Chapter Six
Where the Heart IsShe was beautiful.
Harry sighed, closing his eyes. Everything about her was beautiful, her eyes, her hair, the way she moved, the way she talked, the small mischievous smile on her face, the open honesty of her expressions. Harry smiled at the thought of her; she was everything he never was. She was happy, she was loved, she was comforted in the dark of night, she was held when she was hurting.
"Emily." Harry said the name, it felt right.
Harry smiled to himself. He could imagine a life with her, of laughter and talks over breakfast, of teaching her to ride her first broom, of teaching her magic and spells, the happiness, the peace, and the joy. There would never be killings, there would never be moments of pure blind fear, panic, and pain. There would only be love and there would be only peace, there would be contentment.
He would still work for the Ministry; he would still be an Auror. Keeping the peace and stopping the small and petty criminals. After work he would come home, talk and play with her, read to her before bedtime. He would tell her stories of her grandparents, of all the people that had been apart of his life, stories of his times at school.
She would never know the fear, the loneliness and the suffering that had been his childhood. There would never be anyone looking to kill her, there would never be a monster who wanted her dead. She would have a childhood. She would never have to be forced to grow up before her time; she would never have to forgo the wondrous experiences of growing up. She would be loved and she would know peace.
Darkness covered the world. Harry opened his eyes and looked to the sky, large black clouds were coming from the west and the sun was consumed by them, vanishing behind their thick canopy and covering the land in a darkness. Harry could feel the wind picking up, the thickening of the air and the smell of rain in the far distance.
He sighed. A storm was coming.
He felt his daydreams shatter and splinter into a million pieces. They would never work. He couldn't be the man he wanted to be, he couldn't be the father, the husband he wished. He could only be what he was, a murderer, an assassin, a killer for hire. Harry looked down at his hands, rough and scarred. How much blood covered them? How much blood had they spilled, gallons upon gallons.
They had all deserved to die. But what did that mean? They were living and breathing people, they had known love, they had known joy, and he had taken all that away from them. He had turned them into nothing more than meat and bones. Tearing the life out of them or crushing it from them.
And there were always more after them. There was always someone else to take the place of the person he toppled. Another man or woman who craved power and did anything that was necessary to secure it. There was always someone else, a never-ending supply of Dark Lord and Ladies to fill the spot.
Then there were the others, the ones who were trying to make a name for themselves. If it wasn't a job that was putting his life on the line, it was fools who thought that if they killed Harry Potter, they would gain the respect, gratitude, and fear of those who attempted to rule the world.
Peace was something he was not allowed. Peace was something he could never have. He had done too much, caused too much pain and misery on his own to deserve peace. Too many people had died and been hurt for him, too many people had suffered because of him; he deserved his life. He deserved the pain, the darkness, the loneliness, and the elusive figure of death that mocked him and kept its distance.
It was best that Hermione and Emily stay where they were. It was best that they never have to be subjected to the pain and the destruction that was his life. They deserved their peace, they deserved their love, and no matter how much it hurt him, he knew they didn't need him and they were far better off without him. He could only bring pain and hurt, he could never bring love or happiness.
Rain began to splatter down upon him. Harry raised his head to the sky and felt it wash over him. The rain poured down his face, washing away the tears. It's cold touch chilled him and as his clothing soaked he began to shiver, the air suddenly turning cold and the wind picking up.
Harry opened his eyes, the world a blur in his rain streaked glasses and the pounding of rain drowning out all the other noises. He got to his feet, running a hand across the metal of the swing he had been sitting upon. Memories of times long ago flashed through his mind and he smiled. It had been a place of seclusion and peace, a place where he could think and be alone.
He picked up his bag from the ground, a spell keeping it safe and dry and began walking down the streets. Square identical houses lined the road, but Harry knew where he was going, his feet carrying him there. To a house with a car out front and the warm glow of lights coming from the windows. He paused on the steps and knocked.
The door opened and a girl began screaming.
XXXX
"Uncle Harry!" A small dark haired girl screamed in delight and suddenly Harry was nearly knocked back as she dove for him, wrapping her arms tightly around him and laughing. "You're back!"
Harry grunted, staggering back a few steps into the rain. He set her back down at the entrance and smiled down at the girl. "Nice to see you too, Jellybean." He said, ruffling her hair. Angelica frowned smoothing her unruly hair back into a semblance of order. "Merlin's Beard! You're just getting bigger and bigger every time I see you."
"Its Joan's cooking. I say she adds something into to make her grow. It's sure making my stomach grow." A voice said.
Harry looked to the door and grinned. "It's damn good to see you, Dudley." He said, reaching out and grasping the hand Dudley had extended.
"It's been too long, Harry." Dudley said, pulling him into a hug. As always Harry felt engulfed in his huge arms. Like his father Dudley was a big man, but where his father had been fat, Dudley was not. "Come inside. It's dreadful out here." Angelica was running down the short hall yelling, "Uncle Harry's home!" Dudley watched her, a small smile on his face.
Harry stepped inside the house and suddenly everything felt right. He was home, if any place he could call home it was here. The heady smells of cooking dinner was in the air and Harry felt his stomach rumble in response. "It's good to be back, Dudley." He said.
Dudley laughed, slapping him on the back, nearly staggering him. "Better dry off or Joan's gonna skin you for leaking water everywhere." Dudley cautioned.
Harry looked down and noticed puddle of water beneath him. "Thanks. I always forget to dry up. It's a wonder anyone ever lets me in their home." Harry snapped his fingers and there was a rush of warm air, the rain drenched clothes drying immediately.
Dudley watched him, nodding slightly. "I gotta learn that trick." He said. "Come on, it'll be a while before Joan finishes up cooking. You're staying for dinner, right? No running off?" Harry nodded as Dudley led him into the living room.
As always it looked different for Harry. The living room had always been neat and clean under Aunt Petunia's care, as if no one ever touched it. Now, it looked lived in. The television was on, there was a scattering of toys upon the floor, a scattering of shoes, old magazines, and a feeling of love and happiness in the air.
Dudley sat down heavily into a large leather chair, kicking stocking feet onto a footstool. Harry took a seat in a chair and looked around a bit, Dudley watched him.
"Its been a while, Harry." Dudley said.
Harry nodded, leaning back in the chair and pulling off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. "I meant to come by earlier, but you know how it is. Busy time of the year." He joked.
Dudley nodded. "Still making the world a better place." He unconsciously ran a land along his arm.
Harry nodded. "I'm doing my best. But it's getting harder and harder." Harry said quietly. Harry looked up and saw worry in Dudley's eyes.
"Harry!" Joan suddenly entered the room, wiping her hand on a towel. Harry smiled at the always smiling, blonde haired woman, and rose giving her a quick hug. She looked him up and down. "My, you're just getting skinnier and skinner every time we see you. Don't you ever eat?" She asked mock sternness in her voice.
"I try when I can." Harry said, smiling. Joan was a short and slight woman, barely reaching Harry's chin. She always reminded Harry of Ron's mother, Molly, always happy to see him, always smiling, and always cooking something. Harry's smile faltered for a moment, shoving away unwanted memories. Joan was a good woman just as Molly had been.
"I heard about explosion and fighting in Dublin." She said bluntly, placing hands on hips. "The Ministry was rife with rumors this morning and all of them about you. What have you been doing?" Harry winced, he'd forgotten that Joan worked for the Ministry and was always the first to get news when anything of import happened.
"Now, Joan. Be nice." Dudley said, setting a light hand upon her arm. She smiled down at him, but when she looked at Harry the smile was gone. "You need to be more careful, one of these days you'll get hurt." She said sternly, but Harry could see fear in her eyes. "I see you've got another one." There was no satisfaction in her voice, only a flatness.
Harry glanced down at the bag he had been carrying. "Yeah." He said simply. He sighed and slumped in his chair, staring moodily at the television.
The silence seemed to stretch for a long time, finally Joan cleared her throat. 'Well, dinner will be done soon. You boys wash up. I expect you'll be staying for dinner?" She looked at Harry until he nodded in response. "Well then, it'll be a happy family dinner. She smiled again, and then glanced at a wall clock. "It's almost six. You'd better check on little Vernon. Make sure the little beast hasn't shimmied out of his crib and climbed out the window."
Dudley sighed. Joan glanced at Harry. 'You'd better go with him too. I swear this man's almost no use to me. If it wasn't for the children I'd go and marry a nice wizard somewhere." She said, glaring down at him.
"I love you too, dear." Dudley said, smiling.
Harry watched the by play and smiled. He wondered if this was how life would have been if he'd stayed with Hermione. If he'd never answered that fist letter. If...
Harry shook his head, getting to his feet. The past was the past and there was nothing he could do to change it. Well, nothing legally. He snorted, even then things never turned out the way you wanted it.
Angelica ambushed them on the stairs, squealing in delight as Harry threw her on his back and carried her up the stairs. Dudley warned them to not make too much noise as they walked down the hall. Harry deposited her by her room, which happened to be Dudley's old room.
"You're room's still as you left it." Dudley said.
Harry nodded unable to say anything. "Thanks." He managed.
Dudley grinned. "Well, let's see if Vernon's made a mess." He pushed open the door and entered the darken room.
Vernon was round and wrinkled with small dark eyes watching them as they entered the room. Harry smiled for a moment as the image called up the memory of the man the child was named after. "Nice kid." Harry said, trying not to laugh out loud.
Dudley laughed. "That's what everyone says. The little monster's an eyesore. Joan says she's seen mandrakes that were prettier." Dudley grinned, pulling the baby out of its crib, it yawned widely and stared at Harry. "But Angelica looked like a hairless monkey when she was born, but now she's pretty as a button, hopefully this little bugger becomes a little easier on the eyes as he gets older. If he doesn't Joan's a Witch, I'm sure she'll find something." He ruffled his son's dark hair.
"Look what Daddy got me, Uncle." Angelica said from the doorway. In her arms she carried a floppy eared puppy, it looked at Harry with hope in its eyes. Harry knew how much Angelica liked to play with her new things and he was sure the puppy hadn't had a moment's rest since it was brought home.
"Nice puppy. What's its name?" Harry asked, kneeling down before her.
"His name's Harry, too. Want to pet him?" She shoved the dog into his arms and immediately it squirmed out and scurried out the door, padded feet running frantically down the hall. Angelica sighed with exasperation. "He keeps wanting to play hide and seek!" She said running after him.
"Pity the puppy." Dudley said. Harry looked back and saw him sitting in a rocking chair, Vernon in his arms and a bottle in his mouth. "The little thing hasn't had a chance to sleep since we brought him home. But at least it keeps her out of our hair."
"Nice parenting." Harry said, sitting cross-legged on the floor.
Dudley snorted. "Hey, that girl's a double handful. More than this little troll here." The last words were said in a loving cooing voice, as Dudley tickled the baby's nose. Vernon ignored him and sucked nosily on the bottle.
"Definitely a Dursley." Harry remarked.
"Well, he's quiet now, thank God. Normally you can probably hear his screaming all the way to America. He's got the lungs of a Dursley, the size of a Dursley, and definitely the appetite. You should think of settling down and raising a brood too. They're horrible little monsters, but you can't help but loving them. Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot." Dudley quickly apologized as he saw Harry's expression.
Harry forced a smile on his face. "No. It's all right." He laughed hollowly. He sighed and looked out the window of the room. It was still raining, not heavily but enough that he could still hear it as it pelted against the glass panes. "I saw her. I visited Hermione and Emily last night. Stayed the night and left this morning."
"And?" Dudley asked cautiously.
"I envy what you and Joan have. I wished I could have stayed and watched Emily grow, to be there for her first words, first steps, when she was scared, or happy." Harry shook his head. "Damn. I shouldn't have gone there, I shouldn't have seen them. It was better that I stayed away."
"Better for who?" Dudley asked. "You can't save everyone by staying away from them. Trust me. You've tried that line and it doesn't work." Dudley lifted up a sleeved arm.
Harry looked up at Dudley bleakly. "I'm sorry." He whispered.
Dudley shook his head. "What happened, happened. But you bagged that bastard yourself and he paid for all the shit he did in the end." Dudley said, clenching his free hand into a fist. He closed his eyes for a moment and looked down at his son. "If that didn't happened then I wouldn't have met Joan and I wouldn't have my family. I still love my parents and nothing can replace that." He looked at Harry. "Look. Bad things happen to good people, that's the perversion of life. That monster took away both our parents, but in the end he paid for what he did. That's what you do, you make sure monsters like that don't ever tear anymore children away from their parents or break apart families in their bloody climb to power."
Harry nodded, unable to look at Dudley. "I wanted to go to Hermione and get things off my chest. To tell her the things that I should have five years ago, but I think I just scared her out of her mind while I was there." Harry laughed sadly. "That's me I guess. I went to be with them and all I did was put fear into them."
"What is going on? I mean you're not you usual jovial self." Dudley asked after a moment's silence. "Does it have to deal with the thing that happened in Dublin? Are we in trouble?"
Harry sighed. "See? What did I tell you. I try to visit family and all I do is scare them. I don't want you guys to worry. I'll deal with this mess and everything will be fine." Harry replied.
"Are you sure?" Dudley asked.
"I-"Harry began.
"What's going on here?" Joan demanded. She stood in the doorway, arms folded across her chest, and a look on her face. "You two have been gone a while, I was worried you'd lost Vernon or something."
"Nope, the little troll's still here." Dudley said, gesturing to the baby in his arms. Vernon was asleep, the bottle still clutched to his chest and a small trail of milk running down his chin.
"Definitely a Dursley." Harry muttered to himself.
"He is not a troll! Don't call him that!" Joan snapped. She glared at Dudley who only grinned. "What have you two been gossiping about?"
"Men stuff." Harry said.
"Men?" Joan snorted eyeing the two. "All I see is an ugly wet nurse and a vagrant in a serious need of a shave. Now, what have you two have been talking about?" She placed her hands on her hips.
"You have to hand it to her, she can smell juicy gossip from a mile away." Dudley said, settling Vernon back into his crib.
Joan snorted again. "Men they gossip about the most inane things. Leave them alone for a minute and they can't stop talking." She waited at the doorway for a moment, and then cast a final glare at the two. "Dinner's ready, if I can tear you two apart for a moment. Eat before it gets cold or Angie knocks it over chasing that mutt around. I told you to get something more manageable, like a cat or a rabbit. Dogs only get bigger and messier." With that she turned and walked out of the room, muttering, "Men Stuff, honestly!"
"Feeding babies and talking about feelings." Harry muttered, suppressing a grin.
Dudley laughed. "Hey, I got some beer downstairs."
Harry nodded, getting off the floor. "Yeah, lots of beer. That should do it."
"Better yet. Brandy and cigars." Dudley said, slapping Harry on the back as they walked out of the nursery.