Chapter 8 – The Lost

For two weeks, Tony sat vigilantly by Michelle's bedside. Refusing to leave her just in case she woke up. He didn't want her to wake up alone and be scared and unaware of where she was. He wanted her to see a familiar face, but as the days passed, he couldn't help but wonder would it be his face she would want to see? Or would she be repulsed by him and send him away? Doubt tugged at his heart and he had no idea what to do.

He hadn't slept for more than two or three hours a night since Michelle had been admitted into the hospital. The times he slept were when the Desslers were all in the room and the nurse told him that he needed to leave. John Dessler had looked at Tony and instead of attacking him and asking him why Michelle wasn't protected, he had simply told Tony, "Thank you," and given him a comforting pat on the back.

When Danny had first come into the room, he had almost grown hysterical. He couldn't bear to see the sight of his baby sister hurt and tied up to so many machines. He had demanded an explanation from Tony as to how he could ever let something like this happen to her. Tony, instead of arguing back that none of this was his fault, conceded defeat to Danny and instead, apologized.

Susan had scolded Danny for accusing Tony of something that wasn't his fault but what shocked her even more was that Tony actually seemed to believe that everything was indeed his fault. That everything he had done was in vain.

Jack had come into visit, in which he alerted the Desslers that they had managed to catch Brett before he tried to skip over the border to Mexico and that he was now being held on $500,000 bail. The Desslers had been greatly relieved that the man who had done this to Michelle would have justice brought upon him, but it did little to ease their overall anguish at Michelle's current condition.

All of this information had been kept from Tony and as of that moment he hadn't a clue as to who had hurt Michelle. But he knew that at the moment, the only thing that was even vaguely important was that she got better. The nurses had continued to do their daily checks of Michelle, none of them noting any significant change. However, Tony refused to give up hope, praying and pleading that Michelle would open her beautiful brown eyes and everything would be okay again.

Michelle was his lifeline. Despite the fact that they had been divorced for quite some time she was still the reason he lived. When he had first arrived in prison, the inmates questioned his reason for saving his wife. Was it worth it? He had always answered immediately that if he had the chance he'd do it all over and to this very moment, he thought no differently.

It didn't matter to him that he wasn't there to hold Michelle when she went to sleep. All that mattered was that she was safe. And painfully, he thought, even if it meant with another man. Tony hadn't understood why Michelle had left him. But he never tried to pursue it. He knew firsthand how stubborn she could be, so instead, he gave into her wishes, letting her go.

He tucked a lose curl gently behind her ear and sighed as he saw how fragile she looked. He wanted nothing more than to help save her and rescue her from the clutches of pain.

As the day dragged on, Tony started to feel the effects of only sleeping a few hours and felt himself drifting in and out of consciousness. And soon he felt his eyelids shut as he rested his head near Michelle's hand.

Unbeknownst to him, shortly after he fell asleep, Michelle had begun to wake up. Still groggy from the effects of the morpheme, she couldn't exactly place where she was. And when she looked down to see the figure near her hand, she couldn't focus in on him. The only thing she could see was the figure of what appeared to be a man. A man. A small gasp escaped her lips as she thought about Brett. It was Brett. He had managed to get away without getting caught and now he was back to hurt her again. She silently cursed and wished that she could move away from him and struggled to maneuver her body as far away from his head as possible.

A few hours later he was awoken by movement of some sort. He looked up to see Michelle awake and at first he had to blink away his sleepiness to make sure that it wasn't just a dream. He then gently said,

"Michelle?"

Michelle still couldn't properly focus on the image in front of her to see that it was Tony and instead proceeded to try and back even further away from him as he put out a hand towards her.

Tony just wanted to touch her hand to make sure that she was real. But he noticed that as soon as he said her name she recoiled. She was shifting so far away from him and he hadn't done anything to her. He begrudgingly came to the conclusion that she was disgusted by the mere sight of him. She couldn't even stand to be near him.

But determined to prove his love for her, he tried once more saying gently,

"Michelle, it's me. I promise I won't hurt you. I just want to make sure you're okay and everything. I swear."

As he said those words, Michelle was still too disoriented from the effect the drugs had on her and all she heard was a man's voice telling her that he wouldn't hurt her. But at this point in time, her instincts told her not to trust anyone…especially not Brett. Her eyes widened in fear as Tony's hand reached out for her and instead she told him,

"Get away from me."

Tony stared in disbelief as the words left her mouth. Did she just tell him to get away from her? Why? What did he do?

Tony tried again and this time said,

"Michelle, I promise you I mean you no harm. Look, I'll just stand over here and we'll talk okay?"

Michelle instead shook her head decisively and said,

"No. I want you gone from my life. You hurt me after you promised you would never ever hurt me. I don't want to see your face ever again. I don't care about what you're going to do. All I know is that every time I even so much as see your face I get nightmares. I don't want you to ever come near me again. I just…I just…I just want you gone. Just leave."

As Michelle's unintended hurtful words left her mouth, Tony's heart shattered. Everything he had even dared to hope for was crushed. Michelle hated him. She said so herself. He slowly backed away as those crushing words left her lips. Sighing in disappointment, he relented to her wishes and said once more,

"I'll go. But remember this, it was always me who loved you and still loves you. But I know I've messed up and I guess things just can't go back to the way they were. I'm sorry I ever came into your life. And now I promise you'll never have to worry about me again. I'm going to leave you alone for good."

Tony's strained voice was close to breaking with emotion as he said those words and as he watched Michelle's face filled with fear as she looked at him. She had never looked at him that way. She looked at him as if she were terrified of him, as if she was expecting him to raise his hand and hit her. But she must have known that he would have never laid a finger on her in anger. He would never hit a woman, much less the woman he loved above all else.

Tony slowly walked away from her bedside and towards the door, but before leaving, he turned around once more to take one last look at his Michelle and said quietly,

"I love you Chelle."

At these words Michelle's eyes widened slightly. Did he just call her Chelle? But Brett never called her Chelle. Only Tony called her Chelle…

But she soon convinced herself that it was the medication that was getting to her. She was groggy and she must have just misheard him. Brett probably said Michelle and said the "Mi" part quietly. Michelle erased the possibility that it could have been Tony. After all, he wanted nothing to do with her. He had his new girlfriend, he no longer cared for her.

After staying awake for a few minutes to make sure that "Brett" didn't return into the room, Michelle once more feel asleep.

As Tony silently left Michelle's room, he made his decision that he would leave immediately. He would go home, pack up the few belongings he still kept and get on the first flight out of LA to anywhere. Anywhere at all. All he wanted was to erase Michelle from his mind. Her hurtful words, everything.

As he left the room, he ran into Susan, who was surprised that Tony had left Michelle's bedside looking so…so…defeated. She said immediately,

"Tony! So you finally decided to give your legs a little exercise? This is the first I've seen you outside the room in more than two weeks! Is everything alright? Did you want me to go pick up some food for you?"

Tony looked down at the kind woman and couldn't help but smile at how Susan had always been so friendly to him. He had always adored Susan and he knew that she had always liked him, so needless to say, their mutual respect for one another was great. Tony smiled politely and answered,

"No, I'm fine, Susan. But thank you for offering…"

Susan held up her hand to silence him and instead offered,

"Tony, I know that you and Michelle aren't on the best of terms right now. But I want you to know this. I have always loved you like I've loved one of my own children and that's because I know you're meant for Michelle. I know my daughter can be a stubborn one sometimes but I know that you're the one for her. And I honestly cannot thank you enough for all the care you've shown towards her since this whole terrible ordeal started. So I thank you from the very bottom of my heart."

As Tony heard her words, his heart soared with pride. But soon, those feelings left him as he told her silently,

"I had best be going now…"

Susan looked at him with shock and questioned,

"Going? Where are you going?"

Tony sighed as he answered quietly,

"Away. Away from here."

By now Susan was getting concerned. What did he mean away? Where was he going and why was he leaving before Michelle got better?

"I don't understand, Tony. Why are you leaving? Don't you want to make sure that Michelle is okay? I know that she'd feel much more comfortable if she awoke and you were there by her bedside…"

Tony scoffed at her words and instead countered saying,

"Mrs. Dessler, you know that I will always love Michelle no matter what happens, but right now, I need to get away from this. From everything. Even as I stand here, I feel my heart breaking. I spent the last year and a bit getting over her and honestly, I haven't gotten anywhere. And now, seeing her in this position, I don't know what to do. I just need to get away from it. Let Michelle start her new life with her fiancé."

As Susan heard the word fiancé, she couldn't help but feel a rush of anger arise. But Jack had told her that she wasn't to tell Tony that Brett was the one who had caused all this harm to Michelle, so she kept quiet instead pleading with Tony,

"Tony, I know this year has been hard on both of you, but trust me, I know my daughter and she would rather wake up to your face than to anyone else's. I know how much she loves you still, Tony."

Tony sighed as he wished with all his might that those words were true. He wished that he could believe that Michelle still loved him as much as he loved her. But he knew that those were nothing but lies. She had told him straight out she hadn't wanted to see him ever again. And as much as he loved her, he loved her enough to grant her wish. Tony said gently,

"Susan, please, just let me leave. And if Michelle wakes up don't tell her I was here, okay?"

Susan was beyond baffled by now. Not only was Tony leaving Michelle but he also didn't want her to know that he had been by her bedside for the last couple of weeks? What was going on here? She asked,

"Why wouldn't you want her to know that you've been vigilantly standing by her side while she was here? What's going on, Tony? What aren't you telling me?"

Tony was starting to get frustrated with himself and he just said,

"Please, Susan. Trust me. It's better this way. I just don't want her to know I was here. So please, just don't say anything about it? Please, I'm begging you."

Susan had never seen Tony so downcast before and couldn't help but agree and reluctantly she said,

"If that's what you wish, then I won't tell her you were here."

Tony nodded his appreciation and said thank you and made a move to leave before Susan's voice brought him back once more.

"But Tony, if I might say, I know she would have wanted to know the man she loved more than anything else in the world took such care of her during a time like this. And trust me, I know she still loves you, Tony. Regardless of what front she might put up to the world…"

And those were the last words Tony heard before he left behind the one person he loved more than life itself.

Again, if you could be bothered to just push that tiny button down there and review it'd be most appreciated. Thank you in advance!