AUTHOR WARNING : This chapter contains a more vulgar scene that may be inappropriate for younger readers. Also, the language used in this language isn't exactly language you would want to be saying around Grandma. So, again, read at your own caution.

Thank you to all of the people who have so kindly decided to review! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well! And just an advance warning, but I'm going to have to alter some of the time lines of things to fit my story.

Chapter 6 – The Difference

Defeated. Broken. Devastated. All words described the state of mind Michelle was in at the present moment. Through her tears, she stumbled towards her car. Trying desperately to distance herself from Tony. She didn't want to see him again. She knew that her heart would not be able to survive another encounter.

She couldn't believe that she had admitted that she loved Tony. She had actually told him what her heart had been screaming at her for the past year. But the fear that had infested her heart overwhelmed her. She was simply too scared to try to work things out with Tony in fear that he would once again break her heart.

Tony was everything she had ever wanted. He was caring, he was loving, he was protective, he was her everything. And he had the power to take all of that away. The shackles of fear still confined her every movement. She loved him so much it scared her. It scared her that at any one moment, Tony could just decide she wasn't worth it anymore and just leave her. Just like he left her before.

A single tear rolled down her face as she drove home. She was thankful that traffic was light. The eerie quietness of the night life proved to be both a benefit and a disadvantage. The silence allowed her to rest her weary soul, but at the same time, the silence replayed in her mind the image of Tony.

How hopeful he had looked! And she had to take all of that away! When he looked at her for that moment with a smile she hadn't seen in months, her weary heart was uplifted for a mere moment, and then she had to destroy his hopes with one simple word. And then when she had left, she couldn't get the image out of her mind of him simply standing there in the corner, defeated.

Tony Almeida, one of the strongest men she knew had given up. He had given up on her. For a moment, she had wanted to believe that there was hope for them. For a moment, she wanted to believe his words, how he professed his undying love for her. She wanted to believe words she knew would haunt her.

By now, she was beginning to hate the silence. It only served as the perfect setting for her to remember the look of disappointment in Tony's eyes. Relentless, Michelle flipped on the radio, hoping that something, anything would take her mind off Tony. And soon, a song came on, that did exactly the opposite.

Wonderwall - Oasis

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Michelle silently cried as the lyrics to the song came through her radio. She couldn't help but think about how much the lyrics related to her and Tony. Who would ever feel the same way Tony did about her? She wanted to be the world to someone again. She wanted someone to save her from her desperation. She wanted someone to save her from herself.

Meanwhile, back at CTU…

She left me. Again. She's given up on us. Tony heard the door close and stood there. All of his pent up anger and frustration was soon to be released. He had failed. He had failed in the most important mission of his life…getting Michelle back.

Tony exhaled sharply in frustration. His hands clenched and his whole body rigid. He had lost the only person he cared for.

He could still smell her perfume lightly lining the room. He had always loved her perfume, but now, it only served as a painful reminder of what he had lost.

And then, his hands went to his chest. And reaching around his neck, he grasped his most cherished possession.

The Evenstar necklace that Michelle had given him all those years ago.

February 2000

He remembered back to the day when she had dragged him along to watch "The Lord of the Rings." He had protested, telling her he wasn't into elves and all that gibberish. But she had insisted and given him her best puppy dog look. Of course he could never resist the look and gave in to her request.

As he sat through the movie, he found it surprising how much he started getting into it. Michelle knew that he was hooked when he inadvertently cheered when Aragorn eliminated yet another enemy. Although Michelle had found the movie interesting, she was most interested in the love story between Arwen and Aragorn.

She had fallen in love with the fact that Aragorn had risked so much to be with Arwen. She wondered if Tony would do the same for her. And during one of Arwen and Aragorn's scenes when Tony reached over and gently squeezed her hand before kissing it gently, Michelle knew her answer.

She had also loved the idea that as a symbol of her love, Arwen had given Aragorn her Evenstar necklace. The one that was symbolic for their eternal love. Michelle remembered that Tony's birthday was coming up, and as a token of her love, she was determined to find the necklace.

She searched high and low for the necklace; well not really, she just went onto Ebay and bid on one. On the day of Tony's birthday, she couldn't have been more excited. She was so excited about giving him her thoughtful birthday gift she could barely contain her excitement.

She had eagerly told him that she had found the most perfect gift ever to which he replied lovingly, "Chelle, you're the most perfect gift ever." She had blushed in embarrarsement when he had said that. Even though they had been going out for quite some time then she still felt butterflies in her stomach every time she was around him. And finally, when he opened up her gift, she smiled in eagerness at his reaction.

Tony opened up his gift carefully and when he realized where he had seen the necklace before, he smiled at her lovingly. He went towards her and pulled her into a tight embrace saying sweetly, "I love you. Thank you for the second most perfect gift ever."

She had smiled in appreciation, and instantly set about to clasping the necklace around his neck. Instead of protesting and saying that manly men like him didn't wear necklaces, he allowed her to put it on her. And as he watched how concentrated she looked as she put on the necklace, he couldn't help but think of how adorable she looked.

He smiled at her and when she noticed this, she began to blush once more. He held her close to him and as he felt her connect the two clasps around his neck, he leaned down to kiss her. They shared a loving kiss, and when she pulled away, she used her hand to lightly trace the necklace on his masculine chest.

He loved the necklace. He loved it because it meant that they both loved each other. Sure they didn't need an actual physical reminder to do it, but having something, something physical to grasp onto was something wonderful. He loved the texture of the necklace. And he found himself during the harder times of the day lightly tracing the outline of it. Reminding himself of how lucky he was to have a wonderful as a person as Michelle in his life.

But that was then, and now, the necklace only fortified his pain. He grasped it, carefully taking it off. He stared at it, wanting to erase his pain. But he knew that he couldn't. He couldn't erase Michelle from his mind. Everywhere he went, there were constant reminders of her. And today, today had only made things worse.

However, nothing had prepared him for what she had said to him. She said she loved him. So she did still love me. Then why did she leave? Does she love Brett? Or does she love me? Doubt wracked his mind as he tried to decide what the hell he was going to do.

After pacing around in his old office for a few minutes, he decided that he would pack up and quit CTU. If he couldn't have Michelle then he certainly didn't want to work at CTU. The reason he had even come back to CTU was that he had this thought. This far off dream that if he went back to CTU Michelle would go back to him. That she would somehow come back to home. To see that he had changed. That he was back on his own two feet.

But now, there was no reason for him to be at CTU. Michelle wasn't his anymore. She had someone else. And there would be no glorifying reunion between the two of them. The only thing on the agenda for both of them was pain. Pain of what could and should have been.

Tony walked downstairs in frustration, and angry at the solitude that now surrounded him, he flipped on the radio…

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

Tony scoffed at how true the lyrics were. The love and parseion in Michelle's heart for him was gone. Lost for the ages. Only memories of it existed, nothing more. And he knew that no matter how much another man would claim to love Michelle, no one. No one, would love Michelle as much as he did.

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

He had given up his life for her. And if he had to, he'd do it all over.

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

He had hoped that she would be the one to save him from his misery, but instead, she only brought him misery. She brought him misery because she represented a life he would never have. A life with her, maybe even children, and of course a life with unrequitable love.

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And as a single tear rolled down Tony's face, he sighed, angry at everything in the world. Angry at himself. Angry for once again, letting Michelle walk out on him.

As Michelle drove back, she wanted to just turn off the radio so that she wouldn't have to hear the lyrics that pierced her hearts in more ways than she imagined possible.

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Tony was supposed to be the one to save me. He promised that he would protect me from everything. That he would fight hell and high water to protect me. But instead, he only brought he pain. He brings me the pain of remembering. The pain of what our loved used to be.

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after an
You're my wonderwall

He had promised that when she was scared, he'd fight away all of her fears. That he would never make her cry and if she did cry he'd be there to wipe away her tears.

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

But instead, he was the one that caused her tears. And there was no one left to protect her. To protect her from him.

As she arrived home to the place she shared with Brett, she couldn't help but wish that he wasn't home. She didn't want him to see her like this and then have him confront her about it. She and Brett lived in between San Diego and Los Angeles. That way both of them could get to work easily, well if you consider an hour sometimes nearly two hours of driving in rush hour traffic easy.

Luckily for her, Brett wasn't home. Instead, there was a message on her answering machine from Brett. He had said simply,

"Hey babe, listen I'm um…over at a buddy's house over in L.A. and I think I'm just going to crash here for the night. It's pretty late and I'm a way's off from home. Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow or something. Love ya!"

Michelle could have sworn that she had heard a woman's giggle as she listened to Brett's message, but she ignored it. She was too tired to care. She was too distracted by the thought of another man. One that she knew deep down in her heart she would always love.

Michelle sighed as she thought of the impossible situation she had put herself in. She obviously still had strong feelings for Tony, but there she was, wearing another man's ring. But contrary to popular belief, Michelle's relationship with Brett was far from perfect.

There were things about Brett that were just so different from Tony. For starters, she had noticed how he rarely said, "I love you," instead, he opted for the "love ya!" part which she wasn't very fond of. Tony had always spoke those three words to her. Simply because they were special and Tony knew how much she loved hearing him say those three words to her.

And another thing was that she didn't feel safe around Brett. Megan had already voiced her concerns, but Michelle thought they were unprecedented so she had no reason to worry. But as of recently, Brett had been getting slightly more aggressive. He had been more pushy and more vulgar in his language.

She had told him that she would not sleep with him until they had gotten married and this had frustrated him. Unlike Tony, he hadn't accepted her wish of celibacy until marriage and instead called her a prude. And a few times more than not, he had even pushed her. Of course immediately after pushing her, he would apologize profusely. Citing his bad temper to a bad day at work or something of that nature.

He hadn't actually been physically abusive towards her, but Michelle was always a little scared. She never felt that way with Tony. She knew that no matter what happened, Tony would never hit her. Sure he would get angry with her but the most he would ever do was throw words at her.

But with Brett, there was that manner of uncertainty. She had no idea about where she stood with him. Her parents had even warned her. The minute they brought Brett home to meet them, her father had eyed him carefully. Her brother Danny had also voiced his concern. Maybe it was the need to be the alpha male in her life, but neither her parents nor her brother really liked Brett.

And even though they knew that it was hopeless that Michelle would reunite with Tony, they still had this lingering hope that someday, somehow by some magical power, they would both be able to reunite with one another and live the life they had always wanted. A life in the suburbs, with children and with love.

She knew what Brett was capable of and at times, it scared her. She had seen him beat up some guy because he was talking to Michelle. That was also one thing about Brett. Brett would get insanely jealous and irrational whenever another male approached Michelle. Even if it was a polite greeting, he would get uneasy and immediately and roughly maneuver Michelle away.

At first, she found it nice to have someone dote on her and care about her. But as time progressed, she noticed how he seemed to get overly possessive of her. Even as she made a move to hug her brother, Brett's hand never left her waist. And he questioned her endlessly. And anytime a male left a message on her answering machine, even if it was regarding work, he would grill her with questions.

At times, she felt completely at ease around him, but other times, she was terrified. She was so scared that one day he would just snap and start hitting her or something. She had never felt that way with Tony. Sure Tony had been protective of her but he had never been possessive.

Tony let her have her own life. Sure if they went somewhere Tony deemed "unsafe," he would gently wrap one arm around her waist pulling her closer to him. But that was normal. What Brett did was he tried to walk directly behind her literally pushing her along while clinging to her.

She couldn't even mention how she thought Brad Pitt was cute without Brett throwing a hissy fit. He would complain about how no one was ever good enough for her and that maybe she should just shut up and appreciate what she had. Whenever she had mentioned one of her celebrity crushes to Tony, he had laughed them off, instead countering with how he thought Jennifer Aniston was hot.

Thoroughly exhausted, Michelle finally went to bed, bracing herself for tomorrow, when she would undoubtedly come face to face with Tony again.

Michelle woke up the next morning, with marseive eye bags underneath her eyes. She sighed as she knew that no matter how much make-up she put on, she wouldn't be able to hide them completely.

She had wondered for a second where Brett was, but then she remembered that he had called saying he was going to stay over at a friends' place. But she had no time to worry as she readied herself for work.

She took a warm, relaxing shower and then put on a business suit before making her way towards CTU. She braced herself to see Tony again, she braced herself for the fallen man that she would soon encounter. She arrived at CTU, determined to hide from the rest of the world the immense pain she felt.

She expected the see Tony's fallen features. But how surprised was she when she arrived and saw him chatting almost candidly with Curtis. They had just shared a joke and both were laughing heartily. Curtis acknowledged her and immediately brought her up to date while Tony quietly slipped away, without saying anything to her.

Michelle listened half-heartedly to Curtis as he updated her on what was presently going on at CTU. But it was hard for her to pay attention when she felt Tony's presence only a few feet away. However, she was no longer concerned that she was the cause of his pain.

In fact, he didn't appear to be in pain at all! He seemed to be quite happy! He laughed and talked with co-workers as if he was the happiest man on the earth. Sharing little laughs with everyone and he didn't even look at her! Not once did he steal a glance her way. She knew of this because she had been staring at him pretty much the whole time.

She struggled to contain the grief that overcame her. Wait, why was she caring? She shouldn't be the one that cared! She should forget about him the same way he had so obviously forgotten about her! But no matter how hard she tried, her eyes were constantly drawn to him. Her eyes dark with pain.

After Curtis was finished with his update, Michelle went straight upstairs and proceeded to drown herself in her work. She was looking for a distraction, any distraction at all to not have to think about Tony. However, she couldn't help but notice that Tony was rarely at his station that day. And whenever he was around his station, he always seemed to be tidying things up.

She wondered what he was doing, actually, that was pretty much the only thing she thought about that day. Did he somehow become a neat freak during the time they weren't together? Is that even possible? She didn't think this was a very valid reason, so instead, broadened her thinking. And soon, it hit her. He was leaving.

That's why he's cleaning up. He's not actually cleaning, he's packing. As this newfound realization entered her mind she couldn't help but wonder 'How can he leave me again?'

Tony stared up into Michelle's office, knowing that he would inevitably have to face Michelle to alert her of his formal resignation. He had been dreading this all night. He hadn't slept last night, instead, replaying their encounter in her office and then rehearsing his resignation speech.

He couldn't remember the last time he had been so nervous. Even when Michelle had walked in, he had been blown away by her beauty. But obviously that didn't matter anymore to her. After all, she had her new fiancé. And Tony, Tony had no one.

He had picked up on how her eyes had been focused on him earlier that day. Almost as if she pitied him. But hell, he didn't need her to pity him. He didn't need anyone to pity him. He was fine all by himself. He tried hard to convince himself that this was true, but even as he spoke the words, he knew it was all but a lie.

For the past year, he hadn't slept in a bed. He had always slept on his couch. His reason? He hated waking up at night to a large empty bed. Michelle used to be on the other side of the bed. And he used to watch her sleep for hours. And then he would wrap his arms around her waist and protectively pull her closer. She would instinctively snuggle closer to him, and content, Tony would fall into a deep, peaceful slumber.

Now, the nights were lonely. Gone were the times where he would feel Michelle's warm body next to his and gone were the nights where he lay awake for hours un-end watching her delicate features highlighted by the dim moonlight that streamed in from the windows. Replacing all of that was an eerie silence, only every so often broken by Tugger's soft meowing.

Tony couldn't help but be saddened by the memory of what used to be. But he knew, that staying at CTU would only make things worse. Who knew how long Michelle was going to be there? What if she was arseigned permanent director of CTU? Then what would he do? Just go on with his life pretending that they meant nothing?

Tony knew that he would never be able to do that. But staying wouldn't help matters either. Thankfully, the morning had parseed without much happening. It was lunch time and he decided that he would go out with Jack for lunch. After all, if he was leaving CTU, he needed to tell Jack. Jack had been his only friend through everything. Regardless of their prior differences, Jack had helped Tony through his roughest moments. And hell, he had even gotten Tony his old job back.

And as he left CTU, he took one look up at a certain person. A certain person who just happened to be staring right back at him.

It was almost as if she could feel him leaving. All of a sudden, her eyes were drawn out to the exit and so surprised was she that Tony was looking up at her. But he soon looked away, walking out the doors. Her heartbeat quickened. What if he wasn't coming back? What if he just left? But he couldn't have!

She desperately tried to rearseure herself that if he was actually leaving, he would at least have the decency to tell her. But then she remembered the irony of what she had just said. She had never told him why she left him. She had just left with no explanations.

At the time, she had thought it was the best thing to do. It would save them both a lot of pain and it would allow Tony to move on with his new infatuation. All she had ever wanted was for him to be happy and if that meant she wasn't meant to be with him, then well, so be it. Sure she was heartbroken, but she was willing to make a sacrifice in order for Tony to be happy.

After all, he had sacrificed his life for her. It was the least she could do.

Suddenly, she was snapped out of her thoughts by a call. She answered, "Dessler."

"Ms. Dessler, there is someone at the door, claiming that he is your fiancé, his name is Brett Connors. Should I let him up?"

Michelle rubbed her forehead in frustration. This was the last thing she needed. Brett was one of the last people she wanted to see right now. And why was he coming to CTU? What did he want? However, Michelle knew that if she refused entrance to Brett, he would undoubtedly throw a tantrum later that night and demand an explanation. And frankly, she just hoped that he needed some quick cash or something and he would just leave her alone to her work.

She replied very unenthusiastically, "Sure Kahlen, let him up. Thank you."

Within a few minutes, Brett was up in her office, with a scowl on his face.

She looked at him and tried to pretend that everything was normal and asked him,

"Hey sweetie, what are you doing here? Did you need something?"

Brett glowered at her, while closing the blinds that lined her office and snidely said, "I saw Almeida on his way out…"

He waited for her reaction and when he noticed how she flinched at the mention of Tony's name, he pursued it further.

"What the hell is that son of a b!tch doing back here? He couldn't even hold a job at my bar and now he's in charge of fighting terrorism for our country? What kind of fuked up director allows this kind of sh!t to happen?"

Michelle couldn't believe her ears. How dare he! Tony was more than qualified to be protecting the country he loved so much. What on earth gave Brett the right to be knocking on Tony when he was practically living off of Michelle at the present time?

Michelle said in her most neutral voice,

"Let me arseure you that Agent Almeida is very qualified, and if your worry lies about whether or not he is capable fighting against terrorism, then your worries have no merit…"

Brett interrupted Michelle, furious that she was defending him and asked her angrily, "…Did you screw him?

Is that how he got his job back? Cause you still had feelings for him?"

Michelle was outraged by now, how dare he accuse her of something like that! "How dare you!"

"I did not sleep with Tony! How could you accuse me of something like that! Don't you know me better than that? I'm not the reason Tony's back at CTU! He was back before I was even arseigned director of CTU!"

Michelle by now, had stood up and was almost screaming at Brett. Brett however, scoffed at her answer and instead replied harshly,

"I don't believe you. Why should I? I saw the way you looked when I even mentioned that basard's name. You're still in love with that basard while wearing my ring. I bet you fuked him last night. After all this time where you told me you wouldn't sleep with me until we got married and here you are screwing Almeida.

You know what that makes you, Michelle? A whore. That's what you are. You've got my goddamn ring on your finger and you're sleeping around with your ex-husband…"

And after hearing those hateful words, Michelle slapped him.

She couldn't believe it, but she slapped him. All of her pent up anger for this man had been released. But what he did next surprised her even more.

He hit her back.

She was so shocked from the blow that she staggered backwards. Never in her life did she imagine she would end up in an abusive relationship. And yet, there she was. Her fiancé had just slapped her.

She cowered against his much larger frame. By now, Brett was furious. She had just slapped him. That must mean that she was indeed sleeping with Almeida. The little b!tch had told him no sex until marriage and yet there she was sleeping around.

He approached her, as her small frame cowered protectively around her own body. She immediately recognized the possible danger in this situation and tried to make a mad grab for the phone. But he had predicted this move and instead pushed her away from the phone, her shoulder slamming into one of the cabinets.

Surely by now someone must have heard the commotion that was going on upstairs. But then she remembered, it was lunch time. Barely anyone would be in the office at this time, most of them would be in the cafeteria. No one would be able to hear her screams even if she did scream for help.

The office had been made soundproof in order to ensure the privacy of meetings. And now she couldn't help but think how their own technology was working against them.

As soon as her shoulder slammed into the cabinet, Brett dragged her up roughly by her shirt, and shoved her into a wall. With his hand covering her mouth in case she decided to scream, he then said,

"You know what, b!tch? Almeida had his fun last night. Now, it's my turn. And if you even think about screaming, I will hit you. Hit you so goddamn hard you will wish you had never been born. Understand?"

Michelle weakly nodded as tears began to stream down her face. How did she get herself into this situation? This would have never happened with Tony. Tony would have never hurt her. He was always so protective, and now here she was, at Brett's mercy. She knew struggling against him was useless. He was so much stronger than she was, and she already weak after having only slept a few hours the night before.

Her face was now covered with tears as she felt his hand reach underneath her skirt and brutally pull down her panties. She could feel his arousal pushed roughly against her petite frame. It seemed the more she cried, the more violent Brett got. He kissed her forcefully, forcing his tongue down her throat.

Her screams were muffled by his mouth over hers and her hands were pinned up against the wall with one of his hands as he struggled with his belt and pants with the other. Michelle by now was panicking. She knew that if she didn't do anything soon he would rape her. But what could she do. He had used his lower body to effectively pin her legs apart so she couldn't kick him. And with his hands pinning her small arms up, she was immobilized.

Michelle begged him to stop, crying and begging for him not to continue. But this only seemed to anger him more as he then slapped her. And soon, he forced himself inside of her. By now, her sobs had turned into cries of pain, of violation, of helplessness. She whimpered against the pain and prayed and hoped with everything that it would soon be over. But after what seemed like forever, she finally heard him let out a loud moan of satisfaction.

By now, Michelle was too distraught to say anything. To retaliate in any sort of way. She wanted him to leave. She wanted everyone in the world to just disappear. But most of all, she wanted Tony. She wanted Tony to wrap his strong arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. She wanted him to comfort and protect her. But she knew that it would never happen.

Brett however, was not done with his onslaught of Michelle emotionally. He then wickedly said to her,

"And if you ever think of telling anyone about this? I will personally make sure you pay for this. After all, all of my friends think that you're some sort of whore that just can't get enough of me. The authorities will never believe you…and you know what else?"

Michelle tried her best to shut out his evil voice, but she couldn't help but be shocked by what he said next.

"You know what else? If you tell anyone, it'll inevitably get to your little precious Tony. And what then? Is he going to want a whore like you? You're tainted goods baby. No other man in their right mind is ever going to want you. Especially not Tony. And you know what? Whose story is he going to believe when I tell him that his ex-wife was begging me for sex? Or is he going to believe his ex-wife, the one who left him with no reason at all, goes back to him, begging for forgiveness?"

He laughed at her shocked expression of realization. But then, Michelle walked right up to him and with all the strength she had left in her body, she said,

"You will pay for this. I will make sure of it. I don't care about your empty threats. They mean nothing. I will have your arse in jail for the rest of your life you basard."

Michelle watched as his eyes flared in anger at her retaliation. And with one bold move, she said bitterly, "Oh, and just for your information, you aren't and won't ever be even half the man Tony is."

The last comment she made pushed Brett over the edge, as he hit her, and as she fell, her head hit against the side of her desk, and suddenly, everything went black.

A/n: You guys know the drill! And to all of the people who review my story after almost every chapter, THANK YOU! You guys are the reason I'm writing and it's really great to know that you like the story! So thanks!

OH. And I'm thinking of introducing a couple of new characters into the story, so does anyone have any suggestions as to both a name for a female character and a name for a male character? I've got a few ideas, but I'm interested in seeing what your suggestions are. If I do happen to choose a name you suggest, I will personally email the next chapter to you a couple of days earlier! Oh, incentive! )