Slugs and Snails
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "If that's the Happiness Hotel, I'd hate to see what the sad one looks like"
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I appologise to all for the lateness of this chapter. I got Java back on my computer and went back to obessively updating one website and creating another. Oh another note, boo hiss, and stomp on FIRST, they take away the scripts, now song lyrics are no longer allowed. That means no musical. That makes Todd Fan a most unhappy person. Drat and drat again! I'll have to take down my musical or risk having my account suspended...which is something I don't especially want to relive. It happened to me once before, and it wasn't a plesant experience. Sorry guys, blame the evil dictators who sap any and all creativity until it no longer resembles artistic tallent.
Chapter 9 - Checkin checkouts
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After the Wombat Boy story telling, everyone had decided to be quiet, in the vain hope that silence would make their suffering go as quickly as possible. They were wrong, of course, but at least they tried.
"I'm boooorrreeed", moaned Pietro.
"Really?", hissed Roberto icily, "we never would have guessed. Why, you've only told us TWO HUNDRED TIMES already".
"Did you know you get moody when the sun goes down?", asked Pietro cheerfully.
Roberto blinked once, before narrowing his eyes.
"That's it, I'm going to kill him", he said, standing up.
"No one is killing anyone!", snapped Gelder, "so sit down and SHUT UP!"
Roberto quickly sat down, looking at Gelder in shock. Well, THAT was an interesting outburst.
"...Sorry", he said weakly.
"That's better", said Gelder, putting her hands on her hips, "how do you boys expect to survive the wilderness if you keep fighting all the time. The answer is teamwork"
"No", said Bobby, "the answer is making a poll to see who gets eaten first. I vote for Fred".
"Oh, sure", said Freddy, throwing his hnads in the air, "everyone wants to eat the fat guy first!"
"There's more meat on you", said Kurt with a shrug.
Freddy smiled politely.
"And I guess you idiots have forgotten one teeny tiny detail", he said, "MY SKIN IS INDESTRUCABLE!. How, exactly, to you plan on eating me?"
Everyone blinked as one.
"Oh, I hadn't thought of that", mused Bobby, then shrugged, "okay, we'll eat Kurt first"
"HEY!", snapped Kurt.
"We can think of you as a little, blue, pig", smiled Bobby.
"Can we please move away form this conversation", snapped Gelder, "I've heard it too many times already! Look what you've done to James!"
"There's no place like home, there's no place like home", chanted Jamie continuously, closing his eyes.
"It doesn't work unless you're wearing red slippers", said Duncan, then coughed, "...not that I know or nothin'"
"Duncie's off to see the wizard", sang Scott, "the wonderfull wizard of Oz".
"Shut up, Summers", growled Duncan.
"You'll find he is a whiz of a wiz", sang in Todd, "if ever a wiz there was"
"You too, Tolensky", snarled Duncan, "the coach made us watch it to boost morale, OKAY!"
"Suuuure, they did, Duncan", smirked Lance, "you keep telling yourself that"
"If he only had a brain", said Bobby shaking his head.
"Okay, that's it!", snapped Duncan, "I'm taking you all on, right here, right now!"
"Mr Mathews, SIT DOWN", screamed Gelder, "ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP! CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE OUT HERE!"
There was suddenly a screech of tyres as a large, familiar SUV pulled into the remains of the camp.
"Guys", shouted Soctt with a nervous giggle, "I'm halucinating again"
"If that's true, so am I", said Pietro.
The SUV pulled to a stop and Jack jumped out.
"I found THESE on the road", he muttered darkly, jutting a thumb at the SUV.
Rather sheepishly, Jean, Kitty and Amanda stepped out of the SUV, followed by a less sheepish-looking Wanda. Scott whimpered, backing away.
"Don't sting me again, Jean", he sobbed, "I love you, I don't want to be prickled again!"
Jean blinked at him.
"...Oooooookay"
"Scott had a teensy weesny bit too much sun", said Ray, pinching his thumb and forefinger together.
"What are you guys doing here?", asked Sam, arching a brow.
"We escaped, okay!", snapped Kitty, "you guys came to ruin our camping experience, so we thought it was only fair we'd ruin yours!"
"You're more likey to save it than ruin it", pointed out Kurt, bamfing happily over to Amanda to glomp her, "don't ever, ever leave me alone again"
"There there, Kurt", she said, patting his head, then handed him a chocolate bar, "I got you a treaaat"
"I LOVE you", said Kurt, grabbing the chocolate with glee.
"How, exactly, did you get out?", asked Remy.
"Oh, we got the others to distract the Professor while we made off with the X-Jet", said Kitty with a smile,"we packed Jean's SUV in back and away we went!"
"And you'll be going 'away' right back", muttered Jack, "you're NOT supposed to be here! I am not running a camp with girls in it!"
"What camp?", asked Wanda, looking around the wreakage.
"The camp that was here before these idiots burned it down!", screamed Jack, "And you're going home, and you're going home right no..."
"We have the Professor's credit cards", pointed out Jean helpfully.
"You're staying and driving us to a hotel", said Gelder quickly.
"WHAT?", shouted Jack, "they are supposed to be roughing it, staying in a hotel is not roughing it!".
"We. Are. Going. To. A. Hotel", said Gelder with deadly calm, "you can stay here or come wiht us. So, where is the nearest hotel, huh, Jack?"
Jack narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms.
"It's a 7 hours drive away, you know", he muttered.
"We have a jet", said Jean, "we can get there much quicker"
Jack looked around his destroyed camp and let out a sigh.
"Fine, but only for a few days"
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As Jean had promised, it wasn't long before the group were gathered in an old, dusty building that was just about a hotel.
"This is wrong, so very wrong", muttered Jack darkly.
"There's nothing wrong with staying in a hotel", said Gelder.
"THAT'S what they said about the Overlook", retorted Jack. (1)
"For the last time, Todd, I'm not going to be that thing's mother!"
To the amusement of the small crowd watching, Wanda was (for the twenty fifth time since she arrived) telling Todd exactly how she felt about Lucy the Cane Toad.
"But I adopted her, snookie", sniffed Todd, "I thought we could be a family"
"I've been really, really, REALLY understanding in our relationship so far", said Wanda, "but this is where I draw the line. NO!"
"Awww", said Todd sadly, patting Lucy's head, "don't worry, Lucy, Mommie will learn to love you one day"
"Hardly bloody likey", muttered Wanda under her breath.
"Here we are!", said the bellboy happily breaking in, "these rooms are all yours"
He gestured to a few rooms.
"Six sets of rooms for three", he said, "and one room for five".
"Yes, yes, thank you", said Jack grufly, pushing him away, "go mop a floor or something!"
Gelder, meanwhile, was dividing the rooms out.
"Okay, Lance, Scott and Duncan got to that room", she said, "Remy, James, and Fredrick, that one. Piotr, Samuel and Paul, that one. Evan, Pietro and Roberto ta..."
"Are you aware that most of these combination will cause hell on earth?", asked Jack.
"It will teach them to co-operate with people they don't usually co-operate with", said Gelder, then carried on, "Todd, Raymond and Kurt, that room. And finally, St.John, Roberto to that one, Jack, you can stay with them"
"Oh goodie, stuck between a meltdown and an ice age", grumbled Jack.
Gelder looked at the girls.
"I will be staying with you, she said happily, "Here we are, room 217!"
"Red rum. Red rum", chanted Wanda monotonally. (2)
"Okay", said Gelder, ignoring Wanda's comment, "once you've settled in, you can explore, but stay within the hotel grounds, okay? And I want you all up bright and early tomorrow. Just because we're away from the camp doesn't mean we can't do our activities"
A collective groan came up from the group.
"Now now, don't moan, at least you're getting some freedom before it"
It would be a freedom she would soon regret giving.
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(1) - The Overlook is the cursed hotel from Stephen King's 'The Shining'. Yeah, I'm on a King kick at the moment.
(2) - 2 more refences to The Shining. Room 217 was the REALLY cursed room, as for Red rum for those who have neither read the book nor seen the movie, spell it backwards.
Wee, another chapter done, albeit a little late. I'm pretty sure I remembered everyone for their rooms, if not, don't hesitate to point it out.. Do review, until next time..