Slugs and Snails
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Sugar? Who needs sugar? Not me. I quit...this morning"
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Hey all, I know this is later, it'll be a normal thing for my fanfics until after the exam period is over, my last exam being the 10th of June. After that, however, I can finally get the 9th Sidney Chronicle up, wee!
Oh yes, the legal age of drinking in Oz is 18, as it is in the UK. Pyro can indeed buy drinks (I THINK he's around 18) though the sneaking them to the kids is illegal. But Pyro doesn't care about legal, let's face it.
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Chapter 10 – The drunken chapter
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And so, the boys (and very few girls) soon found themselves sitting in the hotel bar and 'community room', which apparently meant the exact same thing. Most of the New Recruits had been waiting for Scott to become a 'voice of reason' among them, and tell them to find somewhere else to stay, such as their rooms…they were wrong.
"How long are he and Jean going to stay in that lip lock?", asked Ray, wrinkling his nose.
"I don't know", said Bobby, "they gotta breathe sometime, right?"
"Apparently not", said Roberto, arching his eyebrow before going back to his orange squash.
"Aren't you even going to TRY some alcohol?", asked Ray, "I mean, Pyro's buying and smuggling them across to everyone"
"I AM THE PIXIE QUEEN!", giggled Wanda as she pranced past them all, Todd desperately trying to hop after her.
"Wanda…honey…please put down the fire hose", he winced, "oh, ewww, don't to that. Do you want us banned out of Australia too!"
"I am NEVER drinking again, EVER!", said Roberto, shaking his head, "or do you not remember what happened LAST time I got drunk?"
"Oh yeah, the Elvis tattoo", grinned Sam, "and so course, the marriage to.."
Sam trailed off as Roberto began to squeeze on his arm. Very, very tightly.
"Of you finish that sentence", Roberto warned darkly, "I will rip off your arm and feed it to the nearest wild animal"
"…..A'hm done now", said Sam meekly.
Roberto released his arm, gave a grunt, and returned to sulking in his drink.
Meanwhile, Pyro was handing the last of the drinks rounds. He grinned happily as he deposited two bottles in front of Kitty and Lance.
"I don't drink anymore", said Kitty, "bad things happen when I drink"
Pyro blinked.
"What kind of things?"
"You KNOW what kind of things", Kitty growled.
Lance decided it was time to break this up before it got out of hand.
"…..Is this beer called….Piss?", he asked, squinting at the bottle.
"Yeah!", grinned Pyro, "drink it up, it's GREAT stuff!" (1)
"I'll take your word for it", muttered Lance as Paul collapsed into a heap on the floor.
"Some people", tutted Pyro, "they just can't take Australian beer"
"I can", said Kurt with a grin, "I can take German beer, so this is EASY"
He caught a glare being sent to him form Amanda's direction.
"…Err…not that I drink anything at home", he said with a nervous laugh, "heh heh…. I'm stone, cold sober, honest"
"Humph", replied Amanda, "my boyfriend loves beer. Yeah, THAT'S going to help bridge the gap between you and my folks"
"I hate to break up this happy moment", said Freddy, clearing his throat, "but some of our group are missing"
"Duncan's hiding in his room", slurred Paul from the floor.
"Remy's babysitting Jamie", added Evan, then added with a smirk, "and Piotr is babysitting Pietro".
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"I CAN DANCE, I CAN DANCE, I CAN DANCE!"
Piotr groaned. He KNEW he should have swapped with Remy when he had the chance. WHY didn't he agree to take the kid? The kid was quiet, the kid was good. What possessed him into thinking at Pietro, a teenager, would be more manageable. Heck, he didn't even think someone of Pietro's age would NEED a babysitter. That was, of course, until he learned Pietro had found a packet of barley sugar sweets in his hotel room. It took that ONE packet, and a super-fast metabolism, to start the sugar rush. He'd then gone through all the other rooms, eating everyone's barley sugar. The result of which was the whirlwind which Piotr was desperately trying to catch.
"Can't catch me", laughed Pietro manically, "You're to slooooooow!
"I will not kill him. I will not kill him", chanted Piotr like a mantra as he tried to follow Pietro as the speedy mutant ricocheted off the walls, "maybe I will just break his legs a little. But I will not kill him"
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Remy, meanwhile, was having great fun babysitting. This was mostly due to the fact he'd left Jamie in a corner so he himself could go chat up girls. He had just grabbed the phone number of another lady when he realized that Jamie was no longer in his corner.
"…Uh oh", he said, then frowned, thinking hard.
After a few moments, he began to whistle.
"Heeeeere kid", he called, "come on, kid. Come back to Remy".
….Nothing. It was then a girl's giggle caused him to look up. There was Jamie, talking to the most stunning woman in the room. She made all the girl's who's numbers Remy already had look like exhibits in a freak show. He grinned, smoothing out his hair and strutting over.
"THERE you are!", he said, putting his hands on his hips and looking at Jamie, "I've been looking for you everywhere"
"No you haven't you've been chatting up women", said Jamie.
Remy grinned, putting a hand in front of Jamie's mouth and giving the woman one of his best dashing smiles.
"Was he any trouble for you, chere?", he asked, "if he was, I'm really, sorry. You know kids, non? Dey just…run off de second you turn your back"
"Oh, he was no problem", grinned the woman, ". I'm Tiffany. Are you his brother?"
"Well….", started Remy.
"I LOVE a man who takes responsibility", said Tiffany, batting her eyelids at him.
Remy blinked. He knew when he was onto a good thing.
"Qui", said Remy, suddenly grabbing Jamie and hugging him close, "this poor little kid has no parents. Our father went gay and our mother...err...joined a cult"(2)
Remy gave a sniffle for effect.
"I'm de only family he has, I've been raising him all alone"
"Awwww", said Tiffany, "that is SO sweet. It's so nice to meet a man who can commit".
"Yeah, commit crimes", muttered Jamie under his breath, "Gambit, let me go, you're squeezing my head!".
Remy grinned, ruffling Jamie's head.
"He's such a brave kid", he said, "he'd do anyt'ing for his big brother, WOULDN'T you, Jimmy:
"My NAME is Jamie", scowled Jamie.
Tiffany arched a brow as Remy grinned.
"Dat's a game we play", he said, then walked away, steering Jamie with him, "excuse me for a moment, Stay right dere"
He took Jamie out of the bar and into a corridor.
"Okay, kid", he said, "dis chick obviously loves little kids, so I want you to be good to Remy an' pretend you're his orphaned little brother, okay?"
"A hundred bucks, and we got a deal", said Jamie, crossing his arms.
Remy blinked.
"A hundred bucks?", he hissed, "you little con artist! You t'ink I'm going to pay a hundred bucks to YOU?"
Jamie smirked.
"Oh look, that pretty lady is talking to that other guy with the smile that goes ping".
Remy's eyes widened, before scowling, digging into his trenchcoat and pulling out a handful of cash.
"Here, take it", he said, handing the money to Jamie, "dis better be worth my cash"
Jamie paused, counting his money carefully, before nodding and pocketing it.
"Transition accepted", he said.
He cleared his throat, scuffed up his hair and made his eyes seem a little bit bigger. That done, he grabbed a flower from a nearby vase, and walked over to Tiffany.
"My big brother is really, really shy", he said sweetly, "but he sent you this flower, 'cause he said you were the prettiest lady he ever did saw"
Tiffany blushed, taking the flower.
"Oh, you are SO adorable", she said, kissing Jamie's forehead.
Remy had been watching this with an open jaw, he followed Jamie out, blinking numbly.
"There he is!", said Jamie, grabbing Remy's arm, "hey, big brother, I gave the pretty lady the pretty flower just like you asked".
"Oh...err...good", said Remy.
Tiffany smiled.
"Well, I have to head home now", she said, handing Remy a piece of paper, "here's my number, we should have a meal together".
"Yey, meal!", said Jamie happily.
"And later", said Tiffany in Remy's ear, "we can have some fun of our own"
"Gahh", said Remy as she walked away.
He blinked at Tiffany's retreating form, then back at Jamie, who had straightened out his hair and was leaning against the fish tank with a smirk.
"You are a GOD!", said Remy in amazement, "how did you DO that?"
"Easy", said Jamie with a shrug, "chicks LOVE cute kids"
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(1) – There IS a beer in Australia called 'Piss'. Honest. Ask the Ausies.
(2) - Oh, sweet Father of the Pride, how I love you! Sarmoti is great.
And there is another chapter done and dusted. The night is not over yet, oh no, more mad antics will unveil themselves, believe you me. Do review. Until next time…