HAPPY POWDER

27th July

Hey, this is yet another loopy story by Nyviay, Tidus goes to a kids party, and swallows something that he shouldn't of. ...these grapes are yummy...Anyway, it WILL make you laugh, I swear on the life of that suicide jumper on next doors roof...mmm...nectarines...

" Tidus! Haven't seen you for ages!" called a man from across the store " How you doin'?"

" Ah! Godamnit! Stupid bloody voices in my head again, get lost would you?" he cursed back

" Excuse me? Did I hear you correctly lad? I could have sworn you told me to go away!" the voice said again

" I did, god, for an imaginary voice created by myself...you ain't half deaf"

" But, I'm real, and I'm standing right behind you"

Tidus whizzed round to find a familiar face from his childhood

" Oh. Hello...er...Jagiag" he said

" Aha...the names Jeheya, how you doing?" said the man in front of him " heard you disappeared off the face of the Earth like your drunkard of a father. So, what you been up to these last 11 years then eh?"

" I...um...killed things...and...hurt things... and well, I've destroyed things..." he replied back with a stupid moronic smile spread from ear to ear.

" That's all? I've got kids and everything! My wife is the most beautiful creature that walks the planet-"

" She can't be! Yuna is!" Tidus shouted " Yuna is my...my..."

" Wife?" Jeheya asked

"Sort-of Girlfriend, I'm only with her cuz her dangly earring thing is so wicked...just between you and me..."

" You value your woman for jewelry?"

"...Yeah..." Tidus replied

" That's your choice, but hey! My kid is having a birthday party this afternoon, would you like to come along? Sevie would really enjoy one of his old mans mates being there, come along."

" Sevie? What the HELL is a Sevie" asked Tidus, beginning to do his ridiculous sprogging-on-the-spot

" Not A Sevie, Sevie...Sevemis...my youngest child."

"Aha, knew that...I knew that all along...ahaa... Just testing to see if YOU knew"

" Don't be so pathetic, come along anyway...and bring this Yuna gal ok? I'll catch you later then! Bye" and Jeheya walked off, leaving Tidus attempting to register what had been said to him something about a potty and a Lunar what not...and an oven mitten.

Tidus got back and told Wakka what he had just been told. With every sentence, Wakka's faced writhed with confusion and he eventually screamed out in frustration.

" TIDUS, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT?"

" Jeheya's kids potty, called oven mitten wants me to go see his potty and take a Lunar pal along with me... maybe it's alien talk for bringing a moon folk to clean a tiny toilet or moon folk talk ask me to wear oven mittens whilst in the bathroom...or even...bring the moon in an oven mitten to clean his potty with!"

" Tidus, this makes no sense...search within your minute brain and come up with your instructions in a language I understand, ya?" yelled Wakka down a terrified Tidus's ear " Do it, come on!"

" I am! I am!" so Tidus searched deep within and came up with the answer " party...Yuna...but still, the oven mitten"

Later that afternoon, Tidus and Yuna were set to greet Jeheya at the party. Little did Yuna know that it would be Jeheya that MADE them leave.

---knock---knock---knock---

"This is it!" cried Tidus " the moment I've been waiting for!"

"Quit lying you oversized dandelion, you've dreaded coming for hours!" yelled Yuna over Tidus's screams of sheer excitement.

" Hello?" said Jeheya as he opened the door " Do I know you?"

Yuna turned round facing Tidus to see that he was waving and greeting an invisible someone behind her.

" Tidus, my dear," she said through gritted teeth " why don't you turn round and greet the REAL Jeheya?" No answer " Tidus, turn round" No movement. Yuna placed her delicate hand on top of her 'sort-of boyfriend's' head and turned him to face his childhood friend.

" Hi! This is Yuna...Summoner Lady Yuna to be polite...but I'm not, so you can just call her...woman shaped ape"

" I'm honored Monkey Lady, please don't hold back...st-"

" Believe me, I won't!" and she gave Jeheya a slap and a half " Monkey Lady am I?"

" I meant don't hold back...step inside the house and enjoy Sevie's party"

Yuna blushed.

Tidus and Yuna stepped inside and admired the posh little house in which Jeheya and his family lived. A deep blue carpet lined to halls and fantastic paintings smothered the walls in every room.

Yuna sighed " why can't you do anything like this Tidus, you know, even putting up a shelf or two would be nice"

" Yuna, haven't we had this conversation before? You know my arms are too weak to lift a screw AND a screwdriver..."

" You're about as much use as a spaghetti rope" she sighed again. " Why didn't I choose Seymour? At least he can lift a sword"

" Now, now, you know he's gay."

" And that makes him different to you because...?"

They carried on walking through the house to see thousands of little brats smothered in chocolate, whizzing round the floor and hanging off door handles. In the center of the havoc was Sevemis, Jeheya's son.

"Now," announced Jeheya " this is my old time friend Tidus and his pet monkey Yuna. Say 'Hi' kids"

"HI!" said the hundreds of children in unison. Sevemis approached them.

" Hey lady, are you really a Humanoid Monkey? How's my speech coming along? Oo oo ahh ahh? Eee oo oo ahh eee oo!"

"..." Yuna didn't say

" Pretty good," said Tidus bending down " so, if you want to REALLY put on a show for the ladies you have to-"

"OKAY! OKAY! KIDS! And Tidus...SETTLE DOWN FOR...THE MAGICIAN!"

" A magician, a magician! Can I watch Yuna? Oh please, can I?"

"..." Yuna didn't repeat

The Magician walked towards the front of the room where a tiny little clearing of brats could be seen. Cramped for space the magician performed his first trick...the classic rabbit and the hat...except it wasn't quite the way you and I would remember...he pulled the hat out of the rabbit.

Next came the saw the lady in half trick...he sealed her in a box and began saw her in half...quarters...eighths...two hundred and fifty sixths...as you can probably tell he got carried away and kept on sawing until the woman's body was non existent.

After this came the stab a volunteer with a sword trick.

" So then, anyone up for it?" asked the magician "any adults? Any kids?"

Tidus struck up his hand, " pick me!" he cried

" I'll have...Sevemis!" and the child stood up and was stabbed with twelve swords

" Huh, I can do THAT any day..." pouted Tidus folding his arms

After ( unfortunately ) surviving the trick, Sevemis sat back down.

The magician prepared for his next trick

" any more volunteers? I would prefer an adult for this...gunpowder...nasty stuff" silence " Lady Summoner? Can I interest you?"

" forget it, magic pants, I'm not interested"

" how about...him!" said the magician pointing to blonde head sticking out of the crowd...big mistake mate...big mistake...

Tidus

" Me? I'd love to!" Tidus cried

" alright stand up here for me please and...er...hold this" the Magician handed Tidus a small packet of black powder. The man turned away to prepare his ' magic' gun.

" now I place the gun powder, in the bullet...I said I PLACE THE GUN POWDER IN THE BULLET...in other words, pass me the gunpowder" he hissed at Tidus

" oh, this!" he held out an empty packet

" the gunpowder! What have you done with it?"

" I...um...I...ate it"

"you what?"

" I said...I ate it"

"THAT WAS CHEMICALLY MODIFYED GUNPOWDER! YOU MORON!"

" It was?"

" yes! It was! Do you know what that stuff could do to you?"

"...no..."

" WELL NOR DO I!"

This was it...was it the end for Tidus? What would happen to him? Let me tell you...I don't care. But what ever was in store for him, Yuna least expected this...

"TIDUS! STOP IT!"

" It's a giant hanky, not a prized painting, don't worry, I can wipe my nose on it if I want to."

Tidus was trying to dive into Narnia by tackling the wardrobes, drawing faces on all the light bulbs and calling them his 'special little play pals' and sticking cat food chunks in his ears.

" ooooooooh! Cat food in GRAVY! Earlobe ointment, stops your eardrums from having pillow fights too...that's what causes headaches."

Again he was bouncing off the walls like a stupid blonde Ping-Pong ball " the only way to get to Denmark is to pull all the rings off this ring binder file. One ring...TWO RINGS...THREE RINGS...FOUR! I'm in Denmark...I know it! Yes I can tell...the Sloth's are here to greet me...I must speak their language...mmmmmmmmmmmwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh..."

" Tidus, I've had enough...please leave!" requested Jeheya

" no! Don't you dare speak to me like that young lady" yelled Tidus to Sevie's love bird ( actually this is what I do to my friends lovebird...they are SOOOO rude! ) I want an apology!...thank you...er no...she's a minger! No, these are the Sloth's in Denmark"

" Tidus, enough is enough, please leave!"

Tidus and Yuna left...actually they were forced to...and Yuna almost died of humiliation.

" You moron! That's the second time that's happened! You leave anything unusual alone! You're not three years old you know!"

" oh...no...I'm a bigga boy now...I'm 4..."

Did you laugh? At any part? Even just a snigger? Or a silent chuckle? Please review if you can find any good in your hearts to make a happy girl a very happy girl.

Hoped you enjoyed it.

Nyviay xXxXx

P.S. Shadray! I expect more appreciation from you boy! 3 reviews isn't good enough, now give me 20! (only joking)

P.S.S (Whatever the hell that means) Cyraxis...Cyraxis...Cyraxis...GRAPES ARE YUMMY!