No matter however many things were running through my head I couldn't get the one thought that was bothering me the most out of my mind: Why didn't I do anything more, Why couldn't I stop it. Being the so called 'brains' of the group meant yea, you were smart but it didn't mean that you could come up with things off the top of your head.
Ryan has always had people's backs over the years that he's known us whether it was me, during the many fights the water polo players have decided to pick with me, Marissa's with her mum or even Luke's who I thought would never be an ally with Ryan. But the one time when I was needed and I couldn't get there in time! Some friend I was.
The same images keep running through his mind like some stuck record player playing the same images over and over. The image of Trey's limp, unmoving body, splattered with his scarlet blood. Marissa, standing, frozen with the gun held in her trembling hands with a look of pure terror on her pale face. And Ryan, lying breathless on the floor of Trey's living room, his eyes darting from Marissa and his brother trying to make sense of what just happened. Summer was frozen, clutching onto my arm so tightly as if she was going to pass out in any moment. These thoughts would not leave my aching head.
I could never sleep peacefully again for ages, always waking up startled with cold sweat dripping down my head soaking my sheets. I never wanted to go to sleep for the thought that the images would haunt me in my dreams but then when you did get to sleep you never wanted to wake up because you had to face the reality of what had happened that fateful day. Although there were a few mere seconds when you couldn't remember what had happened and you thought about how you were going to wake up Ryan that morning, how you were going to win back Summer that day after you had screwed up yet again. But then it hits you like a ton of bricks and it all comes flooding back…
Ryan. Trey. Fighting. Marissa. Gun. BANG! Over and over again- at school, in my sleep, at the pier, while I'm trying to get some relief playing play station, it was always there.
No matter what I tried to do nothing could erase the horror of what happened that day and I doubt anything ever will. We will never fully recover.