A/N: Hooray!  Chapter 10!  But come on… there has got to be more Futurama fans reading this!  (All I seem to have are Jackie Chan and Digimon fans.  But that's OK… I love all three shows just about the same.)  Five more chapters and my Myo fics are back on!  w00t!  I can't wait!!!  (I doubt you Myo fans can wait, either. )  There's a tiny bit of Jade and Amy, moderate Myo and Valmont, but liberal amounts of our heroes this time (three in particular.)  This is no doubt the longest chapter, so get comfortable! :)

Chapter 10

Welcome to Nightmarion 5

  "Did everything just get darker all of a sudden?" wondered Leela.  "Or is my eye just on the fritz?"

  "Meh, just you," replied Bender, whose Bender-Vision was not affected by changes in light.  He walked into the kitchen to see if there was any beer left.

  "No, it's not just you this time," Fry pointed out.  He had changed out of his retro clothes because Leela made him.  "It's just so… dark!"  He shivered as well.  "And cold!  And scary!"

  At the time, the Cumulus began to draw closer and closer to a region of the universe just past the Stoker Sector (the former home of the vampires).  It was a sector of its galaxy that flooded with so much terror, no one dared venture into it.  Anyone who did met their bloody end, or died from fear.  The six remaining crew members were currently nearing Nightmarion 5.  Several hours had passed, and everyone was exhausted and unaware of the time.

  Jackie, who had been sitting on one of the side couches and staring out the window the entire duration of the ride, sighed.  He saw a light grey patch appear on the window where his breath had hit.  "I feel lower than dirt right now about Jade," he assented to no one in particular.  "I should have enforced the rules regarding her more strictly.  I should never have allowed her to join me on those past talisman-related missions.  I definitely should have checked my rules for loopholes."  His mouth quivered and a tear trickled down his left cheek.

  "Don't forget, you also lost her at the—" Fry began to contribute, but Leela elbowed him hard..  "Geez," he hissed.  "What the hell was that for?"

  Leela quietly pointed to Jackie, who hung his head in shame.  She gingerly walked over to the couch and sat down next to him.  As if for effect, she put an arm around his shoulder.  "It's OK, Jackie," she whispered like a mother comforting a child.  "It couldn't be helped."  (It was at this point when Jade saw the

  "Yes, it could have!" wailed the martial-arts master.  Once possessing an unbreakable spirit, his soul was now that of a young child.  "If I had asked Jade to come with us to that stupid bazaar, none of this would have happened!"

  "No, no, no," the cyclops assured him.  "Not true.  If Jade hadn't come along, she couldn't have gone to the bazaar with us."

  "But wait!"  Heads turned, and the other two who were present prepared to join the argument with their rebuttals as Jackie argued back.  "If you guys had just called Captain Black instead of Zapp Brannigan, we'd have never gone on these damn escapades and just gotten to find Myotismon and broken the curse of the Bat Talisman, and in turn saved humanity by—"

  "And you are saying this is MY fault?" Zapp broke in, letting go of the steering wheel.  "Yes, you COULD have gone with Captain Black, but did Leela have sex with him?  NO!  Difficult as it is for me to point fingers at her, it was Leela's fault."

  "Guys, guys, guys," Fry intervened.  "Come on!  Surely we all know that all this was not initially caused by any of us in the ship.  You know who the one who caused this is?  It was… DR. ZOIDBERG!"

  "Huh?" wondered Jackie.  "What does that incompetent lobster doctor have to do with this?"

  "FRY!" Leela hissed, knowing the consequences of Jackie knowing how he, Jade, and Uncle arrived in the future.  "Shhhhhhh!"

  Fry ignored Leela's warning.  "Well, you see, Zoidberg broke the Whatif Machine, causing all of you to come to life.  And yes, even Myotismon."

  Jackie stared blankly at Fry.  Leela slapped her face and uttered, "D'OH!"

  "…What do you mean, Fry?" Jackie wondered.  "I… I thought I am alive!"

  "Now you are," explained the delivery boy.  "But the truth is, you were just a character on some antique DVD from the year 2002.  Your adventures played on the screen of our TV and our Whatif Machine before both of our worlds were fused together.  I mean, just look at yourself!  You and Jade don't look anything like us!  You look… more animated!"

  Jackie's face fell, and he stared at his hands.  His five fingers moved, then he looked at Leela's and Zapp's hands.  They had four fingers.  Hoping it was a mistake of evolution, Jackie looked at Fry's hands and saw that he had four fingers on each hand as well.  All three of them had overbites.  His mouth was square with the rest of his face.  They all had huge, round eyes.  Even Amy's Oriental eyes were wider than his and Jade's.

  "My God…" breathed Jackie as he stood up and stared at his reflection in the window.  His proportions severely contrasted those of the Futurama characters.  "Fry, you're absolutely right…  so I'm just a fictional character?"

  "Well, now that Fry blew it all… yes," Leela answered.  "Yes, you are."

  "So… what you're saying is… I've been piloting some cartoon character around on my ship this whole time?" asked Zapp.  "You still have to sign the Cumulus's guestbook, Chan!"

  Jackie was not listening to anything.  He heard nothing but a static ringing and felt dizzy, almost nauseous.  Quickly, he sat down on the couch once again with a thump and felt his forehead with his hand.  "This can't be…  no, this can't be!"  He sprung up into the air and pointed at the three others.  "You LIE!  YOU'RE LIARS!  LIARS!"

  Bender and Kif dashed into the room.  Kif appeared concerned, and had changed out of his retro gear.  Bender, on the other hand, obviously was not.  "Meatbag gone crazy?" the robot asked nonchalantly.  "Nothin' but cabin fever.  Just set him on some planet for a couple days and let him run around a bit."

  "But it's true," insisted Fry.  He rummaged around in his jacket pocket until he saw the episode guide to the Jackie Chan Adventures DVD which he had put there before the scenario occurred.  "Behold!" he exclaimed, holding it up for the other five to see.  "You are a fictional character on a run-of-the-mill twenty-first century children's show.  Think we're liars now?"

  Jackie swiped the episode guide out of Fry's hands and paged through it, gawking at the pictures of himself, Jade, and Uncle, his face growing whiter and whiter at the turn of each page.  Finally, as he saw the final picture and "Jackie Chan Adventures ©2002 Columbia Tristar Productions" on the back page, he grew so delirious from knowing the truth, he fainted.

  "Fry, you DUMBASS!" Leela growled through clenched teeth.  "Do you know what you just did?"

  Fry shrugged and gritted his teeth.  "I told Jackie the truth?" he responded in a timid voice.

  "NO!" she exploded.  "YOU TOOK AWAY HIS SENSE OF SELF-WORTH!  Now that he knows he's only a fictional character in our world, he feels he has no use to us!  He'll be walking around all day, moping like a teenager who just got dumped by their date on prom night!  And Myotismon is going to take over the UNIVERSE, so we'll have a Digimon character as the unquestioned leader of the free universe!"

  "So… he's also one of those fictional characters?" asked Zapp.  He slapped his face.  "God, I completely forgot I used to see him on the Digimon TV series!  So I've been CHASING a cartoon character all day?  You think I'm not even worth fighting a REAL vampire with?  Sure, it's with you, but… I FEEL SO USELESS!!"  He buried his face in his hands and began to cry.

  Leela rolled her eye.  "If you're looking for pity—"

  Suddenly, the video phone lit up, flashing a bright red color with the word "WARNING!" on it in yellow letters, alternating with "ALERT!".  "Warning!  Warning!  Incoming message from Nightmarion 5!  Warning!  Warning!  Incoming message from Nightmarion 5!" exclaimed a voice from the phone.

  Fry, Leela, and Bender exclaimed nervous glances and edged towards the walls.  Kif ran out of the room.  Contrary to the others, Zapp did nothing.

  "Zapp!  It's Myotismon!" shouted Fry.  "Get out of sight before he sees you!"

  "Hey, he's just one of those fictional characters," dissented the starship captain.  "What's he going to do?  ENTERTAIN me to death?  Ha ha ha…"

  The video phone emitted a beep, followed by a the following recording: 

Zapp's voice: seductive "This is the Zapper, and duty calls for me to not be at the phone right now.  If you're a sexy babe who wants to make love to me, the answer is yes." serious "If you're not, then ignore that last part.  If you're calling about anything war-related, press 1.  If it's about something DOOP-related, press 2.  For casual chit-chat, press—"

Kif's voice: "Captain, what are you doing?  You have that televised conference in fifteen minutes, and you're still in your underwear."

Zapp's voice:.  "Uh… "

  Then there was a beep.

  Myotismon's face appeared on the screen.  "Good day, ZAPPER."

  "AAAAAH!  How'd you know my nickname?!" screamed Zapp.  "This is getting freaky…"

  "I know you are there on the other side, and with Chan," continued the vampire.  "I see you and Chan through my viewing orb as we speak."  There was a pause.  "ANSWER, DAMN YOU!"

  A moment of silence followed.  Finally, as if in slow motion, Zapp pushed the red button on the video phone that answered it.  Fry and Leela quickly shook their heads in protest.  Bender searched for another cigar in his stomach compartment.  "Hello… MYOTISMON," greeted the starship captain, his eyes halfway closed and his arms folded across his chest.  "You are speaking to the DOOP captain Zapp Brannigan—"

  "WHERE THE HELL IS CHAN???!!!" shouted Valmont, who had appeared on the screen next to Myotismon.  Myo pointed to where Jackie was on the floor on his side of the video phone.

  "Can he take a message?" asked Zapp.

  The expression on Myotismon's face made him look as if he were choking.  "Of all the stupidity…" he muttered, then attempted to wipe the expression off his face.  "When Chan comes to, tell him that Jade is with me on Nightmarion 5, and the only way to get her back is to journey to my castle, LIVING his worst nightmare.  And then, you must get her back BEFORE the hour of the beast tomorrow, when I unleash my brothers and sisters upon the entire galaxy and doom mankind!  MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"  Valmont held the Pan-Ku Box up to the screen to show that they were not kidding.

  "You have exactly six hours," warned the white-haired man, motioning to a massive grandfather clock in the background.  According to the positions of the hands (which resembled ebony bones), the time was 12:06 in the morning.

  The screen became black once again.  Fry, Leela, and Zapp stood there with their eyes wide and their jaws dropped.  Kif, behind the doorway, grew as white as a sheet.  Bender puffed on a cigar.

  "Meh, what are ya gonna do about it?" he asked.

  "But Bender, I thought YOU wanted to be the one to kill all humans!" Fry reminded the robot.

  Bender froze in place.  His eyes morphed from round into an angry expression.  "That vampire must DIE!"

  Jade felt a splash of cold water on her wounds, and she shuddered.  As Amy tore off strips of material from the bottom of her dress, she wrapped them around Jade's wounds and hoped they would work.

  "How is it, Jade?" she asked.

  Jade grimaced, then managed to reply, "Better."  Her pain tears became tears of despair.  "Amy… I want to go home!" she wailed.  "I don't like this place anymore and I just want to go back to twenty-first-century San Francisco with nothing but my grades to worry about!"

  "It'll be fine, Jade… I hope," Amy reassured her.  "I want to go back to the Planet Express and be an intern again.  I want to harass Leela about her fashion sense!  I want to make other girls jealous when I go out with their ex-boyfriends!  I don't want to be Myotismon's vampire queen anymore."

  "Isn't there an exit or something?" wondered Jade.

  "I think so," replied Amy.  "I know how to get out of this cell without turning into mist!"  She tapped on one of the bricks, and the door slid open.  "Emergency door," she explained, grinning.  "Myo told me everything."

  She lifted Jade into the air and told her to hold on.  Jade gripped the back of her dress as she flew through the dungeon and up the stairway.  Not flying, Amy ran through the main hall and saw the doors to the castle wide open.  Just as she saw their freedom bathed in the glow of lightning and the rain, the doors slammed shut.  Mom, now a vampire, clad in a black spandex suit and a cape that looked exactly like Myo's, stood in front of them.  She bared her fangs in a grin and her eyes glowed red.

  "Going somewhere?" she asked.

  "If there's one person who can help us, it's the professor," said Fry, punching the Planet Express's video phone number into the keypad.  "Yeah, he'll know how to survive a nightmare!"  He, Leela, and Zapp were the only ones who remained in the main room of the Cumulus.  Jackie was there and physically awake, but not alive in spirit.  He sat on the couch, moping.  Nightmarion 5 was in full view, and they were quickly closing in.

  The dialtone sounded twice in the background, and finally, the professor picked it up.  He, Uncle, and Hermes were crowded up against the screen.  Zoidberg stood in the background, waving.

  "Professor, we're getting close!" exclaimed Leela.  "Myotismon's dark magic has surrounded the ship."

  "And he has Jade!" added Fry.  "On Nightmarion 5.  You know how it's the planet where whoever's on it lives their worst nightmares?  We need to find a way to get rid of them before—"

  "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!" screamed Uncle, clutching his hair.  "I KNEW IT!  I KNEW IT!  WHERE JACKIEEEEEEEE?!  HEEEE  BAAAAAAAAAAD  IIIIINFLUEEEEEEEENCE!  Oooooooooooh, I KNEW Jade no should be left with him!"

  "No better than when she's left with YOU," argued Professor Farnsworth.  "Eh, now, Fry, about what you were saying.  I have invented a special device that turns any dream you have into a good dream."  He held up what looked like a bicycle helmet with swimming goggles attached to it.  "But unfortunately, there's no such thing as a teleport."

  "But can't you just deliver it in the Planet Express ship?" wondered Leela.

  "What the hell do you think this is, some delivery service?!" snapped the professor.

  Uncle's face appeared on the screen once again, close enough so one could see the varous hairs sprouting from his nostrils and ears.  "HE WRONG!  MAGIC MUST DEFEAT MAGIC!!!!"

  "Oh, applesauce!" retorted Professor Farnsworth, pulling Uncle back a few feet by his orange vest.  "Everyone KNOWS that the only magic that exists is the magic they use to get the creamy stuff into the middle of those snack cakes!"

  "Applesauce, you say?  Snack cakes, you say?" asked Zoidberg.  He licked his mouth flaps.  "ZOIDBERG NEEDS FOOD!  FOOD!"  He bounded over to the screen of the video phone and violently shook it.  "BRING FOOOOOOOOOD!"  The lobster made a noise that sounded like a crow in severe pain.

  "YOU HAVE THE TALISMANS!  UUUUUUUUUSE THEM!" Uncle screamed over the staticky noise that the screen emitted as Zoidberg continued to shake it.

  The screen grew fuzzy, and the only thing that was heard was a muddled message from Professor Farnsworth.  "Good lu… …ployees!  …nd Zapp!"

  The screen went blank.

  "Thanks a lot, ZOIDBERG," muttered Fry.

  Suddenly, a jolt burst through the ship and sent the three of them flying through the air and hitting the window on the left.  Sirens sounded off in the background, bright red lights turned on and off, and the words "WARNING!" and "ALERT!" flashed on and off on the television screens.  "Warning.  Danger.  Alert," informed a gentle female voice.  "Code Red.  Impact imminent.  Impact—"

  The power turned off as the Cumulus skyrocketed towards the terrain of Nightmarion 5, shooting through the atmosphere like a missile.  Jackie allowed himself to be thrown against the wall that led to the kitchen, while Fry, Leela, and Zapp gripped onto the couch for their lives.  In the kitchen, Bender was hurled into the open refrigerator, and its door slammed shut.  ("Hmmmmm… cozy!" he remarked from the inside.)  Kif flew through three open doors before hitting the back wall of the Lovenasium, then the only statue of Zapp that still stood.  He escaped just in the nick of time.

  "You may have won the battle, gravity," said Zapp, "but someday I'll win the war!"

  All of a sudden, the impact occurred.  With an immense crash, the Cumulus hit the ground, nose first.  After the impact, it was stuck diagonally, with the back end slightly behind the front.  Fry, Leela, Jackie, and Zapp hit the front window and left cracks the length of boa constrictors in the glass.  Bender was thrown against the walls of the refrigerator and left a Bender-shaped dent on the side closest to the front of the ship.  Kif, already against the wall, did not get thrown anywhere, but instead got several objects flung at him.

  The four who were in the main room groaned in agony as they attempted to stand up, save Jackie.  He lied among the rubble and said nothing.  Kif tumbled through the doors like a child on a slide, bruised and beaten.  He landed on top of what used to be one of the couches.  With a bang, Bender exited the chamber of the refrigerator and fell through the doorway.  He landed on top of Kif with a squelch and broke apart.

  "Leela!" exclaimed Zapp.  He grabbed a hold of Leela's hands and attempted to help her up.  "My turtledove!  Are you all right?"

  Leela looked disgusted.  "Not anymore," she retorted.

  "Bender…" Kif murmured, "…get off!  I… I can't feel my… anything!"

  "I can't!" shouted Bender's head.  "I'm broken apart!  God, this is my worst nightmare!  Oh well, at least there's still beer."

  "There is no beer!" exclaimed Fry.  "Look, there are the shards of your beer bottles now!"  He pointed to a pile of brown glass shards and the brown liquid that seeped between the cracks.

  "OH GOD!  IT IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE!!!"

  Several hectic minutes later, the crew, or at least those who weren't physically broken, left the totaled ship.  The four of them stood outside in their barren environment.  The terrain, though grassy, was colorless.  Towering grey mountains loomed over them in the background like watchful eyes.  Black trees with their spider-like limbs dotted the countryside and gathered together in a haunted forest adjacent to the mountain range.  A grey dirt path led directly through the forest.

  "And I only had three payments left!" exclaimed Zapp, clutching his hair as he looked at the remains of the ship.  "Oh God, the DOOP's gonna have my ass for this one!"

  "Who cares about the ship?" retorted Leela.  "We have to find Jade!  Come on, Jackie; snap out of it!  We have to find Myotismon's castle!"

  "That's nice," replied Jackie in a monotone voice.  "I wish I were important enough to help you—"

  He was interrupted by Leela slapping him in the face.  "You ARE important, Jackie.  Come on!  We can't do it without you!"

  Myotismon sat in his throne room.  He looked at the four remaining crew members in the viewing orb and chuckled to himself.  "Demidevimon!" he called.  "DEMIDEVIMON!"

  The imp flew into the room, panting.  "You called, sir?" he asked, pausing to take a breath.  "You want me?"

  "Demidevimon, I want you to help me make sure they do not find me in time," instructed Myotismon.  "You watch them in the viewing orb and tell me when they're closing in.  When they do…"  He held up the Pan-Ku Box as if to emphasize his point.  "…I'll be ready for them."  He chuckled once again.

  "OK," said Leela, formulating a plan.  "Uh… uh… uh…" she looked back and forth, looking at Fry, Jackie, and Zapp as she did so.  Fry, then Jackie, then Fry, then Zapp, then Fry, then Zapp, then Fry, then once again at Zapp.  "Fry!"

  "Wha?"

  "Fry, you stay back here with Bender and Kif."

  "Why me?"

  "Because I need someone who I can trust to stay behind with the Cumulus because I know they'd just make things worse.  It was a toss-up between you and Zapp, so I just did eeny-meeny-miney-moe and you came out the loser."

  Fry sulked and kicked the dirt.  "Oh, all RIGHT."  He looked at Leela, his lower lip sticking out.  "But next time, Bender and I get to go on the adventure and YOU get to stay behind and watch Bender and Kif."

  Leela rolled her eye for the second time.  "Fry, how can Bender—"

  "No time for that, my one-eyed queen!" exclaimed Zapp, leading Leela down the path.  "Now's the time to slay some vampires!"  Jackie followed, trodding slowly down the path.  The three of them disappeared into the dark forest.

  Demidevimon flew in front of Myotismon's face and pointed to the orb.  "There's just three of them now, O Malevolent One," he informed his master.

  The vampire bared his fangs and looked at Leela, Jackie, and Zapp in the woods.  They were walking closer together as they ventured deeper and deeper into the darkest part of the forest.  "So their foursome has been reduced to a threesome…" he murmured, opening a vial of tar-like, black liquid.  A filmy, black fog seeped out of the top and through an open window.  "Pleasant dreams, Mr. Chan…"

  As the threesome reached the heart of the forest, they were bathed in darkness.  A cold wind howled through the area, causing the branches of the trees to clack together like skeleton bones.  It was so dark, they could not see a thing.  As lightning flashed and thunder boomed, menacing faces appeared on the trunks of the trees.  Finally, the same fog that escaped the vial crept through the deepest, darkest part of the forest and surrounded them.

  "I'm scared, Leela!" exclaimed Zapp.  "Hold me!"  He wrapped his arms around Leela so she couldn't breathe.  Though she did not admit it out of scorn, Leela was afraid as well.  Jackie still did nothing, as he remained an emotionless human shell.

  All of a sudden, there was a bang.  The three of them, though not leaving the forest, had been separated from each other in an illusion created by Myotismon.  Not one of them knew it, but they were about to live their worst nightmare.

  Leela found herself in the darkest environment she had ever been in before, and she could not even see her hand in front of her face.  "Where am I?" she asked.  "Can someone tell me where I am?"

  Suddenly, the environment brightened up to become New New York City once again.  Leela found herself sitting at her desk at the cryogenic laboratory where she used to be a counselor for those who were recently thawed out.  "How come I'm not at the Planet Express?" she wondered.  "It's like I've gone back to my old job."

  The door opened, and Ipgee, Leela's Indian boss, entered the room.  "Good morning, Leela," he addressed her in his strongly-accented voice.  "I trust you are ready to work for twenty-four hours."

  "WHAT?!" she shouted.  "Wha—what happened to my job at the Planet Express?"

  "You had no job at this Planet Express.  You have been working for Applied Cryogenics since you were twenty-one.  And another thing," added Ipgee, "I am cutting your check of pay in half.  You will only earn half the money."

  At the time, Leela rummaged through the drawer of her desk and found the phone book.  She plunked it on the desk and frantically paged through the yellow-page listings until she found "delivery services."  She searched and searched but saw that the Planet Express was not listed as a delivery company.

  "Miss Leela, your paging through the telephone book is only reducing your pay even further."

  "NO!  IT CAN'T BE!" screamed Leela.  "Everything I love is gone!  Except my parents…  Uh… are there still sewer mutants?"

  "There are no sewer mutants, Leela.  Every living thing in the sewer was destroyed years ago, except for an alligator or two."

  "So… my parents don't exist, either?"  Leela looked out the window and cried.  "Oh God, I have GOT to be dreaming this!"  She pinched herself and saw that nothing had been altered.  "It's my worst nightmare come true!"

  The sky turned a blood-red and filled with bats and battleship-like, black clouds.  A TV set descended from the ceiling and turned on.  Myotismon's face appeared on it.  "Good evening, New New York… or should I say, BAD evening?  I am your unquestioned leader, Myotismon!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

  "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Leela, banging her head down on her desk.  "THIS IS HORRIBLE!  HORRIBLE!  Everything I knew about Fry and Bender and the crew and even Jackie Chan… all has been forgotten!"  As she looked at her pants, she noticed something bulge inside her right and left pockets.  She stuck her hand inside the right pocket, hoping that it was what she thought it was, and she pulled out one of the talismans.  "A talisman?" she wondered.  "So maybe… I AM dreaming this after all!  The talismans are real!  I was working for the Planet Express for two years, and then all this happened!"

  Everything turned a brilliant white, and Leela found herself directly outside the entrance to Nightmare Castle.  The cyclops looked around herself, and saw the forest far below her.  "How did I get up here?" she wondered.  "And how did this happen?"

  At the same time, as Leela dematerialized, Zapp felt himself embrace nothing except air.  He fell over and hit the ground with a thud.  "What the hell?" he asked.  "Leela?  Leela?"

  All of a sudden, the surroundings changed from total darkness to the bridge of the Nimbus.  Kif approached him and declared, "Captain, the DOOP has decided to fire you for what you did to the Cumulus.  And me.  This time, it's for good."

  "B-b-but… I… I just…" Zapp stammered, wondering what he was doing in the Nimbus when he was just on Nightmarion 5, about to confront Myotismon.  "Can't the cost just be taken out of my paycheck?"

  "What paycheck?" asked Kif.  "You're broke!"

  "NO!" shouted Zapp.  He found himself in a courtroom, the Amphibios 9 judge presiding.  He was in shackles and crouched down on his knees, pleading for forgiveness.  "Please… please… don't fire me from the DOOP!  My career aptitude test said being a starship captain was the only thing I was good for!  What about my career chip?  Ever think of that?"

  The judge looked at him sternly.  "I am left no choice.  Zapp Brannigan, you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and sentenced to a lifetime of—"

  "WAIT!" shouted a voice.  Heads turned to see President Nixon's Head in the front row.  "Judge, I know punishment, and this isn't punishment enough.  I could have been impeached after Watergate, but you saw how I returned to presidency!  Captain Brannigan could just as easily rise to the ranks of captain of ANOTHER starship.  I know of an even worse punishment to throw at him."  A Secret Service bodyguard carried him up to the judge's podium, and the president's head whispered something to the amphibian judge, who cracked a smile.

  "It just might work," said the judge.  "Thank you, President Nixon!"

  Zapp cowered on the floor, bracing himself for the worst punishment he could imagine.

  "Zapp Brannigan, you are not stripped of your rank, nor are you fired from the DOOP army," declared the judge.  "Instead, your punishment will be as follows: I am issuing a restraining order.  By order of the DOOP, you are no longer permitted to enter within 500 miles of ANY female, femputer, fembot, or artwork involving females."

  "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Zapp shouted, clutching his hair.  "CAN'T THERE BE ANOTHER WAY???!!!"

  "There IS no other way!" exclaimed the judge.  She pounded the gavel on the podium, making the sentence official.  All women immediately ran out of the courtroom, and all paintings of women immediately had fire set to them.  The judge ran out of the courtroom, leaving Zapp alone with nothing but a crowd of males.

  Suddenly, he began to pace around the courtroom, where he was suddenly left alone.  "I'm dreaming this… no restraining order can keep any babe away from the Zapper!"  His face narrowed into a jealous expression.  "And neither can Jackie Chan… ooh, that Chan is the only person who is keeping Leela away from me… GET ME OUT OF THIS DREAM AND INTO REALITY!"

  Zapp's surroundings turned a brilliant white, and he found himself with Leela, near Nightmare Castle.  "How the hell did I get here?" he asked, and then he saw Leela.  "LEELA!  My velour angel!  The love of my life!"  He hugged the cyclops once again.

  "I have a feeling that this nightmare hasn't ended yet," murmured Leela.  What about Jackie? she thought.

  Meanwhile, Jackie took no notice of Leela and Zapp disappearing before his eyes.  He sat down on a rock and saw a puddle of cold, black water underneath his feet.  It grew until it engulfed the ground of the entire forest.  The trees dematerialized, along with the mountains.  There was nothing but the grey stratus clouds in the sky and the ocean of black water.

  "I'm so useless…" murmured Jackie, looking at the water.  He saw no reflection.  "I am nobody…"

  Jackie paused to shiver as he stared at the Dark Ocean, where he had been sent.

  "You ARE nobody…" added a deep voice behind him.  Jackie turned around to see Myotismon standing behind him.  The sky turned a blood red.  "Jackie Chan is no longer the person he thought he was.  He's merely a character in a children's animated series.  And look at his niece."  Jade suddenly floated horizontally  in the air next to the vampire.  The color had been drained from her face, and her eyes were frozen shut.

  Jackie stood up with a splash and ran over to where Jade floated.  He touched the side of her sheet-white face, which was now cold and clammy to the touch.  "Jade…" Jackie murmured, tears forming in his eyes.  "BRING HER BACK!" he shouted to Myotismon.

  The vampire laughed.  "I'm afraid I can't do that, CHAN," he spat out.  "She's dead.  Everyone you know and love is dead.  I am now the leader of the universe!"  He grew even larger, and the surroundings turned into a fiery hell.  "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

  Jackie gasped and fell over, seeing Myotismon towering over him, now demonic and even darker.  The flames grew to the size of skyscrapers, and Myotismon bent over and opened his now-immense mouth, breathing in.  Jackie felt delirious, as if his soul were being sucked out of him.  No… no… not now…  His surroundings whirled around him as Myotismon absorbed his soul, and he saw his life and companions flashing before his eyes… his parents… coming to the United States… going to school in San Francisco…  becoming an archaeologist… learning about the talismans… suddenly traveling to the future…

  Wait… my childhood!  I'm NOT a fictional character!  I AM alive!

  Suddenly he heard Zapp's voice echoing from his subconscious mind.  "God, I completely forgot I used to see him on the Digimon TV series!  So I've been CHASING a cartoon character all day?  You think I'm not even worth fighting a REAL vampire with?"

  "Myotismon… is… fictional!" Jackie realized, then stood up.  "I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU, MYOTISMON!  YOU'RE NOT EVEN REAL!"

  Suddenly, he heard the vampire screaming in agony as a bright white light flashed in front of him.  Jackie felt himself flying through the air, and then felt his feet firmly planted on the ground.  The archaeologist saw himself on the mountain, along with Leela and Zapp.

  "Jackie!" exclaimed Leela, but Jackie just smiled at her.

  Jackie walked over to where Zapp stood.  "Uh… Captain Brannigan?  I might be a fictional character to you guys, but what you said earlier about Myotismon reminded me that HE's the actual fictional character.  Thanks."

  "What?"  Zapp looked confused.

  "Never mind," muttered Jackie.

  The three of them ventured closer to Nightmare Castle, unaware that the greatest danger lied within its walls.

To be continued…