January
By Timberwolf220
-Don't try, try to pretend that it doesn't hurt-
-You don't have to be perfect, 'cause no one can be-
-If your tears can't stop fallin', just reach out your hand-
-All you gotta do it believe, just believe in yourself-
-and just let go...-
—"Rebirth" Hiroaki Hirata (Gensomauden Saiyuki)
A/N: Hopelessly Saiyuki-hooked. How can anyone not like those series? They're so fanservicey! And their soundtrack rocks!
For those, who don't know, I was born on January 15th. So this will be a special one.
Review responses are at the end, as usual.
-XX-
And just like that, he woke up. Shaking, he put his upturned palm on his forehead and when he removed, he smelt the sweat on it. He got up, his arms trembling. He reached for the towel hanging on his chair and wiped his face. Running a hand through his hair, he in a sudden fit, flung the towel away. It fell to the floor fluttering like a leaf carried away in the turbulent wind. He sighed and got up, unconsciously cringing as his feet touched the cool floor.
It wasn't a nightmare, he thought to himself as he made his way to the bathroom, it was a wish. A dream he had long forgotten, until now. A desire strong and pulsating, the kind that throbbed against your ribcage until it had been fulfilled. It hadn't.
But the desire had dulled, like a blade unused and dusty. He had given up, or more of less, left it to others to become better. He was good and it was hard for people to reach his level, but now…he didn't want to be the best. He was happy…with what he had.
And that was why it was scarier than any nightmare.
The shower was on and he relished the warm touch on his skin, coating him like a second skin. Like…
Tyson's lips brushing against his gently. Just a touch, nothing more…
Kai scowled. What was he, a girl? He didn't like being mocked like this, like a person who couldn't handle large doses of affection.
He paused suddenly. If Tyson had showered with large amounts of affection, would he been able to handle it at all? No, he wouldn't. He would have run, he would shove him away, he would not meet Tyson's eyes.
He wouldn't be able to handle. Heh, that makes him worse than a girl in his opinion. Afraid of all corners of his life. Tyson did it the right way. He knew exactly how Kai would react, so he did it the simplest way possible.
Kai grimaced and turned the water to cold. A cold shower would wake him up to this reality.
And he enjoyed it. From a person he considered his rival, his contemporary, his….
His what? What was Tyson anyway?
This is bad, he thought, as if my mind is fixated on him. Like a drug I tasted just briefly and it has consumed me so utterly that I've lost my semblance of self. He remembered how he bragged about being independent from anyone and how he could manage on his own. Now, his mind seemed to connect everything he does, works or sleeps.
Tyson comes to him in his dreams as well.
It was an obsession. And it has to stop. Kai would not allow himself to share hands or shoulder with anyone. He walks on his own and that is his rule for his life. Nothing else mattered. Yet, turning his back on everyone again, especially when he told Tyson he wouldn't. Was he scum enough to?
But this did have to stop. This continued reliance on Tyson. You can't depend on anyone forever, people leave, people have other priorities, and people don't need extra baggage. And Kai counted as extra baggage. The way he always came to Tyson, relying on him like a dependent drug addict. Tyson was his drug, free and willing and so delicious that no sane man would turn it away. It somewhat disgusted Kai to the core, that he was taking the drug and unable to stop.
He turned the shower off and tied the towel around his waist. Tentatively, mindful of the cold floor, he slipped into his slippers and walked back to his bedroom. He drew back the curtains, letting the sunlight strike him in the eyes. Blinking, he noticed it was still snowing lightly. When he looked downwards, there were two boys playing Beyblade. They were laughing and their breath crystallized into white mist outside their faces. Kai smiled slightly and then frowned.
Was he ever like that? Just simply enjoyed a friendly game of Beyblade without worrying about the consequences? Sometimes, but there was always the drive of winning. And that too, has faded in the light of Tyson, who takes it as it comes. Who has made him forget the whole point of winning and losing.
It wasn't as disappointing a revelation as he thought it would be.
Drying his hair, he slipped on his black pants and his armguards. They felt leathery against his skin and he winced slightly. He put them now out of habit. It was necessary to protect your arms for Beyblading and he wore it religiously. Now, it was a dull part of his monotonous daily routine. Shrugging, he put his dark red sleeveless top and sighed. He wanted to go out today. Just needed some fresh air into his system, maybe it would also clear his mind. Wearing his trademark scarf and boots and with that thought in mind, he stepped outside his apartment.
He was walking aimlessly and he knew it. His feet scuffed on the white blanketed floor of snow and his head was bent on all times. As if he couldn't bother to meet anyone in the eye. His scarf was curled protectively around his neck and he stopped and looked upwards.
Maybe he looked at the sky hard enough; he would find all his answers there.
Maybe he would see what Tyson sees as well in the sky.
He was dreaming, walking in a world where he couldn't discern which was which. It was harrowing and almost frightening in its intensity, the way his thoughts were so…focused on something, a person so different from himself in all aspects. Even the colours they bore, from the eyes to the hair was so contrasting at times that it never ceased to amuse him.
He turned and saw an empty garden walkway that seemed untouched by the footsteps of man. It seemed pristine and beautiful in its loneliness. Smirking slightly to himself, he walked towards the path.
It led to a circle area with a large cherry blossom tree. The blossoms had withered in the onslaught of cold wind, but some blossoms lingered, coated with a slight white dusting that made it seem ethereal. There was a bench facing this cherry blossom tree and Kai realized with a start exactly where he was.
The same place where he and Tyson talked about his parents and Tyson's mother.
Unbelievable, he thought to himself, even when he tried to look the other way, he still ended up running back to Tyson. It was like those legends about soul-mates and eternal love. Legends, mind you, nothing more.
Yet, it soothed him to know where he was. Like a wash of understanding has cleared his aching brow and wiped it clean. As if those cluttered up thoughts in his head were finally put in orderly stacks. And he knew where to go now. And he knew where his answers could be found.
Maybe the sky doesn't hold the answers anymore.
Maybe he does, so he looks up to it in happiness.
It is the feeling of discovery.
Kai closed his eyes as the snow fell, caressing his cheek and mingling with his hair. He breathed slowly as if reveling in the feeling of discovery, of knowing where he must go.
He belonged to Tyson. Everything, every part of himself belonged to Tyson. That is why he returned to him, that is why his thoughts are centered on him. Because every fiber of his being has a center and it's not his heart, nor is it his mind.
The snow fell faster, but he didn't care about the numbing of his arms. His face lost more of its colour, but his eyes were still bright, like embers in a dying fire. He had understood for the first time in his life the concept of ownership, the force behind every sappy song and lyric every written or song. He understood why girls hunted for the guy of their dreams, understood the jewels that sparkle on one's hands, understood why the snow is falling onto the earth in spirals like a ballet.
I belong to him.
And when he remembered Tyson's smile in his dream, he realized that Tyson belonged to him as well.
-XX-
A/N: Shorter than the others and no Tyson in this time (can't have a monotonous pattern, now can I? That's not original). But this is flowing along nicely and I like writing these. Maybe next time I'll write a Beyblade story with more plot, but you guys like these, so I'm content.
Watch Saiyuki! (subtle message)
-The snow is like my tears-
-Of happiness and sorrow, who knows?-
-Let the snow fall like tears-
—Author's Observations
serena429: I will update, so don't maim me. But I have exams coming, so they might be slow.
JadesRose: Sometimes, it's the simpler things that matter. I'm a idealist at heart, as you can see.
Yazzy: I'm not too fond of that pairing. There's no dynamic between them. And Tala/Lee? Did they even ever meet? Such is the world of fanfiction I suppose…
FireieGurl: Sorry this took so long, but here's your update.
Luvyagal: Hmmm…I suppose they have a silent relationship. You don't need to say words like 'I love you' all the time, you know? It's the actions and the hidden messages that count. And the odds of Kai saying 'I love you' are one to nothing. In this fic, at any rate.
Yukiko-Angel: Nice to see the minds of Beyblade reviewers are still active. I did make it rather obvious though…
xXxAngel VxXx: And another genius reviewer we have here! (claps for you)
Person: They are. Just an experiment I wanted to try my hand in. I call this the 'Nanashi Ni' formula. She does this for almost half her stories. Go read her stuff, it's pretty good. And funny. Mostly funny.
Minako Mikoto: World Religion class does wonders. And General Knowledge also helps too.
Kaay-chan: I'm glad you like it. Stuff like that makes me want to continue.
Loveisagiftuseitwisely: Continuing, so no worries.
Lady Kirei: You were going to cry. I didn't realize the depth of emotion I had put in this story. I'm glad it made such an impact on you.
Queen Phoenix: I'm not sure, but Tala always struck me as the most complex character, after Kai. He has some interesting parallels to explore.
Hiyami: I don't know about action than feelings, but I'll try to add more action in this.
DrippingRed: That's a rather morbid penname you have there. Tyson does mature in the third season considerably and tries not to rely on Kai so much as his brother said. And I like writing a mature Tyson. Kai does some really stupid things sometimes and Tyson has to pull him out of it! At least, that's how I see it.