Dangerous Desires
By Akasha Ravensong
Part Three
"Duo we need to talk."

Silently turned my back on the door and walked back over to the couch. Taking that as an invitation inside Heero followed me, re-chaining the door behind him. He sat down on one end of the couch and I sat on the opposite.

He looked confused, and timid. Intrigued by what could be bothering the pilot I studied him. He stared down at his hands, looking uncomfortable. Finding the silence annoying I spoke up, wondering what could possibly be on the mind of the Perfect Soldier.

"So, what was it you wanted to speak to me about Heero? Is there something you need from me?"

I crossed my arms and looked at him expectantly. It was my experience that somebody always wanted something. I was used to this sort of abuse though and I wondered what it was this time. He must have heard that expectation in my voice, though I had thought I used a neutral tone. He looked up at me angrily.

"Dammit, Duo not everyone wants something from you. Is it too much to expect that I would want to come by to spend time some time with you? After all I had thought that you were my friend." He snapped much more vehemently then I would have expected.

"Friends, with me?" I scoffed. "Come off it Heero I'm not naive. Cut the crap and tell me what you came here for I don't have time for this bullshit."

"Bullshit!" he roared. He reached out and grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, hard. I winced in spite of myself. "Get down from your damned pedestal Duo and get a fucking reality check. I'm worried about you, is that so damned hard to believe? We all are. Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, and I are all damned worried about you. You've crawled away inside of yourself and you won't let any of us help you."

"What makes you think I need your help?" I yelled back, getting angry now. "What makes you think I need any of you? You never needed me you only needed my skills. It wasn't me you were after it was the Shinigami."

He looked at me as if I had slapped him and I saw the pain in his eyes. But I refused to allow myself to react to it. I refused to feel regret at causing it. But he spoke and I could feel the iron in his voice.

"You're wrong Duo. You are so caught up in your pain that you never noticed what was so blatantly obvious to the rest of us. You were, and still are, part of a team Duo. We were as close to being a family back then as anything. We care about you Duo." His voice softened.

I stared at him blankly for a moment, not believing what I had heard. I must have heard him wrong.

"And I know it's wrong, and that it is probably impossible for you to feel the same about me, but I love you Duo. Don't do this to yourself. We're your friends. Let us be there for you. Talk to us. Do you have any idea how much it hurts us, how much it hurts me, to see you like this? Let me be there for you. Don't push me away again. I love you Duo."

I could feel his conviction in the words as he spoke them. I crumbled. In spite of myself I began to cry, all my pain and loneliness pouring out of me. For a moment Heero stared at me bewildered. Not even a second later I felt his strong arms go around me and felt myself being pulled into his lap like a child and cradled in his warm embrace. I buried my face in his chest and threw my arms around him, needing the comfort that he offered. Needing somebody to trust.

"Don't let go," I whimpered.

"Never." He whispered back. "I'll never let you go."

He stroked my back gently while I cried. Heero murmured in my ear, telling me that everything would be all right. He buried his hands in my hair and ran his fingers through it with such love that I could only cling to him and cry harder.

I could barely believe that this was real. Why wasn't he pulling away from me in revulsion at my weakness? Why was he allowing me to cry? Could it be that he actually cared about me? Did he really love me? Despite everything could I be possible that he really did care deeply about me. Could Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei actually be worried about me like he said?

When I was all cried out I looked up at Heero and he smiled at me lovingly. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. More gently then I would have thought him capable of being, he reached down and wiped my eyes with his hands.

"Better?" he asked quietly, wiping a few strands of hair that had fallen loose from my braid out of my face.

"I suppose." I shrugged. Not knowing what else to do, and afraid to meet his gaze, afraid at what I would find. Instead I tucked my head back into the crook of his neck and closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth of his arms and the strength of his embrace. For the first time in a very long time I felt safe, protected. I was almost… Happy.

Time passed by and I listened to the steady beat of Heero's heartbeat. After a while I looked up at him once again, as prepared as I was ever going to be to face what I found in his eyes.

"Heero…" I asked questioningly.

"Yes, Duo?"

"Please tell me that this is real. I don't think I could face it if this were all a lie. If this is a dream I don't think I could handle it when I woke up."

"Yes Duo, this is real. I'm not lying to you." He stroked the side of my face with his hand and I leaned into his hand allowing him to cup my face with it. I do love you, very, very much. I have for a long time I was just afraid to tell you. Afraid that I would repulse you. I was afraid to be turned away."

I searched his eyes but I could find no lie in them. My heart leapt for joy. He loved me! My gaze wandered towards his lips, and unconsciously I licked my own. I wasn't sure who moved first, him or me, but suddenly he was passionately kissing me. His hands were all over me, lighting me on fire. I stiffened, afraid of betrayal, but after a few coaxing touches from Heero I relaxed again. Gently he pushed me back onto the couch and lay on top of me, kissing me with such deep passion that I melted.

Then he just stopped, and pulled back from me hurriedly. I wanted to shrivel up and die. He had just been playing with me! That was what I got for opening myself up again. That's what I got from allowing myself to be so stupid as to think that I could trust anybody. Heero must have noticed my fear and my self-loathing, however and he spoke up.

"No Duo, don't jump to the wrong conclusions. It's just, I don't want to jump into anything too quickly. I don't want to overwhelm you or take advantage of you when you were jus crying in my arms." He looked at me and grabbed my elbow, gentle but firm, and pulled me up next to him. "I meant every word I said. I am not playing games with you."

I just looked into his eyes and stared at him for a while. "Heero, it's just… Well I don't know how to act in this situation. You've got to understand it's… hard for me to open up to people. I always loose the people that I care about most. Something always happens. And you couldn't imagine the amount of times I had my trust betrayed."

"I understand. Look, this is new to me too. But I care about you a lot Duo, and have for a very long time. I've always loved you. First it was just like a brother, ten it evolved into something more. I want to take things slowly though Duo. Neither of us have had great lives you know." He looked at me and I could see sadness in him too, the same sadness and deep hurt that I knew was mirrored in my eyes. "You're not the only one you know."

I smiled. "Well, we'll just have to work things out together I guess."

Authors Notes:

Hope you liked it! Please let me know what you think. I crave reviews! Please, please review!

Blessed Be,
Raven