Chapter 3- My Pressssssiousssssssss...Garage door opener!
Thanks to all you reviewer people! YAY! I FEEL APPRECIATED! And thank you also to Mecha Scorpion for the AWESOME SHINY IDEA to put Gollum in the story! THANKS!
When we last left our random assortment of people, Link and Roy were lighting some silly people's pants on fire! YAY!
"Does anyone think they're having a little too much fun?" Zelda asked nervously.
"Yes. In fact, I WANT TO JOIN IN!" Marth declared, and ran into the fray.
Zelda sighed. It was hard being sane.
Meanwhile, The Fellowship was busy having an extremely intellectual and mature conversation.
"Legolas! YOU STOLE MY HORSE!" Gandalf accused, pointing imperiously at him.
"I did not Gandalf!" Legolas responded, completely shocked by the accusation. His hand went over his heart as if he had been physically attacked by Gandalf's claim.
"Did so!"
"Did not!"
"Did so!"
"Um," Frodo cut in, "is it possible that you both just happen to have white shiny horses?"
Both Gandalf and Legolas turned to stare at Frodo.
"MY horse is the whitest and shiniest in the land!" Gandalf declared. "For I am GANDALF THE WHITE!"
"But I'M the prince of Mirkwood!" Legolas argued. "MY horse should be the whitest and shiniest in all the land!"
Just as they were about to "duke it out" Middle-Earthian style, Link jumped in.
"I have my VERY OWN HORSE! Her name is Epona." He announced.
Legolas glared at him. "Just because you didn't have to steal Gandalf's horse, doesn't mean you're any better than I am!" He sulked.
"YOU ADMIT IT!" Gandalf shouted triumphantly. "YOU DID STEAL MY HORSE!"
"Um...no?" Legolas tried to think of a way out of his own trap, but couldn't.
Fortunately for him and his perfectly styled hair, Gollum chose this moment to appear on the scene, chased by several members of the SPCA.
"We must find that poor deformed creature and bring whoever inflicted that horrible mutilation upon him to justice!" Declared one of the members.
"GOLLUM! AHHHHHHHH!" Frodo screamed and hid behind Samwise Gamgee.
Suddenly Gollum spotted The Fellowship.
"Pleasssssssse, ssssssssaaaaveeee me!" he hissed in his Gollumish manner.
"Didn't he die in the volcano?" asked Aragorn.
"I thought so. But since he's here, can we eat him?" Samwise Gamgee asked.
Roy, who had abandoned the now smoking, charred remains of the punk gangsters, was suddenly possessed with the urge to poke something. And watch it explode. That was his favorite part. He quietly snuck up behind Gollum...
Fortunately for Gollum and unfortunately for the rest of the world a group of scientists chose this moment to round the corner.
"Hey, isn't he one of those genetic experiments we lost last week?" one scientist asked.
"Hmm, you're right!" another scientist agreed.
"NO! IT'S THE MEN IN WHITE COATS!" Aragorn suddenly burst out.
"WHERE?!" Marth suddenly panicked.
"THEY'VE COME TO TAKE ME AWAY!" They screeched in unison.
Annoyed, Roy decided to put them out of their misery. Except he missed and hit the scientists instead. Oh well.
"THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME! GOLLUM!" Gollum groveled for them.
Suddenly he spotted something shiny and black.
Gollum's eyes narrowed, "The pressssssssscioussssssssssssssssss" he hissed evilly.
He snatched the "precious" and ran off laughing like a monkey.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO TELL IF MY HAIR IS IN ORDER?!" Legolas screamed in agony.
"Why not just get a mirror?" Merry suggested merrily. Sorry, it was just so tempting...
Legolas began to foam at the mouth, then took out a napkin and wiped his mouth daintily.
Meanwhile, Gollum was frolicking about the metropolis.
"Gollum is so glad to see the precious again!" Gollum said.
Suddenly his split personality disorder kicked in.
"The precious doesn't belong to us, we should return the precious."
"No, Gollum has been looking for the precious for such a long time!"
"The precious doesn't belong to us, we should return the precious."
"Yes it does! Gollum took the precious fair and square!"
"The precious doesn't belong to us, we should return the precious."
"SHUT UP YOU!"
"..."
Gollum turned the "precious" over. There, written in super curly elvish were the words: Property of Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood and owner of the whitest, shiniest horse in all of Middle Earth.
"AUGH!" Gollum whapped his head on the ground. Why was his other personality always so right?!
Suddenly The Fellowship appeared.
"Give back what is rightfully mine!" Legolas yelled.
"I could say the same to you!" Gandalf glared at Legolas.
The blonde elf chose to ignore him.
"But...all Gollum wanted was to park Gollum's car," Gollum whimpered pitifully.
"Awww, we should forgive him." Nobody in particular said.
"NO! The LAST time we decided to trust him HE BIT MY FINGER OFF!" Frodo screamed.
"That's right! It took me weeks of telling Master Frodo that there truly was something worth fighting for before he would abandon the fetal position and start eating again!" Samwise Gamgee added.
"Sam...what are we fighting for?" Frodo curled up in a ball and started rocking back and forth.
"NOT AGAIN!" Samwise Gamgee promptly began foaming at the mouth.
Meanwhile with the Super Smash Gang:
"THE MEN IN WHITE COATS!" Marth continued to scream.
"They're GONE now." Roy explained for the billionth time.
"WAHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOO! WHITE MAKES ME LOOK UNFASHIONABLE AND TUXEDO MASKISH!" Marth screamed some more.
"Wait, didn't Tuxedo Mask wear a BLACK tuxedo?" Zelda asked, though how any of them knew this was beyond explanation.
"But you forget the MOONLIGHT KNIGHT! WHICH RHYMES! HE WAS WHITE! AND STUPID! AHHHHHHHHH!" and Marth screamed even more.
Zelda looked at Roy and Link for backup.
Roy looked somewhat sheepish, "At one point I ran around calling him 'Tuxedo Marth' because of his ridiculous white outfit," he admitted.
Zelda sighed. "Well, let's just get out of here before the police come back."
"Right-o!" Link agreed, suddenly becoming British.
Meanwhile, with The Fellowship:
"What should we do with him?" Samwise Gamgee asked, referring to Gollum.
"Let's throw him down this well!" Aragorn suggested.
"GASP! THAT WOULDST BE CRUEL!" Gandalf gasped.
Everyone stared at him.
"Oh alright."
While they were arguing Gollum had made his escape in his car, which he really did have. Legolas had the garage door opener though.
"Oh well," Gollum muttered to himself, "Gollum will just have to find another place to park Gollum's car."
Thanks to all you reviewer people! YAY! I FEEL APPRECIATED! And thank you also to Mecha Scorpion for the AWESOME SHINY IDEA to put Gollum in the story! THANKS!
When we last left our random assortment of people, Link and Roy were lighting some silly people's pants on fire! YAY!
"Does anyone think they're having a little too much fun?" Zelda asked nervously.
"Yes. In fact, I WANT TO JOIN IN!" Marth declared, and ran into the fray.
Zelda sighed. It was hard being sane.
Meanwhile, The Fellowship was busy having an extremely intellectual and mature conversation.
"Legolas! YOU STOLE MY HORSE!" Gandalf accused, pointing imperiously at him.
"I did not Gandalf!" Legolas responded, completely shocked by the accusation. His hand went over his heart as if he had been physically attacked by Gandalf's claim.
"Did so!"
"Did not!"
"Did so!"
"Um," Frodo cut in, "is it possible that you both just happen to have white shiny horses?"
Both Gandalf and Legolas turned to stare at Frodo.
"MY horse is the whitest and shiniest in the land!" Gandalf declared. "For I am GANDALF THE WHITE!"
"But I'M the prince of Mirkwood!" Legolas argued. "MY horse should be the whitest and shiniest in all the land!"
Just as they were about to "duke it out" Middle-Earthian style, Link jumped in.
"I have my VERY OWN HORSE! Her name is Epona." He announced.
Legolas glared at him. "Just because you didn't have to steal Gandalf's horse, doesn't mean you're any better than I am!" He sulked.
"YOU ADMIT IT!" Gandalf shouted triumphantly. "YOU DID STEAL MY HORSE!"
"Um...no?" Legolas tried to think of a way out of his own trap, but couldn't.
Fortunately for him and his perfectly styled hair, Gollum chose this moment to appear on the scene, chased by several members of the SPCA.
"We must find that poor deformed creature and bring whoever inflicted that horrible mutilation upon him to justice!" Declared one of the members.
"GOLLUM! AHHHHHHHH!" Frodo screamed and hid behind Samwise Gamgee.
Suddenly Gollum spotted The Fellowship.
"Pleasssssssse, ssssssssaaaaveeee me!" he hissed in his Gollumish manner.
"Didn't he die in the volcano?" asked Aragorn.
"I thought so. But since he's here, can we eat him?" Samwise Gamgee asked.
Roy, who had abandoned the now smoking, charred remains of the punk gangsters, was suddenly possessed with the urge to poke something. And watch it explode. That was his favorite part. He quietly snuck up behind Gollum...
Fortunately for Gollum and unfortunately for the rest of the world a group of scientists chose this moment to round the corner.
"Hey, isn't he one of those genetic experiments we lost last week?" one scientist asked.
"Hmm, you're right!" another scientist agreed.
"NO! IT'S THE MEN IN WHITE COATS!" Aragorn suddenly burst out.
"WHERE?!" Marth suddenly panicked.
"THEY'VE COME TO TAKE ME AWAY!" They screeched in unison.
Annoyed, Roy decided to put them out of their misery. Except he missed and hit the scientists instead. Oh well.
"THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME! GOLLUM!" Gollum groveled for them.
Suddenly he spotted something shiny and black.
Gollum's eyes narrowed, "The pressssssssscioussssssssssssssssss" he hissed evilly.
He snatched the "precious" and ran off laughing like a monkey.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO TELL IF MY HAIR IS IN ORDER?!" Legolas screamed in agony.
"Why not just get a mirror?" Merry suggested merrily. Sorry, it was just so tempting...
Legolas began to foam at the mouth, then took out a napkin and wiped his mouth daintily.
Meanwhile, Gollum was frolicking about the metropolis.
"Gollum is so glad to see the precious again!" Gollum said.
Suddenly his split personality disorder kicked in.
"The precious doesn't belong to us, we should return the precious."
"No, Gollum has been looking for the precious for such a long time!"
"The precious doesn't belong to us, we should return the precious."
"Yes it does! Gollum took the precious fair and square!"
"The precious doesn't belong to us, we should return the precious."
"SHUT UP YOU!"
"..."
Gollum turned the "precious" over. There, written in super curly elvish were the words: Property of Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood and owner of the whitest, shiniest horse in all of Middle Earth.
"AUGH!" Gollum whapped his head on the ground. Why was his other personality always so right?!
Suddenly The Fellowship appeared.
"Give back what is rightfully mine!" Legolas yelled.
"I could say the same to you!" Gandalf glared at Legolas.
The blonde elf chose to ignore him.
"But...all Gollum wanted was to park Gollum's car," Gollum whimpered pitifully.
"Awww, we should forgive him." Nobody in particular said.
"NO! The LAST time we decided to trust him HE BIT MY FINGER OFF!" Frodo screamed.
"That's right! It took me weeks of telling Master Frodo that there truly was something worth fighting for before he would abandon the fetal position and start eating again!" Samwise Gamgee added.
"Sam...what are we fighting for?" Frodo curled up in a ball and started rocking back and forth.
"NOT AGAIN!" Samwise Gamgee promptly began foaming at the mouth.
Meanwhile with the Super Smash Gang:
"THE MEN IN WHITE COATS!" Marth continued to scream.
"They're GONE now." Roy explained for the billionth time.
"WAHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOO! WHITE MAKES ME LOOK UNFASHIONABLE AND TUXEDO MASKISH!" Marth screamed some more.
"Wait, didn't Tuxedo Mask wear a BLACK tuxedo?" Zelda asked, though how any of them knew this was beyond explanation.
"But you forget the MOONLIGHT KNIGHT! WHICH RHYMES! HE WAS WHITE! AND STUPID! AHHHHHHHHH!" and Marth screamed even more.
Zelda looked at Roy and Link for backup.
Roy looked somewhat sheepish, "At one point I ran around calling him 'Tuxedo Marth' because of his ridiculous white outfit," he admitted.
Zelda sighed. "Well, let's just get out of here before the police come back."
"Right-o!" Link agreed, suddenly becoming British.
Meanwhile, with The Fellowship:
"What should we do with him?" Samwise Gamgee asked, referring to Gollum.
"Let's throw him down this well!" Aragorn suggested.
"GASP! THAT WOULDST BE CRUEL!" Gandalf gasped.
Everyone stared at him.
"Oh alright."
While they were arguing Gollum had made his escape in his car, which he really did have. Legolas had the garage door opener though.
"Oh well," Gollum muttered to himself, "Gollum will just have to find another place to park Gollum's car."