"Eh, times up." Q snapped, and we reappeared in the sky- falling! "Um, sorry, wrong place."
"Yeah, hurry before we black out or get hit by a plane!" I yelled.
"Okay, okay. But there are no planes in this world." Q snapped again, and we appeared in an empty store, shut down and closed. "Oh, shit…not good. It's like when the Borg conquered the world when they went back in time…not good, not good. I wish I had deus ex machina."
"You are deus ex machina," House said calmly. "You can change the world with just a snap."
"Well, not exactly…here we have another Q- my son." Q sighed. "Bloody hell."
I stood there, and then snapped. "Hell!"
House and Q looked at me. I looked at them. "We can send Vogler to Hell!"
"Is it me, or does she have Tourette's?" House asked.
"Seems like it, if she's spewing cuss words and repeating what I say. But come on, she might have a great idea." Q went to open the door, and was shocked. "What the Fck?"
The world was a dump, and filled with large towers. House whistled.
"Ooh, nice. Just like the Jetsons, except with a dictator and slaves."
"Not good," I said. "Come on, let's get to his place."
"Um, Stacy, he has a Q…can't penetrate his walls unless you know Trelane's weakness."
"And that's what?"
"Naked guys. We Q don't have sexuality issues."
House and I looked at Q, and Q looked at House. "Gregg?"
"Oh, god, you want me to get naked for a guy."
"Trelane's known for…extremes." Q sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, but please, for our sakes."
House started to strip. "Only because I hate Vogler more than everybody else."
I started to stare, but Q covered my eyes once he stripped his pants off. Well, it wasn't like I didn't see naked guys every day.
"Okay, now can we go?" House asked.
"Decent enough. Stacy, hide your eyes."
"Oh, now you're treating me like a little girl?" I asked. I looked at House, after Q let go, and whistled. "Nice stick."
"Shut up." He sighed. "Can we go now before my ass gets too many stares from the natives?"
"Of course, monsieur." Q snapped, and we were at the gates to a particularly bad castle on a cliff. Reminded me of Dracula's castle. Anyway, Q opened the gates and went up to the door, and busted it open. "LAPD!"
"Whoa, dad, don't blow a fuse." Trelane appeared, and stared at House, then looked at me. "I rather see her strip."
"What, my stick's too short?" House retorted. "I bet your cocktail ain't as long."
I paused at the banter. "Oh, god."
Q looked at me. "His wall's down." He took my hand and lead me through the castle. "If this creeps anybody out, I'd kill myself."
The castle chilled my bones, but I kept my head. I saw the door, and went up to it, and pushed it a bit. The door opened, and I saw Vogler smiling at us.
"Well, well, if it isn't Stacy the Barbie, her Q, and an invisible House." Vogler stood up and then blasted the wall behind us. Q jumped, and I stood there. "Okay, so you're the feisty one." He came forward, and I saw he was wearing a-
"Tuxedo Mask, just in reverse. Or maybe a really pesky evil vampire we should put a stake in."
I turned, and saw House standing there in a tux too, with the mask. "Tuxedo Mask!" He was kinda cute…
"Not quite. I don't have roses, I'm crippled and not that handsome, and there isn't a dumb blonde anywhere, but you'll do." He twirled the cane and in his hand appeared roses, thanks to Q.
"Sorry, I loved Sailor Moon," Q said. "One of the best shows you humans created." He snapped, and I had a sailor suit on and a wand with a star on it. "Ah, sorry, wrong show." He snapped again and I had the right wand, which was a bit heavy.
"What are you going to do with those items?" Vogler asked. "Hit me over the head? Well, if you do…" He turned around so we could see an hourglass where Stacy was trapped and trying to get out, pounding on the glass. "Well, you are cute, both of you and your pesky Q."
"Oh, great, I don't know the commands," I muttered. "And I'm wearing boots." So, before Q could tell me, I ran towards the hourglass and swung on the glass, at the widest part, which made me vibrate and sent a dark sound through the castle. "Damn!"
"Idiot, hit the thinner part!" And Stacy graciously pointed out the middle, which was 10 feet above me. Otherwise, I was offended with it. I was no idiot-if anybody was, it was she. House was fighting with Vogler, albeit in a pesky way- parrying blows with his cane and stabbing him in the heart, which didn't work.
"Stacy!" Q said. "Just say 'Moon Crystal Power'! It'll work for now!"
"Moon Crystal Power!" I yelled, aiming the wand at Vogler. A bolt hit him in the back, and he turned around and looked at me.
"Why you!" He rushed towards me, roses still in his heart, and grabbed me and flung me towards House. "You'll never save Stacy!"
House caught me in his arms, and I smiled and looked up at him. He was kinda handsome in that mask. He put me back on my feet, and looked around. "Um, where's Q?"
I wasn't looking at Q; I was looking at Vogler, who turned into a large cerebus. "Uh-Oh. Start running…now!" We turned, and started running, dodging the dog.
"At least I'm not crippled anymore," House said. "I guess for now."
"Don't think about that and run!" I ran, and saw a chandelier at the end of the stairs. "House, jump!"
"Jump! Physics still apply even in this twisted hell!"
"Never mind that, you're Tuxedo Mask. It doesn't have to make sense to your logical mind! You can jump pretty high! Grab the chandelier!"
He jumped over my head, and caught the chandelier, and hauled me out. The dog snapped at us, and stepped back as the chandelier fell. We fell, rolling down the stairs as the dog charged.
"What is this, Dracula's Castle?" I asked.
"More like Blackula. I better end up with my legs, at least!" He grabbed my arm and jumped again, bouncing off the wall and swinging off the rails of the stairs, gracefully. I looked into his eyes, and saw the sparkles in it, the mirth.
"It's like you have a 15 year old boy in you again."
"There always was one in me, just hidden inside among the myriad things like pain, sex and love." He smiled, and landed, skidding, at the doorway. "I'll get Stacy, and you get the dog."
"Sure thing." Well, if I could open a portal to hell. The dog was charging, and I did the most random thing in the world.
I spun the wand, like someone playing with a baton. Or maybe it was the wrong anime. It spun fast in front of me, and became a golden blur. Then I stopped, the wand upright, and a portal opened in front of me, and I felt a blast of hot air. "Deus Ex Machina," I said with mirth. "What a world…Send this beast back to Hades!"
And a sound like a vacuum cleaner started to howl, and the dog tried to stop itself from getting in, but eventually it just flew back and went into the portal. Then it closed, and I collapsed to my knees. "That is so random!"
The castle started to fly apart into dust, and I saw House, holding Stacy in his arms.
"I saved the world?"
"We did."
He made a tisk sound and looked up at the sky. "I rather see everybody not lie than save the world, but I can live with this."
The floor became the tiles of the hospital, and our uniforms started to fly apart, except with one thing-
"What a stick!"
"Goddamnit, Stacy must've been lucky to have him."
"I would love to have my hands on that sausage."
House was buck-naked in the clinic lobby, leaning on his cane again. Cuddy was not too happy but also aroused with the…um, you know. Nakedness. Cameron was practically beaming because House was open. House stared at Cuddy.
"Told you I had the stick of a model." Then he strutted off naked to his office, where everybody followed (at least the nurses, Chase, Cameron and Wilson- Foreman wasn't here for some reason) and watched him looking for clothing. I don't think he minded.