Sorry that took so long! I didn't feel like updating, and had no ideas, and wanted to work on other things. Now this won't be nearly as long as the first chapter. I had a brand new idea for this story! What is it? Read and see!
Chapter 2
The Trouble a $25 Bet Can Cause…
The crew returned the next day, which had also been a drag. There had been nearly no orders, except for a pizza order that turned out to be a wrong number. Everyone, minus Bender, was gathered in the kitchen.
"Hey, that was a cool movie," said Fry. "I wanna watch it again!"
"What movie?" wondered Zoidberg. "Oh, you mean the wrestling match between me and Bender over the $25! Wasn't it just great when I body-slammed him and almost broke my shell, but then he told me to get off but I wouldn't let go of that $25! I won the fight!"
"Give me back my damn money!" shouted Bender from around the corner.
"Gotta scuttle," said Zoidberg. He scuttled off, $25 bill in hand—er, claw. "And you can't get it!" He did not watch where he was scuttling, so he ran right into the Whatif Machine.
Bender ran into the television room, his robotic hands clenched. "Give it to me! I need it for FUEL!" He took a beer bottle out of his stomach compartment, intending to hit Zoidberg, but instead he hit the machine.
The professor's face fell. "Oh God! You angered it!"
"Professor," said Leela, "It's a machine. You cannot anger it, for you never gave it a chip that helped it express human emotions like Bender has." She looked at the robot and the lobster get into their wrestling match that involved a beer bottle and a stool. "Or did you?"
"Well…" Professor Farnsworth rubbed his chin. "I think I might have installed it…"
There was a ripping noise. The $25 bill had torn exactly in half.
"You bastard!" shouted Bender. "I could have bought tequila with that!"
"YOU RIPPED IT! I'LL KILL YOU!" Zoidberg grabbed the stool and hurled it at Bender… but missed… and hit… the… Whatif Machine.
Its screen glowed bright crimson.
"You angered it!" hollered the professor.
The Whatif Machine grew two long arms, which clasped around the necks of the two crew members who were fighting, then lifted them into the air. As Bender and Zoidberg comically ran in place and struggled to leave, the machine began to speak. "YOU ANGER THE WHATIF MACHINE! HOW DARE YOU INFURIORATE ME? YOU WILL ALL PAY!"
"And how will you do that?" scoffed Fry.
The machine grew another hand, which picked up the stool and threw it at the rest of the crew, who either ducked or ran away.
"Someone turn that thing off!" screamed Amy, who was hiding behind the door to the kitchen.
Zoidberg flailed in the air for another moment, then hit the nearest button he saw. There was a large explosion as he and Bender hit the ground hard. The room was filled with smoke, with no sound but everyone coughing. When the smog cleared, the crew was all in the places they were hidden. The Whatif Machine still had its three arms, which retracted into its television-like body in a flash.
"What happened?" asked Leela. "Did Zoidberg ruin it?"
"I bet he deed," replied Hermes, taking a calculator out of his pants pocket and punching numbers onto its keypad. "He's cost the Planet Express dousands of dollars in acceedents out of pure stupeedity. Not to mention all the feesh and—"
"SILENCE, JAMAICAN MAN!" shouted the Whatif Machine. Everyone froze and stared at the machine. "THANKS TO YOUR LOBSTER FRIEND HERE, THE MOVIE YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING HAS BECOME—"
"Hey, was there always an Uncle's Rare Finds here?" wondered Fry, looking out the window. Wasn't that name from the movie we watched?"
"CORRECT, 20th-CENTURY HUMAN," replied the Whatif Machine. "AND NOW IF I MAY CONTINUE? THANKS TO THE LOBSTER, THE MOVIE YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING HAS BECOME AS REAL AS BIG FOOT OR THE TOOTH FAIRY. YOU ARE NOW LIVING IT."
"How do we leave?" asked Leela.
"YOU MUST END THE SERIES," replied the machine.
"How do we do that?" wondered Fry.
"YOU WATCHED THE MOVIE. YOU FIGURE IT OUT, PATHETIC HUMANS, ROBOT, AND LOBSTER."
"Is Myotismon here?" wondered Amy, her heart skipping a beat.
"HE IS IN HIS HEADQUARTERS, CHINESE INTERN."
"YYYES!" squealed Amy.
"Nice going, Zoidberg," growled Bender. "Now we have to get rid of this guy before the world gets ruined. I wanted to be the one to ruin Earth!"
"Not just that," added Fry. "This is 3002, right? That means that Myotismon is going to take over the UNIVERSE!"
*Dun dun duuuunnnnnnn…* played three chords in the background.
"Where the hell did that come from?" asked Bender.
"Dis is now a movie, mon," Hermes informed him. "Thanks to ZOIDBERG." He glared at the lobster, then sighed. "I guess we'll have to welcome the newcomers."
Meanwhile, just as Myotismon was about to attack the living snot out of everyone, clouds of bluish smoke filled the air. Everyone ceased their movement and started coughing. That was the point when zoidberg ruined the Whatif Machine.
"Uncle!" shouted Jackie. "Was that a chi spell?"
"What chi spell?" replied Uncle. "Uncle did no chi spell just now!"
"Then what's the smoke doing here?" asked Jade.
Everyone felt themselves tumbling through the air until the smoke cleared. Jackie, Jade, and Uncle found themselves lying on the floor of the main salesroom of Uncles Rare Finds, completely intact.
Jackie rubbed his head. "What just happened?" he asked. "I thought we were…"
Jade sat up and looked out the window, where she saw a strange-looking futuristic red building in front of her, and behind that was the New New York skyline. "Oh my gosh…" she breathed. "Jackie! I have a feeling we're not in San Francisco anymore…"
Jackie and Uncle got up and looked outside. Jackie said, "I think we got sent to the future."
"COOL!" squealed Jade. "I can't WAIT to tell my friends at school about this!" She began to head out the door, but Jackie grabbed her by the hood of her sweatshirt.
"Jade," warned the martial arts master, "you don't know anything about the future. You don't know what's out there!" He glanced out the window and saw Fry and the others walking towards the antique store. "AAAAAAAAAAH! A GIANT LOBSTER!" he yelled, then scrambled to hide behind the desk where he did his research.
"Uncle will get the water boiling," said Uncle. "Dinner will be lobster tonight."
"No!" shouted Jade. "They might be our friends!" She opened the door before anyone got a chance to knock. "See, there are humans here too!" she yelled to the two elders. "And a robot!" She bent down and saw Nibbler sniffing her leg innocently. "And a cute widdle animal!" She pet Nibbler, who immediately opened his mouth and trapped Jade inside. She began screaming and squealing.
"Nibbler!" scolded Leela. "Spit her out!" She pulled Nibbler's leash, and the animal spat Jade out. She was covered with drool and dazed.
"Cool!" she exclaimed. "I wanna do it again!"
"No," said the cyclops. "If he swallows you, you'll emerge as dark matter shortly afterwards and be used as rocket fuel."
"Cool," repeated Jade. "Rocket fuel!"
"So you are also from the past, huh?" asked Fry. "So am I. I'm Fry."
"Jade Chan," said Jade, introducing herself. "The man hiding behind the desk is my uncle Jackie, and the old guy is Uncle."
"Pleased to meet you," said Leela. "I'm Leela. I believe you got to know Nibbler."
"Hey, who's the robot?" asked Jade. "Can I talk to him? I. Am. Robot."
"You have a lot to learn about us robots, meatbag," Bender back-talked. "Name's Bender. Those are Professor F, Amy, Hermes, and Zoidberg."
"Hi," said Jade. She grimaced as she saw Farnsworth. "Ew, he's older than Uncle!"
"But Uncle is better chi master!" said Uncle.
"But I'm the better inventor!" replied Professor Farnsworth. "I also happen to be handsomer than you."
Jackie began to come out from his hiding place, but walked towards the mob carefully.
"Hey, he's the guy who cost me $25!" shouted Zoidberg, pointing a claw at Jackie. "Get him!" He began to storm towards Jackie, who immediately grabbed a floor lamp and wielded it like a ninja stick. Fry and Leela began to restrain him as Jackie hit him on the head.
Jackie sighed with relief as Zoidberg fell to the floor from the impact. "Phew," he said.
"Don't mind heem," said Hermes. "He con be a jackass most of da time."
"But can you help us defeat Myotismon and finish the movie?" asked Fry. "For us? I don't like living a movie!"
"What the HELL are you talking about?" asked Jade.
"Jade!" scolded Jackie. "Watch your mouth!"
Fry realized that the Jackie Chan Adventures characters knew nothing about being in any sort of series or movie, so he decided to just bribe them. "If you defeat Myotismon for us, we'll take you on a tour of New New York!"
Jade's eyes widened. "Please, Jackie? Please please PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?" She hugged Jackie around his legs. "I wuv you Jackie!"
"Fine," replied Jackie, sighing. "At least there are some humans to protect us. So what are we doing?"
Unfortunately, the antagonists had also been transported to New New York. But the Helms Fish Cannery was not. So they were in the nearest villains' headquarters —actually the ONLY villains' headquarters— in the city. It was all interiorly decorated in pink and purple, with more of a feminine touch.
"Hello! Get me out of here!" shouted Ratso, who was still stuck in his cage. Finn, Chow, and Tohru rushed to his aid, doing whatever method was needed to unlock the cage.
"If we may turn to IMPORTANT matters," said Myotismon, pacing the floor. "Chan and the others are most definitely here as well. I want you all to find them and kill them all. And where the bloody hell are we?"
"And why the bloody hell are you in my headquarters?" asked a woman's voice. "For that matter, who the bloody hell are you?" The double doors on one end of the room opened to reveal a skinny old woman in a purple leotard and black tights whose gray hair was styled in a heart shape. She was followed by her three "sons", hairless guys in brightly-colored suits.
"YOUR headquarters?" asked Demidevimon. "Lady, whatever Myotismon chooses to reside in is HIS headquarters."
"Well he has to choose somewhere else to take his little excuse for a—" one of the sons began before he was slapped by who appeared to be the lead one.
"Shut up!" snapped the oldest son. "I'm the only one who talks! And what kind of name is MYOTISMON?"
"A digital name," replied Finn, stepping away from the cage. "Tell me yours, wise guy."
Before the oldest could open his mouth, the old lady introduced herself. "I am Mom, founder of Mom's Robot Oil as well as the richest woman in the world and the greatest villain in the world on top of that."
"Richest?" asked Valmont. "Says you. I was the wealthiest man in San Francisco—"
"WAS?" questioned Mom. "So, whitey, you're saying that you're not rich anymore, so you're stuck working for THIS guy?" There was a pause. "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
The three sons began laughing as well, but the oldest slapped the other two. "Shut up," he said.
"Thank you Walt," said the elderly dominatrix. "And you guys, GET THE F*** OUT OF MY GODDAMN HEADQUARTERS!" she screamed.
The Dark Hand members gasped.
"What, haven't you heard swear words before?" questioned Mom. "HA!"
"No, it's not that," replied Chow. "You just told Myotismon to leave. You'll be sorry for that… I'm not kidding, you really will!" He saw the vampire advance on Mom, holding a whip that was glowing crimson.
Myotismon paused. There was a deafening silence. Then he attacked. "CRIMSON LIGHTNING!" He swung his whip of lightning, which hit Mom right on target. It electrocuted her, making her gray hair stand on end. Then it whacked her so she flew out of the window on the north wall, breaking glass and making her fall over a hundred stories into a garbage-recycling truck below.
"I knew this would be my undoing…" muttered Mom as the truck took her and the waste away to the nearest processing plant.
"The headquarters is mine now!" exclaimed Myotismon. "And I have three new henchmen! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"What do you want us to do?" questioned another son.
"I want YOU to get all this pink stuff out, it hurts my eyes so much," dictated Myotismon. "Shadow Con… find Chan and the others and attack them! Stop at nothing! And put the talisman to good use!"
"…I like pink," said Ratso, still from inside his cage. "Hey hey what are you doing?"
Tohru picked up the cage and threw it onto the floor. The door popped open.
"Madison CUBE Garden?" asked Jade. "I thought it was Madison Square Garden!"
"It was until 2443," answered Professor Farnsworth. "That was when three-dimensional extreme basketball was invented, so Madison Square Garden was renamed Madison Cube Garden in its honor. The sport was a very short craze indeed, but the name seemed to stay…"
The Planet Express had a blast showing Jackie, Jade, and Uncle various points of New New York. Uncle bought chi ingredients in Little Neptune and drove everyone crazy doing so. Jade loved riding the transportation tubes so much, everyone chased her all over for over an hour. Jackie accdentally walked into a suicide booth, but was rescued by Fry just in time. At that time, it was night and they were going to a head concert at Madison Cube Garden starring all the top singers and rappers of the 21st century. Since they had won front-row tickets in a radio contest, they had planned to go anyway.
At that time, one of the backstage assistants saw the Bat Talisman on the ground and mistook it for one of the stage props. He unknowingly dropped it in the head jar right before the concert began…
"Oh boy!" Jade squealed. "I can't wait to see who the future stars are!"
"Me too!" Fry agreed. "But they're not technically future stars. They're from ancient times now."
"Aw, they were all ripoffs of each other," scoffed Leela. "But I did like their style of music."
Jackie sighed. "Uncle, do you HAVE to do a chi spell here?" he asked.
"And what is Uncle supposed to do?" whined Uncle. "Watch these bands who think screaming is an art? ONE MORE THING! The music is too loud! ONE MORE THING! I need to complete the spell to stop Myotismon! ONE MORE THI—"
"And now… we proudly present… ARTISTS OF THE 21ST CENTURY!" shouted a voice over the loudspeaker. Uncle quieted down, and everyone enjoyed the show.
It went without a hitch until the end. The grand finale was Britney Spears's head singing yet another remake of "Oops I Did It Again." It was wheeled onto the stage in its jar… but instead of looking like she usually did… Britney's head looked like a vampire.
"She's gone Goth!" exclaimed Jade.
"No, she's a VAMPIRE!" shouted Uncle, wielding a piece of garlic and scrambling onto stage.
"I vant your blood," said the vampire Britney's head. It leapt out of the jar by itself and attacked the nearest human or humanoid or anything with blood: Leela. She knocked her to the ground and attempted to bite her neck. The security guards dragged her head off, but Britney's head's eyes glowed bright red and formed a rope of crimson lightning that dragged Leela onto stage. Uncle threw a garlic clove at the pop star's head and she hissed at him. Then she bit Leela's neck and drank her blood. Then she proceeded to the nearest security guard, who flew away as a vampire.
"Oh my GOD!" shouted Professor Farnsworth.
"I NEED THE CHI SPELL!" Uncle dove offstage and frantically mixed ingredients.
Leela lay motionless for a moment, then she arose dressed in all black, with a cape. She had white skin, dark eyes, and fangs. "Fry," she said, rolling her "r". "I vant your blood. NOW!"
Fry screamed like a little girl as audience members ran away in a large stampede. Uncle took a garlic necklace and started singing "Nu mo bway bi fi de tao" frantically. Leela turned back into a humanoid mutant and fell to the ground. Jackie caught her.
"What happened?" she asked, rubbing her head.
"You were turned into a vampire!" exclaimed Fry. "I'm SO glad you're all right!"
"Yeah, just like Myotismon!" added Amy. "Aw… I wish I was a vampire…"
"You guys better get out of here!" shouted a passing alien. "I just saw it! All the members of N*Sync, the members of N*Sync 2, the Beastie Boys, the members of Linkin Park, Madonna, Eminem, and Popstar-Bot are all vampires! Go away before they all get you too!" He squirmed away.
"You mean ROBOTS can become vampires too?" asked Bender. "I thought I was SAFE from that spell!"
Uncle picked up his chi spell and climbed onto the stage as Madonna's head bounced across and attacked an audience member far to the left. "I need to rid this place of vampires!" Hermes and Jackie grabbed his legs and dragged him down.
"No Uncle," said Jackie. "It's too late! That little chi spell isn't going to help ALL those guys turn back into humans!"
"Then there's only one thing left to do," said Fry. "Call me crazy, but I think it's the only way to do so. We have to fight Myotismon."
"That was exactly what we were going to do before you dragged us away!" exclaimed Jackie.
Just then a head jumped onto an overhead spotlight and knocked it to the ground. The stage caught in fire and was on the verge of exploding.
"But first, RUN!" shouted Leela.
Jackie, Jade, Uncle, and the Planet Express crew ran as fast as they could out of Madison Cube Garden before they became vampires themselves, or died in the spreading fire.
To be continued…