Ah! My Lumbago! Revised Sequel Edition
(Never do too much Homework)

'The Poke-Psychic'

By Lauren G. (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.

"You're going to have another baby mom?!?" Ash cried out. "You just HAD one! You're like a guppy! Remember when I had guppies from a project in 4th grade and they kept having babies? Geeez!"

"Ashy, dear, can you get the Viagra for your father?" Delia said, poking Professor Oak with her index finger. Ash sighed and went downstairs into the kitchen. He tugged at the cabinet, which contained Professor Oak's Viagra. There was a baby lock on the cabinet, so Sam couldn't get in. Ash pulled hard at the cabinet and fell back off the counter and onto the floor.

"Ouch!" Ash said.

"Having troubles, mate?" Ross asked, popping in the scene.

"Yeah."

"I'll get that open for you!" Ross started to walk to the cabinet when a horde of rabid Togepi raced through the kitchen, attacking Ross.

"Oh my god! They killed Ross!" The Authors yelled. They looked at each other. "Cool!"

So the story continued. Professor Oak was better, sitting on the couch, Delia feeding him pudding.

"Come on! Open up for the choo choo train!" Delia said to him. Just then the phone rang.

"Gary, its probably for you!" Professor Oak called.

"That's right old man!" Gary ran down into the kitchen and picked up the phone.

"Yo, yo, yo! What up..... Who?" Gary scratched his head. "You're who? I don't know no Poke Psychic!" Professor Oak leaped up from the couch.

"AH! My lumbago!" He yelled. "Gary! The phone's for me." Professor Oak said, sitting back down. Gary gave the phone to Professor Oak. He talked on the phone for a bit, then hung up.

"Well. I have good news." Professor Oak said to Delia and possibly Gary, who wasn't listening. "I get to be a guest on the first episode of the Poke Psychic!"

"What's that?" Ash said, coming down into the kitchen.

"Well, this lady, Sonya Fitzpatrick, claims to be a Pet Psychic. But recently she discovered she can 'talk' to Pokemon too." Professor Oak make quotation marks with his fingers when he said 'talk'.

"What a bunch of gay zombie shit." Gary said.

"I know... At least we get to get in free!"

"Hello everyone. I am Sonya Fitzpatrick. The Pet and Poke Psychic." Grinned the cheesy old woman, now drawn anime style. "I would like to welcome everyone to the first episode of the Poke Psychic. Today, I have a special guest. The marvelous Professor Samuel Oak!" The audience clapped politely knowing all this was a scam, but they got on TV so it didn't matter to them. Professor Oak came out onto the set.

"Hello Sonya." The professor said.

"Welcome Professor. I understand you're very experienced in the care of Pokemon."

"And in me!" Delia said from her front seat. The audience laughed as Professor Oak went red. Sonya just smiled.

"Okay. Why don't we talk to one of our audience members. How about you, young man, with the rabbit." Sonya pointed to Ash.

"Me?" Ash said. Ash walked up to take a seat on the other side of Sonya.

"Ah this is a um...."

"Pikachu." Ash told the woman.

"Ah yes. Hold on. I will speak to Pikachu now." Sonya closed her eyes. She opened them a moment later.

"Oh my!" she said.

"What? What? What's wrong with my Pikachu?" Ash asked, fearful.

"I am afraid.... Your rabbit...... has been looking at.... PORN!"

"WHAT????????????????????????????" Ash said.

"Pika PIKA!!!!!!" Pikachu denied, shaking his head back and forth, making crossing motions with his hands.

"Pikachu! How dare you!" Ash said to Pikachu. Pikachu was crying now. It was all a lie! really, it was

"And.....and....he looked at it on......." Sonya closed her eyes and 'thought psychic crap'. "Professor Oak's computer!" The whole audience gasped.

"Pikachu, I thought you were a pure Pokemon!" Ash said. "I'm very disappointed in you!" Pikachu made suicide motions at Sonya. Sonya just smiled.

"Let's go to a commercial break!"

"Well. Um. What a show!" Professor Oak said to Delia, Gary, and Ash.

"Yeah, yo! I can't believe Pikachu looked at porn!" Gary laughed and pointed at Pikachu. Pikachu got mad and shocked Gary.

"Whoa..... That felt good!" Gary said. Ash rolled his eyes.

"Come on Pikachu. Let's go. You're grounded from playing Zoo Tycoon on the computer from now on!" Pikachu cried all the way to the car.

Meanwhile, in Sonya's dressing room.... Sonya was hanging from the ceiling, bound and gagged and looking very shocked.... In both facial expressions and electric pokemon shocked. Muahahaha. Pikachu had his revenge for Sonya's fake prediction.

Back at the lab, Professor Oak went into the backyard and began to count the pokemon, making sure they all were there.

"One... Two.... Three.... Ah! My lumbago!" Professor Oak said, clutching his back. Delia rushed outside.

"You're getting too old for this! Come inside and have some coffee! Gary? GARY? GARRRRRRRRRYYYYYY!!!!!!!" Delia yelled. Gary ran outside.

"Yo, yo, yo, what shakin' pregnant grams?" Gary said.

"I want you to count the Pokemon for your grandfather."

"I ain't doin' nuttin' that involves cleaning Poke shit up anymore." Gary said, picking at his nails.

"GARY YOU WILL HELP THE PROFESSOR!" The hormonal Mrs. Ketchum-Oak yelled. Gary shrank back.

"Chill out! Fer-izzo yer nizzo." Gary stalked off and started counting the pokemon.

"One.... Five..... Okay they're all there." Gary said coming back 10 seconds later.

"No!!! There's one missing!" Tracy yelled, running up a hill towards Gary and Delia in a pair of old high heels.

"Oh no. It's the fag machine." Gary muttered.

"A pokemon is missing!" Tracy repeated. "I don't know where it is. It should be easy to find though. Let's go, my love." Tracy held out his hand to Gary.

"I'm not yo' lova! Back off!" Delia gave Gary the evil eye.

"Okay! I'm bringing Sam though." Gary ran in the house and came back with Sam. Sam was dressed in a pair of Gary's old camo pants, that Gary forced Mimie to make fit Sam and a shrunk wife beater.

"Come on Gary! Let's go find that damn pokemon!"

"Motha f-ker!" Sam replied. He toddled ahead of Gary.

In the woods, Gary and Sam tromped ahead of Tracy. They walked around forever. Sam got tired and Gary had to carry him.

"This sucks harder than Tracy's blow up blow job doll." Gary muttered to Sam. Sam snored loudly in response. Suddenly, it turned very dark.

"How long have we been out here?" Gary asked Tracy.

"A couple of hours." Tracy replied. He went up to Gary and grasped his arm.

"I'm scared!" Tracy wailed.

"Get yo' hands off me!" Gary snapped. He paused for a moment. "I'm scared too...." So the two teens and the baby started a fire. Just then, it was light again and Misty and Ash emerged from the trees.

"There you are! Mom sent me to find you." Ash said to Gary.

"We're SAVED!" Gary yelled. "I mean, what's it to ya, bitch?"

"Well. Dinner's ready." Misty said.

"How long were we gone?" Tracy asked.

"About 5 minutes." Ash said, looking at his watch.

"Oh yeah, we found the missing Pokemon. A Snorlax wandered five feet away from its exhibit." Ash told Tracy and Gary. As they walked back to the house, Gary thought to himself:

'This was one freaky situation. I'm sure to go insane because of this shiz-nits. Well, back to the frat house.'

To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'

'How to Lose Your Sanity in 10 days'