Slugs and Snails

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer"Did you notice his eyes? He has crazy eyes. He's a lunatic! We are going into the wilderness being led by a lunatic"

-

Ahh yes, for some reason, I wrote Haloway instead of Gelder in the last chapter, it has been edited. Darn OC's, can't keep track of them...that's why I bought an electric cattle prod to help me. Zappy zappy!

-

Chapter 3 - Home is where the hurt is.

-

The SUV all the boys were crammed into finally pulled to a stop.

"We're here", Gelder said happily.

"Watch me jump for joy", muttered Scott.

They all piled out, glancing around at their destination. Yup, it was a farm alright...if you could consider a few shacks and a couple of barns a 'farm' that is.

"I think I want to cry", said Ray, holding back a whimper.

"Wow", sais Pyro, looking around"I haven't been to a place like this since I was seven"

"Good for you", said Bobby, his face lathered in sun screen.

"G'day, and welcome to Queensland", said a man, emerging from one of the cabins with a wide grin"I'm Jack Porter, and I own this ranch"

He eyed the boys carefully.

"'Bout time you lot showed up, the last group from the states arrived yesterday".

Lance cocked his head to the side.

"...Last group".

Jack nodded, pointing to where a familiar looking group were gathered. Evan was sulkily trying to dust sand off his spikes, where Duncan and Paul were giving him a VERY wide berth.

"Daniels got here before me", whined Pietro"okay, that is so, so, SO wrong"

Evan glanced up, smirking darkly at Pietro.

"Maximoff", he said"a bit...slow aren't we".

Pietro gaped, before pointing wildly at the others.

"I was with THEM. THEY slowed me down".

"Whatever, Maximoff", smirked Evan"You sure you're not losing your speed"

"Not in a million years, you overgrown pin cushion", snapped Pietro.

"Evan, why are YOU here", asked Sam.

"Because Callisto got it into her head that it would be 'good for me'", muttered Evan"last time I listen to HER"

"Hello, Paul", said Scott, crossing his arms ar his one-time-friend.

"Errr...hi..Scott", said Paul with a nervous laugh, glancing at the group"..heh heh...sure are alot of mutants here, huh".

"Yeah, there is", said Todd"so get over it".

"Shut up, Tolensky", growled Duncan"it's bad enough we got trapped in the school exchange programe, I don't need to be around freaks like you for the whole time"

"Freaks like us", said Lance, the ground begining to shake"you want to see how 'freaky' we can be"

"That's enough", shouted Jack, getting between them"you want to fight? Well, fine, but not in my camp...you'll spook the animals".

"We anticipated this", smiled Gelder"that's why I created 'The Circle of Thought'".

Jack groaned, rolling his eyes, mutting under his breath about crazy yank women taking over his perfectly fine camp.

"There will be many a time I will be regreting asking this question", said Piotr"but...what is this 'circle of thought'".

"I'm glad you asked", grinned Gelder, pointing to a small area a little way away from the main buildings. It was surrounded by a stone circle, only allowing a few paces across it. Inside it were a tent and what appeared to be a miniature camp fire area"if you break the rules, you spend a night there. You eat what you cook, and you can't leave the circle...it gives you time to think".

The boys stared at the tiny area.

"...That is inhumane", said Freddy.

"Then I suggest you behave", said Gelder with a smirk, the nodded at Jack"you're on again"

Jack gave her a glare that could melt an iceberg, before smiling at the group.

"There's a whole bunch of activities we've got lined up for ya", he said"they need both teamwork, and the ability to work on your own steam. And don't think I won't mix your little gangs up...'cause I will".

He cleared his throat.

"You eat at six pm, or you don't eat at all", he smiled"other than that and class time, the time is yours"

"Oh goodie, well, I'm sure we can find a happening party in the middle of the outback", muttered Ray.

"I didn't say you'd find alot of things to do in your free time", said Jack, then laughed"you'll be too buggered to do anything, anyway".

Pietro raised a hand.

"So, do we all get our own showers", he asked"what about a facial spa? My pores don't do well in dry conditions".

Jack blinked at him.

"You have a singular shower, you line up for it", he said, pointing to a brick building"it's in there, with the dunnies".

"There's a Denny's here", asked Kurt with a grin"fast food, ROCK ON".(1)

Pyro groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"DUNnies, not DENny's, ya great stupid gallah", he said.

Kurt blinked at him, his face falling.

"...No fast food".

"No fast food", said Pyro"it's a bog"

"Bog", asked Jamie"like a swamp".

Pyro let out a breath. Yes, NOW he knew why he had missed Australia so much.

"A bleedin' bathroom".

"Oh", said Jamie, then blinked"why didn't you just SAY that"

Pyro's eye twitched. Lance sighed, patting him on the shoulder.

"Let it go, man, let it go".

"So", said Pietro, speaking up again"you're telling me there's no hygenic place for me to wash?. I don't 'do' sharing".

"Then you're just going to have to smell, then, aren't you", said Jack.

"No change there, then", grinned Evan.

"I smell better than YOU, sewer-boy", snapped Pietro, stamping his foot.

Scott shook his head sadly, then smiled at Jack.

"So, do we have a properly sheduled progame", he asked with a grin"up at o-eight-hundred hours and all that".

Scott really hoped so. Scott liked rules, he lived by them, he thrived on them.

"Oh, we just do things whenever it fits", said Jack with a shrug.

...He'd just lost them.

"Noooo", cried Scott"I need rules. You see, rules are very important to me. I have to have a schedule"

"The outback doesn't have a schedule", said Jack pointedly"neither should you".

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE", screamed Scott.

Jack looked on in wonder as the group began to go into panic mode, screamuing and shouting all over the place.

"These damn galah's", muttered Jack, shaking his head"they don't have a CLUE how to survive in the bush they'll be crook or cactus before the end of the arvo" (2)

"Fair dinkum", agreed Pyro, nodding his head (3)

Remy glanced between them, before blinking.

"I didn't get a WORD o' dat", he said, crossing his arms.

"Now you know how we feel around YOU, Cajun", said Freddy with a smirk.

"Hey, shut up", said Remy"de ladies don' complain none 'bout Remy's accent".

"He has a point", sighed Pietro"he has more one night stands than I do...and that's saying something".

"Okay, people", said Jack with a grin"get your stuff and head to your bunks, we have an early morning start".

"But...what about some good Australian TV", asked Jamie.

"We don't have on in the camp", relied Jack"I'm always too busy to sit on my arse watching TV all day".

"THAT'S it", snapped Ray, flopping onto the floor"you can take away my privacy, you can take away my dignity, you can even take away my morning lie-ins, but you can NOT take away my TV"

"Okay, fine, you can sleep there", said Jack with a shrug.

"Ray...are you feeling alright", asked Sam, proding him with his foot"the heat hasn't got to you, has it".

"I'm fine", said Ray"I'll just lie here until it's time to go home"

"You know", said Pyro conversationally"nine of the ten world's most deadliest snakes live in Australia, and you'd be pretty close to them...being on the ground and all..."

"I'M UP, I'M UP", screamed Ray.

"Snakes", whimpered Todd"there are SNAKES here"

"Yup", said Pyro with a nod, apparently not recognising the other mutant's fear"and lots of biiiig lizards too".

Todd whimpered.

"Snakes and lizards eat Toads...I DON'T WANNA DIE".

Freddy patted his back.

"Don't worry, Toad, I'm sure they won't eat you, you're too big"

"Well, if he went near any water, a croc'd get him", said Pyro"he's just the right size"

Todd's eyes widened as he whimpered again.

"Not helping, Pyro", muttered Freddy.

"No good can come of this", sighed Kurt sadly as they headed into their cabins"the girls had it SO easy...Ve'll probably end up dead"

"Don't worry, Blue Boy", said Pyro enocuragingly"she'll be apples" (4)

Kurt whimpered.

"Vhat apples", he cried"and vho's SHE"

-

Oh yes, I got to have lots of fun finding Aussie slang on the net To my Aussie readers, do tell me if the slang is wrong ;)

(1) - Inspired by a gag in the movie 'Kangaroo Jack'. Ahh such fun.

(2) - Galah - Idiot . Crook - Sick. Cactus - Dead . Arvo - Afternoon

(3) - Very true

(4) - Everything will be okay.

For some reason, the 'settling in' chapters always take me the longest to write, oh well. Do review. Until next time...