Ah! My Lumbago! Special Birthday Edition
(Never Be Super Bored In The Summer)
'Meet the Oaks'
By Lauren G. (RowlingIdol) for Nicole C.
Note: Happy Birthday Nicole! I wrote this chapter for you because well… I haven't written in a while and we started 'Ah! My Lumbago' together and of course, it's your birthday. Hope you enjoy!
On a sunny day in Pallet Town, everyone's favorite dysfunctional kid friendly (to an extent) family was relaxing in a large house on top of a hill. A variety of noise could be heard from the massive backyard that served as a Pokemon plantation at the home of Professor Samuel Oak. This was also home to his wife Delia, his grandson Gary, Delia's son Ash, the Professor's plantation help Tracy, and the Professor and Delia's son Sam Jr.
So far the day was going well. Baby Sam was napping and Ash was absorbed into his Game Boy Advance, strategizing his next move against his opponent in Pokemon Emerald. Gary was locked up in his room, metal music blasting in his earphones. Tracy was who knows where, and frankly- we don't want to know. The Professor was in his lab engrossed in a research project on the mating habits of Rock Pokemon who show no signs of having genitalia. Delia was washing dishes in the kitchen. Out of no where, the doorbell rang.
"Ashy! Can you be a good boy for mummy and get the door?" Delia called out to Ash in a sing song voice.
"Can't mom! I'm trying to teach my Pikachu Hyperbeam!" Ash said, his eyes glazed over as he stared at his Game Boy. Ash's real Pikachu who had been sitting next to him the entire time rolled his eyes and hopped off the couch to follow Delia to the door.
"Hello there!" Delia said to the figures who stood at the doorway. "Are you selling magazines?"
"No… Um.. Is this the Oak residence?"
"Yes it is. Why?" Delia gave the man and woman a look over.
"If you're missionaries you can just get your sorry asses out of here!" Delia screamed, whipping out a spatula from behind her and brandishing it at the couple.
"No no! We're not missionaries!" The man said, holding up his hands.
"Oh! Well that's good!" Delia said, giving them a cheesy smile. "Are you here to see the Professor?"
"Yes. You must be his maid." The man said.
"Pika?" Pikachu said from the floor.
"Maid?" Delia repeated.
"Yes?" Tracy said, popping out of the kitchen in a maid's uniform.
"Oh GOD! Mom!" Ash cried out, running away from Tracy who was making a bee-line for Ash.
"Oh dear, no!" Delia chuckled at the frightened couple at the door. "I'm not the maid. I'm his wife!"
"His WIFE?" The man said.
"Yes! And who may you be?"
"I'm his son! Patrick Oak!"
"Patrick?" Delia looked thoughtful. "Hmmm… That would make you Gary's father! GARY!" Delia screamed. No answer.
"Pikachu, go get Gary." Delia said to Pikachu.
"Come in, come in! I've always wanted more children!" Delia said, ushering Patrick and Gary's mother into the house. Patrick looked positively shocked. Delia sat them down on the couch that Ash had recently occupied. Mimey rushed into the room with a tray of tea and brownies.
"What do you want Grams? I need to have my chill time when I'm not hanging with my main diaper man Sam." Gary said, walking into the room in a very punk get-up.
"Gary?" Said Gary's mom.
"MOM?" Gary said.
"Gary! What are you wearing?"
"Clothes! What do they look like, ho?" Gary said, making a gangster sign with his hands.
"Gary Francis Oak! You will not speak to your mother that way!" Patrick yelled at his son. Gary cringed.
"Oh, aren't family reunions wonderful?" Delia smiled.
"You let my son wear that?" Patrick accused Delia.
"Of course? What's wrong with clothes?" Delia continued to grin.
"Mom, what's all the yelling about? It woke up Sam." Ash said, coming downstairs holding Sam.
"We're having a family reunion! Sit down and meet your brother!" Ash turned and looked at Patrick.
" 'Sup." Ash said, handing Sam to his mom.
"How old are you?" Patrick asked Ash.
"16. I just had my birthday." Ash said. Patrick looked as if he was going to have a heart attack. Meanwhile, Gary's mom was crying.
"Gary! Come home! We thought you were dead after we found out that the red convertible we lent you to go on your journey was found at the bottom of a lake! You've been gone for so long!"
"I don't want to come home. This be where I do all my prankin', yo. And Gram and Gramps don't give a shit."
"I can see that." Patrick said.
"Ok. So if you guys are Gary's parents, that means that you were the Professor's kid with his first wife?" Ash asked.
"That's correct. Margie Oak was my mother."
"That was her name? Oh how sweet." Delia said, bouncing Sam on her lap.
"Whatever happened to her?" Ash asked. Patrick was quiet.
"We don't like to talk about it." Gary's mom said.
"Grandma got trampled by a horde of rabid Magikarp." Gary said matter-o-factly.
"Wow. Sounds like what happened to Ross. Accept instead of Magikarp's it was Togepi's." Ash reminisced.
"Who's this?" Patrick asked, changing the subject and pointing to Sam.
"This is your OTHER brother! Samuel Oak Jr.!" Patrick's mouth dropped open.
"I think we ought to go… It was nice meeting you." Patrick said, starting to get up.
"No no! Stay a while!" Gary said, pushing his father back onto his seat.
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" went Gary's whoopee cushion. Sam went into a fit of laughter. Delia wrinkled her nose as if she smelled something foul.
"Patrick! I may be 4 years younger than you and I may be your step mother but that doesn't mean you can fart in the presence of a lady!" Delia scolded.
"I think we should leave, honey." Gary's mom whispered to her husband. They both stood up.
"Gary, please come home with us." Begged Gary's mom.
"Sorry, but this is my home now. Besides, once Gramps kicks the bucket I'm going to buy a NEW red convertible and go around catching more Pokemon." Gary said.
"Buh bye now!" Delia said, waving to the Oak's as they left the house.
Gary and Ash stared at the closed door.
"I'm hungry." Gary said, stretching.
"I'm going to fight the Elite Four." Ash said, grabbing his Game Boy.
"Did I miss anything?" Professor Oak said, coming up the stairs, holding a hand on his back.
"Oh, nothing important." Delia said, setting Sam in his playpen and going over to Professor Oak. She gave him a big hug.
"Ah! My Lumbago!"
To Be Continued in the possible thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago 2!'
'Pixilated Pimpness'