A/N: Hello! This is my first real attempt at writing a fan fic…actually writing anything fictional at all. Please read and enjoy, and please, if you read, review, even if you hate it (but try to be nice, remember it's my first one!).

Remember Me

Chapter One:

Reflections

When one looks into a mirror, what is it that she sees? Does she see a mere reflection of herself in the glass, or does she see something more? Does she see her dreams, her hopes, her future? Does she see the woman she aspires to be? Surely a simple piece of glass cannot hold so many answers. In a mirror, one simply sees a reflection of herself; no lies, no deception-everything is laid bare before her, the truths of her person revealed to its beholder.

So why can I not bear to face myself in my own mirror?

I feel as though I am slowly drowning, watching time pass me by as I sit, stagnant in the water; I am so loved, so why do I feel so alone? Minutes melt into hours, days into weeks, weeks into months, and yet, nothing changes. I am still the same, scared little girl that I have always been. I always sit here in this room, thinking grand thoughts, telling myself I will change. Yet, when push comes to shove, I always become the same, terrified little pet that runs into the arms of the safest master.

Poor, little Christine. She has always been so fragile. Indecisive. Afraid.

But what am I so afraid of?

I am tired of being weak. I am tired of being afraid. Best of all, I am tired of lying to myself.

My entire life has been one big sham. My weaknesses have hurt so many people. Every tear I have shed has betrayed him, for every tear has been for no one but me. Every tear feels as though it is acid upon my skin.

I never meant to hurt him. I was just so young, so naive; he was so strong, so passionate, so sure. He deserved so much more than I could give him...

I left him that night. I walked away from the one thing in my life that I was sure of. I ran into Raoul's arms and never looked back.

Raoul. Raoul, Raoul, Raoul….I could say that name a thousand times and I would still never believe that it is I who am his wife. I could have never wished for a better husband. He is so gentle, so nurturing-so amazingly perfect in every way. He has given me everything one could have ever dreamed of and more; so why is it that I am still so unhappy?

"Christine," Raoul's cheerful voice broke through my reverie, my eyes averting to the door of my music room to see his cheerful face peering through the archway. "Are you coming to bed soon, my dear? I do feel so lonely without you when you spend so much time sitting in this room."

"I'll be there in a moment, Raoul," I replied, forcing the most sincere smile I could muster, "I must have just lost track of the time."

With a smile and a quick nod of his head, he came in and kissed my forehead, stroking my tangled curls gently. "I love you, Lotte," he whispered in my ear. With that, he slowly walked from the room, glancing back to give me an adoring smile before going up the stairs to our bedroom.

After Raoul reached the top step and I heard his footsteps moving over head, I let out a relieved breath. Had I been holding my breath that whole time? Better yet, WHY had I been holding my breath? Why did waves of guilt crash over me like a tide I couldn't escape whenever he smiled at me? My vision began to blur and I tried frantically to blink away the bitter tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks. My mind began to swim, and I looked around at the room, trying to distract myself from the thoughts that were slowly consuming me like a virus from within. Raoul had built this room for me. On our first wedding anniversary, he had blindfolded me and led me through the house into this magnificent room; and it truly was magnificent. The walls were painted a light gold that shimmered in the dim light of the candelabras that adorned the walls. Rich, dark wood bookcases lined one side of the room, containing a vast collection of my favorite works and my own personal music library. A beautiful grand piano sat alone in the middle of the room. At one time, the dark wood had gleamed in the low light, the carvings in the wood seeming to come alive and play out their stories in the woodwork; now, the piano lay covered by a thick layer of dust. The cover remained shut. The keys remained motionless.

The piano had never been played.

I slowly stood, collecting my thoughts, and ran my fingers through the dust that covered the ornate piano. I walked slowly to the window of the room, looking out across the vast landscape of our estates. Lush, well-maintained gardens and elegant brick paths scattered throughout the acreage made it glow regally in the dim light of the moon. I had looked over that landscape thousands of times, walked it paths alone, read in the small gazebo that sat next to a small pond. Yet, I had always made quite sure to stay away from the garden Raoul had given me. I remember it as though it were yesterday…

"Christine, happy anniversary!" Raoul sang merrily in my ear, rousing me from my slumber. I opened my eyes, blinking away the sleep, as his bright, smiling eyes came into focus.

"But it's still so early," I mumbled, turning over and pulling a pillow over my head to block the harsh light from my eyes.

"Darling, it's nearly ten o' clock! You cannot simply sleep the day away on our anniversary! I have a wonderful surprise for you. Oh please come see, I've spent so much time on it."

I rolled overly and batted his arm playfully. "Oh, I know, I've become so lazy. You shouldn't spoil me so. But Raoul, it isn't our anniversary! Have you actually forgotten the correct day?" I feigned a pout.

"Well…it is our one month anniversary. And any opportunity I can find to spoil my beautiful wife, I will take!"

He pulled me out of bed and towards the door with the excitement of a young child waiting for his mother so he could go downstairs and open his presents on Christmas morning.

"Wait!" I laughed. "I must dress. I hardly think the servants would appreciate a proper lady running around in her dressing gown at mid-morning. What would they think of me?"

"Alright, alright," Raoul agreed impatiently. "But hurry up!"

"I will," I smiled at him and quickly pushed him out of the room teasingly, closing the door behind me.

I leaned against the door, my smile slowly dissipating as I slumped against the thick wood.

Will it always be like this? I thought to myself. Will I always be so unhappy? Will he haunt me until the day I die?

Escaping my thoughts, I quickly focused on the task at hand and put on my daily mask of indifference, rushing into my daily dressing routine. I threw a chemise over my head and pulled on my corset clumsily, tying the back the best I could without the assistance of my lady's maid. I pulled on a light blue day dress that was lined with lace; delicate embroidery lined the bustled skirts. As I was getting on my shoes, an impatient knock sounded at the door

"I'm coming!" I yelled breathlessly as I attempted to pin my hair back quickly.

When I finished dressing, Raoul whisked me down the grand staircase and out the side entrance of our home. We walked for what seemed like hours on the winding brick pathways.

"Are we nearly there yet?" I panted. I wasn't used to such brisk walking for extended periods of time.

"Almost!" he said excitedly, grinning back at me.

After a few more moments, we came upon a clearing of trees. A beautiful white arbor stood in the midst of the forest, a striking contrast to the dark foliage that surrounded it. Healthy, lush ivy weaved through the trellises of the arbor elegantly. Quickly, Raoul put his hands over my eyes.

"It gets better," he whispered in my ear. I could nearly hear the huge smile on his face in his voice alone.

He led me gently forward many steps. We turned, wove our way down some sort of path, and finally stopped. I could feel the warm sun beating down on my face and hear the peaceful trickling of water somewhere behind me. A sweet, powerful scent filled my senses that I couldn't quite place, causing nostalgia to wash over me. Raoul slowly removed his hands from my eyes.

"Open your eyes," he said quietly.

Hesitating, I slowly opened my eyes. I gasped. I was surrounded by red, it was everywhere. Red dripped from the dark leaves of the plants that surrounded me like the blood of a wounded soldier. Those vile scarlet roses surrounded me everywhere I turned. My head began to spin, blood pounding behind my ears.

When I looked at those plants, all I saw was him. Tears began streaming down my cheeks.

"Little Lotte, don't cry! I knew you would like it, but I did not quite expect you to like it this much!"

I only cried harder at his words. The beautiful palace of roses he had built for me slowly began to close in on me like a prison. The beautiful white trellises turned into the harsh, iron bars of the portcullis. The scarlet roses withered into dead, decaying petals. Everything began to spin.

And then my world went black.

I never went back to the garden after that day. Raoul of course, easily dismissed my fainting spell as a reaction to the heat and my joy at his gift. He was always so blindly trusting…

Those flowers only brought back memories of the man I had chosen to leave behind. As the months drew on, I slowly began to separate myself from everything that reminded me of him. I could not bear the thought of him. It was driving me mad.

The flowers, the music…the darkness.

I had requested bright lights to be placed in every room when our home was built.

I evaded the garden as though it were the plague.

I hadn't sung a note since the final performance of Don Juan.

I had been running for so long, yet I always came back to the same place. I could never be free of him.

I hate him! I hate him! I hate him for lying to me…he promised he would let me go. He promised…

I realize now that there is only one way to free myself of him. I have to go back. Back to that dreaded place.

Home.

No, not home.

My thoughts make no sense to me. This insatiable longing consumes me every time I remember the darkness…his darkness.

For once in my life, I am making a decision. I have to go back. I am going back. Tonight.

Walking to the piano, I gently traced letters into the thick dust, leaving a clean trail wherever my fingers touched the rich, polished wood.

I quietly walked upstairs to procure my cloak. As I walked into my room, I saw Raoul sprawled across our bed sleeping peacefully. He looked so happy, so innocent in the dull glow of the moon outside. For a moment, I hesitated. Doubt swept over me, and I quickly shook it away. I had been hiding from the truth long enough.

I gazed upon Raoul one last time and turned from the security I had known so long before I could change my mind, choking back a sob.

I ran from the house, my mind becoming a blur. I could hardly see my hand in front of me in the dark, but I didn't care. Before I realized what had happened, I was standing in front of the building I had grown up in.

The structure was in complete ruin. The ceiling had caved in and the once beautiful windows were shattered. Huge black marks remained on the once perfect ivory walls of the theatre.

I slowly walked up the steps. I had to face the memories before I could face him…

Taking a deep breath, I grasped the large gold handle and pulled the doors of the opera house open for the first time inthree years.

A/N…so, tell me what you think! If you want me to continue, REVIEW. Any criticisms are welcome. Reviews fuel the writer's work!