Ah! My Lumbago! Revised Sequel Edition
(Never do too much Homework)

'Funk So Brotha'

By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.

"Wakey wakey!" Delia said to Ash, shaking her son awake.

"It's time for you to wake up for school!"

"60 more minutes!" Ash said, throwing his pillow over his head.

"NO!" Delia screamed in his ear. Ash sat up and rubbed his eyes. His mom was holding his little brother Sam in her arms.

"F!!! F!!!" Sam said. Ash got up and pulled on his clothes.

"Here's your Pop Tart, and your backpack." Delia said, handing him a Blues Clues backpack.

"MOM!!!! I'm not going to go to High School with a Blues Clues backpack!!!!!! My image will be ruined!!!!!"

"What image?" Delia asked. Ash grumbled.

"I'm not going with this piece of shit backpack."

"Ash! Put a quarter in the bad word jar!"

"Why? Sam's already owes you over a thousand dollars in quarters for all the swear words he says." Ash yelled at his mom.

"Maybe if you didn't swear around the house, he wouldn't be so bad!" Delia said as Ash put a quarter in the bad word jar.

"Geez mom! How come you always blame me when everyone in this house knows that-"

"Yo, yo, yo!!!!!!" Gary said, sliding into the kitchen in socks and a pair of underwear. He walked over to the fridge and took out the maple syrup and poured it in his mouth.

"Yum!" Gary said. "That's some good natural Canadian shit." Gary walked out of the kitchen. Ash glared at his mom.

"Okay, okay." Delia said. "Here's your lunch." She handed him a lunch in paper bag labeled 'Ashy'.

"MOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!! STOP WRITING 'ASHY' ON MY LUNCH BAGS, AND GIVE ME A NEW BACKPACK!!!!!!!!!!!" Ash screamed. Gary jumped down the stairs in a cool new preppy boy outfit and ran out the door.

"Come on, Ash hole." Gary said to Ash. "Or I won't drive you to school." Ash was steaming mad. He stomped over to the door.

"You forgot to kiss your mother goodbye!" Delia said, rushing after him, Sam throwing Cheerios and milk at the walls behind her in his highchair. Ash slammed the door before she could get to him. Professor Oak came downstairs.

"What's all the yelling about?" He asked. Delia turned around just as a massive hunk of soggy Cheerios hit the side of his head.

"Sam!!!!!!!!" Delia said. "I just cleaned the kitchen yesterday after you threw eggs at the ceiling!" Sam giggled.

"Ho!" He waggled his hands at Delia. She rolled her eyes. Mimie rushed into the kitchen and began cleaning up the cereal.

"So.... What was going on?" Professor Oak asked, taking his Flintstone Vitamins and his lumbago pills.

"Ash didn't like the Blues Clues backpack I got for him. Then he swore and got mad because Sam swears more than him and doesn't have to put quarters in the bad word jar. And then he got angry for writing 'Ashy' on his lunch bag and he didn't kiss me goodbye!"

"I'll kiss you." Professor Oak said, his hands groping her butt.

"Samuel! Not so early in the morning! You know what it does to your lumbago!" Delia said. She kissed him and went to properly feed Sam.

"Titties!" Sam cried.

Ash and Gary walked into school. All these preppy girls stared at him.

"Oooooooh! Look at that hottie!" Said a girl.

"Hey babe!" Gary said.

"Who, me?" said the girl.

"No, popular ho." Gary said. "My girlfriend!" Laura came up to him.

"Hey sex ho." Gary said to her. "We can get it on in Homeroom. We both have that assholic fag who smells like vinegar.

"Right ho!" Laura said. Ash rolled his eyes and found his locker.

"Hey! Look at the doofus with the Blues Clues backpack!"

"He looks so stupid!!!! Ha ha ha!!! Bet his mom packed his lunch!" Ash went red.

'High School sucks' Ash thought. Just then the Viridian City High School Football Team, came in through the doors.

"Yay!!!!!" yelled the slutty cheerleaders, bouncing in behind them.

"Go Viridian City High School!!! Yay!!!!!!! Go Viridian City Celebi's!!!! " The football team ran past Ash.

"Hey Ash!" said one of the players, respectfully number 69.

"TRACY?" Ash asked. "You're on the football team?"

"Yeah. It's awesome." Tracy said, a big grin on his back. Ash cringed.

"Well, I have to get to class." Ash said, shutting his locker, arms full of supplies since he didn't want to walk around with his Blues Clues backpack anymore.

"Helloe class." Said a teacher that smelled like vinegar. He talked funny too.
"Todae, we will learne the rules of my classroome." He said, hitching up his pants.

"Rule number one. Obey the teachere. Rule number two. Black and Blue ink pens only. Rule number three. No making out in the classroome." The teacher glared at Gary and Laura.

"Youre name please?" the teacher asked.

"Oak. Gary Oak, but you can call me, 'Funk So Brotha'."

"Well, Mr. Oake--"

"No man, it's Oak. Not Oake."

"That's whate I saide."

"Whatever. I want a new class." Gary stood up and walked out of the classroom.

Misty was also in Ash's homeroom.

"Okay class! I'm Miss Rayburn! Can you say 'Hello, Miss Rayburn?'"

"Hello, Miss Rayburn." The class chorused in bored voices.

"GOOD!" She cooed. "Now, let's all introduce ourselves!" The class sighed. They were being treated like babies.

"I'm Misty. Hi." Misty said.

"I'm Ash." Ash said.

"I'm Ross! I'm from England!" Ross said, in a British accent.

"I'm Ashley! I'm gay!"

"I'm Stacy! I'm also gay!"

"AHHHHHHHH! THE GAY CULT CLUB!" Ash and Misty screamed, diving under their desks. Others moved their desks away from Stacy and Ashley.

At lunch, Ash and Misty found Ritchie and they ate lunch together. The new kid Ross came over and waved at them.

"Cheerio Pokemon Chaps! May I sit here and drink my tea?"

"Uh, sure." Ash said. Ross opened his lunch bag and set out a frilly napkin and a cup and saucer. He pulled out a tea pot and poured himself some tea.

"How can you keep all that in there?" Ritchie asked.

"I don't know." Ross said, holding up his cup with a pinky up in the air. "I'm just here because the authors are trying to ridicule the real me."

"Oh." Ash, Misty, and Ritchie said.

"Yo, yo, yo!" Gary said, crossing the hall and seeing his kind of friends. "What up?"

"Hello! I'm Ross and I'm from England!"

"What up, British ho?"

"Ho? Ho? What's a ho?"

"It's what you are!" Gary said, laughing.

"Oh. Right ho." Ross said.

"Dude! You speak the homie language!" Gary said, he took Ross by the shoulders. "Come with me, my man. You're gonna be a hip dude!"

"Dude? Dude? What's a dude?"

"It's what you are!" Gary said.

After school, Tracy had football practice.

"B!!! Fifty-two!" Tracy said through his mouth piece. "Hut hut!" He said, groping the guys butt in front of him.

"Coach! He did it again!" yelled the kid.

"Sketchit! Cut the crap!" Tracy farted.

"All righty, coach!" Tracy said, winking at the coach through his helmet. The coach rolled his eyes. When Tracy cooperated, the practice began. Tracy threw the ball and the opposite team caught it. Tracy rushed forward.

"Hump attack!" He yelled. Tracy jumped on top of the player with the ball.

"Coach! He's doing it again!"

"Oh yeah! Number 5!" Tracy said.

"Sketchit!" The coach yelled. "All right, team! Practice is over! Hit the showers!"

"Yahoo!" Tracy said and ran to the showers. He threw off his gear and hopped in the showers. All the other team players reluctantly took off their clothes.

"Ha! I still say I'm the biggest one of you guys!" Tracy said, laughing and doing something not nice watching his teammates shower.

"Shut up, Tracy." Said number 17.

"I'm still biggest." Tracy bragged.

"That's because you're gay."

"You're just jealous." Tracy said. He rolled up his towel and snapped it at the groin area of all his teammates.

"Coach!!!!" They all yelled. "He did it again!"

"SKETCHIT!!!!!!!!!!!" Roared the coach. Tracy had already fled the locker rooms.

To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago 2!'

'Zoboomafoo on crack '