AUTHOR'S NOTES: Whew, day three and I've still got plenty of twisted ideas. Though I admit I got this one from watching Slayers. Don't worry, though (especially you, Inu's Girl)–if you haven't seen Slayers, no big deal, as it has little to do with this story. Also, longtime Rumiko Takahashi fans might recognize a little homage to another character who shares Inuyasha's dubbed voice. Hint, he has this problem with hot/cold water...
And thanks especially to Hawker-748, Inu-chan-keh, and Inu's Girl for reviewing! A virtual cookie for you. Enjoy!
SCROLL THREE: THE DAY THE OSUWARI DIED
It was yet another hot and humid day in the Sengoku Jidai. Perhaps that was why Kagome Higurashi felt particularly irritated this day. Or perhaps it was because it was because she knew she had just bombed a math test. Or perhaps it was because Souta had crashed her bike into the Goshimboku the day before, leaving her without her normal mode of transportation. Or perhaps it was just that "time of the month."
No, Kagome thought, it was none of those things. It was because the firk ding blast hanyou traveling with her was being a royal pain in the butt–her butt, in particular.
It was the usual with Inuyasha. She was gone a mere 48 hours, and when she returned he acted like she had been gone a month. Kagome knew it was because Inuyasha missed her, but he would kiss Sesshoumaru's boots before he would ever admit it. When she called him on it nonetheless, he had given her the usual nose-in-the-air and a "Feh!" before telling her that he merely wanted to get to work looking for the Shikon Jewel. And since then it had been a never ending litany of things to gripe about.
The fact that humans traveled too slow.
The fact that they kept having to stop or drop from heat exhaustion, something that never seemed to bother hanyou.
The fact that Kagome had worn perfume that day, just for Inuyasha, only to have him proclaim that it smelled terrible and that every youkai within a day's travel could smell them coming.
The fact that they were going up a mountain, which made the humans even slower.
The fact that Shippo's presence on the same planet irritated Inuyasha, and he was sure to remind the kitsune of this fact.
The fact that Miroku kept grabbing Sango's rear end, which in turn caused Sango to render him unconscious, which in turn further delayed their journey (here Kagome had to admit that she agreed with Inuyasha).
The fact that Naraku had disappeared, again, and that Kagome couldn't seem to sense him.
The fact that Kagome just knew the two-timing bastard was just thinking about Kikyo every time he looked at Kagome.
And now, he was griping about that they had stopped to eat lunch and put their overheated feet into a cool stream. Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and Kilala managed to tune him out, but to Kagome the hanyou's voice was enough to drive her insane. She chewed on her ramen and did her best to ignore Inuyasha, but he kept talking. "Inuyasha, are you going to eat something?" she finally asked, figuring that if his mouth was full, he would shut up.
"No, I don't need to!" he shot back. "I ate this morning, and unlike some people, I don't feel the need to stop and eat every five minutes!"
Kagome gritted her teeth. "For your information, Inuyasha, I haven't eaten since last night! We skipped breakfast because a bitchy hanyou wanted to hit the trail before it got too hot!"
Inuyasha should have known by her tone of voice that he was getting very close to her limit, but the heat and his own irritation pushed him beyond the point of caring. "Yeah, and I was right, too! Besides, you could handle skipping a meal or two." By saying this, Inuyasha meant that a little hardship might toughen the city girl. However, Kagome took it to mean that she was gaining weight, which immediately compared her in her own mind to Kikyo (who, being undead and made from clay, would not gain weight, ever), which immediately caused her hand to crush the cup of ramen in pure, unadulterated anger.
"Inuyasha."
Inuyasha abruptly stopped, cringed, and closed his eyes, because he knew what was coming.
"Sit."
Nothing happened. There was no yell of pain from Inuyasha, nor the crunch of bone impacting unyielding earth at high speed.
Inuyasha opened one eye. Kagome, stunned, stood up and turned around, wondering why Inuyasha was still vertical. "I said, sit!" she repeated. Still nothing. She took a deep breath, even as Inuyasha waved his hands at her to stop. "Sitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsit!" she screamed.
Nothing.
"The spell...wore off?" Miroku wondered aloud.
They were all silent for a moment. Then Inuyasha's face split into a wide grin, and he began laughing at Kagome. "HA! Finally! I knew it would stop working someday!" He began to caper around in an impromptu dance. "Ha ha ha! This is great! I'm free! Now I can say what I want to, whenever I want to!" Kagome had gone pale. Inuyasha noticed it and scampered down to dance in front of her, making grotesque faces at her. "'Oh no,'" he mimicked in a singsong falsetto of Kagome's actual voice, "'I can't sit Inuyasha anymore when I feel like it!' Oh, I am going to enjoy this!" He waggled his tongue at her. "Ah ha, Kagome's stupid! Soft city girl! Unpretty tomboy!" Kagome stomped over to where Sango was, her back to Inuyasha. "Oh no, she can dish it out, but can't handle it! Oh no, Kagome's gonna run away from the big mean hanyou!" He followed her, continuing to taunt. "Oh no, Kagome's gonna run back to her mama! Not so much fun anymore, is it–"
"I said SIT!" Kagome whirled, Sango's hiraikotsu firmly in both hands, and brought the end down directly between Inuyasha's ears. The wet thwack of bone against bone caused the other three to cringe. Inuyasha froze, his eyes crossed, and he collapsed to the ground like a falling tree.
A few hours later, once Inuyasha had recovered and Sango had talked Kagome out of giving Inuyasha permanent blunt force head trauma, the group walked in silence down from the mountain where they had been. Sango and Kagome walked ahead with Shippo, with Kagome occasionally spearing Inuyasha with murderous glances. He would then shrink back behind Miroku.
"You should have known better," the monk cautioned. "Just because the spell seems to have worn off doesn't mean there aren't other ways to get you to behave. Believe me–" Miroku rubbed his own forehead, where Sango had let him have it earlier for indulging in his favorite pastime "–I know."
"Feh." Inuyasha gingerly felt the knot in his skull. "It's worth it. At least now I can defend myself from Kagome." He ignored her warning look. "What is with her today?"
"What's with you?" Miroku replied.
"Nothing's wrong with me!" Inuyasha insisted. Then his eyes turned crafty. "Oh, wait, I get it. It's that 'time of the month,' isn't it?" He noticed the tips of Kagome's ears turning red. "That's it! Ah, so the old legends are true about what happens to women's powers at the 'time of the month'! I thought Kikyo was just making that up because she never could hit me with those arrows!"
Miroku was studying the ground around them. "Actually, I don't think that's the case..."
Inuyasha crossed his arms over his chest, satisfied. "I have a few days of peace a month, then. What a relief."
Abruptly, Kagome's temper blew. She turned in midstep, leveling a finger at Inuyasha. "Damn you, SIT!" To everyone's surprise (Inuyasha's, most of all), the hanyou dived for the ground, headfirst, with the all-too-familiar thunk of body against unyielding earth and the "owww" that quickly followed.
Kagome's face brightened. "Huh, it works again! Kewl! Sit." Another thunk and an exclamation of pain. "Sit." Inuyasha began digging a crater.
Miroku snapped his fingers. "Ah, that explains it!" At Sango's and Shippo's questioning gaze–Kagome was having far too much fun pushing Inuyasha into the ground–Miroku explained. "I thought the landscape looked familiar. This is the legendary Mount Naga. It is a holy mountain, for at the twin summits areplaces where magic cannot work."
"Oh, I see," Sango and Shippo said simutaneously.
Kagome left off from Inuyasha for a moment. "So there's nothing wrong with Kaede's spell."
"I doubt it," Miroku assured her. "It's questionable whether my wind tunnel would even work atop that mountain."
"That's good to hear."
"No, it's not..." Inuyasha moaned. "I'm...sorry...Kagome..."
"That's all right, Inuyasha. Sit. I forgive you. Sit."