But now that we know for sure
They're telling lies when they say
No one gets hurt and therefore nobody dies
--Metal Heart (Garbage)
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"Miscarriage?"
Veronica bit her lip and nodded.
The word hung between them like a cement balloon.
Logan put his hand over his mouth. He had believed he was going to be a father for about a minute. It was a bad idea to start with. Then why did it feel like someone had cut his legs out from under him?
"How---" he felt the comforting numbness creeping around him again. "How did it happen?"
"They--the doctors--don't know. I didn't even know I was pregnant until I--I started bleeding. When I went to the doctor to find out why they said I was having a miscarriage."
"You're OK?"
She nodded.
"Yeah. I just have to go in for regular blood tests to make sure the gonadotropin levels are dropping. If not then they thought it might be an ectopic pregnancy and they'd have to operate--" He looked up at her, startled. "It's not. The levels are dropping just like they should be. I'm fine."
He stepped away from her, shaking his head.
She felt an odd blend of sadness and euphoria. Her heart felt like it was breaking all over again, watching his devastation. And at the same time there was a strange thrill that he was taking it so hard. That he didn't hate the idea of them having a child together.
"Logan…"
"It's for the best then isn't it?" He said, nodding. "Nature took care of it." His voice broke. "After all, can you imagine what kind of father I'd be? What with Aaron Echolls as my role model?" He let out a sob. "Besides, we're both seventeen. And I'm homeless. The poor kid got off lucky…."
And then the damn burst. Veronica reached out and pulled him into her arms as he started crying like his heart was breaking. His whole body shook so hard she thought he might knock them both over. She felt tears rolling down her cheeks again as she eased them both down to the ground. She eased his head into her lap as he continued to sob. And that's how they remained, with her occasionally wiping off her own cheeks with one hand while running her fingers through his hair with the other.
Eventually the sky started turning slightly pink as the sun threatened to rise and Logan finally ran out of tears. They remained in silence, only hearing the distant crash of waves below them until Logan finally sat up slowly, like every bone in his body ached. He leaned back against his car, too tired for sarcasm, too tired for arguing.
"Do you think it was a boy or a girl?" He asked, his eyes squeezed shut.
She looked down at her hands.
"A girl," she shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. "I don't know why. It would have been impossible to tell that early on but I just had a feeling…."
He nodded. "A girl with your eyes."
"I thought she'd have your eyes, actually. And my hair." Veronica said. "And I'd put it in pig tails."
He opened his eyes and looked at her. She had actually imagined it, he realized. He put his hands out to her and she took them. He eased her into his arms and she burrowed into his chest.
"But can you imagine the massive attitude she would have had?" He said.
Veronica let out a laugh. He chuckled too.
"That's why I called her Lilly," Veronica added quietly.
Logan looked down at her.
"I mean, just in my head. I never actually said it out loud before now." She watched tears form, unshed in his eyes, and he nodded. She laid her head back on his chest.
"That would have been perfect."
"Yeah, perfect."
They watched as the sky turned from pink to orange.
"I'm sorry you had to do this alone," Logan said after a while. "If I'd known…"
"You didn't," she said simply.
"Duncan knows about it doesn't he?"
She pulled away and looked at him.
"No, why would he?"
"He--I got the impression that he knew something I didn't." He said. "I got the impression you and he had picked up where you left off."
Deny it. Please, please, please deny it.
But she looked down at her hands again and he felt his body start to ache all over again.
"We dated for about a minute after you left but it wasn't the same. Nothing came of it."
Logan's mind started spinning. Nothing came of it, he tired to kiss me and I bitch slapped him? Nothing came of it, he only got to second base before I came to my senses? Nothing came of it, the sex was meaningless?
He tried to push the thoughts out of his mind but he could still hear them buzzing in the background.
"I still thinks he knows."
"The only person I told was Wallace," she said. "Maybe Duncan overheard something."
"Wallace." Logan nodded.
Yeah that makes sense. No wonder he hates my guts.
"And Mac and Meg five minutes before we saw you in the parking lot."
Logan chuckled and rubbed his jaw. "Yeah, I figured that one out."
Veronica watched him rub his jaw and gasped. She reached out and touched the bruise.
"Meg did that?"
"No," he replied, shifting uncomfortably. "You haven't seen the news today?"
She shook her head.
He looked out over the ocean as if something fascinating had just flown by.
"Well the thing of it is, your dad dropped me off at my dad's house and--"
"Wait, what about my dad?"
"He's the one that brought me back." He watched as she frowned rather ferociously.
"He brought you back. And he didn't tell me?"
"Does he know about--" his voice caught. "Lilly?"
Veronica shook her head.
"If he did he only would have brought back pieces of you. I don't think I need to elaborate on which pieces."
"Well," Logan cleared his throat, "he was not terribly happy with me regardless. Your standard: stay away from my daughter thing. Pretty cliched if you ask me."
"Then why did he bring you back?"
"I guess Duncan paid him to."
Veronica's eyebrows dipped rather attractively in confusion and without thinking Logan reached over and ran his thumb over one.
"So, with a certain amount of rather inappropriate glee I must say, your dad dropped me off at Chez Echolls." He ran his thumbs over her cheeks, all the while avoiding actual eye contact. "And I went inside and had a chat with daddy."
He caught a glimpse of the horror on her face and he busied himself by playing with some loose strands of her hair.
"Your father did this?" She asked, reaching up and touching his cheek. He pulled back and turned to look at the horizon again.
"Welcome home present."
"My God, Logan---"
"No, it's a good thing really." He turned and looked at her stunned expression. "I had him arrested this time."
Veronica's jaw hinged open just a bit.
"Arrested? He's in jail?"
"You really should keep up with current events."
"Why this time," she asked before she could stop herself.
This time? As if there were others before it? Knew all along did you? Of course you did.
"He threatened you," he replied.
"What!"
"Oh he never said it directly but he was still pretty clear. If I didn't play along and pretend we were one big happy family, if I didn't testify that Lilly was asking for what happened to her--" His voice trailed off. He cleared it and continued. "You are the only one that can put him in jail. There's no evidence linking him to the murder but he confessed to you about Lilly when he---" He still couldn't bring himself to say the words.
"--locked me in the refrigerator." She nodded. "More or less."
Logan looked her in the eyes.
"I wasn't going to let him hurt you so I had him arrested for child abuse."
She stared back at him. He'd lived with Aaron's abuse his entire life and would rather jump off Coronado bridge then admit it and he had gone public with it. To protect her.
"I figure even if he manages to get away with Lilly's murder he'll do some serious time for what he did to me and for the attempted murder of you and your dad." He tried to smile. "He won't be scamming on any more of my girls when he stumbles out of San Quentin with his walker."
Veronica reached out and touched his cheek.
"I was so wrong," she whispered.
He leaned forward, and nodded.
"Me to."
He leaned in and touched her lips gently with his own. He trailed his tongue carefully over her mouth. She eased her mouth open….
"Logan Echolls!"
Logan leaped back at the sound of the harsh voice. It was then that he saw the flashing red light. He scrambled back and hurried to his feet. There was a police officer standing behind the door of his squad car with his gun aimed at him.
Veronica stood up slowly, shielding her eyes from the light.
"Veronica, get down," Logan said, waving her back. But Veronica squinted at the officer.
"Leo?"
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Author's note: Well the cliffhangers keep on coming! Gotta keep everyone interested. Sorry to those of you who seem to be in physical pain every time I do it.
Kate--Who called me an "evil cliffhanger wench". I like it! I think I'll change my user name to that!
Julie--thanks for all the personal notes, I appreciate them.
Trite--If the last chapter brought you to tears I hate to think what this one did to you.
Ronhermione13--You're the first one to mention the music. I don't usually preface my stories with music (although there is almost always music in there somewhere), but as I said, this CD kind of inspired the whole thing so I'm glad you like it. For the full effect you should listen to the CD while reading.
Eternalgorithm--How can you argue? Veronica and Logan would have made a gorgeous baby.
Nina6305--you seem to always be the first one to respond to a new chapter. Sometimes two minutes after it goes up. I regard you with particular affection.
And for all the people who realized Veronica had a miscarriage or at least that something was up when she got tanked thanks for not thinking I was just being irresponsible with our girl.
And to everyone who reviews I must say how immensely satisfying it is to write something and have people like it. Thanks.
