Slugs and Snails
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Don't feel guilty just because it's all your fault...I'm sorry, that didn't come out quite right, did it?"
Da chicks dig da fuzzy dude - Russian Roulette is a game with many different forms, the most basic is a pistol is loaded with a single bullet, paricipants of the game fire the gun at themselves or others until they find the bullet...when the game usually ends...as well as someone's life. Heh. I prefer the vodka version, find the double vodka amongst the singles! Wee!
Kliona - Booga is the mutant kangaroo that lives with Tank Girl in her tank.
Oh, I do love inflicting pain on these boys! A random plug: For fans of Sindey, I have finally put a Sidney picture on my DevinantART account (linked on my author profile). Okay, it's not completely right, but it's close. If you recognise the chapter title from anything, you get a cookie.
Chapter 7 - The Circle of Chaos.
A few days after the 'Scavenger Hunt' incident, the boys had been allowed to stay at the camp, working away on menial tasks. The boys enjoyed this greatly. For one thing, Jack said Xavier had promised him they would, and for another, the boys were glad to be away form all the general madness of the Outback. Of course, all good things come to an end, and so did this...rather abruptly.
"Are we all feeling HAPPY!"
The assembled boys looks blankly at Gelder, who was smiling happily at them. She carried on smiling...it became obvious she was waiting for some kind of response.
"...Neh?", tried Roberto.
Gelder blinked, before continuing to smile sweetly.
"Well, I hope so, because we have a new task today, yeeeey!".
She looked at the boys, wondering why this news hadn't brought on the cheers she'd expected it to. Maybe she'd try again.
"I said we have a new task today"
...Nope, nothing. In fact, instead of cheering, the boys looked even more depressed than they had already been. Paul fell over onto the floor, letting out small, sad sobs. Gelder frowned, crossing her arms.
"Oh, come off it, it's not that bad", she said.
"I want to go home now, pretty please?", said Jamie, raising a hand.
"I want you lot to go home too", muttered Jack form his corner, "I'm sick of you!"
Gelder gave him a deathly glare, then smiled sweetly at the boys.
"This task will be fun, trust me"
With that, she skipped into the yard, picking up a large stick. Within moments, she had traced to large circles in the sandy earth, some distance away from each other.
"This", she indicated to one, "is the Circle of Order. Only good things can happen within it"
She pointed to the other circle.
"This is the Circle of Chaos, where all the madness is enclosed".
"Circle of Thought, Circle of Order, Circle of Chaos", muttered Lance, "what IS it with this woman and circles?"
"A'hm becoming more and more convinced that she's an escaped Seasame Street character", said Sam, shaking his head, "a'h bet they've got Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch looking for her right now"
Gelder carried on regardless.
"I shall split you into two groups, and each group has to spend some time within each circle, enough to feel the effects, then you can switch over"
Duncan raised a hand.
"I vote we say screw it and go back inside", he said.
Gelder narrowed her eyes.
"This is NOT up for vote".
An indeed, it wasn't. A few hours later, the two groups were divided into their circles.
"So, is anyone feeling at peace with the world yet?", asked Bobby sarcastically from where he sat in the Circle of Order"
"No", said Remy, "in fact, all I want to do is kill something. Hopefully Gelder"
"I don't know, you guys", grinned Pyro, "I'm actually feelin' pretty good".
"I'll be glad when this is over", said Roberto, where he was kicking a football around, keeping it within the boundaries of the circle, "I wish I'd stayed in Brazil. My parents may have ignored my existance, but at least it was better than this"
"I hate mutants", said Duncan, "I mean, it's YOUR fault everything here is so mad. If we were all humans, it wouldn't be that bad".
"Oh, shut your face, Hitler Two", said Evan, "or you'll get a spike rammed somewhere very unpleasant".
"Shut up, Sewer-Freak!", snapped Duncan, "I'm still made at you for wreaking my car. Pin-cushion!".
"Hey", said Pietro, narrowing his eyes, "only I'M allowed to pick on Spyke"
"Gee...thanks, Pietro", said Evan dryly.
"You're welcome, No-Brains", said Pietro cheerfully.
"Remember, ORDER reigns here!", reminded Gelder from where she sat outside both circles, watching them.
"Yes, Miss Freak, Ma'm", said Sam with a slappy salute.
"Well, at least we're better dan de Circle of Chaos", pointed out Remy.
"NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISISTION!" (1)
...The Cajun had a point. Everyone in the Circle of Chaos watched as Kurt waved his hands about wildly.
"Errr...Fuzz-Butt", said Todd, arching a brow, "are you sure you're feelin' okay? You're acting weird. And besides, I thought you were German"
"How DARE you say that about me", shouted Kurt, then looked at Fred, "Cardinal Fred, poke him with..."
Kurt paused for dramatic silence.
"THE SOFT CUSHIONS!"
Freddy watched him for a few moments.
"Kurt...we don't have any soft cushions".
"Vell, get the...COMFY CHAIR!", shouted Kurt.
"Kurt, shut up!", snapped Scott, massaging his own head, "you're giving me a migrane".
Kurt ignored him, growling and begining to poke Todd repeatedly in the side with the spade of his tail.
"Confess!", shouted Kurt, "CONFESS!"
"Permission to kill him?", asked Todd.
Lance sighed, shaking his head.
"Sorry, he's Kitty's best friend, she'd kill me if I let him die".
Ray, meanwhile, was sitting watching this in silence.
"I know who's behind all of this", he muttered to himself.
"Da, Gelder", said Piotr helpfully, "the woman watching us, you remember?"
"No, not her", said Ray, "Bill Gates"
Piotr blinked, cocking his head to the side.
"Bill...Gates?", he asked, "as in the man that was inventing Microsoft?"
"Bill Gates is evil", said Ray, then frowned, looking around darkly, "he wants to rule the world, you know. He hears everything!" (2)
Piotr shuffled a little out of the way.
"This will be another experience I will be paying an expensive shrink to sort out when I'm fourty", said Jamie with a sigh.
"RELEASE ME!", shouted Kurt, "I vill be held captive no longer!"
"We can't leave", said Paul, "we have to stay in the Circle"
"HAH!", said Kurt, "THIS is vhat I think of your stupid Circle!"
With that, he stamped on the line and drug his foot across it, bluring out the dividing line. Todd looked at it in horror.
"Oh man, Kurt!", he squeaked, "you let the chaos out!"
"Don't be stupid, Toad", said Lance, "it's a bunch of hoo-hah! No chaos has escaped"
"HEADS UP!"
The pair watched as the football Roberto had been kicking sailed across the yard. It landed with a dull whack on the back of Scott's head. Scott made an 'oof' sound and fell over. His shades fell off his face and the resulting optic blast ripped through one of the buildings, setting it on fire.As the building burned, it set fire to each building next to it, until the entire camp was in flames. Soon afterwards, mutants and humans alike were running around in a panicked fashion, trying to extingush the flames.
"You were saying?", snapped Todd.
"Walk oooooon", sang Pyro happily form within the Circle of Order, oblivious to all that was around him, "With hope in your heaaart! And you'll neeeeever walk alooooone!" (3)
"Pyro, shut up and help!", shouted Remy, then paused, "den again, maybe it's best he doesn't notice de fire...he'll only make t'ings worse"
"A bit late now, anyway", muttered Evan as the last remaining building crumbled to nothing.
The boys stood there numbly, watching the ashen dust rise from their shelter and current home. It was silent for a long, long time. They were now, for the better part of the word, homeless. In the middle of the Outback...with night approaching. After a while, the silence was broken.
"Things could be worse you know", said Todd cheerfully.
"How?", asked Jamie.
"How what?", asked Todd, blinking.
"How could they be worse?", said Jamie, gesturing at the carnage.
Todd deflated giving a sigh.
"They couldn't", he admitted, "I lied" (4)
(1) - More Monty Python fun.
(2) - A tutor from my first college firmly believed this. Then again, this man also launched into a verse of 'Consider Yourself' every time the word 'Consider' appeared in the lesson. He was a great guy, one of my favorite teachers of my lifetime. The fact he looked like Alan Cumming didn't hurt either.
(3) - You'll Never Walk Alone, by Gerry and the Pacemakers. Inspired by a scene from the book 'Hitchhickers Guide to the Galaxy', where Eddie the computer sings this song as the Heart of Gold hurtles towards missiles and certain doom. How much am I looking forward to the movie release? ALOT, that's how much.
(4) - From the old movie 'The Brave Little Toaster', oh, how I loved that movie! I did NOT like the sequels.
Oh, that one was fun. Thsi chapter is proof that me eating chocolate and listening to Monty Python makes my imagination go into overdrive.