Will You Always Be There?
Chapters 5 through 8
Disclaimers as previously stated.
Chapter 5
1300
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Mac woke slowly, and her eyes came to focus on Harm sitting at her bedside. She had suddenly become so tired after her emotional outburst this morning that Sarah had shooed her upstairs to lie down for awhile. She didn't need a lot of convincing and she was asleep almost before her head hit her pillow. "Hey, sleepyhead," Harm lightly brushed the hair from her eyes.
"Hey, I'm sorry I got so sleepy all of a sudden. It was as though I couldn't keep my eyes open." She pulled the light quilt back that someone had thrown over her. Mac sat up on the side of the bed and tried to get her bearings. She had begun to feel weaker than normal lately and she couldn't pass it off as a result of not getting enough sleep anymore.
She stood and walked to the window. Looking out, she said, "I don't know how you can stand to leave here and go back to Washington. It's just so beautiful and peaceful here."
Harm joined her at the window. "It was easy when I was younger, because nothing moved fast enough for me here. Now I have come to realize more and more that I am connected to this place more deeply than I ever believed." Harm looked thoughtfully out the window, resting his hand lightly on her back.
Mac turned toward him and said, "I can't tell you how much I appreciate your bringing me here with you, Harm. I know I fought you on it at first but I don't think I could have taken another weekend alone in that apartment."
Harm smiled. "Well, Mac, that's the advantage of having known you for over 9 years. I knew you wanted to get out of there. I just let you think it was your idea."
Mac pretended to punch him in the chest and laughed. "Ha! Think you're pretty slick, don't you flyboy?"
Harm laughed too and said, "Well, you're here, aren't you?"
Just then they heard Harm's grandmother call them for lunch. "Hungry, Marine?" Harm asked as they walked down the stairs.
Mac shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, a little. I think I'm still full from breakfast."
Harm walked into the kitchen behind Mac, frowning with concern. When was the last time Mac wasn't hungry? It had been over 5 hours since they ate breakfast.
They had another wonderful meal, homemade vegetable soup and cornbread with an apple pie that Mrs. Rabb had made from some of the apples they had brought in that morning... "Grandma, I'm going to have run an a few extra miles this week to keep from gaining weight. The weekends here are going to put it on me for sure," Harm said, pushing away from the table.
Mac finished about half of everything she was served. "What happened to that famous appetite I'm always hearing about?" Mrs. Rabb said as she cleared the dishes.
Mac gave Harm a side long glance, "What has Harm been telling you about me? I have a healthy appetite. I always have." She raised her eyebrows at Harm and saw him looking at the ceiling, out the window and generally avoiding her eyes. Mac smiled and tossed a dishtowel at him.
"Hey! For that you get to help me clear out the flower beds. Keep it up and I'll have you mucking out the barn."
Harm and Mac walked out of the kitchen, taking their jackets from the wall as they went. "Don't worry, Mac," Mrs. Rabb said. "I have Jack's boy come help me with the barn. Harm hasn't done that in years."
Harm had almost reached the door when he slipped back and stuck his head back in the kitchen. "How old is Jack's boy now, Grandma? Sam's about 60, isn't he?"
Harm's grandmother laughed and picked up her dish towel and started toward Harm with a purpose. Harm quickly slipped out the door before his grandmother could reach him. "He's 56, Mister! Maybe I will have you clean a few stalls out there before you head back to Washington," she then turned back into the house chuckling to herself.
Harm and Mac started out toward the shed at the side of the property. There was a large flower bed that could be seen from Mrs. Rabb's kitchen window. Most of the flowers were brown and looked sorely in need of clearing away. They gathered their tools and started on the flower beds. "You start on one end and I'll take the other, then we'll finish together in the middle, okay?" Harm said
Mac nodded and began her work. She was quiet for quite some time as they worked. Harm would look up at her from time to time. She didn't look sad but very deep in thought. They worked in silence for nearly an hour. They were closer together, toward the middle of the garden when Mac reached down to pull a weed from the ground. She drew in a breath sharply; Harm heard her, "Hey, are you alright?"
Mac straightened her body and grimaced. "You're going to sit down for awhile. You should have said something, Mac." Harm came to her linked his arm with hers.
"Come on, I need a break anyway. If I don't slow down, I'll be so broken down old Sam will be kicking my butt." Harm looked into Mac's eyes and was pleased to see that he had made her smile.
They sat on the front porch, which stretched across the front of his grandmother's house. They both sat on a cushioned glider with Harm helping ease Mac into the seat and resting his arm behind her. Mrs. Rabb had looked out and saw Mac and Harm walking toward the porch. She made them both a large mug of tea and brought it to them.
"Sarah, I thought you were a coffee drinker," Mac said.
"Oh, I keep tea in the cupboard for our teetotaler here," she said as she ruffled his hair. Harm quickly straightened what she had ruffled and rolled his eyes. Mrs. Rabb walked back to the door and said as she went in, "You had that coming, Harmon."
Harm looked at Mac. "See, I told you she won't let me get by with anything."
They sat in silence for awhile, then Mac said, "Harm, I think it's time I told you what's going on with me. I want to tell you before I do that I appreciate what you have done for me this weekend. I know I keep saying it …"
Harm smiled, "Yes… you do."
"This is hard for me, Harm, give me a break. I need to get this out." Harm settled back against the seat and nodded and Mac began to speak.
"First, about my biopsy: pathology reports have graded my tumor at Stage II to III. They will know more when I have my surgery. I will have it removed next Tuesday. One of two things will happen. If my tumor is what they call encapsulated and has not spread, it will be removed and I could possibly undergo radiation. It will leave me with a 90 chance of full recovery and a 50/50 chance of conceiving a baby. If the tumor is not encapsulated and has spread then I will have to have a more radical surgery and my chances of conceiving a child myself will be nil."
Harm slipped his arm off of the back of the glider and squeezed her shoulder, waiting for her to continue. "Harm, I know this tables our little deal and may cancel it forever. I don't want you to feel obligated to honor a promise you made when life was much different for both of us." Harm looked at her and asked her to go on.
Mac took a sip of her tea, "Secondly, about Webb. I've had a lot of time to think about all that's happened and whether or not I loved him. I've wondered; since I've learned of all the lies that were told, if I even knew him at all. When we were in Paraguay and he was being tortured, he told me he would keep them away from me as long as he could. He told me he wasn't sure if he requested my help because of my skills or that he just needed me with him. I didn't know what to say to him, other than I didn't want him to die for me."
Mac stood and walked to the edge of the porch, looking out at the hills at the far side of the farm. "I thought that he had let himself bear that torture for me. I could hear him screaming for hours then weakly begging for them to stop. After a time the silence would come and I feared that he was dead." Mac drew a deep shaking breath. "The hardest thing…Oh God…The hardest thing for me to bear was the guilt."
Harm stood and walked up behind her. "Mac, it wasn't your fault."
Mac turned to face him. "You don't understand. All I could think of, all that kept me from losing my mind when I heard that Webb screaming was …was that it wasn't you." Harm looked confused for a moment. Mac walked back to the glider and sat down on the edge of the seat. "I thought to myself, It's not Harm. He's safe at home. Webb could have been tortured to death and all I could do was thank God it wasn't you" Mac's face contorted in pain and she began to sob, covering her face with her hands.
Harm crossed the porch to her and knelt in front of her, gathering her into his arms. "Its okay, Mac. It was hell and you were just trying to get through it. God, when I think that I could have lost you forever… We all came so close to losing our lives on that trip, Mac."
Mac looked up at Harm. "You came to our rescue and I was so glad to see you, but I also thought Webb was dying. I thought he was dying because he cared for me. The person who was dreaming of you while he was being tortured. I knew I didn't feel the way he felt about me. I wanted to comfort him. I thought I would never see him alive again. I kissed him and told him I liked being his wife. I wouldn't let him say more. I couldn't believe it. It was Dalton's murder all over again and I was responsible."
Harm closed his eyes, shook his head and remembered how that kiss had changed everything. He remembered every nasty remark he said and in hindsight how callous it must have seemed to her. Mac continued,
"Then Webb came through alive and I was so relieved that he didn't die. Just before that when you and I were lying so close together in our bed at the hotel, I was ready to fall into your arms and forget the world. When Webb and Gunny came in and interrupted us and I saw again how badly he was hurt, I felt disgusted with myself for reaching out to you while he was suffering so badly. Things just deteriorated from there. You would hurt me with your nasty comments and I would hit back harder. I always do. I know that. We saved the day, we came home and you lost everything because of me. I remembered your comment to Sturgis – every man who has ever been involved with Mac is either dead, or wishes he was."
Harm sat back on the porch wishing he could take back those words, but Mac said, "Harm, it's true. My life is a train wreck. It has been for a long time and I can't blame anyone but myself. Dealing with this disease and the possibility of losing my life has made me look at my life with clarity I never had before. I walked into that relationship with Webb knowing what he was capable of but I did it anyway. I came to visit him right after the admiral had let you go. I heard him and Catherine Gale talking to you and then I knew. I knew Webb had used us. He knew you would come after me. He knew I would feel guilty about his torture. He knew your jealousy would get the better of you and we would once again walk away from each other. He also must have known the admiral wouldn't take you back. You flew for the Company and gave him yet another feather in his cap."
Mac sat back on her seat and looked at the ceiling. "I thought I deserved Webb. I ruined everything and he was just up my alley. My kind of guy. I don't feel that way more. Whatever happens to me now, I will never let myself be used by anyone again. Commander McCool has helped me more than I have wanted to admit. I know I have a long way to go, but I think I'm on my way now. Coming here this weekend has helped so much, Harm. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough."
Harm stood and walked to the porch steps. He turned and looked at Mac, his expression unreadable. "You have given me a lot of things to think about, Mac. I need time to take it all in. I'm going to take a walk. I want you to know and understand something, though. I don't want your gratitude, Mac. I never did."
Chapter 6Mac stood and watched Harm walk down the stone walkway leading to the drive. This was the first time all weekend that she had seen his walls go up. His face had nearly been an open book to her until now. She didn't want to lose that again so soon. She needed him and with all she had to deal with she was just too tired to fight her feelings for him anymore.
She turned and walked toward the front door and entered. She saw Mrs. Rabb at the kitchen sink peeling the remainder of the apples. "Come on in here, Mac, and help me get these ready for making my pastries in the morning."
"You really are trying to fatten us up, aren't you?"
Mrs. Rabb smiled. "You look as though you could use some weight, and if I know Harm he'll run it off before next weekend."
Mac stood next to Mrs. Rabb at the sink and began her task. She glanced every so often at her features in profile. She was a handsome woman for her age and she really would have passed for someone in her 60's. Her skin was worn but not overly so and tanned from the sun which made her eyes that much more striking. It was one of the features that Harm had that never failed to start butterflies in her stomach. Harm, she thought and sighed.
"Are you alright, honey?"
Mac looked at her and replied. "Harm and I were having a pretty intense discussion. I finally told him about my health issues and we also discussed …." Mac struggled for the words.
"Your relationship?"
Mac exhaled, "Yeah, among other things. It's complicated."
"You and Harm really seem to like that word." Mrs. Rabb chuckled to herself. "Don't worry about him, Mac. He's just doing what he always does. He'll walk down the drive and follow that old creek until he finds his favorite place. He'll sit on that rock and throw stones in the water. Every major crisis that he ever went through in his life brought him back here to that little place. You both seem to be at a place where you have some decisions to make and you both need time to make them. I'll quote my mother in law – let's not borrow trouble. Sometimes you have to take things minute by minute."
After they had prepared the apples for her famous apple fritters, they walked into the living room. Mac sat down on an overstuffed chair near the fireplace. Mrs. Rabb crossed the room and covered Mac's legs with a quilted throw.
"Mac, I want you to think about something," I'd like you to consider staying here for awhile, this coming week, at least. I'd love to have you and to be honest I think you could use the company too. I'm not sure what you and Harm are to each other, but I know you are very good friends, and because of that alone I'd like to help too."
Mac was so touched she didn't dare speak. She was afraid she'd start blubbering again and she wasn't sure her pride could take much more of that. Mac nodded an affirmative, and Mrs. Rabb smiled, seeming to understand her fear. "Great. I think you and I are going to be friends, Mac."
Mac nodded said in almost a whisper, "I'd like that very much, Sarah."
Mrs. Rabb winked and smiled Harm's smile, then went back to the kitchen to start yet another pot of freshdecaf coffee.
Harm had walked down the winding drive just as his grandmother said he would. He passed under the thick green and russet foliage arched over part of the drive. Oscar pranced again at his heels, following his favorite visitor. He walked without thinking about where he was going, his mind reeling with all that had happened in the last 24 hours. Yesterday Mac seemed a million miles away, now she was here, in one of his favorite places in the world. Yesterday he felt clueless as to how she felt about anything and just now things seemed to rush out of her so fast that he barely had time to absorb it all. He loved her that was certain. The difficult part was, knowing when to tell her without overwhelming her more than she already was.
Harm walked along the stream, nearing the place he always stopped and climbing atop the rock, he sat down. He smiled when he saw a pile of small stones in a depression on the rock's surface. Reaching down to pick them up, he began to throw them in the stream one at a time. He frowned all of a sudden when he thought,how did these stones get up here? He could see his grandmother trying to scramble up on this rock. He shook his head and leaned back. The sky was what his grandmother called October blue. She decided it had a special color. Sunlight dappled through the trees and Harm reclined back on the rock. "Gratitude," he said aloud. He wanted more than gratitude from Mac. He wanted – no, he needed – her love.
Harm's mind went back to the time in his life when he understood the difference between love and gratitude. It was the summer his mother had married Frank. He knew she did not love him. He was so angry at her. He felt that his mother had betrayed him and his father. That was a long time ago, he wasn't angry anymore and he understood her decision was not a betrayal of anyone. He did feel, though, that his mother had settled, and the thought still made him ill. What had made Mac and Webb so hard to take had been the look of gratitude on Mac's face and Webb's willingness to accept it. Webb was no fool; he knew she didn't love him. He should hate him, but somehow in light of all that had happened he could not. Webb had lost his life as he knew it. Mac's heart was closed to him. He knew what that was like and would not have wished it on anyone. Harm felt for a long time that they had both turned their backs on him. Now he felt as though they had all been swept up in something far bigger than they were. He was glad for their friendship together but knew now that the time for them was over. At least anything that had included Webb.
Harm drew a deep breath and thought aloud, "Mac has cancer." He sat up quickly and ran his hand through his hair to the back of his neck. He bowed his head and prayed aloud. "Oh God, please don't take her away from me now. No matter what happens between us, I have to know she's alive in the world and that she is well." He looked up and tears stung his eyes. She had to let him help her this time. Her question at the Dining Out ran through his mind once again. Will you always be there?
"Yes," Harm said aloud. He got up and climbed down the rock and headed back to the house.
Chapter 7Mrs. Rabb busied herself preparing dinner and doing a little organizing in her kitchen. Mac slept in the chair by the fireplace with her feet propped up on the ottoman. Her head rested easily on the back of the chair. Just then Mrs. Rabb glanced up and saw her grandson walking purposefully up the drive. His jaw was set and there was a look of determination in his eyes. Mrs. Rabb watched until he disappeared from sight and ascended the front steps. She made her way to the door and opened it just as Harm reached for the doorknob. Harm looked a little confused as Mrs. Rabb placed a finger to her lips and nodded toward Mac sleeping peacefully in the chair. Harm's face softened when he looked at her. The look was not lost on his grandmother and she motioned for him to follow her into the kitchen.
They sat down at the kitchen table with Harm sitting so that he could see Mac. She looked so small sitting in that chair covered with his grandmother's favorite throw quilt.
"Harmon," Mrs. Rabb said, pulling Harm from his reverie. "I've invited Mac to stay here this week with me." Harm looked from her to Mac and felt such a relief that once again he felt tears sting his eyes. Mrs. Rabb continued.
"She has told me about her condition and that she is to have surgery a week from Tuesday. Harm, she seems so tired and so much in need of someone to take care of her. Frankly, I've never seen anyone more world weary than she seems to be."
Harm nodded. "She's been through a lot."
"It appears that you both have," Mrs. Rabb got up from the table to gather the dishes to set it for dinner. It was nearly dark and her roast was nearly ready for their evening meal.
"I'm going to make a phone call to our acting CO and get this cleared with him," Harm started toward the phone on the wall.
"She called and spoke with Sturgis earlier. He asked that you call him when you got back. Is Sturgis your acting CO?"
"Yeah, he's temporary JAG until the new one is sworn in. Who knows how long that will be? He's still before the Senate appointing committee," Mrs. Rabb raised her eyebrows in surprise and looked at him.
"He's letting it go to his head, too," Harm added.
Mrs. Rabb chuckled quietly. "Oh, I don't know, Harm. I always thought our serious Sturgis was CO material."
"I'm going to get the cordless phone out of the guest room and make that phone call."
Harm went quietly up the stairs so he would not disturb Mac. When he replaced the phone in the handset after his conversation with Sturgis, he saw the picture his grandmother has placed on the dresser. The picture was one of his mother and father. They were laughing and looking into each other's eyes. She was very pregnant and he was behind her reaching around her tummy. They looked so happy and the love was evident on both their faces. He picked it up and looked more closely. This is what I want, he thought. He had shown Renee the picture before. He had a smaller one at home in his apartment. Renee had made some comment about the prize in the Cracker Jack box. She didn't get it. He didn't know why he was surprised. He looked at the other framed picture of his grandparents. The love was evident there too.
"Hey, stranger," Mac had quietly entered the room.
Harm was startled and looked quickly up at her. "Hey, yourself,"
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sneak up on you. I'll just go back downstairs," She turned to leave the room.
"No, Mac, wait. I was just getting a look at my parents and grandparents." He held up the picture of his parents and asked, "Have you ever seen this picture?"
Mac smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I saw it sticking up out of a book in your office once. I couldn't resist. They looked so happy and you look so much like your father. I just had to get a closer look."
Harm walked toward her carrying the picture. He handed it to her, and she looked at it and then up at Harm.
"That's what I want, Mac. I want the real thing," Harm said. "I won't settle for anything less and I don't want you to either," he passed by her and out of the bedroom door. Mac followed him back down stairs, carrying the picture with her.
Dinner was as wonderful as breakfast and lunch had been. Country fare to be sure: beef roast and green beans with potatoes. Mrs. Rabb had canned the beans herself after she had picked them from her own garden. Much to Mac's astonishment, Harm ate a little bit of the beef roast.
"I wish I had a camera," Mac said. "You're just full of surprises, Harm."
"Well, back at ya, Mackenzie," Harm gave her a sly smile. Mac blushed and looked away. Harm cursed himself when he remembered then where they had said those words. He looked at her and was relieved to see she wasn't offended by their mention at all. "I spoke with Sturgis while you were freshening up for dinner,". So….. You're going to make me drive all the way back to Washington by myself, are you?"
"Well, Mrs. Ra…I mean Sarah asked me to stay, and you know how I've enjoyed being here. I really can't believe how much I'm sleeping."
"I'm just teasing, Mac. I glad you're staying,"
"That makes two of us," Mrs. Rabb said as she rose from the table.
Mrs. Rabb had turned on the radio. Soft jazz filled the room as they cleared the table.
"Let me clean this up, Sarah. You've been so kind today and I'd like to do a little something to pay you back," Mac said
"I'll help her, Grandma," Harm was trying to shoo his grandmother out of the room.
"I'll just grab another cup of coffee and catch up on my reading," Just then a song that seemed familiar to Mrs. Rabb came on the radio. It was called "A Little Sugar" by Nina Simone. "She reminds me of Billie Holiday. I loved her voice" Mrs. Rabb closed her eyes and swayed a little bit on her way to the living room singing "want a little sugar in my bowl".
"Grandma!" Harm said, blushing furiously. Mrs. Rabb laughed, "Oh, Harmon, honestly, you wouldn't be here if it weren't for thatlittle bit of sugar."
Harm turned and walked quickly to the sink. Mrs. Rabb turned at the entryway and looked at Mac. She said, "Harmon thinks we found him in the cabbage patch."
Mac and Mrs. Rabb laughed even harder, and Harm said, "I hope you two are having a good time."
Mac looked at Harm, "Yes, we are," laughing heartily as she finished clearing out the kitchen.
Harm pretended to be offended for about 30 seconds and then laughed right along with her. He thought that it was so good to hear her laugh and to do something with her as simple as cleaning up the kitchen.
They settled in the living room on the couch which sat in front of the fireplace, jazz still playing on the radio. They each settled into a corner of the couch, Harm with his legs stretched out and Mac sitting Indian style. Just then there was a knock on the door. Harm answered the door to find Sam O'Reilly waiting.
"What's going on, Sam?" Harm asked.
"Hello, Harm, I'm sorry to bother you so late but I've got a flat and I'm just down the road. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind giving me a hand. I could handle it myself, but the car slid off of the road a bit and I may need a push once I get that tire on."
Sam looked a bit embarrassed to have to ask. Harm put him at ease immediately, and as he got his jacket, he introduced Mac to Sam. He left with Sam and returned in less than a half a hour.
Mrs. Rabb had missed their visitor. She had fallen asleep in her bedroom with an Agatha Christie novel on her lap.
Harm hung up his jacket in the kitchen and washed his hands. Mac smiled at him as he entered the room and asked, "Are you cold?"
Harm answered as he rubbed his hands together, "It's not too bad out there, maybe in the high 40's. It's a perfect fall night, really."
Mac stood and walked toward him. She reached for his hands. "Your hands are freezing."
Harm felt the warmth in her touch and could not resist pulling her into his arms. "Mmmm, you're so warm. Come here and spread some of that around," Harm said, chuckling as he rubbed briskly on her back to warm his hands. Mac laughed and rubbed his back too. They stepped away from each other after a moment and sat back down on the couch.
Harm turned to Mac. "Hey, where are you going? I'm not warmed up yet." Mac scooted closer to Harm and tucked her shoulder under his. He pulled her into his embrace and she circled her arms around his waist.
"Much better," Harm said, chuckling deep in his chest.
"Yes, I think I like it better too."
Harm rubbed his hands up and down her back and asked, "Does your back feel okay like this?"
Mac, touched by his concern, answered. "I'm fine, but if you want to give me a little mini back rub, I wouldn't object."
A slow sly smile spread across Harm's face. "Just what is a mini back rub, Mac?"
Mac blushed and raised her head and looked at him. "Okay, Sailor, if you're going to give me a hard time…"
Harm pulled her close to him again. "Okay, okay, I get it."
They sat curled up in each other's arms for some time. Mac never asked if he was warm enough and Harm never asked if she wanted him to stop rubbing her back. They both loved where they were. It had been an emotional day for both of them. There was more to say, but they were in silent agreement that they would enjoy the moment and let tomorrow take care of itself. Mrs. Rabb had been right about many things, one of them being that they had been through a lot and they both needed to rest.
So, in the warmth of that room, in the safety of each others arms, rest they did.
Chapter 8Harm lay awake watching the colors of the sky change from darkness to the dawn. He had been awake for nearly an hour. He and Mac had slept all night on the couch. They had gradually shifted to lying spoon fashion with Mac's head resting securely in the crook of his left arm as he had folded it around her. In her sleep she lightly held on to his forearm and Harm rested his right hand on her hip. She felt so good in his arms. Her body felt fragile and much slimmer than she had been in a long time, but it still curved in all the right places and fit to his as though they had been made for each other.
He thought he should get up. He knew he had better get up and quickly before his grandmother came out of her bedroom. 'I sound like a teenager worried about grandma catching me making out on the couch,' he thought. He wanted just a few more minutes. A year ago he would have given anything to be lying here like this with her.
Just then Mac woke and stretched a little and looked at Harm over her shoulder. "Hey there, Sailor."
Harm looked down into her eyes and Mac saw them darken with desire. "Hey," he whispered.
Mac then realized that her stretch, as she woke, might have triggered a response she wasn't quite ready for. She blushed and sat up on the side of the couch with her back toward Harm.
"I guess I better get upstairs and get ready for breakfast,"
Harm looked at Mac, a little embarrassed himself, and said, "Uh, yeah, I'll be up in a minute." Mac stood and walked toward the stairs and quickly up to her room without looking at Harm at all. Harm rolled to his back and rolled his eyes. "Whew," he thought.
Mrs. Rabb had been true to her word and had made her famous apple fritters. Mac came down the stairs following the wonderful aroma of coffee and pastries baking. This is heaven, she thought with a smile. Harm was still showering and Mrs. Rabb sat at the table as though waiting for her. She rose and took a plate and a cup from her cupboard and invited Mac to sit down. They exchanged pleasantries and Mac praised her apple fritters. They were heavenly and Mrs. Rabb feigned modesty but Mac knew she was proud of one of her specialties. Harm had told her about his grandmother's baking skills.
Mrs. Rabb rose from the table and placed her cup and saucer in the sink. She said, "Well, it's time I got ready for church. You're welcome to come along, Mac."
"I don't know. I don't really think I should. It might be a little awkward," Mac said.
Mrs. Rabb smiled and walked up beside her. "Now, honey, you don't think they're going to grab you by your collar and drag you down to the altar, do you?" Mrs. Rabb laughed with that comment and started toward her bedroom.
"It wouldn't be the first time someone tried to save the heathen," Mac said.
Mrs. Rabb turned and laughed with Mac. "It's up to you, Mac. You're certainly welcome to come with us, or if not, you can make yourself at home here."
Harm waited in the living room. He had dressed in dark gray slacks with a steel grey shirt. Just then his grandmother descended the stairs. She could still make quite an entrance. She looked beautiful. She had pulled her hair back and up from her neck. Her hair was different shades of silver grey, accentuating her coloring and features. She wore a pant suit of periwinkle that brought out the blue in her eyes. Harm looked up at her and smiled while shrugging into his jacket.
"Are you about ready?" he asked.
He saw Mac emerge from the guest room in a beautiful russet red dress, carrying a duster that matched it in color.
"I guess I'll tag along after all," Mac said.
Harm closed his mouth and swallowed, and Mrs. Rabb said "Great – come along, we better hurry if we want to make it on time."
Harm composed himself quickly at the thought of his grandmother driving. "I'll drive, if it's okay with you, grandma." Mrs. Rabb acquiesced and got into the SUV, thinking, 'He thinks he's fooling me but he isn't. I'll let him drive; I'm feeling too good to argue.'
The little church was only about 15 minutes from the farm. It was small and appeared to be an older building. It was clean and well kept. Mac and Harm followed Mrs. Rabb into the sanctuary. As they walked in, people already in the room seemed to automatically turn toward them. Some of the parishioners came to say hello. They were friendly but not overly so. Some of them had known Harm as a boy. One said as he nodded toward Harm, "Sarah, he sure has your looks," causing nearly identical sheepish grins and blushes from Harm and his grandmother. They sat down with Mac sitting between them. Harm had slipped his hand into hers and Mrs. Rabb rested her arm on the pew behind her. Mac sighed quietly and Harm looked down at her. He smiled at her and Mrs. Rabb patted her back as she turned to greet someone across the isle.
The service went smoothly. The songs were the standards Mac had heard before, though she and her family did not attend church when she was a child. There were many conflicting religions for one family. 'It's hard to be a practicing Muslim when your name is Mackenzie,' she thought. The pastor was younger than she expected, about Harm's age. He was friendly and appeared to be a happy man. He greeted Harm and his visitor from the pulpit. He said,
"We're glad to have Mrs. Rabb's grandson with us once again. My goodness, this makes about 4 Sundays in a row, doesn't it?" Harm blushed and the congregation chuckled along with Mrs. Rabb.
The sermon was short, much to Mac's relief, and they were on their way back to the farm by eleven-thirty. One thing that the pastor had said stuck with Mac, though. He said that people always looked for God in the light, in the good things in life. But he said that God was there in the darkness too "Though I make my bed in hell, thou art with me."
When they returned home, Mac was bone tired again. She excused herself and went to lie down for a while before lunch. Harm and his grandmother sat on the front porch looking out at yet another beautiful day. Harm said,
"Grandma, I want to thank you again for inviting Mac to stay this week. I can't think of anything that would be better for her than this place."
Mrs. Rabb thought for a moment and said, "I'm not sure why I felt so strongly that I should ask her to stay. As I said before, I don't think I've ever seen anyone so weary and apparently so alone."
Harm looked down at his feet and then stood up. "Mac has had a very rough early life – there is so much to tell and I feel as though I would be betraying her trust if I told you. I have the feeling she will in her own time. She seems so comfortable here – I don't want to do anything that would change that. Recent events and her health problems just seem to be the last straw for her. I just…I just want to be there for her, if she'll let me." Harm turned and stood at the porch railing, looking out.
Mrs. Rabb stood and walked over to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. "It looks as though you're already being there for her, Harmon. I'll help you both all that I can." She thought for a long moment and asked, "She's the one, isn't she, Harm?"
Harm braced his hands on the porch rail and looked to the side at his grandmother. "Yes, she is."
Mrs. Rabb smiled. "Whew! I never thought I'd live to see the day" She nudged him with her shoulder and they both began to laugh. She hugged her grandson and then sent him out to do a few chores. She decided that he could muck out the barn after all. He needed to work off those 2 apple fritters he ate that morning for breakfast.
The day had warmed considerably, and Harm was working up a pretty good sweat. He heard foot steps behind him and turned to see Mac climb up and stand on the lower fence rail. She had a towel in her hands, and as Harm stepped up to the other side of the fence, she wrapped it around his neck. He patted the sweat from his face and stepped even closer between the fence and a water trough. He leaned in a little closer to Mac, and without speaking Mac picked up the end of the towel. She lovingly smoothed it across his brow, down his cheek and neck. Her gaze fell to his mouth and she then looked up into his eyes. They both smiled … and then Mac saw the position that Harm was standing in. She kissed him softly on the mouth and gave him a mischievous grin. "You taste salty, Harmon, and I think you need a bath." She gave him a shove backward and he fell straight into the water trough.
As soon as Harm hit the water Mac ran to the door of the barn, laughing hysterically all the way. She peeked around into the doorway to see Harm emerge from the water. He was wiping water out of his eyes and he looked up and locked eyes with Mac. He said in a quiet voice, "Okay, Mackenzie, that's it."
Mac's mouth formed an "O" and she turned and started to run. Before she had run two steps Harm was out of the water and at the barn door. Harm caught her by her hips and turned her around. He pressed his wet body against her nice clean t-shirt and jeans and Mac squealed as she was covered in stagnant water and Harm's sweat. Harm said, "Aw, come on, Mac, don't I get a hug for all my hard work?"
"Harm! Stop it!" she said laughingly.
Harm gave her a devilish grin and said, "You're just lucky I'm feeling generous, Ms. Mackenzie, or you'd be in the trough by now."
Mac pushed away from Harm and said mockingly, "Oh, I know, I know, Harm and I really appreciate it!" She turned and ran toward the house, but not before Harm noticed how her wet t-shirt clung to her in all the right places. He slowly followed her into the house and said to himself, "That's right, Mackenzie, you're just lucky."
Mrs. Rabb had made a light dinner of vegetable soup and sandwiches. Harm had begun to dread finishing dinner because he knew he had to get back to Washington. Mac had gone back upstairs and lay across the bed. The fatigue she was experiencing worried her and she was relieved that she didn't have to try to hang on for another week. It had been harder and harder to get up and go in to work, and once she was back home she had little energy to do anything but sit on her couch. She heard Harm in the hall and rolled to her side. He stood in the doorway and sat his duffle bag outside the door. Walking over to the bed, he sat down and asked, "Do you need me to call anyone for you when I get back?"
Mac smiled. "No, Harm, I appreciate it but I've already called Cmdr. McCool and let her know what I'm doing. She is going to drop by and see me while I'm at Bethesda, after my surgery."
Harm looked down, "You don't have to answer this, but what does she think about your staying out here?"
"I don't mind that you asked, Harm,"
Harm then stretched across the bed and faced her. He rested his head on his hand, "I'm going to miss you, Mac. It's been so good to be here with you these past few days."
"I've loved being here, Harm. I didn't realize how exhausting my job had been for me lately. As much as I love my job, I have been pretty overwhelmed by it in addition to this health problem I've had. I've been feeling lost lately because prior to this illness, I felt that my job was who I was. The seriousness of the situation has made me realize that I will have to concentrate all my energies into recovering from this….thing."
Harm noticed that she could not say the word 'cancer.' She continued, "I know I'm in for a battle now, and now that I'm beginning to get my bearings I think I can fight it. I can't tell you what this weekend has meant to me or how much I've needed it."
Harm smiled and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. He said, "I think I understand." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead and then sat up on the side of the bed.
Mac thought that he looked so sad. "I'll be fine, Harm." He stood and walked to the door.
He turned and looked at her again and said "I know." He paused and smiled a sad smile. "You just won't be with me."
Harm walked down the stairs, said goodbye to his grandmother, and headed back toward Washington D.C. He would miss her a great deal, but was comforted by the fact that she was with the person he trusted most in the world.
TBC