sided. On one side he felt this rush of attraction filled with extra helpings of lust, and on the other pure guilt for even just thinking such things about her. It was too soon, too fast for him, he felt out of control of his life, and at the moment he felt like he was hanging on by a thread.
Buffy watched Spike as he seemed to be considering something with great thought, she noted the worried look in his eyes, and the hardening of his features. She couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking, what was troubling him so. She considered her own worrying thoughts and decided it was best left for later, considering that really she didn't want to really think about them in his presence, it only warped her thoughts.
"Come on Dawn, Mom wants us home", Buffy looked at her sister, "Dad's due for his visit and its Pizza Night, remember??"
"Oh come on Buff, we both know he ain't gonna come", the look on Dawnie's face said it all, Hank their father was due to visit, but as always he'd be AWOL. He never came, and hadn't shown up for about 2 months now; he always found an excuse not to visit his daughters.
"Your dad coming to see you both?" Spike asked of his visitors.
"Yeah Dad's due any minute." Buffy replied for her sister that had began to sulk at the thought of having to leave, "You know he's due Dawn, so come on, we'd better head home."
"Say 'bye bye Spike' Dawn", Buffy glared at her sister, "and 'bye bye Imogen'."
"Okay, okay", Dawn looked between the two, "Bye Spike, thanks for letting my play with Imogen"
"Bye Imogen", Dawn smoothed down the baby's hair as a farewell.
With great reluctance Dawn got off the floor and moved in the direction of her sister, and out of the house. Both made their way across the lawn, back to the Summer's house, Dawn striding a little quicker than her sister, as if to avoid her.
"Hey Dawnie, wait up!" Buffy called to her sibling in an attempt to slow her down, she could feel the tension coming off her sister like waves, Dawn slowed down a little but did she didn't stop. Buffy quickened her pace to catch up with her sister, she put her hand on her to halt any further progression.
"What now!!" Dawn stopped in her tracks and turned to her sister, her face saying it all. She was rightly pissed off with her.
"What's your problem Dawn, we both know its Dads night to come and visit us", Buffy looked at her sister with distain, and she was becoming more difficult to talk with than ever.
"Come one Buffy, we both know that he isn't going to come, he never does. And...and.."
"And what?"
"Spike", Dawn looked away from her sister, she refused to look her in the eyes, as she crossed her arms in a defensive manner.
"And what about Spike?", Buffy inquired.
"He's making Cow Eyes at you again"
"Ewwwwwww, no he was not!" Buffy looked at her sister like she had two heads.
"Yes he was and so were you!!"
"We were not, we.........", Buffy's voice died before she could finish her speech, because she knew it was true, as much as she wanted to deny it, it was true.
"He looks at you and you turn away, you never look back at him. Then when you think he's not looking, you turn all lovey dovey on him. I've seen you!!!!" Dawn accused her sister, with bulging eyes and a terse voice.
"No Dawn I don't, really I don't", Buffy's lie fell from her lips and onto deaf ears; Dawn wasn't going to believe it for one minute.
"Come on Buffy we both know the truth.", Dawn looked into her sisters eyes at last with a smile on his lips, "His a hottie, what girl with warm blood wouldn't feel attracted to him, you'd have to have no pulse not too."
Dawnie's quick change in attitude gave Buffy ideas to why her sister was giving her the cold shoulder. '~OMG she's got a crush on him~' Buffy thought to herself, it was obvious now, how could she be so blind, '~not only did she have a crush she was jealous of me~'.
"You've got a crush on him", Buffy couldn't help but have a little giggle, making Dawn start her quick march back home, "Dawn I'm only kidding, come on!!"
Dawn ignored her sister, her face a crimson shade of red. Buffy knew that she had some major making up to do. Some real serious making up to do. At least they now had something in common with each other, even if it was crazy, illogical and just down right strange.
Buffy entered their home just slightly behind Dawn, and began making her way up the stair, when her mother stopped her. She heard a door slam upstairs, she could only guess was her sisters.
"Buffy, I think your sisters going to need a shoulder to cry on again!"
"Let me guess Dad?"
"Yes Sweetie, he cancelled again about 10 minutes ago, business he said", Joyce tried to as always soften the blow with a white lie or another. Buffy knew deep down that it wasn't business, probably some young girl her age or near enough that had his attention. She looked at her mom, just nodded her head and made her way further up the stairs to make her way into Dawn's room.
"Dawn ?" Buffy stood outside her sisters room knocking gently on the door, and opening it slowly peering in. Dawn was slumped on her bed the tears whelming in her eyes.
"Why do we even bother with him anymore Buffy?"
Buffy made her way over to her sister, enveloping her in a big hug, giving her some comfort, "I don't know Dawn, he's our Dad no matter what, and we can only hope that one day he'll be our Dad again.", but deep down Buffy knew that their father was losing interest with his daughters, and that hurt her deep down as well. But she had to hope for her sister that this wasn't true, that maybe their father would realise just what damage he was doing to them before it became a permeant scar. And the girls wouldn't want to do anything with him either.
"Hey why don't I call Willow and the gang, see if they wanna go to the movies, and we'll have a real pizza night with them, and if you behave maybe go to the Bronze after?"
Buffy hoped that this would appease Dawn's ambivalence towards their father, and give her something to do instead of sitting in her room upset. It would also give her an excuse not to stay at home and mope around with her. Dawn raised her head and looked at her sister; she simply nodded her head in agreement, wiping away the tears that threatened to spill.
Buffy left her then, to make the arrangements with their friends to meet later and hope that their mother would agree to allow them to go out together. Luckily enough Joyce was in agreement with her daughter to take Dawnie out as a 'treat', and not that this would be habit forming each week because their father was getting 'slack'.
Luckily Willow, Xander, Cordy and Tara had yet to finalise their plans and where happy to meet with the Summer girls as Buffy planned. She thanked her lucky stars that she had friends that accepted her little sister as part of the crew. Not many people their age would want to be caught dead socialising with a high school kid, so Buffy thanked her lucky stars that she knew such fine people, and was glad to call them her friends.
She went back upstairs told her sister to get ready, that they would meet the gang in half an hour. This was a night both of them needed to get out of the house. Buffy could help but wonder that she had two good reasons to want to get out for a while, one being her father, and the other the hurdy gurdy feelings she was having about Spike. She needed a night out away from everything, a night just to get away, she needed some time not just to think about it, she needed...she just didn't know what she needed.
She went to her own room to get ready for their night on the town and it hit her what she needed and why she was going out.
To escape.
Chapter 4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~The Past Always Comes Back to Haunt Us~~
A few days later Spike sat in his kitchen feeding Imogen her lunch, something that resembled strained peas and carrots that looked rather lumpy, stringy and smelt absolutely ghastly. She sat in her highchair looking rather indianite at any suggestion that she eat what was put in front of her, even as her father attempted the old favourite...
"Look Imogen here comes the train....choo... choo!!!", Spike pushed the spoon towards his daughter, her little hand sprung out pushing it away from her face, resulting in the concoction ending up all over her father, running down his face, and splattering onto his clothes.
Spike in defeat put the baby spoon down, moved to the sink to clean the goo off his face, and attempted to clean it off his clothes before it stained. Behind him he heard a crash, turning quickly he watched on in horror as Imogen pushed the bowl that held her lunch onto the floor. Forming her own masterpiece upon the tiles, a look of horror on her fathers' face, and a little smile (some would say a smirk) with a gurgle of joy from the baby girl, upon creating such a mess.
"Oh bugger!!!!"
Imogen 1
Spike 0
Spike thought as he shook his head at the chaos that lay on the floor, the little monster of his daughter, and trying at the same time to remember where he had left the mop. He looked at the state of his blue suite and wondered 'what on earth he was going to do now'; he had an interview in half an hour and tried to contemplate how he was going to get there in time. Just what he needed today, to be late for a job he desperately wanted and needed.
Imogen continued to create havoc with her appearance as she played with the food that had been caught in the tray of her high chair, looking rather pleased with herself, escaping a meal she clearly didn't want. She gurgled and banged her hands on the tray before her, looking at her father in bemusement with an 'ain't I cute' look.
Voices from outside caught his attention away from his daughter and the entertaining time she was having with her food. He caught a glimpse of the Summers' family leaving the house from the back door, heading for the Jeep parked in the backyard, quickly making a split decision, he ran for the back door and onto his patio.
"Joyce, Buffy, Dawn!!!" he yelled towards the family, "Wait please!!!"
All three heads whipped around to the intrusion that startled them all, Joyce being the first to respond, thinking the worst she dropped her briefcase and dashed over towards the younger man.
"Spike, what's wrong?? Is it the baby?? Has she hurt herself??" Joyce shouted as she pushed Spike aside, scuttled into the kitchen, looking at the sight before her, she broke into a fit of laughter, reducing her to tears.
Buffy and Dawn had followed in pursuit of their mother, pursuing her into the kitchen, catching the vision of Imogen covered in a greeny goo all over her face, hair, clothes and not to mention anything else that lay in the vicinity. The grins that came to both of their faces, broke into larger smiles as they both attempted not to brake out into the laughter that possessed their mother. But it was contagious, soon all the women joined each other in deep howls of laughter, as the accompanying tears began to stream as they laughed so hard. All three sets of eyes moving from Imogen to Spike and the mess both of them were in, it was a sight to behold.
"So the emergency is the massacred green goo on the floor hey, or the fashion statement that your making now!!!", Buffy just couldn't help herself with the barb.
"Ummmm Spike love the look, very Nuevo Reich, very now", Dawn added to her sister's little comment on his state of dress.
"Yes Spike that green goes very well with the blue suite, rather striking I'd say", Joyce joined in on the fun her girls where having at his expense.
"Okay people, you've had your fun!!" Spike look at the women in horror as they laughed at his predicament, "Please enough already!!"
"So Spike what can we do for you that seem so urgent???" Joyce asked the young man before her in between laughs, "Maybe call 911 for the Fashion Police"
"Ha ha, very funny!! But can we please get serious here?", Spike pleaded with all of them for some sanity to return to the room.
"Ok, ok, Spike what's the problem?" Buffy had settled down somewhat enough to ask the question.
"Look, I have a job interview in half an hour and I obviously cannot go like this!!" Spike pointed towards himself and the goo that clung to his suite.
"But I think you look rather handsome like that, goo and all!!", Buffy just couldn't help herself.
"Well Miss Summers you may find it attractive but I doubt my maybe employers will!!", Spike was beginning to get very annoyed at the trio, he was losing his sense of humour very quickly.
"And your problem is...???", Buffy responded to his somewhat now hostile attitude towards the Summer women.
"Well could one of you please look after Imogen while I change my suite and try to clean up this mess", Spike pleaded with the women, gesturing with his hands towards Imogen and himself.
"What, no way mister!!!" Buffy looked at him with a look of horror on her face towards one very messy infant. The thought of how one of them was even going to pick up the baby without getting the green goo on them boggled her mind. She and Dawn began to simultaneously began to back away from the chaos, and move towards the back door to avoid the duty being asked of them. Spike turned his attention to Joyce as he watched the girls move backwards, the obvious pleading with her maternal instincts to help, was written all over his face.
"Buffy", Joyce uttered the single word that halted her eldest desperate exit from the kitchen.
Buffy froze on the spot, she turned looking at her mother, with a large pout spoiling her face, "But Mom !!!!"
"No buts young lady I think that this is a job just for you!!"
Joyce turned to her daughter, her back to Spike with a pleading look on her own face, "Sweetie I don't have time for this, and Dawnie's going to be late for class. You don't start class for another 2 hours surely that is enough time young lady, and it's the neighbourly thing to do."
"But, but!!!", Buffy began to plead with her mother, but to no avail as both Dawn and Joyce left the kitchen by the back door. Closing off any means of escape from this little chore assigned to her, slamming the door in their wake.
Buffy returned her attention to the man before her, "I'm hope your happy now!!!", Buffy made her way towards Imogen and the mess that occupied most of her little body and features, with a look of '~ewwwwwwwwww~' on her face. This was a job she most definitely didn't want to do.
"Don't be like that Sweet Heart, I appreciate your help and I'll be forever in your debt!", Spike cockily replied, he softly began to chuckle at her predicament, " Thanks Buff !! I really mean it, I owe you big time! I'll help in your next apocalypse, I promise!!"
With that he left the kitchen and Imogen in her good hands, hoping that maybe while she was at it, she might clean up the mess, and the chaos demon that had created it. Making his way into the master bedroom he removed his suit surveying the damage. It was a complete write off for the interview, even his shirt was ruined, and not to mention his tie. He looked at his tie with sad feelings it had been the one that his wife had given him on his first day of his last job, it was meant to bring him luck. He wondered if it was salvageable from the green goo, it was a vestige of his past, even if it was just a silly tie. Remembering the past only brought on thoughts of the present, and in particular the young woman that was beneath him downstairs tending to his daughter.
Buffy.
He was so confused in his attraction to her, it had slammed itself into him the moment she walked into the kitchen this morning, leaving him dazed and bewildered. He knew that it was foolish and down right insane for him to have these feelings, whatever they where, he shouldn't be having them. For gods sake she was a collage girl, what would someone her age want with him an old man by her standards, and she probably had a boyfriend anyway, someone her own age. He thought to himself as he moved to the wardrobe and removed a new suite to replace the one he had on.
As he lay his new suit on his bed, his eyes caught the photo of his wife that lay on the sideboard, surrounded in a crystal frame, it was a wedding day picture of them both. He moved towards it as drawn by her presence to it, he traced her face with his finger, a single tear slide down his face. He wiped it away with his hand, brushing his finger slightly against his mouth too tasted his own tears, a wave of overwhelming desolation swept over him and engulfed him in a single heart beat.
Spike slide to the floor as the sobs over took his whole body, with his back to his bed he placed his hands over his face as to block out the reality that engulfed him in the empty bedroom. The tears began to flow from his eyes like a salty river threatening to drown him, he began shaking with the weight of his grief in his soul. He began to rock with the burden of guilt that enveloped him over his feelings of want and desire he felt towards Buffy. It just compounded the feelings of loss he felt for his wife, as it hung around his neck like a vice ready to strangle him. His mind whirled around with thoughts of grief over the woman he loved, and the guilt of feeling something over a woman he didn't even know, the contradiction was just too much for him.....he surrendered to the abyss. The darkness was too enticing to ignore, if it meant release from the pain he felt, than he would embrace it. He let go and wept until he could no more..........
Down stairs Buffy had managed to clean Imogen up from the mess she made as best she could, she gazed at the baby and decided that she need a proper clean upstairs in the bathroom, a change of clothes, and by the smell of things a new nappy. She picked up Imogen, and made her way upstairs hunting down the bathroom in which she sponged the baby, cleaning her face, hands and hair. The baby's room was obvious with its yellow walls and animal print borders, and the lettering spelling out "Imogen's Room', was a dead give away.
Buffy laid Imogen on her change table removing the offending nappy, and its contents into the nappy bin she found in the nursery. She had some trouble deciding what to do next, as she scanned the various pots of cream on the change table, not sure which one to put on the baby. Deciding that the one with the cute giraffe one with the happy baby smiling from its label would do, she applied the cream, and finished the task with a new nappy. But found that she was having some trouble on which way was the front, and what the back was.
"Your Daddy owes me big time little lady!!" Buffy chuckled as she completed the nappy change, she was quite pleased with her results considering this was her first foray into changing a baby.
"Okay, what's next?? A new outfit for Miss Future Junior Prom Queen, I think.", Buffy began looking in the draws near the cot, looking for an outfit for Imogen, with the baby slung on her hip. As she pondered her selection she froze...
She heard a quiet 'thunk' of something hitting the floor in a nearby bedroom, and followed quietly with haunting sobs, that filled her heart with despair. She knew that they could be only coming from one person.
William
Buffy quickly and as quietly as possible finished dressing the baby, she placed Imogen in her cot with as many toys as she could hastily find. Standing in front of the cot she was in too minds, '~do I go to him or just mind my own business~', her mind was made up for her as the sobs became louder and more distressed.
She went to him.
Moving along the main corridor as quietly as she could she stood outside the master bedroom door, placing her hand upon it she could feel the pain and anguish of the person inside resinate from within. With great hesitancy she opened the door to find Spike slumped over himself, with his hands in his face crying his heart out, rocking forwards and backwards with what she suspected was grief. Buffy slowly stepped into the room making her way towards him, as she got closer she spotted the crystal frame and the picture within laying on the bed.
It was a picture of a Spike in a morning suit, with a beautiful brunette in a bridal gown; it screamed 'Our Wedding Day' to Buffy.
"William", Buffy whispered to Spike so softly you almost couldn't hear it.
Spike didn't respond, he just continued with his sobbing, he was so locked in whatever was happening to him he didn't hear her. Buffy was so overwhelmed with sadness to see him like this, it rocked her very soul, and whatever was causing this was just tearing him apart. She stood there for a few seconds unsure what to do, finally she moved closer to him, sat down in front of him, and just grabbed onto him, encircling him in her embrace, giving him an anchor. She began moving with him, backwards and forwards, smoothing his hair, repeating over and over 'it will be ok, you'll see".
As Buffy continued to comfort Spike it finally hit her, why she or no one else had seen his wife, she suspected that she must be dead. With that single thought Buffy shuddered at the thought of the pain that Spike must be feeling. The loneliness, desolation and the difficulties it must be to bring up their child without her.
"Spike please talk to me!", Buffy pleaded with him in a soothing voice, trying to break whatever had hold on him, "Please William!!"
Slowly the rocking stopped, the sobbing slowed, but the tears continued to flow slowly and quietly down his cheeks. He still had his hands over his eyes and face, as not wanting to look into the eyes of the person who had witness this showing of despair, and deep sorrow. Buffy leaned back slightly, letting her embrace loosen a little bit so she could look at Spike, up close she could only guess his emotions at this stage, her heart was breaking for him, she wanted to alleviate some of the burden he carried, but she didn't know how. She decided to make a tough call; she hoped that it would open him up to her, maybe, even if only a little bit.
"What happened to her Spike?", Buffy asked Spike as gently and softly as she could, she continued to smooth his hair in a sign of reassurance, and comfort. Finally he lifted his head from his hands, his eyes all puffy from the pouring of his tears, and his face devoid of any emotion, yet the remains of tears where still present on his cheeks. Buffy couldn't help herself as she wiped them away, her hand brushing them into oblivion.
"She's dead", Spike finally spoke with a gravely voice full of roughness, as is passing over sandpaper as it left his throat, "She died in a car accident over six months ago, and I couldn't save her, I couldn't get to her, I couldn't save her, I....."
He became speechless, lost in his own thoughts of guilt and loss. Spike look directly at Buffy searching her face with his eyes, looking at her so profoundly as if trying to find something there, maybe revulsion, pity, fear or even forgiveness.
"We were hit by a drunk, I couldn't swerve..I didn't see him coming....I couldn't get to her...I was trapped in the car.....I couldn't reach her.....I couldn't save her....The baby....The baby came at the accident scene...", Spike began to stumble with his words, his breathing becoming laboured with each breathe and word he spoke, "The blood, so much blood, blood every....ssshhhheee bleed to death....they couldn't stop the bleeding...I couldn't save her...."
'Oh Spike I'm so sorry", Buffy gently spoke to him, pulling him into an embrace to give him the strength that he needed, and that she could offer him. He pulled his arms around her back grateful for the human warmth that she offered to him, he pulled as closely as he could, wanting as if to feel her gift to him.
"I dream of her every night", Spike whispered into Buffy's ear.
"But every night I save her"
Spike couldn't believe these overwhelming feelings he had for the young woman, he was elated that he was feeling something at all, and even if it was lust, it was something. But he had to be careful with these new feelings, she was just a collage girl, and he was a man with responsibilities, who was he to act on his feelings for her. He felt so lost then, he realised that he had felt something again, and he knew that he couldn't do anything about them. In his mind, he crawled back to the dark place in his subconscious, and stayed there, the light that seemed to burn so bright in his eyes, faded into nothingness as he continued to stare at Buffy.
He couldn't believe his own contradictions, one minute sobbing with grief over his wife, and then lusting after the one before him. He couldn't but think to himself, 'I must be insane, what in hells name am I thinking', he felt even more ashamed and grieved by this admission. He abruptly removed her arms from around her and moved into the en-suite shutting the door behind him......effectively shutting her out.
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A/N~~ I really hope that you liked these chapters, please review and let me know!! It feeds the machine, that is my mind!!!
I'm sorry it took so long to update but RL has a lot to answer for!!!!!!