Ah! My Lumbago! Revised Sequel Edition

'Zoboomafoo on crack'

By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.

"Tomorrow, we will be taking a trip to the local Pokemon and Regular Animal Zoo." Said Ash, Misty, Gary, Ross, Tracy, Stacy, Ashley, and Ritchie's biology teacher as he smoked his class grown weed.

"You will need to pick an animal and collect animal classifications for your next assignment." Mr. Frampton rubbed his bloodshot eyes. (Okay, one of the authors, me, had a teacher with a name close to Frampton and lots of people said he smokes weed, so that's why there is a person like him in the story.)

"Awwwwww." Moaned the some of the class.

"This is great! I can pick Pikachu! I know ALL about them." Ash bragged.

"But Ash, they don't have Pikachu's at the local Pokemon and Regular Animals Zoo." Misty reminded him.

"Fook!" Ash said.

At home, Ash and Gary had to get permission slips signed by their guardians or parents.

"This sucks, yo! Permission slips are for hos, and I ain't a ho." Gary said, as Professor Oak signed his slip.

"Samuel, it says here that they need parental chaperones." Delia said, pointing to Ash's slip.

"I'm not doing anything important in the lab. We could volunteer." Professor Oak said.

"How precious!" Delia said. "It'll be Sam's first trip to the zoo!"

"Stay together class!" said Mr. Frampton. "And mind Mr. and Mrs. Oak!" Gary pushed Sam in his stroller.

"Okay lil' dude. What does a reindeer say?" Gary asked.

"Ho ho ho!" Sam said.

"Right! Ho ho ho! Because Santa has reindeer and Santas says Ho Ho Ho!" Sam gurgled.

"Titties!" said Sam, his hands groping.

"No, that's a penguin!" Delia said. "Can you say Penguin?"

"Pinquin." Sam said.

"Did you hear that Samuel? He actually said a nice word." Delia said.

"Maybe he's turning over a new leaf." Professor Oak said, taking a picture of a Mankey in a cage nearby. Sam started fussing and Delia gave him a bottle of apple juice. As they walked along and the class reluctantly listened to their teacher, Sam thought it would be fun to throw his bottle into the tiger's cage.

"Damn!" Sam said happily. Delia nearly fainted.

"Don't worry little buddy!" Gary said. "I'll get that for you!"

"No Gary!" Professor Oak yelled. Gary climbed the fence and jumped into the tiger's pen.

"Give that back you fag bag!" Gary yelled at the tiger. The Tiger growled and bit down on the bottle, juice spraying everywhere. Sam began to cry.

"Well, if he doesn't live through this, we could try for another kid to replace him." Professor Oak said to Delia, grabbing her butt.

"Samuel!" Delia said. She turned to Ash who was watching Gary swear at the tiger.

"Ash, watch your brother. Professor Oak and I need to get something on in the car, I mean, get something from the car." They ran off.

"Ah! My Lumbago!" they heard Professor Oak say. Gary gave up and climbed back out of the cage.

"Damn Tiger." Gary said, brushing dirt and tiger poo off his pimpin' homie Jynco pants. "Yo, teach, I'm gonna ditch class so I can buy my baby a new bottle." Gary said, leaving the zoo. Mr. Frampton was passed out on a zoo bench. Some crows came and picked at his moustache.

"All right, yo." Ross said in homie language. "We should jam our way over to the petting zoo."

"Why are you talking like Gary?" Misty asked.

"Gary said I had to take his place whenever he was gone." Ross shrugged. The class continued on.

"Z! Z!" Sam said, looking up from his stroller and waving at Ash.

"Yeah, whatever bro." Ash rolled his eyes.

At the car, Gary pounded on the windows.

"Yo! I need to use the van with the blue handicapped sign hanging from the rearview mirror!" Gary yelled. The van rocked back and forth. Gary pressed his face against the glass to try to see past the fog. Gary kicked the tires.

"Oh well. Guess I'll have to go back." Gary shrugged and left.

"Oh Samuel! Show me your Lick attack!" Delia said from the car.

"Ah! My Lumbago!" said Professor Oak.

After the field trip was over the kids piled back in the cars and went home. Ashley and Stacy (who were now dating) were coming to the Professor's house to watch TV with Tracy. They had discovered a new TV show, 'The Ambiguously Gay Duo'. Once the Professor parked the car in the garage, the three gay kids jumped out of the car and ran into the house, hands in their pants.

"Yay!" they said, sitting on the floor in front of the TV. The show started. Gary walked past them and into the kitchen. The boys followed him with their eyes.

"You don't think...." Tracy started.

"That he's...." Stacy continued.

"Gay?" Ashley finished. They turned back to their show where the characters, Ace and Gary (really! Watch Saturday Night Live re-runs and you could see it) were being given their latest mission. After a while, there was a commercial break. The three boys snuck into the kitchen.

"Yo! Don't sneak up on me you fags." Gary said, turning around with a bottle of milk in one hand and the chocolate syrup in the other. Stacy and Ashley forced Gary in a chair. White pieces of paper magically appeared in front of Tracy.

"All right Gary. We know who you really are." Tracy said.

"What?" Gary said. He poured milk in his mouth, then poured in the syrup and gargled it.

"We know you are part of the Ambiguously Gay Duo. Where's Ace?"

"You mean Ash?" The gay boys gasped.

"Ash is gay too?" Tracy asked.

"Hell no!" Gary said. "What's up with deal anyways? Who are the Ambiguously Gay Duo?"

"They are the Ultimate Gay Superheros!" Stacy said.

"Whatever." Gary said.

"What do you see here?" Tracy asked holding up a picture of a dildo.

"Something I could beat you up with." Tracy frowned.

"Darn!" Tracy said. "He's really not Gary."

"What 'choo talkin' about, gay ho?" Gary said, standing up. "I am Gary! Now if you gay punks will excuse me, I have to go practice with my band." He left.

"Let's go quiz Ash." Ashley suggested. The boys grinned and ran upstairs.

"Okay Ash. What is this?"

"A dildo." Ash said. "What's all this about? You guys are disgusting." Ash said from upstairs. "What are you guys doing? Ew! That's nasty! Put that away! Gross! It moved! Ahhhhhhhh!" Ash ran screaming from the room. There was the sound of three zippers zipping back up.

"Darn." Said the members of the Gay Cult Club, no pun intended.

"YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' HO YOU BETTER GET OUTTA MY FACE CUZ IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gary screamed into the microphone.

"Dude, we need more Bass." Gary said to his fellow band instrument players.

"Gary!" said Delia from the garage doorway.

"Hey Gramma." Gary said.

"You're too noisy! Sam keeps crying."

"Okay Gramma. We'll move our band practice to somewhere else so my lil' homie can take his nap." Delia went back inside.

"That's your Gramma?" said the drummer. "How old is she?"

"Uh... I think in her late thirties. We gotta get movin' yo."

"YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S THE ABC'S YEAH!!!!! THE ABC'S YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! L IS FOR LOVE! M IS FOR MAKIN'! PUT 'EM TOGETHA AND YOU GET LOVE MAKIN'!" Cars started honking at Gary and his band.

"What?" Gary yelled at the nearest car.

"Get out of the street!" Yelled the guy in the car.

"Tough luck, fag!" Gary gave the driver the finger and started singing again.

"YEAH!!!!!!!!! YOU BETTER PUT THAT BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM CUZ IT'S GOT GERMS!!!!!!!!!!!! GERMS!!!!!!!!!!!!" The cars kept honking. Professor Oak came outside.

"What's all the ruckus?"

"Hey Gramps! We're having band practice." Gary said, waving to Professor Oak.

"But you're in the middle of the street." Professor Oak said.

"Yeah? So?" Gary said.

"People have places they need to get to and they can't get anywhere with you guys blocking the street."

"They can drive around us." Gary suggested.

"You're blocking the entire street though." Gary sighed.

"We gotta move again." Gary told his band. So they packed up their instruments and equipment and moved to another place where they could practice.

"YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE AN UGLY SLUT!!!!!!!!!!! GET OUTTA MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE AN UGLY SLUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET OUTTA MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE AN UGLY SLUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE SO DAMP IN YOUR UNDERPANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE AN UGLY SLUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET SOMEONE ELSE TO FRICKIN' SATISFY YOUR NEEDS!" Gary almost ate the microphone. He turned to his band.

"We are so gonna rock at the state fair!" He said.

To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago 2!'

'Goin' to the fair?'