Taking a look from Faith's perspective now. Again thanks a lot for your lovely responses and advice The lyrics are from the song 'Bad Day' by Daniel Powter. xXx
Where is the moment we needed the most?
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passions gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
I can't remember how long I've been driving. It feels like forever. I don't want to go home, I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to drive. Just so I can clear my head of some of the madness. I thought today was going to be better. I was obviously wrong. The heavy rain from earlier has turned into a soft drizzle, beating down on my windscreen with such a soothing sound I could fall asleep listening to it.
I am that tired.
I can't understand how he can betray me like this. After all we've been through together and he runs back to her. It hurts that he would think so little of me, especially after what happened in the locker rooms. I find myself turning for home, my own sub-conscience flicking the indicator before my brain can catch up. There's nowhere else I can go anyway. Besides Emily will be home, and she's probably hungry for dinner.
I pull up outside, park carefully, and switch off the humming engine. I sit there gazing out the window into the rain. Some people run to escape the cold weather, other's walk as if there's nothing unusual about it at all. I guess it just shows the contrast in peoples personalities and ways of thinking. Take Bosco and I for example. He's always hated the rain, whereas I love it. He thinks I'm mad for this, and I remember one particular day when he was determined to show me the benefits of sunny weather.
"How can you like the rain?" he asked wrinkling his nose, disgusted by my statement about the weather.
"I just do," I replied quickly.
"You are one weird woman Yokas," he snorted sitting back in the drivers seat.
"Well you're one weird man Boscorelli so I guess it's what makes us fit," I said, smiling.
"But seriously, the rain?" he said, his tone incredulous, "That's like saying you like cabbage, or sprouts, or…"
"Do you have to argue with everything I say?" I interrupted. He turned his head towards me. "All I said was how I like this weather. I thought the weather was a safe topic of conversation. Something we couldn't possibly argue on but no…"
"What are you talkin' about Yokas? We agree on some things," he said.
"Like what?"
"We both agree that the crime rate is far too high," he replied after several moments of consideration.
"Bosco, that's basically the whole city's opinion," I chuckled. He however didn't seem amused.
"I still can't believe you don't like warm weather."
"It's not that I don't like it. I just prefer rain."
"So you're tellin' me you'd rather be getting drenched instead o' being on a tropical island somewhere getting a tan, and drinking margaritas all day?" he asked, his eyes narrowing. I shrugged.
"Put it this way. Have you ever gone runnin' through Central Park when the rain is pouring down and there's hardly anyone else about? Seriously, it's so refreshing. Because the rain is so cold, there's no way you can notice your body temperature goin' up from all the exercise and so you just keep running. You should try it, you're problems just seem so much smaller afterwards," I informed him.
"This sounds like the time you tried to switch me to 'grey tea' or whatever it was. And I tried that and let me tell you – it tasted like shit in comparison to coffee."
"Ok, but don't say I never give you good advice or ideas," I replied, smiling. He returned it, despite himself.
"Still one crazy ass bitch Yokas."
"It's why you love me."
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on
I don't know how but suddenly I'm ascending the stairs to my apartment, taking it so slow that Mrs Jackson my 86-year-old neighbour gets up the stairs quicker than me. I come to my door and stand staring at it for several seconds. I find myself actually considering whether or not I should go in for the thought alone of having to face my teenage daughter is too much to bear. Eventually sense prevails and I twiddle my keys in the lock, pushing my way inside.
The warmth hits me immediately, and the smell of pasta fills my nostrils.
"Hey Emily, I'm home," I call out, shrugging out of my damp black jacket. She appears in the living room, smiling gently.
"Hi Mom," she says, "How was your day?"
Ok, not the kind of welcome I was expecting. Emily isn't exactly the mature type – she's more content with throwing fits and being stubborn, rather than to just obey me and make life a whole lot easier. But tonight she seems different.
"I made dinner," she announces proudly. I smile at her.
"I can smell it," I reply, "You didn't have to though. I was gonna order us out something."
"It's done now," she replies, pushing her hands down into the back pockets of her light blue jeans. They're slung far too low for my liking, revealing a little too much midriff, and not covering enough skin. Her red top clings unattractively to her young body, and I'd much rather that she was still wearing the like of her Cookie Monster sweater rather than the tight fitting, glam-ed up clothes she chooses nowadays. But she's growing up and I have to constantly remind myself of that everyday. She's not my baby girl anymore, she's always telling me she doesn't need looking after, and that scares me in some ways. But on nights like tonight, when she actually chooses to be mature and responsible, I'm proud and perhaps a little relieved by the settled behaviour she exhibits.
"You ok Mom?" she asked, her tone concerned. I force a smile.
"I'm fine sweetie, just tired, it was a very long day ya know?" I say, running a hand through my wet hair. We both fall quiet and she watches me suspiciously, as if there's something she's trying to figure out. I feel like the teenager coming home to the overprotective mother. "I might just take a quick shower."
"Bosco called," she says as I turn for the bathroom, "He wanted to know where you were."
"Right…well I'll call him back later."
"He sounded worried," she states.
"I'll call him later Emily. I'm really not in the mood right now," I sigh.
"Did you two have a fight or something?" she asks. I turn to face her curious eyes. They gaze back at me, wide and innocent with swirls of chocolate brown surrounding the dark black pupils.
"No. I just…I can't talk to anyone right now," I say quietly. She nods.
"I'll save your dinner then. You might get hungry later," she replies, tugging on the sleeves of her top.
"I didn't mean you Honey," I say. She shakes her head.
"I know…but I'm tired anyway. I don't think I'd be much company either."
I smile again and walk over to her. I run a hand over her curly brown hair and plant a kiss on her forehead. "I love you."
"I love you too Mom," she replies, hugging my waist.
"G'night."
"Night," she says, pulling back. She heads for the bright kitchen and my smile fades as I move to my room, feeling too exhausted for a wash.
'Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day, the camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day, you had a bad day
I shrug out of my wet clothes and dress into a pair of dark sweats and grey pullover. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there for the rest of my life. I haven't felt this way in ages. My head is swamped with everything that has happened the past few month's. The shooting, Bosco waking up, Fred leaving me. It's causing this pounding inside my head and it won't go away. It's been like this for a while now but I just put it to the back of my mind. I just tried to ignore it. But today was another painful reminder that I can't just 'ignore it' anymore. I have to face it. And I don't think I'm strong enough for it.
With this worrying thought I slide up my bed, curling into a ball underneath the covers. I don't sleep straight away. I listen to Em as she gets her dinner and switches on the TV low enough so that it's just a muffled noise in my room. I listen as she rustles about for a few more minutes and then switches it off, heading for bed. She comes towards my room, and like a child, I close my eyes as she opens my bedroom door, letting in a beam of light. She walks in quietly and stops by my bed. Even though I can't see her, I can almost imagine her concerned expression, twiddling her thumbs together. I feel her lean over me, brushing the back of my head with her hand and she moves down, kissing my forehead.
"It'll be a better day tomorrow, I promise," she whispers, rubbing the spot she just kissed. "I love you Mommy."
She pulls back and sighs, leaving my room swiftly. I feel a tear trickle down my cheek and I wipe it away quickly, trying to will away the crying. But it doesn't work. I eventually let go and cry myself to sleep.
I don't know how long I was out for but it must have been a while. I'm woken to the soft sound of Emily's voice.
"Mom, Mom," she repeats. I sit up surprised by her presence.
"What? What's wrong?" I asked, confused and dazed. She stands in my doorway, dressed in her pink sheep pyjamas, rubbing her eyes.
"I think Bosco wants you," she says sleepily. My heart skips a beat.
"What?" I asked squinting at her in the light.
"Well I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to speak to Mrs Jackson, he's calling for you but throwing stones at her window."
"Oh God. Ok, thanks Em," I say. She yawns and nods, walking groggily back to her room. I sigh and swing my legs out the bed, making my way to the window. I push it open and stick my head out. The air outside is clammy and damp from the rain, which is drizzling gently against the pavement. Right enough, Bosco stands beneath Mrs Jackson's window, throwing stones up. I smile sub-consciously at the image of him in the rain, thinking he's at my window, chucking stones like a teenager.
Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
"Faith!" he calls, in a loud whisper.
"Bosco!" I call back. He looks over, startled.
"What the…Faith?" he asks looking up at me.
"Yeah. Bosco what are you doing?" I say, leaning on the frame. He looks back at Mrs Jackson's window, confused.
"Did you always live there?" he asks. I roll my eyes. "I'm sure this was your window…"
"Who's there?" a gruffly voice asks. Bosco looks back up at the window, greeted a rather sleep Mrs Jackson.
"Sorry Mrs Jackson," I call, "He's for me."
"Oh…shame. He's a cutie," she announces, winking at him. He looks back me, shifting uncomfortably under her gaze. I can't help but grin. "She ever leave you lonely baby, you can knock at my window anytime."
He grimaces and nods as she bites down her lower lip and heads back inside.
"I think you got a winner there," I comment, still smiling. He looks troubled by my suggestion and I smile again. He returns it with one of his one hundred watt smiles and my stomach dips. Remembering how angry I am at him, I quickly replace the smile with a frown. "What do you want?"
"I…uh…we need to talk."
"Do you know what time it is?" I snap.
"I um…no, sorry."
"It's…." I stop realising I don't even know the time, "It's late. Very late."
We both fall quiet and I gaze down at him. He shuffles his feet off the pavement, and looks down at the ground.
"Stay there. I'll come to you," I inform him with a sigh. He looks up briefly and I shake my head as I pull back inside. I move into the hall.
"You goin' somewhere?" Emily asks. I turn to her. She stands by the bathroom gazing at me inquisitively.
"I'll be right back Em. I just gotta talk to Bosco for a sec," I reply. She nods and I can feel her eyes watch me as I slip out the front door. I sprint down the stairs, taking them two at a time. By the time I reach the bottom I'm almost a little out of breath and I stop before heading outside. It only takes me a moment before I push through the doors ready to face him. He stands on the steps gazing up. His beautiful eyes stare at me, wide and full of expectations. Maybe I'm not as ready as I thought.
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
"Hi," he breathes. I freeze on the spot, clenching my hands into fists as if ready to attack. Or as if I'm on guard.
"Hi," I reply gently.
"So…shit day huh?" he opens, smirking like a six-year-old. He never lost his boyish charm no matter how much maturity he gained over the years.
"Yeah," I agree, "Worse for you. You had to kiss Cruz."
He stops smiling instantly and looks more than a little hurt.
"I wanted to explain about that…"
"I'm listening." I tap my foot off the ground like an impatient youngster. It's the second time tonight my behaviour has mirrored that of a teenager.
"She kissed me Yokas. I swear."
"I didn't see you puttin' up much of a fight."
"I was surprised, that's it. Honest to God Faith. I didn't know you were there."
I snort disgusted by his assumption that I cared. But I did care. Perhaps a little too much. "Faith. It meant nothin'. I felt nothin'. She doesn't matter to me anymore…only you…"
"Only me what?"
"All I care about is your feelings Faith. I mean we're friends. And what you said earlier…it was confusing ya know?"
I take a sharp breath. I knew he had to bring that up. He looks at me as if he's expecting an explanation for my reckless question earlier in the locker rooms. I'm not sure if I can give him one just yet.
He sighs realising that I'm just not ready to broach that subject. "She means nothing to me Faith. She was upset and she wanted comforting. I wasn't expecting her to do that."
"But you didn't pull away!" I say shrilly, "You kissed her back. And don't even try to deny it. I saw you!"
"She's a pretty girl Faith. And I haven't been with anyone since…" he trails off, his fingers tracing the outline of his scar. I gulp and I suddenly feel ill, like I'm experiencing his pain. "I'm lonely. Can you understand that?"
More than he'll ever know.
Sometimes the system goes on the brink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
"But that woman shot me Bosco! She shot me!" I say moving down the steps. He bows his head, almost like he's ashamed. "How could you?"
"Faith. My best friend just asked me to do somethin' to them that I thought if I'd ever suggested she'd have kicked my ass around New York! I was…confused…"
"So you'd rather her than me? Is that what you're saying?" I ask, tears pricking my eyes. A cold breeze runs through me and I shiver involuntarily.
"No…yes…Faith. Jesus…you're my partner for Gods sakes."
I take a deep breath and fall down onto the step, pulling my knees up to my chest.
"Do you realise I've only ever been with one man in my life Bosco?"
I think my question catches him off guard because he slouches backwards and his brow furrows, obviously perplexed. "Fred. I met him in high school. I made a connection with him. I fell in love…"
He sits beside me, as ever, willing to listen to my outbursts. "He's the only man I've ever been with. I've only made two connections with any men. He was one and you were the other."
I catch him smile and I don't know why but I feel satisfied that he's happy knowing that. "When Fred left me I was scared. I mean I was scared shitless Bos. And you weren't there. The only two men in my life had both left me. I had no one. I was completely alone. And then you came back. And I felt like God had given back this little part of me…"
"Faith…" he says softly.
"You make it sound so easy. You just go out, find a girl you like and have sex with her, like it means nothing. I tried that. I tried and I found plenty of willing volunteers but I just couldn't do it. I need that connection first. And I thought I've already got that with someone. You. And I just thought that maybe this was the solution. I had someone in my life that meant more to me than anything. Maybe you were the one all along. All I needed to do was ask…"
"Faith…that's not how it works. You know that. You gotta work to find someone you connect with…not hit on your friends…" he says. But there's something in his tone. Like he's unsure of his own advice.
"I know that!" I cry out, "But it seemed like such a good idea…" I drag off my tears eventually finding a will of their own and stream down my face. "I'm just so lonely Bos…I just wanted to be close to someone…"
"Hey," he says resting his arm across my shoulders, "It's ok."
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
I cover my face with my hands. "It's not Bosco. It's never going to be ok. I've fucked everything up."
"No you haven't," he says, chuckling, "No. It's ok. We can just forget all about this yeah? We'll move on. Pretend it didn't even happen."
I look at him, my vision slightly blurred through the tears. He reaches out and wipes my wet cheeks with the sleeve of his jacket. "It's not the first time a woman as come to me in need of some 'sexual comfort'. I just must be irresistible to the opposite sex."
I hit him playfully on the shoulder and he winces in pain. "Damn. Yokas!"
I let out a loud laugh and my gaze falls to the ground. "Is that what Cruz wanted? Comforting?"
"Yeah…something like that," he says, following my gaze. I shiver again, the rain trickling down my back. "You cold?"
I rub my arms, through my sweater and watch as Bosco slides out of his NYPD jacket and places it on my shoulders. It feels warm and heavy. I can smell him off the fabric.
"You gotta stop stealing my stuff Yokas. I'm pretty sure the state will stop paying for it if they realise it's going to a girl in need of some sexual comforting." I can hear his tone, playful and mischievous, and I can't help but smile.
"Shut up Boscorelli," I warn gently.
"Irresistible," he repeats leaning back on the concrete steps.
"You're going the right way for an ass whooping."
"Am I now?" he says, raising my eyebrows, "You're gonna have to stop with all this innuendo."
"Oh you are so dead," I laugh grabbing his wrists. I pin him back on the steps climbing on top. He grins and looks down to where my body is positioned over his.
"I like it when a woman takes control," he whispers into my face. I shake my head, trying to suppress a smile.
"If I bang your head hard enough off these steps maybe you'll get amnesia and forget the whole thing," I say. He eyes me teasingly.
"Yeah…that's what you want."
My hands travel down his sides, my fingers tickling his skin. He squirms as he laughs trying his best to push me away. I continue to tickle him, showing no mercy.
"Ok, ok!" he pants, "I give up!"
My hair falls over my face, my poorly secured ponytail letting me down. I shake it back still grinning down at him. "I always win," I announce pushing myself off his body. He watches as I clamber to my feet, brushing down my sweats that are soaked from the wet ground.
"We cool then?" he asks. I nod.
"Yeah we're cool. I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"With bells on," he replies mimicking my words. I smirk.
"Goodnight Bosco," I say climbing up the steps.
"I might go find a woman. See if anyone else wants the Bosco 'good-lovin'."
"Night," I say again as if ignoring him.
"Maybe there's another lonely female out there…desperate for the attention of a hot guy…."
His words eventually fade off in my ears as I step inside the building, with a smile like I've never had before.
'Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day, you've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day, you had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day